It's kinda like craigslist, but for kids: The Adoption Thread

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > It's kinda like craigslist, but for kids: The Adoption Thread

PUGGERNAUT: Nov 14, 2013; I AM INCREDIBLY BORING AND SHOULD STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD IN THE POLITICS THREAD

My husband and I are definitely wanting to adopt sometime in the future - like, 8-10 years from now. The problem is, I take meds for depression, and I've heard that mental illness will keep you from being able to adopt. Is that true? Cause that'd really suck

# ? Jan 5, 2014 05:44

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 20:40

silicone thrills: Jan 9, 2008; I paint things

PUGGERNAUT posted:

My husband and I are definitely wanting to adopt sometime in the future - like, 8-10 years from now. The problem is, I take meds for depression, and I've heard that mental illness will keep you from being able to adopt. Is that true? Cause that'd really suck

Well that would suck. I've got diagnosed chronic depression and a big reason I want to adopt is because I don't want to pass it on. (MIL, Mother, Father all are bipolar as well so there's that) :smith:

Mine is very well controlled with diet, exercise, and sleep though. So that's a huge benefit for a kid is that i've really got my poo poo together on that aspect.

# ? Jan 5, 2014 09:55

Princess Nebula: Aug 15, 2013; Prancerising in your dreams.

Another adoptee here. I was adopted from birth and am 22 now. My parents have told me the crazy hoops they had to jump through to get me. Social workers coming in every few weeks to see how the family environment was (my older brother was 8 or 9 at the time), all the paperwork and waiting; like everyone else has said, they make sure that baby is going somewhere good.

Oh, and we were in Arkansas for one year, where they asked my mom if my brother and I were "black or white" so they could put us in the school lines correctly. We have photos where there is a line of white kids, then my brother or myself, then the black kids. The racism was insane. For the record, my mother is white and father is Japanese. My brother is their bio-kid, and I'm Korean/Spanish.

Princess Nebula fucked around with this message at 00:56 on Jan 11, 2014

# ? Jan 11, 2014 00:49

sbaldrick: Jul 19, 2006; Driven by Hate

We are going for our first meeting with an agency next month, we are very nervous about it.

Also my doctor just got back from adopting in China and said it was great, I've heard it has become a clusterfuck in recent years.

# ? Jan 21, 2014 17:23

salisbury shake: Dec 27, 2011

Princess Nebula posted:

Oh, and we were in Arkansas for one year, where they asked my mom if my brother and I were "black or white" so they could put us in the school lines correctly. We have photos where there is a line of white kids, then my brother or myself, then the black kids. The racism was insane.

Context?

# ? Jan 21, 2014 18:59

Thwomp: Apr 10, 2003; BA-DUHHH; Grimey Drawer

sbaldrick posted:

We are going for our first meeting with an agency next month, we are very nervous about it.

Also my doctor just got back from adopting in China and said it was great, I've heard it has become a clusterfuck in recent years.

I'd actually heard China tightened up its adoption market of late but any changes to adoption laws can cause clusterfucks.

Also, high five agency buddy. Just got the applications in my email today. Already met with a lawyer but still have to find a lawyer in our birthmom's state.

# ? Jan 21, 2014 20:59

Grenade Gazelle: Apr 19, 2007

My brother and sis-in-law just adopted two little girls through the foster system. Ages 5 and 7. It was finalized at the end of last year. It's really been an exciting process. My brother and his wife filled out all the paperwork long before it was due and went above and beyond what was required of them. I'm really happy about it because they are amazing people and amazing parents and both they and the girls deserve a good family. (but what kid doesn't deserve a good family?)
The girls came from a really messed up environment and some of the foster homes were pretty awful. For the first few months before they could be officially adopted, bro and SIL could tell that they were insecure and they thought that they weren't going to get to stay in our family forever. I think that it's subsided some though. (I think the finalization of the adoption and the showering of affection and gifts may have helped.)
It's really funny now because when they talk to my SIL about their old homes they say "mommy, a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away..."

They're doing really well in school now, and really coming along. I think that the fact that my brother and his wife are both really open, caring people helps a lot. Things couldn't really be going that much better than they are, and we all just feel really lucky.

# ? Jan 21, 2014 23:51

Princess Nebula: Aug 15, 2013; Prancerising in your dreams.

salisbury shake posted:

Context?

