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Mudfly
Jun 10, 2012


I'm just wondering where you guys met your girlfriends (or ex's).

I'm 33 and all my life I've worked in male dominated industries and given the partner thing scant attention. I'm not hideously obese or badly groomed, and when I tell people I've never had a girlfriend they're usually surprised (or very polite?). So I guess I'd like to ask you fine folk for ideas... Being as I'm rapidly approaching 40 and all.

I don't think I could do internet dating - as I've never been on a date I'd be pretty mortified. Most of my friends know about as many women as I do (zero), so parties are out. So far my interests - weight lifting and rock climbing - haven't worked. Thanks.

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InvisibleMonkey
Jun 4, 2004

Hey, girl.

Get less male-dominated interests?

Internet dating is actually really good for gaining dating experience. Just go get coffee with five random ladies, and you'll find out that an awkward date isn't the end of the world. Once you've got the coffee & small-talk thing down, you'll feel a lot more confident about asking girls out, online or irl!

Disclaimer: I am a girl with male-dominated interests.

SpaceGoatFarts
Jan 5, 2010


Mudfly posted:

I don't think I could do internet dating - as I've never been on a date I'd be pretty mortified.

This is the exact reason why you need to do internet dating.

It can require some practice to get used to being comfortable during dates, how to handle rejection, and how you are expected to behave in general.

If you don't practice with a few dates before chances are you'll still be mortified when you finally meet someone interesting outside the net and gently caress things up.


You need to de-dramatize dating and simply try to have some fun meeting new people that you might see more than once, or not.

Bat Ham
Apr 22, 2008

Bat Nan


Internet dating is the best way to get over fear of dating. You don't know each other, no-one gives a poo poo if it turns out horribly and you never have to see them again.

Friends of friends are where I've met my best partners. Don't just focus on parties as the only social gathering to hit with your friends either. Nights out for a drink, a local band etc. You're into weight lifting and rock climbing? Try some group fitness training, athletics groups, mixed sport etc. You've got a hell of a lot more options as an active and healthy goon than the stereotypical "Warcraft and Anime" sperg.

tse1618
May 27, 2008

Cuddle time!

I'm a woman who used to volunteer at a lot of animal related things, avian rehab centers, animal shelters, raising Seeing Eye puppies, and those places were filled with women. I work part time at a pet store now and most of the staff are women. I suggest animals.

Zack_Gochuck
Jan 3, 2007

Stupid Wrestling People

Most people at least try internet dating nowadays, man. It doesn't have the stigma it used to. The fact of the matter is, people do not socialize as much as they used to. You don't get to talk to the cute girl you ride the bus with every day anymore, because she is playing Angry Birds on her phone and listening to a podcast. Give it a shot, it's not just this thing loser shutins do like in was in say, 2002.

Zack_Gochuck fucked around with this message at Sep 30, 2013 around 12:52

El_Elegante
Jul 3, 2004

Urethra wins my approval as a Good Word

I joined a coed kickball league. Not with the express interest of meeting women, I just needed a fun way of getting out there and interacting with people who weren't co-workers in my new city.

Noisycat
Jul 6, 2003

If you give a mouse a cookie, you are supporting underground furry terrorists.

If you are looking for a casual setting, you could look for different activities through Meetup, they every sort of get together listed, from foodies to hiking to people who get together to paint, etc. You don't have to go looking for a date, but it might help you meet a wider circle of friends (and women) without the pressure of a date.

Jeffrey
Dec 22, 2005
mildly retarded



If you live in certain areas there are like, okcupid "meetups" where groups meet for an activity, and presumably are all single and looking. (Do these things have regulars? I dunno.)

LLJKSiLk
Jul 7, 2005

We don't need a crystal ball to see the future. Roll Tide.

1. Bookstores & Coffee Shops (Don't ask out the person serving you, find a fellow patron)
2. The gym (Don't ask out someone in the middle of a workout. Maybe start a friendly conversation with someone.)
3. Volunteer activities (Volunteer for something relevant to your interests)
4. Meetup.com stuff (Finding someone with relevant interests again)
5. Bar (You aren't going to meet high class people necessarily, but this is decent social experience in a relaxed atmosphere)
6. Community Gatherings (Festivals, fairs, etc.)
7. Go to something on Groupon.com's offerings such as a wine tasting or whatever
8. Church (If you are into that. I'm not, but you can socialize there)

I'm going to recommend against internet dating if you are looking for anything serious. Most people on dating sites have emotional issues and baggage. It is prime hunting ground if you are in search of people with daddy issues however. But if you hope to find something that goes beyond a few flings and dalliances, then try to meet someone in a relaxed social setting. I practice all the time even if I'm dating someone as far as social interactions.

Garfie
Jan 4, 2005
I emplore you to reconsider

Internet dating is almost tailor-crafted for you.

