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Pissflaps
Oct 20, 2002




The Archbishop of Banterbury




The JOZY ALTIDORE CHALLENGE THREAD 2013-14

This is the thread for YOU to predict HOW MANY GOALS JOZY ALTIDORE WILL SCORE IN THE BARCLAYS PREMIER LEAGUE 2013/14

Not goals he scores in friendlies for the USMNT against Banana Island. Not goals he might score at home playing FIFA14. Not personal goals he might have set like 'learn how to tie shoelaces'.

No, these are goals in the league. The kind you might see on Match of the Day. But how many will come from his golden boots?

Much like my Dad, Jozy has his knockers. but he seems like a nice lad who means well. A big daft nice lad. Lumbering. A bit daft. Doesn't really know what he's doing. A bit confused. He's dogshit, frankly.

But we can still have a laff as we watch him pretend to be a professional footballer all around England. It might also be a cool place to launch increasingly viscous personal attacks against him.


Apparently if you get it right, you get a free avatar. Good luck on actually claiming that prize though. Entries should be submitted before Jozy's first match for Sunderland kicks off. In the event of a tie, there will be a creative challenge in order to determine the winner. It's not a race to claim the number 'four'.




The Sunderland striker is akin to a five-tool outfielder in baseball. Still only 24, "Hammerin' Jozy" could one day find himself in a chase for Donovan's career strike total. That is because his blend of athleticism, skill variety and now tactical awareness is one until now unseen in a US forward. His goals come from every direction, in every manner and he's also among the team's best crossers.

Pissflaps fucked around with this message at Dec 20, 2013 around 17:24

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Pissflaps
Oct 20, 2002




The Archbishop of Banterbury


Also Jozy will score six (6) goals in the Barclays this coming season. Six (6).

the sex ghost
Sep 6, 2009




Jozy will score 5, just 5 goals

Big Black Dick
Mar 20, 2009



Jozy will score nine (9) league goals this season for Sunderland AFC

Jose
Jul 24, 2007



7 goals. I was going to say 5 but it was already taken

Botswana!
Oct 12, 2009


They want what all Scotch people want: To kill the Queen, and destroy our way of life.

Jozy will score 13 goals because that's the sorta goal tally for quite mediocre strikers for lower mid table clubs

Andre Le Fuckface
Oct 4, 2008



Josmer Altidore will score 7 goals this season

Spiller
Apr 28, 2010



I think Jozy will score 8 goals this season because 7 has just been snapped up.

fat gay nonce
May 13, 2003
actual penis length: |-----------|



Winner, PWM POTM January

Jozy altidore will score 88 goals in honour of his fascist leaders sensibilities

Blue Screen Error
Jun 11, 2001

For this recipie you will need:</b><br /> Football match (Halftime of), Celebrity Owner (Motivational speaking of), Sherry (Bottle of)


He will triple his Premier League goals tally by scoring another 2 goals

Pissflaps
Oct 20, 2002




The Archbishop of Banterbury


There's literally only a certain amount of possible numbers so don't worry about choosing a number somebody else already has.

Ninpo
Aug 6, 2004

cOMe ON
DAvEy mOyes


1. One goal.

Suqit
Apr 25, 2005

Stick a sock in it
RIP GOM


16 goals.

Bape Culture
Sep 13, 2006

GATOR BAIT, APE, BLUEGUM, BROWNIE, COON, CROW, CHIMP, DARKY, 8BALL, GABLE, GROID, JUNGLE BUNNY, KAFFER, NIGGER, NIGLET, PICKANINNY, PORCH MONKEY, SAMBO, SOOTY, SPOOK, CHUGGO, SPEARCHUCKER, THICK LIPS, WOG
...
YA GET ME???




He will score 5 just 5 goals.

NNick
May 28, 2005

The Love of My Life

Jozy Altidore will score 17 goals this season.

Gigi Galli
Sep 19, 2003

Ma che cazzo fai?


Jozmer will score 10 golazos this season mostly because I don't know any other strikers that play for Sunderland

Bogan Krkic
Oct 31, 2010


~*~ always follow your vanguard dreams ~*~

I think it will be 11 goals.