My dad got a job offer and took it. We had a great, big house in Little Rock that we never wanted to leave because racism. School moms always asked mine why she would "date outside of her race". But before this gets off topic, I'm a happy and pretty well-adjusted adopted kid.

# ? Jan 23, 2014 00:48

Thwomp: Apr 10, 2003; BA-DUHHH; Grimey Drawer

Bumping this thread to report that we've successfully had our first home study meeting with our caseworker, scheduled our next two individual meetings, and we are going to get fingerprinted today. Yay bureaucracy!

But seriously, I never thought I'd be happy to complete a ton of paperwork (including a fire escape plan from the house which I would've loved to answer with "run screaming from the house with the child").

Also, I've never seen my house as clean as we had it for that first meeting. My wife's eyes about popped out when the caseworker informed us they usually do the inspection/walkthrough on the last visit. But she was really nice and said if it was ready now that it'd be fine to do it right then.

# ? Feb 24, 2014 14:35

Moral_Hazard: Aug 21, 2012; Rich Kid of Insurancegram

Bumping this thread too as the OP has some good information. My wife and I suffer from infertility so I'm starting to look at adopting. I was kind of shocked doing some internet research at how involved the process is.

# ? Mar 19, 2014 21:16

T.S. Smelliot: Apr 23, 2010; by FactsAreUseless

For what it's worth and if the OP doesn't mind, I am a child protective services case manager (technically Department of Children and Families) in Florida. The "case worker" the OP frequently mentions. While I am not strictly an adoptions case manager and more of a child safety case manager (I'm the guy who gets involved in child abuse/neglect cases and sees them through rather than strictly the adoption process), quite a few of the children in my custody have met TPR (termination of parental rights) as their outcome and I have a pretty good understanding of the process. If anyone has any questions (especially relating to Florida, however the process is more or less the same nationwide) I would be happy to speak about my experiences or offer advice. PM me or post ITT.

# ? Mar 20, 2014 01:09

T.S. Smelliot: Apr 23, 2010; by FactsAreUseless

Fluffy Bunnies posted:

With permission given, I thought it might be nice to have a thread for people who want to adopt, have given up a kid or have adopted to chat about all the hoops they jumped through to give a kid a home (or get a kid into a home). Foster parents are totally welcome here too, since fostering and adopting tend to deal with some of the same civil service agencies, laws and red tape. I'm no know-it-all on this subject, but I've been studying for a while and I have family that foster. If you have a different opinion or different experience or have heard different terms for things, I'm happy to add your information to the OP too if you want it in there.

I want to adopt a (white, perfectly healthy) baby!

Then you want a private adoption or potentially an overseas adoption from another country. Wait lists for healthy, white infants from a lot of agencies take a while in a lot of instances.
In Florida, the "closed" adoption process you mention generally goes like so:

An abuse report is called in to the Florida abuse hotline, and the hotline operator decides whether the caller's claim has enough merit to warrant sending a child protective investigator to investigate the call, and if so, they assign a response time to the call (immediate, 24 hours, 48 hrs, etc). The CPI will investigate the case and they will assign a status of "no indicators, not substantiated or verified" findings. If they determine a case is severe enough to warrant DCF involvement, the Sheriff's office will notify us and we hold what is called an ESI staffing, or Early Intervention Services staffing where we meet with the CPI and their supervisor, myself and my supervisor, and anyone else relevant to review the case and facts of the case and then the case is transferred to me. From there I am responsible for more or less literally every aspect of the child's life from where they stay, who they stay with, what services they receive, what the parents must do to get their kids back, etc. We hold what is called an Arraignment hearing before a judge, whereupon the parents are allowed to enter their plea to the accusations of child abuse or neglect. One important thing to note is that the parents are not to enter a plea of "guilty or innocent" but rather "consent to adjudication" or "deny allegations" in which case a trial will be held to further investigate the case. 99.9999% of cases I've seen result in the parents consenting. There is no "guilty" plea. Depending on the jurisdiction, the court will combine the arraignment hearing with the disposition hearing which determines what the parents need to do in order to get their children back. This is generally a case plan, written by the case worker with a set list of tasks the parents need to do in order to demonstrate the needed behavioral changes in order to be better parents. They include everything from substance abuse treatment, parenting classes, psychological/psychiatric evaluations, domestic violence intervention, etc. and are generally accepted as treatment methods for neglectful parents. The law of the state demands we establish permanency for a child in state custody within 12 months. There are many exceptions/extenuating circumstances to different cases however generally speaking if the parents are unable or unwilling to meet the requirements of their case plan or at least demonstrate they are unwilling, we will have the Assistant State's Attorney request a goal change changing the goal of the case plan from reunification to something like permanent guardianship if appropriate, or adoption. In the case of adoption we need to move forward with initiating a full-blown trial which is called informally among us "TPRing" or termination of parental rights. Then the child is as the OP said, free for adoption. In many cases, the foster parents who cared for the child during the dependency process move to adopt the child(ren) in their care.