Zack_Gochuck
Jan 3, 2007

Stupid Wrestling People

LLJKSiLk posted:

I'm going to recommend against internet dating if you are looking for anything serious. Most people on dating sites have emotional issues and baggage. It is prime hunting ground if you are in search of people with daddy issues however. But if you hope to find something that goes beyond a few flings and dalliances, then try to meet someone in a relaxed social setting. I practice all the time even if I'm dating someone as far as social interactions.

Lots of normal, well-adjusted people use dating sites now man. In all seriousness. And as someone who used to frequent a local night club, a lot of those girls have way worse issues than what you're going to run into online.

I do not think steering this shy man who made a thread on the internet about how to get a date away from online dating is productive.

OwlFancier
Aug 22, 2013


Take a cooking class. I'm doing one and I'm the only male there. Also cooking is useful to know, and tasty.

you rock
Sep 12, 2010

You wanna fuck with this shit I fuckin dare you. You fuck wit the hedge you get the spines


How about right here - tons of troll-free women browsing E/N right this minute. Perhaps if you edit your post to indicate your height, interests and photo you may receive PMs from the single gals here. Happy fishing!

Cool Blue Reason
Jan 7, 2010


See if they'll let you sign up for a Home Ec. class at your local high school.

JibbaJabberwocky
Aug 14, 2010



OP just think about things you like to do or things you might like to do and the consider if you could do any of those things in a social environment. As some goons already mentioned earlier, fitness classes or groups could be a great place to meet girls who take good care of themselves and are therefore probably well adjusted. Cooking classes or cake decorating classes are an excellent idea because they are full of ladies who share at least one interest (assuming you like either cooking or cake decorating).

I came here to specifically suggest taking a ballroom dancing class. They usually have them scheduled at community centers or at local universities and hoo boy do they need more guys. There will definitely be single women there who need a dance partner and it's a good opportunity to get to know these ladies better while in relatively close proximity to them. You may find yourself dancing with your fair share of adorable grannies but I've got to say that would be pretty endearing.

And don't look down on internet dating. If I hadn't started dating a friend I'd probably have ended up there as well. I know a lot of really nice, attractive girls who have found partners through online dating. And I mean really nice, really well adjusted, and really attractive. So I can say from my friends' experiences that you could probably meet some great women through online dating. Also there are tons of girls my age (mid-20s) who are tired of dating typical college guys and really want to be with someone who is more mature and has their poo poo together. If you're a decent human being, you take care of yourself and practice good hygiene, and you don't come off as a huge awkward creep then you'll probably find someone online if you give it a go.

Gatts
Jan 2, 2001



you rock posted:

How about right here - tons of troll-free women browsing E/N right this minute. Perhaps if you edit your post to indicate your height, interests and photo you may receive PMs from the single gals here. Happy fishing!

SA Dating might be hilarious. Perhaps a side forum with a 10 buck registration fee.

Zack_Gochuck
Jan 3, 2007

Stupid Wrestling People

Something Awful can't even handle an OK Cupid thread without drama. Giving a bunch of desperate singles with aspergers an avenue to touch each other's no-nos never works out for some reason.

Zack_Gochuck fucked around with this message at Sep 30, 2013 around 16:37

Police Automaton
Mar 17, 2009


It's funny how people made lots of fun about internet dating years ago and now it's just what many people do. It has the advantage that you meet women you'd never meet otherwise. Lets face it, if you're not in college anymore and hold down a normal job with normal hours your options are kind of limited. I'd give it a shot, internet is not only for nerds anymore, many normal people use it! Just don't do that thing where you talk for years without never even having met and move fast to move it into irl-dating.

Gatts
Jan 2, 2001



My experience with online dating are, be tall, be good looking, be tall, and the profile that winks at you will disappear once you sign up and end up wasting money for months, and...be tall.

But yeah, the concept can be similar to college. Activities and hobbies where you can casually meet and hang out with, volunteering or athletic (Yoga? Dance, etc.) and have a shared experience and whatnot.

Try hosting a party? Inviting friends and their friends and acquaintances over?

Dog Blogs Man
Apr 16, 2007

how are you gentlemen i am a god amongst goons

Any girl I've ever met up with from the internet has been either criminally obese (not evident in photos) or just a head case who instantly clung to me despite the awkwardness and lack of anything in common. I'm tall but not photogenic so any decent looking girl never responds to me. Still, worth a try, as it has more than zero girls available to you!

As people have said, hobbies will help.

fuck the ROW
Aug 29, 2008

i just want your sufferings ~ your bloods and fluid ~ your stupid fucking tiny skeleton ~

Yeah, internet dating is sort of wading in the fat end of the pool, but those girls will put out for liquor and a pizza so it's a low effort activity. Start there and work your way up to someone with their own car. Good luck OP!

