Jozy's thread: He makes far post peels, near post crashes, runs down the gut alone,

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > Jozy's thread: He makes far post peels, near post crashes, runs down the gut alone,

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Pissflaps: Oct 20, 2002; by VideoGames

The JOZY ALTIDORE CHALLENGE THREAD 2013-14

This is the thread for YOU to predict HOW MANY GOALS JOZY ALTIDORE WILL SCORE IN THE BARCLAYS PREMIER LEAGUE 2013/14

Not goals he scores in friendlies for the USMNT against Banana Island. Not goals he might score at home playing FIFA14. Not personal goals he might have set like 'learn how to tie shoelaces'.

No, these are goals in the league. The kind you might see on Match of the Day. But how many will come from his golden boots?

Much like my Dad, Jozy has his knockers. but he seems like a nice lad who means well. A big daft nice lad. Lumbering. A bit daft. Doesn't really know what he's doing. A bit confused. He's dogshit, frankly.

But we can still have a laff as we watch him pretend to be a professional footballer all around England. It might also be a cool place to launch increasingly viscous personal attacks against him.

Apparently if you get it right, you get a free avatar. Good luck on actually claiming that prize though. Entries should be submitted before Jozy's first match for Sunderland kicks off. In the event of a tie, there will be a creative challenge in order to determine the winner. It's not a race to claim the number 'four'.

The Sunderland striker is akin to a five-tool outfielder in baseball. Still only 24, "Hammerin' Jozy" could one day find himself in a chase for Donovan's career strike total. That is because his blend of athleticism, skill variety and now tactical awareness is one until now unseen in a US forward. His goals come from every direction, in every manner and he's also among the team's best crossers.

Pissflaps fucked around with this message at 18:24 on Dec 20, 2013

# ? Aug 16, 2013 14:54

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# ? Apr 23, 2024 21:40

Pissflaps: Oct 20, 2002; by VideoGames

Also Jozy will score six (6) goals in the Barclays this coming season. Six (6).

# ? Aug 16, 2013 14:57

the sex ghost: Sep 6, 2009

Jozy will score 5, just 5 goals

# ? Aug 16, 2013 14:57

Big Black Dick: Mar 20, 2009

Jozy will score nine (9) league goals this season for Sunderland AFC

# ? Aug 16, 2013 14:57

Jose: Jul 24, 2007; Adrian Chiles is a broadcaster and writer

7 goals. I was going to say 5 but it was already taken

# ? Aug 16, 2013 14:58

Botswana!: Oct 12, 2009; They want what all Scotch people want: To kill the Queen, and destroy our way of life.

Jozy will score 13 goals because that's the sorta goal tally for quite mediocre strikers for lower mid table clubs

# ? Aug 16, 2013 14:59

Andre Le Fuckface: Oct 4, 2008

Josmer Altidore will score 7 goals this season

# ? Aug 16, 2013 14:59

Spiller: Apr 28, 2010

I think Jozy will score 8 goals this season because 7 has just been snapped up.

# ? Aug 16, 2013 14:59

fat gay nonce: May 13, 2003; _{actual penis length: |-----------|}

Winner, PWM POTM January

Jozy altidore will score 88 goals in honour of his fascist leaders sensibilities

# ? Aug 16, 2013 14:59

Blue Star Error: Jun 11, 2001; For this recipie you will need:
Football match (Halftime of), Celebrity Owner (Motivational speaking of), Sherry (Bottle of)

He will triple his Premier League goals tally by scoring another 2 goals

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:00

Pissflaps: Oct 20, 2002; by VideoGames

There's literally only a certain amount of possible numbers so don't worry about choosing a number somebody else already has.

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:00

Ninpo: Aug 6, 2004; by FactsAreUseless

1. One goal.

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:00

Suqit: Apr 25, 2005; Stars Stripes Freedom Jozy
(Jozy not pictured here)

16 goals.

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:01

Bape Culture: Sep 13, 2006

He will score 5 just 5 goals.

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:01

Mean Baby: May 28, 2005

Jozy Altidore will score 17 goals this season.

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:01

Gigi Galli: Sep 19, 2003; and then the car turned in to fire

Jozmer will score 10 golazos this season mostly because I don't know any other strikers that play for Sunderland

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:02

Bogan Krkic: Oct 31, 2010; Swedish style? No.
Yugoslavian style? Of course not.
It has to be Zlatan-style.

I think it will be 1 goals.

against chelsea, by skinning john terry

Bogan Krkic fucked around with this message at 17:41 on May 11, 2014

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:02

The Finn: Aug 27, 2004; إنه أصلع في الأسفل، كما تعلم

You can choose the same numbers as other posters, I will decide the tiebreaker by choosing the poster I like more

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:02

Lamont Cranston: Sep 1, 2006; how do i shot foam

I'm going to say 12 because why not :911:

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:02

sassassin: Apr 3, 2010; by Azathoth

4 league goals, all in this calender year.