If you adopt a kid over x years old, it'll slit your throat in your sleep!

So could a kid you birth, a kid you adopt as an infant or a kid sleeping over. Any kid can do something terrible. Is the likelihood greater with a kid from the foster system? Probably not. Most kids in foster care situations have a good documented history by their case worker as to what's happened to them. If you aren't up for dealing with it that's fine.

There are tons of kids who are older, even 16+ who recognize the love shown to them by their foster parents and return the best way they know how. Even children with behavioral issues will return the love shown to them a hundredfold if the right parents are ready to meet their unique needs, please consider adopting an older child if you are willing to explore it.

But a case worker could lie to you!

They could. Or they could do a poo poo job in taking care of the kid's history and general well-being and information. From my experience, most of them don't.

lmao yeah we all want to lose our jobs immediately and/or be brought up on criminal charges for perjury

It costs a lot of money.

This depends on the state and what your job has to say about it. Specifically, since my husband's in the military, if we want to adopt a kid privately we'd get funding to help us along if we applied for it. If we want to adopt a kid via foster care, we'd probably have it paid for. There are other jobs that help people out with adoption costs, too. Private adoptions are, in general, the most expensive adoptions out there and the ones you hear in the five+ digits. That isn't to say every private adoption is expensive though.

exactly what the OP said, it really depends widely. In Florida unless you go through some sort of specific adoptions agency it costs nothing. Most foster parents are doing US the favor by fostering and receive funds accordingly, not the other way around.

What about the kid's birth parents?

Kids with parental rights terminated (aka "free for adoption") won't have any contact with their parents, though they might with other family members. You may or may not have information on the kid's birth parents. If you have a closed adoption, it's very unlikely the birth parents will ever be in the picture again and that most likely goes for the rest of their family.

in most cases, exactly this. There ARE exceptions, but it is not the rule. Most of the time if we/I elect to move with TPRing parents, that's it. The parents are gone from the child's life in any meaningful sense.

What's the difference between an open adoption and a closed adoption?

This varies a little depending on states, but generally it's the difference between the birth parents (and their families) being involved in the kid's life, and all of them being cut completely out (usually due to legal reasons, but not always). With babies it's not as big of a deal until they're older, but with kids who are involved in closed adoptions out of foster care situations it can be a lot rougher and come with some abandonment feelings, or worse.

This is extremely a case by case kind of thing, so if there are any questions please ask!

I want to adopt 1 kid out of this sibling group!

Talk to their case worker about it. In days long passed, sibling groups were frequently split up without a blink of an eye. These days, it's a lot harder to get one or two kids out of a larger sibling group. The general opinion is that the kids are better off together or split into clumps amongst foster care/homes instead of cut into ones and twos. They may or may not be willing to split families up. If they aren't, maybe it's not meant to be.

yeah, here at least, it's hard as gently caress to do so unless you are willing to take the package deal or have your lawyer make an EXTREMELY compelling (Jonnie Cochrane tier) argument that the siblings need to be separated for their own good.

I want a red haired kid with blue eyes and freckles that weighs 24 pounds and-

You want a specific kind of kid? That's great that you know who you're looking for. You might be in for as long of a wait as the couple looking for a white, healthy newborn. That said, most agencies and departments have plenty of checkboxes for you to fill in and your home study will tell them a lot about you too.

lol I've never even heard of this poo poo but again adoptions strictly speaking isn't my area of specialty. You don't get to decide you want a kid with blonde hair and blue eyes because demanding that sort of thing by itself kind of lets us know immediately you're probably a shitbag definitely not fit to take a kid.

What the gently caress is a home study?

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_homstu.cfm puts it in better words than I ever could. Home studies are pretty intense for people who are intending to adopt. They're one of the biggest steps.

