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Jastiger
Oct 11, 2008
I FUCKING LOVE SUMMONER ABILITIES


This is something we've gone back and forth on a ton. I've asked friends for advice and the general consensus is "I don't know". I ask family and they are totally biased and just want us to move back home, forget everything else. SO here is the set up;

We moved to North Idaho from Iowa for my wifes job in apparel manufacturing. Fresh out of college, she brought us up here to pursue her career in this field. It wasn't ever meant to be permanent. I would get a job doing something or other, we'd sweat it out, and then we'd move on when the time came. It was her first big girl job and she was mega excited. I gave up a promising job as an insurance agent in order to do this, no big deal.

Well its two years later and things have changed. I had a job with the state that ended for undisclosed reasons and found myself unemployed. The rub was...my daughter had been born a scant two and a half weeks before this. Instead of searching for daycare, we figured I'd be a stay at home dad for the time being. We were coming up on our timeline to perhaps move elsewhere or at least her get a promotion with her company. We aren't too keen on raising our daughter so far away from family and we're certainly not a fan of the politics and education of the area either. So we want to move back to the Midwest somewhere.

As time goes on we're seeing that a promotion isn't likely due to events out of her control, and money is getting tight. With my job having ended 7 months ago, we're kind of coasting on fumes. We have student loans to pay for, a new vehicle we had purchased for the little ones safety literally two weeks before she was born, and find ourselves a single income family.
We need to move to a place where we can both find good paying jobs close to home, where we trust the daycare system with our daugther, where she can continue her career, and I can get into school.

The rub is, I've never been unemployed for so long before. I'm kind of going crazy. I love staying at home with my daughter and seeing her crawl and now stand up on her own. But I feel like I'm letting my family down because I don't work.

So she's put out applications to companies in Wisconsin, Minnesota, Nebraska, Kansas, Pennsylvania, Ohio. We want to be in the Midwest for sure. Its been about two months and only one company has responded and we are literally waiting to hear from them on Monday or Tuesday (tomorrow at the time of this writing). I'm not hopeful and honestly don't know why not. She's more than qualified for a lot of these positions.

The E/N part of it comes in with her attitude. She is, I think, starting to resent me because I don't work and its kind of all on her to find a job and move us away. I also think she wants to be a stay at home mom but knows its not economically feasible. She encourages me to find a job to move us away so that we can get out of here and get started on the next chapter of our lives. I'm somewhat opposed to this for a few reasons:

She has a CAREER with a company. I would feel like we'd be taking a step back if we interrupted her career so I can take a job somewhere that surely pays less. If we moved to a more developed area she could work her apparel job and I could find a job that pays well enough to justify daycare.

I only have a bachelors in Sociology and my plan is to finish up a Masters so I can teach at the college level. I plan on getting a teaching cert in the mean time but these all cost money. Any job I can get would be just a "job" with no permanents whereas her finding a career move would be beneficial to her in the long run.

If I found a job its unlikely they would help us relocate. Jobs in her career, especially at mid-level like she is going to be if hired, would certainly do that. It would keep us out of debt.

So I'm a little torn on what to do and how to do it. I've applied for a few jobs in the Minneapolis area (our preferred destination) but I'm not hopeful I'll be chosen with my 7 months of unemployment stay at home dad on my resume. Also, I've looked for employment here and compared what they pay with the cost of daycare. I'd have to make about $13/hr full time 40 hours a week to about break even if we did full time day care and we genuinely don't trust them here, and there aren't any jobs here that pay that unless I want to work over nights or something dangerous. Both she says she isn't OK with. I am obviously not opposed to work, and want to get something going, but the pragmatic part of me says not to work a poo poo job just to work a poo poo job, especially if its going to cost us money in other ways.

What should we do? Should we hold out here and wait for her to find us a job and hope her resentment doesn't reach critical mass? Should I bust my rear end and try to find a hold-over job, potentially taking us somewhere where she has no job and we essentially reverse positions while likely making less money? Should I take a part time retail/fast food job here to alleviate money woes and spend less time with my family? Are there places she should be looking or things she should be doing to ensure she gets a fair shake at these jobs shes qualified for? She's only used indeed.com so far and hasn't heard back from all but one company.

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DuckConference
May 27, 2004



Why did you buy a new car?

Do you take care of most of the cooking/cleaning since you're not working?

How strong is her desire to be a stay at home parent?

Was the kid planned?

Volume
May 2, 2008

Now I don't know how you guys do it but when I'm in my underwear I like to have a good time.

Jastiger posted:

But I feel like I'm letting my family down because I don't work.

That's just the patriarchy brainwashing talking. Being a stay at home dad is just as important as being a working dad. I understand that money is tight but that doesn't mean you have to succumb to the gender roles that society says you must fill just because you are burdened with a penis.

Devils Affricate
Jan 22, 2010


Jastiger posted:

We want to be in the Midwest for sure.

Maybe try reconsidering this strange desire.