Bananaquiter
Aug 20, 2008

Ron's not here.

All the places I've volunteered at have mostly women volunteers (wildlife rehabilitation centers and pet rescues).

Save animals, get laid.

Tiny Brontosaurus
Aug 1, 2013


Dog Blogs Man posted:

Any girl I've ever met up with from the internet has been either criminally obese (not evident in photos) or just a head case who instantly clung to me despite the awkwardness and lack of anything in common. I'm tall but not photogenic so any decent looking girl never responds to me. Still, worth a try, as it has more than zero girls available to you!

As people have said, hobbies will help.

Do you have to go to jail for being ugly or is it just fat girls who do?

Dr Strangepants
Nov 26, 2003

Mein Führer! I can dance!

Lots of good advice in this thread.

It doesn't sound like you need it, but I just want to offer a word of encouragement to you or any other goons who feel a bit old for never having a girlfriend. I have a friend who, at 27 years old, started trying to date for the first time. He is super nerdy, a bit socially mal-adjusted, and was definitely intimidated by the opposite sex. It took him a lot of work - internet dating, group activities, speed dating, and repeat. It did not come naturally to him but he treated "becoming socially acceptable to women" like a project and didn't give up. He eventually felt comfortable and landed himself a super awesome girl who he should probably propose to at this point.

I just became 30 and single this month. gently caress.

waffle
May 12, 2001
HEH


Gatts posted:

SA Dating might be hilarious. Perhaps a side forum with a 10 buck registration fee.
How soon we forget the catastrophe that was Goon Love Is The Best Love. A hilarious catastrophe, but a catastrophe nonetheless.

amarantinesky
Aug 29, 2013



I'm going to second what a lot of people have said. Internet dating might seem awkward or overwhelming, but you actually get to screen people quite a bit and get to know their interests before you meet them in person. You get some nice experience with first dates and, at the very least, you get to visit good restaurants, see movies, and go to bars, which is a nice benefit. It's a lot easier to break off a fling with a person you know from the internet than with, say, a mutual friend or a coworker, and you won't have to run into them and embarrass yourself if the date went poorly. Honestly, it's the best and easiest way to get experience. I have female friends who are really attractive, athletic, intelligent, and fun who have met a lot of people on OK Cupid, so ignore all the people complaining about how the women on there are ugly.

Hobbies are good but yours might be too male-centric. Volunteering and taking classes are awesome options, especially since a lot of them are female-dominated. A lot of people keep to themselves at the gym and might not want to be approached when they are gross and sweaty, but that's just my experience.

Basically, do things that you enjoy and explore new interests. Even if it doesn't lead to a girlfriend, you have discovered something new, improved your dating skills, and had a good time.

RadioPassive
Feb 26, 2012



Bananaquiter posted:

All the places I've volunteered at have mostly women volunteers (wildlife rehabilitation centers and pet rescues).

Save animals, get laid.

God this just seems so creepy to me. "So what brings you to the animal shelter today?" "Oh, you know. The women."

Gatts
Jan 2, 2001



RadioPassive posted:

God this just seems so creepy to me. "So what brings you to the animal shelter today?" "Oh, you know. The women."

If the internet has taught me something, its that everything anyone ever does to date is creepy unless the two turn out to like each other. Then its sweet and stuff.

Dr Strangepants
Nov 26, 2003

Mein Führer! I can dance!

amarantinesky posted:

A lot of people keep to themselves at the gym and might not want to be approached when they are gross and sweaty, but that's just my experience.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that a number of female friends have told me that they do not want to be hit on at the gym. I think it might be a universal rule.

Stormageddon
Jan 16, 2008
I am actually just a sentient program made to shitpost, and am still getting my human speed calibration down.

The juice bar or coffee shop near the gym is a better bet.

Tiny Brontosaurus
Aug 1, 2013


Making friends in group classes can also be less imposing than just approaching someone in the middle of a set. There's small talk fodder at hand - "I like this new instructor!" "Wow that one move is kicking my rear end, how about you?" "Oh hey, I see your shirt/bag/water bottle, did you go to [place people get gym swag from, like charity races or whatever]?"

Just try not to be That Guy in Every Yoga Class, aka specifically sign up for otherwise all-female classes and methodically hit on every woman there.

pathetic little tramp
Dec 12, 2005

HE IS GLISTEN


See a pretty girl walking on the sidewalk, pull up close to her and honk your horn as long as you can, look directly into her eyes and do not blink, she will be yours.

Corn Thongs
Feb 13, 2004


pathetic little tramp posted:

See a pretty girl walking on the sidewalk, pull up close to her and honk your horn as long as you can, look directly into her eyes and do not blink, she will be yours.

I had this happen to me once. I may have screamed out in surprised and a little bit of you know fear but was definitely, definitely wooed.