I have done dozens and dozens of home studies. It sometimes is off-putting for example if you want to adopt a child and have mom/sister/dad/roommate/whoever living with you? Expect more or less a national security clearance kind of background screen and investigation before we even consider moving forward with the process. In other words be drat sure everyone in your household is kosher. We don't really give a gently caress if your roommate was arrested 2 years ago of minor drug charges or whatever but if he/she did something serious or related to child abuse or neglect, expect very very serious scrutiny.

I'm an atheist/hindu/buddhist/pagan/non-christian. Do I have a chance in hell of adopting a kid?

Yep! Religion (or lack there of) is usually a part of your home study. Don't expect christian-based agencies to play nice with non-christians though. Some do, and that's wonderful. There's others that may not, and even more that won't adopt outside of their specific denomination of christianity. If they say no, take it gracefully and go look elsewhere. There's tons of kids out there that need a home.

That isn't even a question really here, no one gives a gently caress what you are as long as the home is fit and safe and everyone in it is fit and safe.

I'm gay and-

Look into your state laws. Most likely, if your state allows gay marriage they probably allow gay adoption too, but I'm not an encyclopedia on it. There's forward motion in this area, but it's different everywhere.
In FL at least, again, no one gives a gently caress whatsoever and we don't ask.

[b]Okay, I've got my poo poo in order and I want to adopt a kid!

And this is where the title comes from. There's plenty of US-based online databases of kids that are up for adoption in all 50 states, though you'd have to go to them. Some are free for adoption, some aren't. Some are perfectly fine, others will need care all their lives. http://adoptuskids.org/ is a pretty heavily used site, complete with contacts for the people caring for the kids listed if you're actually ready to adopt right now.

[b]Resources

http://adoptuskids.org/
https://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/adoptive/
http://www.adoption.com/
http://www.dfps.state.tx.us/Adoption_and_Foster_Care/Adoption_Partners/Helpful_Resources/websites.asp (this one links from texas but it's good for all states)

# ? Mar 20, 2014 01:56

Thwomp: Apr 10, 2003; BA-DUHHH; Grimey Drawer

It's been an interesting month since I last posted.

Our background checks came back and we're not criminals. Yay? As an aside, this was the biggest obstacle and now that we're past it, it's only a final class or two to complete before we can submit it all for our foster-to-adopt license.

We also met the birth mother for the first time. It wasn't completely what we anticipated (in a good way). She wants us to have her baby, even though she feels the desire to keep him. It was more honest and less reserved than we were counting on.

I know every adoption is different but, as the adopting couple in this situation (adopted at birth), you always have this picture of the young mother who gives up the baby despite herself. While I'm sure those situations occur, it's still weird to be confronted with your own reality. She wants us to take him back to our home and love him and care for him. She was more freaked out about weird legal possibilities that would delay us from getting custody of him.

I think it puts us more at ease about how he will absorb all of this when he's older, knowing his birth mother didn't just give up on him but wanted the best for him. I don't know if that makes sense.

# ? Apr 11, 2014 19:49

silicone thrills: Jan 9, 2008; I paint things

Thwomp posted:

It's been an interesting month since I last posted.

Our background checks came back and we're not criminals. Yay? As an aside, this was the biggest obstacle and now that we're past it, it's only a final class or two to complete before we can submit it all for our foster-to-adopt license.

We also met the birth mother for the first time. It wasn't completely what we anticipated (in a good way). She wants us to have her baby, even though she feels the desire to keep him. It was more honest and less reserved than we were counting on.

I know every adoption is different but, as the adopting couple in this situation (adopted at birth), you always have this picture of the young mother who gives up the baby despite herself. While I'm sure those situations occur, it's still weird to be confronted with your own reality. She wants us to take him back to our home and love him and care for him. She was more freaked out about weird legal possibilities that would delay us from getting custody of him.

I think it puts us more at ease about how he will absorb all of this when he's older, knowing his birth mother didn't just give up on him but wanted the best for him. I don't know if that makes sense.

How did you end up getting in touch with the mother?

# ? Apr 12, 2014 00:05

Fluffy Bunnies: Jan 10, 2009

Thwomp is doing a private adoption. Contact with the mother (sometimes both parents) is pretty common

# ? Apr 12, 2014 01:10

silicone thrills: Jan 9, 2008; I paint things

Fluffy Bunnies posted:

Thwomp is doing a private adoption. Contact with the mother (sometimes both parents) is pretty common

I meant the private adoption period. Was it through a specific agency?