Beep Street
Aug 22, 2006

Chemotherapy and marijuana go together like apple pie and Chevrolet.

You are covering a massive area in the states you want to move to.This is like me wanting to move to somewhere in western europe for a job. It seems a bit vague.

TheDeviousOne
Sep 11, 2001


I feel ya, OP. I have been sending out resumes for myself for 3+ months now and getting very few callbacks. Like your wife, I am more than qualified for most of these positions. Like you, I have been staying at home with our 2 kids for 3+ years now.

It started with our first child. We couldn't find affordable daycare that we could trust. There were plenty of daycare centers around, but those places are really expensive and my job simply didn't pay enough. So, I quit, was able to collect unemployment for 13 months, and have been working part-time doing small handyman-type jobs every so often. We popped out a second child shortly after the first because we figured we'd take advantage of my staying at home. However, now we want to get our kids into preschool and we can't afford it unless I start working full-time. As I'm sure you're aware, daycare/preschool is unbelievably expensive.

When I run the numbers, for me to get a job that pays well enough to put our kids into daycare/preschool 3x/week, with family watching them the other 2x/week, that comes to around $24k/year. We aren't picking the most expensive daycare center. It's also not the cheapest. It's very well-reviewed and has almost no infractions by our state's department that monitors that stuff.

Let's look at some numbers quick:
Let's say I get a job at $45k/year
If we assume I will pay in somewhere close 1/3rd of my paycheck to taxes/SSI/Medicare = -$15k
Daycare costs are -$22-24k/year.
That puts us around $38k of the $45k/year job
Assuming I pay some amount of money to drive myself to work each day, I literally will be lucky to break even at $45k/year.


Yes I know there are FSA's for paying for childcare but you don't see the benefit of that until the end of the year and you do taxes. It doesn't help each month when you pay for daycare.

Noisycat
Jul 6, 2003

If you give a mouse a cookie, you are supporting underground furry terrorists.

I fully admit I am uninformed about the apparel industry, but Nebraska, Kansas and Wisconsin aren't huge population centers for jobs, right? If you want to live in the Midwest, why not focus on a particular city, such as Chicago, and apply? How in the world can you possibly research everything that goes into choosing someplace to live if you are trying in half the US?

(since when is Nebraska Midwest anyway?)

Also, please don't put yourself down for being a stay at home dad. Would you think your wife was a failure for being a stay at home mom? Of course not. Taking cares of kids and a house is exhausting and hard work.

tse1618
May 27, 2008

Cuddle time!

I don't have much advice, sorry, but my husband is a stay at home dad and I don't feel like he's letting us down because he's not working. He is looking for a part time job because money's tight, but I see it as a failing of mine that I don't earn enough to support us. Right now it's my responsibility to pay the bills, and his to look after our daughter and the house. I prefer working over doing laundry and the dishes anyway and I'm just happy one of us can stay at home with our daughter while she's so young. It sucks that you can't find a job when you want one but you're not sitting on your rear end doing nothing all day, you're running a household and that's hard work too. I fully respect my husband for the work he does at home.

c0ldfuse
Jun 18, 2004

The pursuit of excellence.


Can you describe what your wife does? I have a friend high up the chain at major company in Minneapolis in apparel/design field.

Never you mind
Jun 5, 2010


You should both be looking for jobs in the regions where you want to move. In the meantime, do what you can to cut expenses. If you're not upside down on the new car, you may be able to sell it and opt for a serviceable used one. That purchase sounds like a bad impulse, unless you previously owned a two-seater convertible or something where a carseat couldn't be buckled in.

You guys need to get out of there if there's no chance to raise her income and you can't afford decent childcare on what you would bring in. Plus, the longer you're out of work the harder it is to recover, whether you're a man or a woman. What did you do for the first weeks when the baby was born, before you were let go? Were you on leave or was your wife on leave and home alone?

You and your wife need to have a long talk about goals. If she truly wants to be a stay at home wife, that's a major conflict with your idea of going back to school. It's possible that she's just envious of your time with your baby and stressed from being the sole breadwinner in a tight situation, which would be pretty normal. Figure out what your long-term plans are for careers.

Your idea of getting an MA in Sociology and teaching at the college level is along the lines of a pipe dream. Four-year colleges will require a doctorate for any permanent or full-time teaching position, and they have a glut of qualified candidates to choose from. Junior colleges with permanent positions will have their pick of the PhDs who didn't get hired by the four-year schools. Landing a job that isn't adjunct teaching will mean being in exactly the right place and time, as in "Oh no! I am a department chair for a school in a small and isolated town, and our sociology professor has died two days before classes begin!" It happens, but a school with the time and resources to do a search (meaning for any full-time job) is going to go with the more highly qualified candidate. You have a wife and a child, so pick something more viable than taking on more debt (nobody gives full rides for terminal MAs in social sciences) for a job that, at best, will see you scraping together 30k a year from five different adjunct gigs.

