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LorrdErnie
Oct 20, 2010

Dying for Old Tippecanoe's Cider Profits!


This thread is for posting your favorite quotes from the Something Awful forums. Please keep in mind that pictures and videos are not quotes. Only words are quotes.


If you want to talk about quotes you can also do that here I guess.

Cool Buff Man posted:

The golden rule of jokes is to call your butthole something else

Steve Glutenberg posted:

There's a lot of hosed up and weird people, on this comedy forum website, who do not ever post jokes, do not enjoy jokes or indeed even laughing, and have coined a derogatory term for people who make jokes. They're all missionaries drawn here by the allure of the fertile lands of videos of a severely asthmatic man playing Megaman games, and interesting philosophical quandries posted by the fake PTSD guy about the nature of doors and windows in Dungeons and Dragons. They are wise men here to educate a savage, uneducated, indigenous sort. It is a sonorous, musical form of education; a greasy collective amasses on the front line of the battle against social injustice, the video game subforum on a message board that has a drop down menu that makes light of the holocaust on every single page, and sings a shrill harmony that permeates the very aether, making my pets feel unsafe, when a video game muscle man calls Catwoman a bitch. They have picked their battles well, and I note from my foxhole that I am running out of ammunition, chiefly in the form of the increasingly finite number of ways I can frame this absurd situation with the English language. I clench my fists and yell "anime" towards an uncaring, absent God, and swear solemnly to press my thumbs into Chocolate America's eyeballs until he is blinded, to directly emasculate sporting figures, to beat the poo poo out of tumblr users with baseball bats, and to quietly appreciate what Waylon Smithers being gay means to me.

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mimetic poster
Jan 13, 2009



Previous quotes threads:



lmaoboy1998 posted:

nig nog tryin to get a hand beezy

Lottery of Babylon
Apr 25, 2012

STRAIGHT TROPIN'

Fister Roboto posted:

OK then. Someone else can make a quote thread with more rules and less fun.

Red Metal
Oct 23, 2012

Let me tell you about Homestuck



tehloki posted:

i am trying to understand why you think posting nig nog getting a hand breezy (which is a funny video for certain) and pictures of trains in the quotes thread will get brojo demodded or is a fun good time or funny for any person

Ruddha posted:

im sorry you don't think that's funny, but if that's the case, that is your problem and you shouldn't act as if other people having fun are bad.

Spanish Manlove
Aug 31, 2008

LAMIERDAROJA



This will forever be my favorite quote because the girl this was in response to didn't pay a single bit of attention to this post and instead was posting a few weeks later about how far in debt her fiancé should go when he buys the rings. I love America.

CISNAZI WEEDHITLER posted:

Go ask the career development folks at the MPF. Also pimp the TMO folks and ask them.

The final answer comes from one of those two sources. And in the end you have a 50/50 chance of being told the wrong thing anyway.

But you asked for thoughts, and after smoking a bowl and contemplating things, I had a thought I'd like to share with you.

Have you considered not marrying your fiancee?

I can count on one finger the number of guys that were USAF intel officers that I wouldn't line up outside the gas chambers if the fourth reich became a thing.

A few years from now, when you can't even stand to look at him without feeling a sense of extreme hatred and disappointment simultaneous to realizing that at 28 years old you spend 50% of your day thinking about becoming a divorcee, remember this advice: Run the gently caress away now.

Seriously, there is a 100% chance your fiancee is a tool and a loving nitwit. There is a 100% chance that he will be peer pressured into becoming a distilled version of fighter pilot gay bro'ness not by dudes that fly fighter jets, but other sperged out intel retard officers. He's going to start saying things like "Check, Rodge, Vector, Burner" and other associated lame as gently caress things, while also sometimes randomly wearing a flightsuit to work on Fridays despite his only flight time being the fam flight he poo poo his pants or puked his guts up during.

Also he's going to cheat on you. Oh man is he going to cheat on you. And there is a not too bad chance that it won't be with some good looking gal, but rather some dumb bitch enlisted intel girl that almost got a degree in psychology from her podunk state school before she decided she hated the taste of gargling frat sperm and dropped out and joined up to get a chance at being the hottest little twat in a windowless SCIF in Japan.

But don't worry about that breaking your heart, he'll never tell you. You'll be too busy caring for the 3-4 kids he demands you squeeze out in repayment to the base model BMW 3 series he's going to buy you when he gets to his second assignment at Tinker AFB.

When he's not deep dicking some borderline inbred dipshit Airman who's a civilian 5 and intel 12, he'll be lording over you how his job and career come first, and pray he doesn't make more money than you because that'll come up everytime you sigh audibly at the dinner table where you two will passive aggressively try to grind down each others will to live and breathe.