Noblesse Obliged
Apr 7, 2012

damn dirty ape


RadioPassive posted:

God this just seems so creepy to me. "So what brings you to the animal shelter today?" "Oh, you know. The women."

"The females" would make it perfect.

Jeffrey
Dec 22, 2005
mildly retarded



How serious/important does an activity have to be such that socialization isn't an acceptable end-goal of attending? Like sure, animal welfare more important than making friends, so that's creepy. Where is the line? Ugg, that Tom, I'm starting to think he doesn't care about beer league ping pong AT ALL. He's just here to make friends, what a creep.

Obviously just being that guy who shows up somewhere to hit on every woman isn't welcome, but I don't think "meeting women" or "socializing" are unacceptable goals when choosing how to spend one's time. It isn't like this is a thread about finding things to do and someone snuck in a "AND THERE ARE GIRLS THERE" as if that was the appeal in the first place, it is specifically a thread about meeting women.

Obviously I don't mean that every guy has carte blanche to hit on every women at the gym, working the cash register, walking down the street, etc, but attending social activities for the purpose of socializing seems pretty aboveboard.

Jeffrey fucked around with this message at Sep 30, 2013 around 21:21

LLJKSiLk
Jul 7, 2005

We don't need a crystal ball to see the future. Roll Tide.

amarantinesky posted:

I'm going to second what a lot of people have said. Internet dating might seem awkward or overwhelming, but you actually get to screen people quite a bit and get to know their interests before you meet them in person.

Only if they are honest. Plenty of "cut off 50 lb" angle photos, face-only pics while claiming to be "Athletic" and turning out to be hambeast, close-mouth smiled until you meet them and see how much meth is in their past, "Oh forgot to tell you I'm still married... figured I'd bring it up now because we hit it off so well!", "Oh, did I forget to mention that I have herpes?", "Oh that guy beating down the door? Well... he's my boyfriend." and other gems. Thankfully I managed to avoid the worst of it when I tried online dating a few years ago.

Maybe it is different in different places. Here in Alabama, everyone is fat std-infested methheads with mental problems. The ones who are actually pretty end up being emotional trainwrecks and start carving your name into their skin while screaming "Why don't you love me?" if you are hesitant about a second meeting. Only slight hyperbole here.

Jabarto
Apr 7, 2007

I could do with your...assistance.


Bananaquiter posted:

All the places I've volunteered at have mostly women volunteers (wildlife rehabilitation centers and pet rescues).

Save animals, get laid.

Tiny Brontosaurus posted:

Just try not to be That Guy in Every Yoga Class, aka specifically sign up for otherwise all-female classes and methodically hit on every woman there.

These are both true. I volunteer at a birds of prey rehabilitation center, and yes, there are considerably more women than men there. However, I've had a lifelong interest in birds (especially raptors) and take pride in being able to help them. The prospect of meeting women there isn't lost on me, but it's a side benefit at best, and it'd be skeevy as hell to go there just to hit people up.

enbot
Jun 7, 2013


LLJKSiLk posted:


Maybe it is different in different places. Here in Alabama, everyone is fat std-infested methheads with mental problems. The ones who are actually pretty end up being emotional trainwrecks and start carving your name into their skin while screaming "Why don't you love me?" if you are hesitant about a second meeting. Only slight hyperbole here.

I was going to say, I'm guessing everyone who's had overall bad experiences on OKC did it in a lovely part of the country.

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amarantinesky
Aug 29, 2013



LLJKSiLk posted:

Only if they are honest. Plenty of "cut off 50 lb" angle photos, face-only pics while claiming to be "Athletic" and turning out to be hambeast, close-mouth smiled until you meet them and see how much meth is in their past, "Oh forgot to tell you I'm still married... figured I'd bring it up now because we hit it off so well!", "Oh, did I forget to mention that I have herpes?", "Oh that guy beating down the door? Well... he's my boyfriend." and other gems. Thankfully I managed to avoid the worst of it when I tried online dating a few years ago.

Maybe it is different in different places. Here in Alabama, everyone is fat std-infested methheads with mental problems. The ones who are actually pretty end up being emotional trainwrecks and start carving your name into their skin while screaming "Why don't you love me?" if you are hesitant about a second meeting. Only slight hyperbole here.

I'm sorry your experiences were so terrible, but I don't think that's the norm. It kind of sounds like you live in a place where you don't have much in common with anyone - maybe you should relocate? I've always had long conversations with people before I met them in person and so there were never any huge surprises. The person probably isn't as attractive in real life as they are in a photo (obviously everyone is going to choose the most flattering picture available) but I wouldn't dismiss someone as a partner because they were more overweight / shorter / whatever than their profile led me to believe. Again, if you talk to someone for a while and get to know them, you will probably have some idea if they are married, a meth addict, actually athletic, etc.

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