Also, please don't call your wife's job a "big girl job" unless you refer to your own as a "big boy job."

Jastiger
Oct 11, 2008
I FUCKING LOVE SUMMONER ABILITIES


DuckConference posted:

Why did you buy a new car?

Do you take care of most of the cooking/cleaning since you're not working?

How strong is her desire to be a stay at home parent?

Was the kid planned?

I should totally clarify! I didn't buy a NEW car, it was just new to us. We replaced my run down small car for an SUV that was safer for the baby. It isn't brand new, its used.

Yes.

I am not sure, I think its bigger than she lets on.

Yes.


c0ldfuse posted:

Can you describe what your wife does? I have a friend high up the chain at major company in Minneapolis in apparel/design field.

She works in apparel sourcing. She coordinates with foreign and domestic vendors in order to make sure products get made, quantities are correct, and negotiates costs with those vendors. In her particular company I can't say its particularly organized and she ends up making minor design decisions, finding cost saving measures, and directly issuing purchase orders. Its a negative because the company is disorganized, but a plus because she's doing work above her pay grade. Minneapolis is our best destination. Its close to family, has a decent standard and cost of living, and has companies we wouldn't mind working for.

I understand everyone is like "The Midwest, WHY?!". Just imagine..you go from being socially immersed and doing well in a big Midwestern town, then you move to a place that is small, politically opposite, economically depressed, and far away from aging grandparents when you have a 7 month old. We like the Midwest, but even if we didn't, it'd be important to use to be closer to see all of our family. So it's kind of vague on purpose because we want to cast a wide net for opportunities, not restrict ourselves to one city.

As someone pointed out, the Midwest isn't massively overripe with Apparel jobs. Wisconsin, Minnesota, and Ohio are the biggest hubs for these industries, with a smattering in Pennsylvania, Illinois, and South/North Dakota, and Missouri. Otherwise all the jobs are in New York and LA. No thanks big cities.

Never you mind posted:


You guys need to get out of there if there's no chance to raise her income and you can't afford decent childcare on what you would bring in. Plus, the longer you're out of work the harder it is to recover, whether you're a man or a woman. What did you do for the first weeks when the baby was born, before you were let go? Were you on leave or was your wife on leave and home alone?

You and your wife need to have a long talk about goals. If she truly wants to be a stay at home wife, that's a major conflict with your idea of going back to school. It's possible that she's just envious of your time with your baby and stressed from being the sole breadwinner in a tight situation, which would be pretty normal. Figure out what your long-term plans are for careers.

Your idea of getting an MA in Sociology and teaching at the college level is along the lines of a pipe dream. Four-year colleges will require a doctorate for any permanent or full-time teaching position, and they have a glut of qualified candidates to choose from. Junior colleges with permanent positions will have their pick of the PhDs who didn't get hired by the four-year schools. Landing a job that isn't adjunct teaching will mean being in exactly the right place and time, as in "Oh no! I am a department chair for a school in a small and isolated town, and our sociology professor has died two days before classes begin!" It happens, but a school with the time and resources to do a search (meaning for any full-time job) is going to go with the more highly qualified candidate. You have a wife and a child, so pick something more viable than taking on more debt (nobody gives full rides for terminal MAs in social sciences) for a job that, at best, will see you scraping together 30k a year from five different adjunct gigs.

Also, please don't call your wife's job a "big girl job" unless you refer to your own as a "big boy job."

For the first few weeks I was working. I took I think 4 days off total from my state job in order to be there for the birth. She was home alone for I think a full two and a half months. It was a one-two punch. We were making good money, then she took FMLA leave so her income was lower, then I lost my job, so we had a bit there where there was no income.

Well my goal was to teach at a junior college level, not a full professorship. I'm well aware I'd need more to be a full on Doctorate in order to do that. I would much rather teach at a junior level or even high school if necessary and perhaps move into administration with some experience. That doesn't seem very outlandish to me, and as far as I can tell, having a BA in Sociology isn't doing squat, so I need to do something.

I totally called my first non-retail college-age job my "big boy job".

Never you mind
Jun 5, 2010


Jastiger posted:


Well my goal was to teach at a junior college level, not a full professorship. I'm well aware I'd need more to be a full on Doctorate in order to do that. I would much rather teach at a junior level or even high school if necessary and perhaps move into administration with some experience. That doesn't seem very outlandish to me, and as far as I can tell, having a BA in Sociology isn't doing squat, so I need to do something.

I totally called my first non-retail college-age job my "big boy job".