# ? Apr 12, 2014 02:44

Thwomp: Apr 10, 2003; BA-DUHHH; Grimey Drawer

Tigntink posted:

I meant the private adoption period. Was it through a specific agency?

No, it was through a mutual friend.

Edit: I should say that we were put in touch with each other via a mutual friend. An agency has been working with us to get the foster license and home study done.

# ? Apr 12, 2014 02:56

Herstory Begins Now: Aug 5, 2003; SOME REALLY TEDIOUS DUMB SHIT THAT SUCKS ASS TO READ ->>

Tigntink posted:

When it comes to the home visit - is it reasonable to say "this level of the house will be the child's play area" and only do serious child proofing in that area? I've got a quad split and only the top two levels would really be kid area until it's older. I see most people set their houses up this way but i'm not sure how anal retentive the home visit is.

I'm still sort of blown away by how detailed the adoption process is. Any rear end in a top hat can bang and make a kid but trying to be responsible and not pass on genetic crap means you have to jump through so many hoops and it isn't covered by insurance the way birth and maternity care are. It's all worth it in the end but it just seems so surprising to me.

It has a lot to do with how the quality of home life for the first 10 to 15 years of life makes an unbelievably huge impact on the rest of a kid's life. People who go spend years in really neglectful/abusive environments have a tragically bad prognosis.

# ? Apr 12, 2014 03:33

Cuntellectual: Aug 6, 2010

I don't really have an interest in having children or adopting them, but out of curiosity if you adopt a baby can you legally change their name?

# ? Apr 12, 2014 22:37

Juanito: Jan 20, 2004; I wasn't paying attention
to what you just said.

Can you repeat yourself
in a more interesting way?; Hell Gem

There are probably circumstances where you can't, and I doubt it's a good idea for older kids.

But my cousin and wife adopted 2 year old twins, and they changed their names.

# ? Apr 12, 2014 23:13

Cuntellectual: Aug 6, 2010

Juanito posted:

There are probably circumstances where you can't, and I doubt it's a good idea for older kids.

But my cousin and wife adopted 2 year old twins, and they changed their names.

Yeah, I said baby because I think it'd be hard to get used to for older kids.

Then again they might be more then happy to depending on circumstance.

# ? Apr 14, 2014 02:32

Thwomp: Apr 10, 2003; BA-DUHHH; Grimey Drawer

Anatharon posted:

Yeah, I said baby because I think it'd be hard to get used to for older kids.

Then again they might be more then happy to depending on circumstance.

At least for infant adoptions, the child is issued a new birth certificate once the adoptions is finalized 6 months after birth (with the adoptive parents listed as the parents). This is when adoptive parents can legally change the infant's name.

The old birth certificate (with the child's birth name, if different) is then sealed by the court.

# ? Apr 14, 2014 13:28

Pinball: Sep 15, 2006

Are adoption agencies generally okay with single women wanting to adopt? I'd like to adopt a kid maybe eight or ten years down the line, and if I don't end up with a partner, I'd still want to go through with it.

# ? Apr 14, 2014 18:32

Agent Burt Macklin: Jul 3, 2003; Macklin, you son of a bitch

Pinball posted:

Are adoption agencies generally okay with single women wanting to adopt? I'd like to adopt a kid maybe eight or ten years down the line, and if I don't end up with a partner, I'd still want to go through with it.

Depends on the agency - if you ask up front they will be honest with you about it and let you know if it is an issue. This would be something you would know from talking to them just once!

Agencies with a religious affiliation can sometimes be tricky in this area because they often require that the couple be straight and married in order to qualify. But you'll see those agencies coming from a mile away.

# ? Apr 14, 2014 20:46

Thwomp: Apr 10, 2003; BA-DUHHH; Grimey Drawer

It was our understanding with our agency that they'll pretty much accept anyone to adopt. Obviously everyone's circumstances are different but so long as you are mentally fit, stable, not a convict and you've got steady employment, there's no reason you can't adopt.

My wife and I were surprised to learn how much the adoption situation has shrunk from about 30-40 years ago. The reason you hear more about international adoption is that domestically, there's something like 60% fewer kids in the adoption/foster care system.

Also re: religious affiliated agencies, check to see what they require. They may have started as religiously-affiliated but there's been so much consolidation among agencies that their policy changed as they incorporated other agencies (like our has Lutheran in the name of the agency but it has no religious requirement). Some still do but they'll be up front about it at least.