Baldo di Gregorio
Aug 27, 2004


yes he's a real footballer
Likes: Katanas, Corea, Entertainment Centre, Couch, Yellow, Bald, Power, Teen Panties

click my av for a fun surprise


idiot race's bald fail admin of the week winner 2013

You can choose the same numbers as other posters, I will decide the tiebreaker by choosing the poster I like more

Lamont Cranston
Sep 1, 2006

Computer pictures?


I'm going to say 12 because why not

sassassin
Apr 3, 2010
Bench press was, is and will never be a great chest builder.

4 league goals, all in this calender year.

atomic gog
Apr 11, 2005


Winner June 2013 POTM


Big Joe will bag 7 league goals this season.

blue footed boobie
Sep 14, 2012



Hmm all the good numbers are already taken, so I will say 10 goals

Efb

Spiller
Apr 28, 2010



Pissflaps posted:

There's literally only a certain amount of possible numbers so don't worry about choosing a number somebody else already has.

That's true. I'll stick with 8 anyway it feels right. He'll stagger over the line with a goal that bounces in off his lumbering arse, I'm thinking.

peanut-
Feb 17, 2004


Jozy will bundle 11 goals into the net off his shins.

Eau de MacGowan
May 12, 2009

Just a poor man's Park Ji Sung

Leapord


Seven goals for Jozy.

fat gay nonce
May 13, 2003
actual penis length: |-----------|



Winner, PWM POTM January

I've done some research with a friend and we've decided that Jozy Altidore will secure the existance of our people and a future for white children

Blue Screen Error
Jun 11, 2001

For this recipie you will need:</b><br /> Football match (Halftime of), Celebrity Owner (Motivational speaking of), Sherry (Bottle of)


I'd like to see a graph with predicted goals on the Y axis and distance from America on the X I think it would be enlightening

fat gay nonce
May 13, 2003
actual penis length: |-----------|



Winner, PWM POTM January

is there any chance of Jozy scoring either 69 or 420 goals? Not a big football fan so I'm not sure what is possible.

Thanks

Olewithmilk
Jun 30, 2006

What?

8 goals for Jozy Altidore this season.

Suqit
Apr 25, 2005

Stick a sock in it
RIP GOM


angered paedophile posted:

is there any chance of Jozy scoring either 69 or 420 goals? Not a big football fan so I'm not sure what is possible.

Thanks

Oh it's possible. Anything is possible. For Jozy.

trem_two
Oct 22, 2002



Jozy will score 13 goals.

Carrier
May 12, 2009


PWM POTM, August 2013 (student edition)



WHOOSH


8 goals for mr altidore

fat gay nonce
May 13, 2003
actual penis length: |-----------|



Winner, PWM POTM January

ok, thanks, one more question, is it possible for Jozy to score different numbers of goals? I think he might score 69, 88 and 420 goals all at the same time, not sure how football works, is this possible?

Thanks for the assistance for a big time new fan of soccer.

Ninpo
Aug 6, 2004

cOMe ON
DAvEy mOyes


angered paedophile posted:

ok, thanks, one more question, is it possible for Jozy to score different numbers of goals? I think he might score 69, 88 and 420 goals all at the same time, not sure how football works, is this possible?

Thanks for the assistance for a big time new fan of soccer.

You bet! Sunderland will start the season involved in three competitions. I'd suggest predicting a mollywhopping 420 goals in the league, 69 in the FA Cup and 88 in the League Cup.

Hope this helps, new soccer friend!

Ninpo fucked around with this message at Aug 16, 2013 around 14:23

DJ Ramshackle
Nov 26, 2009

Not really a DJ

not quite a ramshackle


I predict Jozy will score eight (8) Premier League goals as well as one (1) own goal.

Hashtag Banterzone
Dec 8, 2005


Lifetime Winner of the willkill4food Honorary Bad Posting Award in PWM

Jozy will score 12 goals and will not make any fascist salutes, no matter how many times di Canio insists.

Hashtag Banterzone fucked around with this message at Aug 16, 2013 around 14:27

Frankston
Jul 27, 2010



I think Jozy Altidore will score 11 goals.

tetsman
Dec 26, 2012

ISLAM FC


7 league goals, 3 league cup goals, 1 fa cup goal

vaginal culture
Feb 29, 2012

Don't be a drag.
Just be a queen.


I think he will score 3 goals. Not all in one match, but total, because he has the touch of a rapist.

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Charlotte Hornets
Dec 29, 2011



Jozy will score 6 league goals and will score on his debut.

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