It is getting to the point of outlandish, thanks to degree inflation and the overproduction of PhDs. There are still people teaching full-time at community colleges who do not have PhDs, but they tend to have been awhile, before the last decade or two, or be living in undesirable areas, or with underserved degree fields (or they have MFAs or MS degrees in subjects where that is the terminal degree). The competition for such jobs has become much more intense in the last decade, and colleges are cutting the number of full-time positions offered, which ratchets up the competition further. Do some serious exploring about what it would mean in terms of debt, lost opportunity, and employment possibilities before you spend two years on an MA with the idea that you will land a full-time teaching job and eventually move into administration. If you want to teach at a high school level, you would have better luck with an MA in a subject more typically taught at a high school level (plus a credential). You're right, you need to do something, but your current plans are a real longshot and you don't sound like you're in a situation where a longshot is a good idea.

martyrdumb
Nov 24, 2009

pants are overrated


Your wife isn't ok with you working overnights? Time to put on the big boy pants and tell her your family needs money and proximity to family more than you need to sleep together at the same time every night. When you've got an employment gap in your resume, that's not the time to be picky. A staggered schedule will allow you both to work full-time without the need for daycare, too, so you keep more of your money.

Jastiger
Oct 11, 2008
I FUCKING LOVE SUMMONER ABILITIES


Never you mind posted:

It is getting to the point of outlandish, thanks to degree inflation and the overproduction of PhDs. There are still people teaching full-time at community colleges who do not have PhDs, but they tend to have been awhile, before the last decade or two, or be living in undesirable areas, or with underserved degree fields (or they have MFAs or MS degrees in subjects where that is the terminal degree). The competition for such jobs has become much more intense in the last decade, and colleges are cutting the number of full-time positions offered, which ratchets up the competition further. Do some serious exploring about what it would mean in terms of debt, lost opportunity, and employment possibilities before you spend two years on an MA with the idea that you will land a full-time teaching job and eventually move into administration. If you want to teach at a high school level, you would have better luck with an MA in a subject more typically taught at a high school level (plus a credential). You're right, you need to do something, but your current plans are a real longshot and you don't sound like you're in a situation where a longshot is a good idea.

I'll be sure to look into that. Perhaps go for a general social studies certificate so I can be more marketable than I am now in the teaching field.

I think a lot of the friction for us right now is that I kind of feel like she isn't trying as hard as she could to find another job. If I were in her shoes I'd be calling up the companies, finding HR people, getting numbers and contacts in order to make sure they got my resume. Sure, it may be old fashioned, but when she applies for a job, is totally qualified, the job listing expires and its reposted without her getting a call, something is wrong. Either she isn't as qualified as she thought, which we need to know, or they didn't look at her resume. Instead, she kind of threw up her arms a bit.

The flip side is I think she also feels that I"m putting a lot of pressure on her to get a job. She feels, and maybe rightly, that it shouldn't be all on her shoulders to find a job and move us away from here. From my point of view, we moved out here for her career and we would be silly to move away without advancing it. She wants me to pick up the baton and find us a job to move us away. The pragmatic voice in my head says this would be super counter productive. Why would we move to a place so I can have a job while her career stagnates after the last two years of good work? It just seems like such a bad idea to me.

I don't want to put everything on her shoulders because I don't think that is fair, but at the same time, it just makes the most amount of sense to me right now that she should be the one to relocate us because she's the one with the career. Am I wrong? Should I just deal with it and look for a job somewhere in the Midwest?


martyrdumb posted:

Your wife isn't ok with you working overnights? Time to put on the big boy pants and tell her your family needs money and proximity to family more than you need to sleep together at the same time every night. When you've got an employment gap in your resume, that's not the time to be picky. A staggered schedule will allow you both to work full-time without the need for daycare, too, so you keep more of your money.

She isn't. I'm not entirely sure I would be either. Its not like I'd get to sleep it off all day. I'd still be responsible for our daughter when my wife is gone, so I'd work 8 hours during the day with her, spend two or three hours with wife when she gts home, then off to my job until the morning again. Doable, maybe, destructive, definitely.

Slow Motion
Jul 19, 2004

My favorite things in life are sex, drugs, feeling like a baller, and being $30,000 in debt.


You should get a job even if you don't 'break even' on the money. It sounds like you need it for your own happiness and the contentment of your household. Live the life you need to be happy and your family will be better for it. You write well and you've executed a multi-year family plan with your wife. That shows intelligence and dedication. You can rise anywhere.


edit-

quote:

I don't want to put everything on her shoulders because I don't think that is fair, but at the same time, it just makes the most amount of sense to me right now that she should be the one to relocate us because she's the one with the career. Am I wrong? Should I just deal with it and look for a job somewhere in the Midwest?

Yes. Stop thinking you're the inferior bread winner. I'm a sociology major too and I've seen many a great paying job that you could fill. If you have math and statistical ability I'd be happy to talk to you about my career. If not you should look into things like surveying and technical writing.

Slow Motion fucked around with this message at Sep 30, 2013 around 15:58

AlbieQuirky
Oct 9, 2012


Right now, can you do online tutoring from home or similar? Check BFC for ideas.

