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jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
Sixteen goals. Jozy is the best.

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jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes

vaginal culture posted:

So far, and the stats bear this out (trust me - I'm a college grad) jozy is on pace to score 0 goals. Lol. Poor player.

Small sample size, rear end in a top hat!

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
Great hold-up play from Jozy today.

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
What's the official goal count as of right now?

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes

Ponce de Le0n posted:

Did jozy altidore score in the premier league today? i havent been following this thread but i heard he scored in a friendly pre-season so im looking forward to watching youtubes of his goals because he sounds like a top class player.

No, he didn't score. Turns out he's an uncoordinated lumbering oaf rather than a skilled American super-athlete.

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
Has Jozy scored yet? I know a lot of people are a bit down on him but I still think realistically he will score about 7-8 goals this season. Maybe 6 or 9. So that's my prediction.

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
Hope he doesn't score just for the new American Sunderland fans' posts on whatever that forum is called. It's great fun.

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes

Pissflaps posted:

lol jozy found his level

A bit of a can't win situation for Jozy Volmy here. If he hadn't scored he'd have been poo poo and if he scored he found his level.

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes

vaginal culture posted:

Jozy takes too many steps when he runs. Very short stride. poo poo technique from top to bottom.

I wonder what his 5m and 30m times are.

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
Wish I were poo poo at football and played in the Netherlands.

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
Something I noticed on the wikipedia:

Jozy - Youth career
2004–2006 IMG Soccer Academy

Freddy Adu - Youth career
2002–2003 IMG Academy


Wouldn't want to be IMG (Soccer) Academy right now.

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
I think some places void the bet if the player is not starting. Might want to check your bookie, oliwan.

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
Suddenly I'm not that interested in soccer.

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
Can someone explain what the pun(?) in the thread title is supposed to mean? Slore? What's a slore?

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes

Pissflaps posted:

Jozy needs to get into shape if he is serious about being a professional footballer. I blame American food culture.

Reckon they have parmos in Sunderland?

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
That was poo poo by the ref. I'd be absolutely furious if I were an American.

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
Could getting Paolo sacked be considered a goal?

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
People here always make fun how Jozy has only scored one goal in his 33 Premier League appearances but you're forgetting that he also has provided one pass that led to a goal. So who's the fat donkey now?

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
Any Jozy fans in here?

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
Fans rejecting their local leagues and only caring about EPL and one match in Spain is in no way unique to the USA. In fact MLS is among the 10 best supported football leagues in the world. So.

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes

oh em gee bee ess posted:

Why the hell do the Americans give so many caps to people? I mean poo poo doesn't Landon Donovan have something ridiculous like 150+ caps?

It happens in smaller and soccer-developing countries. For example Estonia has a shedload of 100+ cappers from the 90s when soccer was new here and only 11 people played.

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes

Koesj posted:

How come 'soccer' was ever 'new' when the Soviet Union won a european championship, played in a final in 1988, all while Kiev had their golden years around then too?

It was considered a Russians' game and no one local played it. Historically basketball is the Estonians' game with all the old Olympic/WC/Euros gold winning teams having several Estonians in them. Kiev is nowhere near Estonia geographically or culturally.

Koesj posted:

Like 40% of Estonians are ethnically Russian.

I think you mean 40% of Estonian citizens, not Estonians. And it's actually below 25% according to wikipedia.

Meat Wagon posted:

Would Jozy get into the Estonia squad?

Yeah, he'd fit right into the squad. We have 5-6 strikers who are similarly poo poo.

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
Jozy has scored less goals for Sunderland than a balloon.

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
Can not wait for the chart to get to the second row.

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
Not really feeling great about my predictions of 16, 7, 8, 6 and 9 goals.

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
Good goal by the old Joze. It's just a shame that it's going to be used as proof that he isn't poo poo by you-know-whos.

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
What's wrong with these people? This has to be at least fifth or sixth thing written about Jozy in that tone. Are they joking? What is this poo poo?