# ? Apr 14, 2014 21:17

silicone thrills: Jan 9, 2008; I paint things

Does this agency and it's fees look normal?

http://amaraparenting.org/adopt/

http://amaraparenting.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/Fee-Schedule_Glance_Nov-2011.pdf

# ? Apr 14, 2014 21:47

Thwomp: Apr 10, 2003; BA-DUHHH; Grimey Drawer

Fees and such vary wildly depending on what kind of adoption you're looking for, how complicated it is, and what's services they include.

Some agencies (like The Cradle) steer you more towards their full package of adoption care while others are more ala carte. Note: this is not an indictment of The Cradle, just that your personal situation may not be a best fit with their packages.

My advice would be to seek out an attorney who specializes in adoption law. Many offer a free one hour consultation. They can recommend a few agencies you can call that would meet your specific adoption situation.

That all said, those fees look to be about in line with our agency's fees.

# ? Apr 14, 2014 21:57

silicone thrills: Jan 9, 2008; I paint things

Thwomp posted:

Fees and such vary wildly depending on what kind of adoption you're looking for, how complicated it is, and what's services they include.

Some agencies (like The Cradle) steer you more towards their full package of adoption care while others are more ala carte. Note: this is not an indictment of The Cradle, just that your personal situation may not be a best fit with their packages.

My advice would be to seek out an attorney who specializes in adoption law. Many offer a free one hour consultation. They can recommend a few agencies you can call that would meet your specific adoption situation.

Sounds good. Thanks. I'm just trying to go some leg work. I'm not going to push to adopt for a few more years but I kind of want to figure out what poo poo we need to have straight. My husband and I are a bit wishy washy on kids but I get the feeling my urge to have kids is going to get stronger as I get towards my 30s.

# ? Apr 14, 2014 21:59

Agent Burt Macklin: Jul 3, 2003; Macklin, you son of a bitch

Tigntink posted:

Sounds good. Thanks. I'm just trying to go some leg work. I'm not going to push to adopt for a few more years but I kind of want to figure out what poo poo we need to have straight. My husband and I are a bit wishy washy on kids but I get the feeling my urge to have kids is going to get stronger as I get towards my 30s.

The other thing is your state has a list of licensed adoption agencies - that is a good place to look as well. Somewhere on your state website, it's there.

# ? Apr 14, 2014 22:05

silicone thrills: Jan 9, 2008; I paint things

Kelly posted:

The other thing is your state has a list of licensed adoption agencies - that is a good place to look as well. Somewhere on your state website, it's there.

Found it. http://www.dshs.wa.gov/pdf/ca/exchange.pdf !

# ? Apr 14, 2014 22:14

Agent Burt Macklin: Jul 3, 2003; Macklin, you son of a bitch

Tigntink posted:

Found it. http://www.dshs.wa.gov/pdf/ca/exchange.pdf !

There's even a few of the larger ones on there that have local offices in your state.

# ? Apr 14, 2014 22:27

silicone thrills: Jan 9, 2008; I paint things

Kelly posted:

There's even a few of the larger ones on there that have local offices in your state.

Yeah, looks like this one is a multi state company but looking at their website, facebook, etc makes it seem like it lines up with my progressive views.

http://www.openadopt.org/adoptive-parents

Here's an interesting article on domestic adoption wait times. http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=1618 It seems so optimistic.

# ? Apr 14, 2014 22:41

Agent Burt Macklin: Jul 3, 2003; Macklin, you son of a bitch

Tigntink posted:

Yeah, looks like this one is a multi state company but looking at their website, facebook, etc makes it seem like it lines up with my progressive views.

http://www.openadopt.org/adoptive-parents

Here's an interesting article on domestic adoption wait times. http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=1618 It seems so optimistic.

We waited almost exactly two years, a good friend of mine only waited a couple months. Having adopted AND having worked at an adoption agency I will say that a good agency will be really upfront about this - there is no ebb, no flow.

The place we used was progressive as well. There were single parents who adopted - it's become fairly common according to our agency.

# ? Apr 14, 2014 22:51

Thwomp: Apr 10, 2003; BA-DUHHH; Grimey Drawer

Bumping this thread again to say my wife and I have been issued a foster-to-adopt license and our attorney is ready with all the paperwork so we're good to go to adopt once our son comes.

This must be what it feels like to be a jockey waiting in the stall for the race to start because we can't really do anything further until he's born. But once he is, everything (signings, court motions, court appearances, filings, and approvals) happens in the span of about a week.