Noisycat
Jul 6, 2003

If you give a mouse a cookie, you are supporting underground furry terrorists.

martyrdumb posted:

Your wife isn't ok with you working overnights? Time to put on the big boy pants and tell her your family needs money and proximity to family more than you need to sleep together at the same time every night. When you've got an employment gap in your resume, that's not the time to be picky. A staggered schedule will allow you both to work full-time without the need for daycare, too, so you keep more of your money.

If he works nights and watches the baby during the day, when is he supposed to sleep?

natetimm
May 24, 2007
MAYBE WITH THIS SYCOPHANTIC POST,
THE JOB CREATORS WILL FINALLY LOVE ME AND TREAT ME AS ONE OF THEIR OWN

Look, Daddy I'm even racist like you!


Get a license for day care and run one out of your house.

Atma McCuddles
Sep 1, 2007



Volume posted:

That's just the patriarchy brainwashing talking. Being a stay at home dad is just as important as being a working dad. I understand that money is tight but that doesn't mean you have to succumb to the gender roles that society says you must fill just because you are burdened with a penis.

Don't really think this one's about gender roles as much as dollar bills not rolling into the household. Being a stay-at-home parent of EITHER gender is tough financially, and it's tough on the future earnings of people of either sex, even if you're saving on day care costs.

Sarcophallus
Jun 12, 2011


Jastiger posted:

She works in apparel sourcing. She coordinates with foreign and domestic vendors in order to make sure products get made, quantities are correct, and negotiates costs with those vendors.
Minneapolis is our best destination. Its close to family, has a decent standard and cost of living, and has companies we wouldn't mind working for.

As someone pointed out, the Midwest isn't massively overripe with Apparel jobs. Wisconsin, Minnesota, and Ohio are the biggest hubs for these industries, with a smattering in Pennsylvania, Illinois, and South/North Dakota, and Missouri. Otherwise all the jobs are in New York and LA. No thanks big cities.

Just cherry-picking comments to mention that Columbus, OH is a pretty huge hub for basically anything apparel related. I only mention it because just naming states doesn't give you anything - if she's not job searching for specific cities she's going to have a rougher time than otherwise.

It's also like a slightly smaller Minneapolis, so you don't lose out on much at all. Good luck!

Jastiger
Oct 11, 2008
I FUCKING LOVE SUMMONER ABILITIES


Sarcophallus posted:

Just cherry-picking comments to mention that Columbus, OH is a pretty huge hub for basically anything apparel related. I only mention it because just naming states doesn't give you anything - if she's not job searching for specific cities she's going to have a rougher time than otherwise.

It's also like a slightly smaller Minneapolis, so you don't lose out on much at all. Good luck!

Aye, I should just say "Columbus" instead of Ohio. She's looked there and applied for sure. Thanks!

amarantinesky
Aug 29, 2013



I think you should look for a job as well, for two main reasons:

1. Going any substantial period of time without work is a huge setback. It will be harder to find a job and you will make less money. I agree with Never You Mind that finding any job in sociology - whether you have a MA or PhD - is not a very viable option. I have friends doing PhDs in sociology at Harvard and UCLA who are concerned about career prospects. It's not impossible to get a job in these fields, but I don't know if the time to pursue your dream is when you have a child under one. From what I've heard, K-12 teaching is also more competitive now because so much funding is being cut. That said, it is a more realistic option. Either way, you should be doing research about jobs and education in the midwest (PA is totally not the midwest, though).

2. Economic issues aside, you should look for a job and schools because it will make your wife feel better. Seriously. I mean, if she is already kind of jealous of your stay-at-home dad status, I can imagine that she is feeling annoyed right now. Applying for jobs can be very very frustrating, and feeling like you are the one who has to do all the job searching while your spouse gets to stay at home and play with the baby would probably be irritating. A new baby plus a layoff is a very stressful situation. Adding a cross-country move and a job search to that is understandably really tough. I don't mean to imply that you aren't supporting your wife, but I can see how she might feel that way and be jealous, especially if you are communicating that you don't feel like she is applying to enough jobs. If you make it clear that you are also looking for jobs and ways to further your own career, I think she might feel better about the situation and feel it is more of a partnership.

enbot
Jun 7, 2013


To beat a dead horse, your masters in sociology plan is like banking on the NBA because you're decent at basketball. The jobs aren't really that good either (and are pretty drat hard to find), I mean I obviously can't speak for you but I've never heard good things from people who adjunct teach like that. Also you almost certainly would not be funded so it would be a huge risk and money is already tight. Go for the teaching cert and high school level if anything. I'd add chicago onto your list, there's lots of good places to live that are within 30min- an hour by train all around the city (and into NW indiana) and I think you'd have the best chance of finding a decent job there than any other place you are talking about. Cost of living is pretty cheap too. If she's already applying from Nebraska to Pennsylvania I think it's silly to not throw it on the list.