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:03

atomic gog: Apr 11, 2005; Winner June 2013 POTM

Big Joe will bag 7 league goals this season.

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:03

blue footed boobie: Sep 14, 2012; UEFA SUPREMACY

Hmm all the good numbers are already taken, so I will say 10 goals

Efb

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:03

Spiller: Apr 28, 2010

Pissflaps posted:

There's literally only a certain amount of possible numbers so don't worry about choosing a number somebody else already has.

That's true. I'll stick with 8 anyway it feels right. He'll stagger over the line with a goal that bounces in off his lumbering arse, I'm thinking.

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:03

peanut-: Feb 17, 2004; Fun Shoe

Jozy will bundle 11 goals into the net off his shins.

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:05

Eau de MacGowan: May 12, 2009; BRASIL HEXA
2026 tá logo aí

Seven goals for Jozy.

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:07

fat gay nonce: May 13, 2003; _{actual penis length: |-----------|}

Winner, PWM POTM January

I've done some research with a friend and we've decided that Jozy Altidore will secure the existance of our people and a future for white children

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:08

Blue Star Error: Jun 11, 2001; For this recipie you will need:
Football match (Halftime of), Celebrity Owner (Motivational speaking of), Sherry (Bottle of)

I'd like to see a graph with predicted goals on the Y axis and distance from America on the X I think it would be enlightening

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:08

fat gay nonce: May 13, 2003; _{actual penis length: |-----------|}

Winner, PWM POTM January

is there any chance of Jozy scoring either 69 or 420 goals? Not a big football fan so I'm not sure what is possible.

Thanks

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:09

Olewithmilk: Jun 30, 2006; What?

8 goals for Jozy Altidore this season.

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:10

Suqit: Apr 25, 2005; Stars Stripes Freedom Jozy
(Jozy not pictured here)

angered paedophile posted:

is there any chance of Jozy scoring either 69 or 420 goals? Not a big football fan so I'm not sure what is possible.

Thanks

Oh it's possible. Anything is possible. For Jozy.

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:12

trem_two: Oct 22, 2002; it is better if you keep saying I'm fat, as I will continue to score goals; Fun Shoe

Jozy will score 13 goals.

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:13

Carrier: May 12, 2009; 420...69...9001...

8 goals for mr altidore

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:16

fat gay nonce: May 13, 2003; _{actual penis length: |-----------|}

Winner, PWM POTM January

ok, thanks, one more question, is it possible for Jozy to score different numbers of goals? I think he might score 69, 88 and 420 goals all at the same time, not sure how football works, is this possible?

Thanks for the assistance for a big time new fan of soccer.

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:17

Ninpo: Aug 6, 2004; by FactsAreUseless

angered paedophile posted:

ok, thanks, one more question, is it possible for Jozy to score different numbers of goals? I think he might score 69, 88 and 420 goals all at the same time, not sure how football works, is this possible?

Thanks for the assistance for a big time new fan of soccer.

You bet! Sunderland will start the season involved in three competitions. I'd suggest predicting a mollywhopping 420 goals in the league, 69 in the FA Cup and 88 in the League Cup.

Hope this helps, new soccer friend!

Ninpo fucked around with this message at 15:23 on Aug 16, 2013

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:19

DJ Ramshackle: Nov 26, 2009; Not really a DJ

not quite a ramshackle

I predict Jozy will score eight (8) Premier League goals as well as one (1) own goal.

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:22

Hashtag Banterzone: Dec 8, 2005; Lifetime Winner of the willkill4food Honorary Bad Posting Award in PWM

Jozy will score 12 goals and will not make any fascist salutes, no matter how many times di Canio insists.

Hashtag Banterzone fucked around with this message at 15:27 on Aug 16, 2013

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:22

Frankston: Jul 27, 2010

I think Jozy Altidore will score 11 goals.

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:22

advanced statsman: Dec 26, 2012; ISLAM FC

7 league goals, 3 league cup goals, 1 fa cup goal

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:23

African AIDS cum: Feb 29, 2012; Welcome back, welcome back, welcome baaaack

I think he will score 3 goals. Not all in one match, but total, because he has the touch of a rapist.

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:23

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# ? Apr 23, 2024 21:40

Charlotte Hornets: Dec 30, 2011; by Fritz the Horse

Jozy will score 6 league goals and will score on his debut.

# ? Aug 16, 2013 15:24

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > Jozy's thread: He makes far post peels, near post crashes, runs down the gut alone,

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