As an aside, we've been really struggling with balancing our wants with our birthmother's requests. She wants to stop by while we're still in her area and visit the baby once we're all out of the hospital.

I don't know exactly why we were so hesitant to say yes at first. Maybe this whole situation has just been so different from a non-adoption birth that our expectations are still not aligned with reality. Meeting with her (and a few members of her family) would be good to know where our son comes from as well as family history/stories.

I'm not saying open adoptions are bad or anything of the sort but it certainly plays with your expectations, if nothing else.

# ? May 22, 2014 17:24

astr0man: Feb 21, 2007; hollyeo deuroga

Thwomp posted:

At least for infant adoptions, the child is issued a new birth certificate once the adoptions is finalized 6 months after birth (with the adoptive parents listed as the parents). This is when adoptive parents can legally change the infant's name.

The old birth certificate (with the child's birth name, if different) is then sealed by the court.

Bumping this thread to mention something, I was adopted as a baby (international adoption) and this is what happened with my name change. It recently came up when I was applying for a Korean visa, where I needed to prove that I had prior Korean citizenship. I had copies of my original Korean birth certificate + adoption paperwork with my Korean name on it, and my original US/Pennsylvania birth certificate + naturalization papers with my American name, but nothing with both names on it :v:

. It took a little while but eventually someone at the US adoption agency found a photocopy of a 1 page out of a court record that said "<korean name> shall henceforth be known as <american name>" and so on and luckily the Korean immigration people accepted it.

I guess the moral of the story is even if you do an infant adoption and do the name change you should keep records of both.

edit: So I just talked to my social worker and the adoption agency in Korea found my birth mom and she wants to correspond with me! She's currently married and I have an 11-year old half-sister. She never told anyone about me/the adoption besides my biological grandmother, so I don't know what will happen now, but I'm just glad she is alive and well and is open to at least talking with me

astr0man fucked around with this message at 22:08 on May 28, 2014

# ? May 28, 2014 18:26

Thwomp: Apr 10, 2003; BA-DUHHH; Grimey Drawer

Not that anybody cares but our adoption went through and we brought our son home earlier this month!

We've got lots of good pictures of him with us, his birth family, and all of us together.

Hopefully he doesn't grow up to be a broken human being thanks to all our forethought.

Edit: Pictures because, gently caress it, I'm a dad and this is awesome.

Newborn:

1 month:

Thwomp fucked around with this message at 15:26 on Jul 22, 2014

# ? Jul 22, 2014 14:49

sbaldrick: Jul 19, 2006; Driven by Hate

Thwomp posted:

Not that anybody cares but our adoption went through and we brought our son home earlier this month!

We've got lots of good pictures of him with us, his birth family, and all of us together.

Hopefully he doesn't grow up to be a broken human being thanks to all our forethought.

That's awesome, good job.

Canada is now a go to destination to adopted kids from Florida according to our lawyer.

# ? Jul 22, 2014 15:14

Juanito: Jan 20, 2004; I wasn't paying attention
to what you just said.

Can you repeat yourself
in a more interesting way?; Hell Gem

Thwomp posted:

Not that anybody cares but our adoption went through and we brought our son home earlier this month!

We've got lots of good pictures of him with us, his birth family, and all of us together.

Hopefully he doesn't grow up to be a broken human being thanks to all our forethought.

Congratulations, that is great!

# ? Jul 22, 2014 15:25

Thwomp: Apr 10, 2003; BA-DUHHH; Grimey Drawer

sbaldrick posted:

That's awesome, good job.

Canada is now a go to destination to adopted kids from Florida according to our lawyer.

Wait, Canada is adopting more kids from Florida or Florida is adopting more kids from Canada?

Because one of these is good and the other not so good for the kids.

# ? Jul 22, 2014 15:27

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 25, 2024 20:40

Juanito: Jan 20, 2004; I wasn't paying attention
to what you just said.

Can you repeat yourself
in a more interesting way?; Hell Gem

Thwomp, how much contact is the birth family going to have with your son, going forward? I'm curious.

Hopefully they're good people. I haven't adopted, but my family has had family friends experience heartbreak because the birth mother/father decide they do want their child back and make it a big legal situation. Sometimes it's because of pressure from other family members.

# ? Jul 22, 2014 15:30

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Ask/Tell > It's kinda like craigslist, but for kids: The Adoption Thread

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