CzarChasm
Mar 14, 2009

Why is it every time I need to get somewhere, we get waylaid by jackassery?


enbot posted:

To beat a dead horse, your masters in sociology plan is like banking on the NBA because you're decent at basketball. The jobs aren't really that good either (and are pretty drat hard to find), I mean I obviously can't speak for you but I've never heard good things from people who adjunct teach like that. Also you almost certainly would not be funded so it would be a huge risk and money is already tight. Go for the teaching cert and high school level if anything.

Was pretty much going to say this. I understand the desire to go after a "dream job", especially now that you have at least the BA in your chosen field. You really don't want to feel like all that time and money was a waste. I'm sorry to say that it probably was. And you could't have foreseen that. But I can't fathom the level of disconnect that seems to be going on here. And correct me if I'm wrong but:

You're unemployed
You have a young child
Your wife is not getting her promotion as you had hoped
You already have student loans, (for both of you?) that you need to pay back
Money is tight

Now you want to add to this, the cost of going back to school, to get your Master's? OK. Now it doesn't sound like you have any kind of grant or scholarship, so that's another big chunk of change. For a piece of paper. This piece of paper basically says "Jastiger took somewhere between a third and a quarter of his current life for a piece of paper" (I'm guessing you're in your late 20's).

That paper doesn't come with a good job, or a high paying job, or any job at all. It doesn't come with the recipe for Coke-a-cola or the Colonel's secret recipe. It's not going to solve any of the very real problems you are describing. It will give you a well deserved sense of accomplishment. That's it. Even if it were to cost something more reasonable, like 10,000 for four years (I pulled this number out of thin air), that's money you shouldn't spend on this thing for yourself. Maybe instead think about putting that kind of money aside for your kid's college fund?

quote:

I'd add chicago onto your list, there's lots of good places to live that are within 30min- an hour by train all around the city (and into NW indiana) and I think you'd have the best chance of finding a decent job there than any other place you are talking about. Cost of living is pretty cheap too. If she's already applying from Nebraska to Pennsylvania I think it's silly to not throw it on the list.

I'll second looking to Chicago for work, and if you can figure out the train schedule, SE Wisconsin is very affordable. Also, going North instead, there is Kohls and several other garment manufacturer headquarters in WI so not horrible options.

TL;DR: The master's degree isn't going to help your family. Period. You don't have to give up on your dream, but prioritize. Both of you should look for work in the same tri-city area, not tri-state. If you find a good paying job and your wife wants to do the Stay at home mom thing, discuss it and see if you can swing it.

Also, I think your post mentioned that your family (or hers) would be open to the possibility of helping you out, whether that meant room and board or a little financial help or babysitting wasn't clear. It might at least get you a change of scenery, a chance to save up some cash, and an opportunity for your wife to play mommy (maybe).

Nadine Hauklund
May 17, 2002

A boy's best friend is his mother.

OP, if you want a source for a company currently hiring, located a little S of Mpls, pays great, amazing benefits, onsite daycare (they pay 50%) with a wide range of available positions, and is consistently ranked as one of the best places to work in the Twin cities, email me - jayerrbee at gmail.

HelloIAmYourHeart
Dec 29, 2008

Send us signals in the glow
of night windows


natetimm posted:

Get a license for day care and run one out of your house.

My father-in-law did that while my husband was growing up. Be sure to give your kid their own room and their own toys that they don't have to share to avoid massive resentment!

Lixer
Dec 3, 2005

What does Depeche Mode mean? I like kinky sex with a scoop of ice cream

Jastiger posted:


She works in apparel sourcing. She coordinates with foreign and domestic vendors in order to make sure products get made, quantities are correct, and negotiates costs with those vendors. In her particular company I can't say its particularly organized and she ends up making minor design decisions, finding cost saving measures, and directly issuing purchase orders. Its a negative because the company is disorganized, but a plus because she's doing work above her pay grade. Minneapolis is our best destination.

Does she have to stay in apparel? This list of job tasks would be very common for many positions in many industries. Obviously, if her dream job is doing something else in apparel then it would be a difficult decision to deviate from that though.

That said, BOTH of you should be looking for jobs ( through more than just indeed...) because you never know what may come up as a viable option, either in your current town or a more desired one.

Jastiger
Oct 11, 2008
I FUCKING LOVE SUMMONER ABILITIES


Thanks for all the feedback. I admit its kind of disheartening to hear that my idea to be a junior college teacher is kind of unreachable. I looked at the local college and they require at minimum a Masters degree in Sociology, and that position has been open since before I even started looking. It remains unfilled, but as a poster mentioned, its in an under served and undeveloped area for that kind of thing.

I am looking for jobs and have even applied for a few at this point. My concern is that we pick up some piddly job for me, and she's forced to go back to cutting hair/being unemployed because my job took us somewhere without an option for her. I feel like we would be trading a bad situation for a worse one, just closer to home and with the roles swapped. I don't want to do that. I also really care about her career. I'd feel terrible if we derailed her career because she simply got impatient.