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
Jozy is the Babe Ruth of soccer. What I'm saying is he's fat.

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
Imagine if Jozy had picked up basketball instead of soccer when he were a lad. Phwoar!

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
http://www.express.co.uk/sport/football/450130/Sunderland-0-Norwich-0-Dozy-Jozy-Altidore-s-a-real-miss-for-the-fans

quote:

Sunderland 0 - Norwich 0: Dozy Jozy Altidore's a real miss for the fans

WHEN is a striker not a striker? When he scores two league goals in 45 matches.

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
In modern World Cups(post 1967) England's best result is a fourth place meanwhile Holland has been to three finals.

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes

Pissflaps posted:

Still, both have done better than you Baltic fuckers have managed.


oh em gee bee ess posted:

I don't think Cascadia Offical Soccer Team are going to be winning the world cup any time tom.

Fingers crossed for the Baltic - Cascadia final in 2014 then!

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes

oliwan posted:

I'm not so sure how to defend Jozy anymore.

Ask any premiership defender. It's really easy.

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes

Pissflaps posted:

I don't understand this post.

Post some posts about Jozy from bigsoccer.

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
Why did Jozy attack that player?

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
I hope Jozy can find a new home this month. :)

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
So many new posts. I was sure Jozy had been loaned out to the Championship but instead it's more funny delusional American articles. Great stuff! :D

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
How can they say that Jozy is "A solid starter on a top EPL club" when in real life he is not even "Starter on mid-, low-table EPL side or role player on top team"?

jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
These are all the shots Jozy took today:

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jyrka
Jan 21, 2005


Potato Count: 2 small potatoes
Here's what Sunderland fans are saying about Jozy:

He,s poo poo , end of story

I know it wont happen but would love to see him shipped out this month, he is a shocking excuse of a striker.

Commentator on the radio said Altidore controls it further than he can kick it. Says it all really.

I can honestly say I've seen better strikers in the local Sunday Leagues.

His worst performance today... he couldn't even muster his mysterious flick on to nobody in front of him today.

He's got nothing about him. I doubt there'd be much difference between playing him up front or playing with 10 men. What exactly does he do?

He wouldn't even get in the Kidderminster side.

The worst player I have seen in the red and white of Sunderland!! Actually scratch that, just the worse player I have seen......

There's just something about him. His touch and control are absolutely appalling for a premiership/international footballer.

We wouldn't have noticed if he walked off in that second half

He's being out scored by defenders for fucks sake mate.

He has all the control of a three legged baby giraffe.

AZ must be laughing all the way to the bank that they got 6mil for him, jeeeesus

His second touch is a tackle

Makes Whickam look like Pele

The most appalling striker I have ever seen in the premier league. Don't tell me I'm wrong please, I've been moaning about this for fuvking weeks! The worst today by far against KIDDERMINSTER! For fucks sake

A disgusting player. I would kill to play in a cup final for Sunderland and this arsehole will instead.

What get me is his lack of movement. We were playing a non-league side and this loving lump just ran alongside their centre-halves all afternoon.

I really can't be arsed to read the previous comments but today I witnessed the worst performance I have EVER seen from a Sunderland centre forward. How is the man rated? He made no effort at all to "work the channels", get on the end of a cross or make himself available for any sort of defence splitting pass or otherwise. The man is stealing a living.

Thought he'd find his level today but he wasn't even that good

I seriously wonder if he'd be able to cut it in a pub league, I really do.

He is vile.

He's terrible. I'm embarrassed for the lad now. He's beyond an unfunny joke now

At one point there was a loose ball. He ran towards it, stopped, then realised he might make it so resumed running. If he hadn't stopped he would've got there. I haven't seen someone do that since I was playing football at school.

He can't read the game. He has no anticipation. He has no concept of running into space. It beggars belief that he's scored so many goals at international level.

mate he looks like hes never seen a football

Worst thing about him - he's a diver, and it looks pathetic everytime he does it.

If we built our style around that inept gonk, we'd be in the conference in 5 years.

etc

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