She really does want to stay with apparel. Thanks for mentioning Kohls and the like. We've certainly hit them up too. Our list is kind of

1. Minneapolis/St. Paul
2. Minnesota in general
3. Wisconsin
4. Columbus, Ohio
5. Midwest


Pennsylvania is on the list simply because they are the only company to even respond with a maybe. Not our first choice.

What other places should I tell her to look? Am I being too pushy in wanting her to call up these companies and find out more information, or should I let it be?

claptrap
Sep 30, 2008



Dude, if you are in CDA send me a PM. I work for one of the local post-secondary institutions and have a number of contacts at the local community college. It is true you need your MS to be considered for a teaching position, but there are ways to work up through their ranks.

HelloIAmYourHeart
Dec 29, 2008

Send us signals in the glow
of night windows


Jastiger posted:

I am looking for jobs and have even applied for a few at this point. My concern is that we pick up some piddly job for me, and she's forced to go back to cutting hair/being unemployed because my job took us somewhere without an option for her. I feel like we would be trading a bad situation for a worse one, just closer to home and with the roles swapped. I don't want to do that. I also really care about her career. I'd feel terrible if we derailed her career because she simply got impatient.

So how does SHE feel about possibly derailing her career? If she really does want to be a stay at home mom for a while, then the two of you are obviously looking for different things.

Jastiger
Oct 11, 2008
I FUCKING LOVE SUMMONER ABILITIES


claptrap posted:

Dude, if you are in CDA send me a PM. I work for one of the local post-secondary institutions and have a number of contacts at the local community college. It is true you need your MS to be considered for a teaching position, but there are ways to work up through their ranks.

I don't have PMs:( I'm in Sandpoint. I've applied at NIC a while back for a Veterans liaison position which I was totally qualified for. I'm a veteran, degree in Sociology, good with people and I never even got a call back, so I've been pretty soured on them for a bit. I'd LOVE to work for a post-secondary institution, I just didn't feel like they took my application seriously.


HelloIAmYourHeart posted:

So how does SHE feel about possibly derailing her career? If she really does want to be a stay at home mom for a while, then the two of you are obviously looking for different things.

In my opinion I don't think she is taking her career path as seriously as I would like, and I don't think she wants to stop working totally either. It's such a rough situation

Edit: What other methods besides Indeed.com should she be looking at?

Jastiger fucked around with this message at Oct 1, 2013 around 15:42

martyrdumb
Nov 24, 2009

pants are overrated


Noisycat posted:

If he works nights and watches the baby during the day, when is he supposed to sleep?

Depending on the hours their jobs require, they can eliminate the need for daycare at best (especially if they're moving close to family), or only need it for a couple hours a day. He could watch the kid until 2pm, drop the kid off at daycare or with grandma from 2-5, wife picks up kid, he wakes up to go to work at 10pm.

Dangit Ronpaul
May 12, 2009


Jastiger posted:


I understand everyone is like "The Midwest, WHY?!". Just imagine..you go from being socially immersed and doing well in a big Midwestern town, then you move to a place that is small, politically opposite, economically depressed, and far away from aging grandparents when you have a 7 month old.


If your main beef with Idaho is that there are no jobs and it's full of uneducated far-right hicks then I'm really having a hard time understanding why you think moving back to the Midwest is a good idea.

Jonny 290
May 5, 2005


fully trained greenskeeper


I get that you don't want to uproot and all of that, but hear me out on this. Don't let family shackle you to a bad area. It can be straight-up terrifying to move away from family. Sometimes people without a secure future think "Well, if we lose our jobs at least Aunt Sadie can watch the boy" - you're banking on the worst that can happen. The fact that you mentioned aging grandparents and 7 month old in the same breath makes me think you're being nagged to 'keep our grandbaby close, we don't have much time left' which is kind of manipulative. Might be reading too much into it, but now is a time for growth and change for your family. There's nothing wrong with Minneapolis, don't get me wrong, but a caring grandparent would rather see their happy kids a couple weeks a year than see their miserable kids ten times a year. Do what is important for you, and that doesn't mean "let somebody else guilt you into doing what they want".

Jastiger
Oct 11, 2008
I FUCKING LOVE SUMMONER ABILITIES


Dangit Ronpaul posted:

If your main beef with Idaho is that there are no jobs and it's full of uneducated far-right hicks then I'm really having a hard time understanding why you think moving back to the Midwest is a good idea.

Well NORTH Idaho is like that. I was active in political groups in both places, and let me tell you, Des Moines Iowa is black and white with North Idaho. I want to get out of a county that votes for Ron Paul consistently or defunds education in order to promote tax credits for business. I don't want the local paper writing letters to the editor pointing me out by name that Im' an evil atheist from Iowa. The developed Midwest is not the same as North Idaho, make no mistake.


Jonny 290 posted:

I get that you don't want to uproot and all of that, but hear me out on this. Don't let family shackle you to a bad area. It can be straight-up terrifying to move away from family. Sometimes people without a secure future think "Well, if we lose our jobs at least Aunt Sadie can watch the boy" - you're banking on the worst that can happen. The fact that you mentioned aging grandparents and 7 month old in the same breath makes me think you're being nagged to 'keep our grandbaby close, we don't have much time left' which is kind of manipulative. Might be reading too much into it, but now is a time for growth and change for your family. There's nothing wrong with Minneapolis, don't get me wrong, but a caring grandparent would rather see their happy kids a couple weeks a year than see their miserable kids ten times a year. Do what is important for you, and that doesn't mean "let somebody else guilt you into doing what they want".

No, we WANT to move away from here. We only moved way up here for her job, not for the nice vistas (though they are nice!). There are no jobs here, no opportunities for growth, and no career choices. The Midwest is where we'd like to be because yes, its closer to family. But its also cheaper to live, less hectic, safer, and the metro areas are nice and progressive. Oh, and there are jobs and schools.

bringer
Oct 16, 2005

I'm out there Jerry and I'm LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT


Jastiger posted:

In my opinion I don't think she is taking her career path as seriously as I would like, and I don't think she wants to stop working totally either. It's such a rough situation

In my opinion I think you want her to keep working a career job so you can be a stay at home dad and you're making a lot of excuses about why her career is more important than yours.

CuddleChunks
Sep 18, 2004



Jastiger posted:

Well NORTH Idaho is like that. I was active in political groups in both places, and let me tell you, Des Moines Iowa is black and white with North Idaho. I want to get out of a county that votes for Ron Paul consistently or defunds education in order to promote tax credits for business. I don't want the local paper writing letters to the editor pointing me out by name that Im' an evil atheist from Iowa. The developed Midwest is not the same as North Idaho, make no mistake.

Heh, welcome to Sandpoint. Too bad you didn't come to Moscow, we've got the University and enough atheists, Democrats and other fine strange people that you probably wouldn't have ended up in the local editorials. Also the weather is nicer for slightly longer each year.

Bippie Mishap
Oct 12, 2012


Open a puppy mill, the Midwest and Pennsy love them.

claptrap
Sep 30, 2008



Jastiger posted:

I don't have PMs:( I'm in Sandpoint. I've applied at NIC a while back for a Veterans liaison position which I was totally qualified for. I'm a veteran, degree in Sociology, good with people and I never even got a call back, so I've been pretty soured on them for a bit. I'd LOVE to work for a post-secondary institution, I just didn't feel like they took my application seriously.


The U of I just opened (or will soon open if its not up yet) a "Near Peer" position in Sandpoint. It would closely resemble high school counseling but without a license. Basically, tell high school students why college owns. Not the highest salary but a good foot in the door for other university jobs.

For the record, I also got rejected by NIC before I got hired at the U of I.




E: Sandpoint not Standpoint

claptrap fucked around with this message at Oct 2, 2013 around 03:23

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Jastiger
Oct 11, 2008
I FUCKING LOVE SUMMONER ABILITIES


claptrap posted:

The U of I just opened (or will soon open if its not up yet) a "Near Peer" position in Sandpoint. It would closely resemble high school counseling but without a license. Basically, tell high school students why college owns. Not the highest salary but a good foot in the door for other university jobs.

For the record, I also got rejected by NIC before I got hired at the U of I.




E: Sandpoint not Standpoint

Thanks for that headsup, I'll apply. It isn't online yet, where can I find information on who to call? I'd love to be on top of this.


We had a talk today and I think she isn't really pushing to find another job because she really wants a promotion. In her industry it goes

Coordinator (usually HS diploma required, entry level)
Assistant
Associate
Manager

She's currently an assistant manager, the highest level of assistant you can go. She found today that she is likely not going to get a promotion because the company she works for is going through some hiccups and its just not likely. The thing is, the gap between assistant and associate is pretty big. Usually you work in the field for 2-3 years before you become an associate. Associates will typically handle a department or take on a lot of duties themselves, relying on assistants to take care of menial tasks or carry out orders. The thing is my wife has been doing that associate thing for about 5 months now. The reason I mention it is because if she isn't an associate, she can't go to other companies as an associate. Shes an assistant on her resume and job title. She came home today and mentioned along the lines of "Since I'm not going to get my promotion it looks like YOU'RE the one that is going to have to move us".

I don't think she's really trying. I think she's disheartened that she's still an assistant so she can't move on until she moves up. She may be right, but man, talk about a let down. So I'm going to hit it hard I guess and try to find a job. Or something.


bringer posted:

In my opinion I think you want her to keep working a career job so you can be a stay at home dad and you're making a lot of excuses about why her career is more important than yours.

This is something I get concerned about too. It isn't that I don't value my own career, its that she has already started hers. I feel like a couple in their late 30's shouldn't be starting a career over, especially if we have a family. It just makes more sense that we continue hers and then get mine underway, not end hers to start mine, unless its somehow extremely lucrative.

Jastiger fucked around with this message at Oct 2, 2013 around 04:19

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