By this point as a captain he's going to be TDY 1-2 months a year, where he's getting half assed hand jobs from third tier strippers on excursions with the least socially inept enlisted guys in his flight-- this is probably the point where his raging alcoholism will be so clear and obvious to you that you two will start fighting every saturday before kick off when his colleges football team inevitably will take a beating. This fight won't stop until his next TDY when the sweet release of his toothless stripper infidelities and lack of home presence gives you time to bust out your big giant purple *BZZZZZ* friend whenever those walking talking pants making GBS threads machines you call children fall asleep long enough to let you deaden the nerves in your clitoris.

Soon after he'll take his third assignment, the one right before he pins on Major, and suddenly he'll be pressuring you into becoming a fundamentalist christian, and he'll delete all of his whores off of his facebook account and spend his home time posting image macros about 2nd amendment rights, and how jesus spoke english in the bible so these loving mexicans should too. At this point you two will be consigned to bi-annual loving, and only when you've drank enough cheap boxed wind to be able to stand the idea of him pounding away on you missionary style but still refusing to look you in the eyes.

This will also be the point when your oldest childs ADHD and pyromania are diagnosed, and one of your parents die. There is around a 85% chance one of you is going to be eating zoloft and klonopin out of loving pez dispensers, and waking up angry that the sweet release of death hasn't taken one of you out of this loveless hosed up marriage.

Somewhere in here the idea of swinging is going to come up casually as an almost joke when you are both in the blissful release of a nice drunken buzz, and one of you will actually be very open and interested in the idea. The other is going to wind up being an unhappy accomplice wondering why your partner wants to gently caress almost chubby guys with spray on tans, or watch the sacred hole through which your children came into this world be filled with all manner of different ethnicities of cock.

I'm late to bring this up, but sooner rather than later you're also going to screen positive for HPV, and your intel officer husband is going to take every bit of research skills he has from his job to convince you that you got it from donating blood or sitting on a toilet seat.

You didn't get it from the Red Cross or a trip to the shitter.

As it stands now though, you can walk the gently caress away and enjoy a life that I'm pretty sure would be better than the above. And you'll never have to see the inside of an officers wives meeting which is a lovecraftian hell that makes my description of your future seem like Charlie's trip through the chocolate factory.

pig slut lisa
Mar 5, 2012

so hungey for burriot



Nice Davis posted:

I couldn't say, but I made an av if anyone wants it:



LorrdErnie posted:

File is too big.

Sinestro posted:

I ensmallened it.



LorrdErnie posted:

Awesome! Anyone have any text ideas?

Nice Davis posted:

Dying for Old Tippecanoe's cider profits!

Turncoat Mommy
Oct 3, 2010














Fulfilling Fister Roboto's last wishes:

Eggplant Wizard posted:

Forum Posting Guidelines

Each thread in PYF tends to have its own specific rules, so be sure to always read the OP before you post. In general, however, the following are in effect in PYF:

Stay on topic! Discussion is OK, derailing is not. If people are having fun and are interested and it doesn't go on too long (a good rule of thumb is to stop it before it becomes multiple pages), that's fine. Otherwise, it probably is either better suited for another subforum, or it's really stupid and you should just shut up. This goes triple for social justice arguments.

A two part rule: don't be a totally unfunny bigot rear end in a top hat, and don't be a social justice warrior, either. "enjoyable human being," "tranny," and "friend of the family" are not okay words in PYF. Equally, don't play language police or madpost about sociopolitical issues. Report and let the mods sort it out.

Post a short description when you post a youtube link or embedded video. People like to know what they're clicking on, and hell even if you have embedded video enabled, the title isn't always helpful.

No hardcore pornography: (edited by EPW, 10/29/12) You know, I bet the D&D mods never have to make rules like this Anyway, if you want to post hardcore porn, maybe you should go to a hardcore porn sharing site. If you can only jerk it knowing that other goons are wanking to the very same porn clips, then you should probably check in over at the Kink thread because that right there is your own fetish and I'm not going to kink-shame you but dude, poo poo ain't normal. Addendum 10/29: No porn of any kind.

Source your terrible quotes: (added by DrS on 17/11/12) Taking a leaf from the playbook of Sports Argument Stadium, our latest rule: if you post a quote from another forum, website, comment section, film, TV show or whatever, make it clear that it's a quote. Otherwise it will be treated as if it was your own post, and if it's probatable then you'll get probated. The mods will not be googling every terrible post to find out if it is original to the poster or taken from elsewhere.

Don't post just to say how grossed out you are. It's white noise and it's boring and obnoxious. This includes variations of "I don't want to live on this planet anymore" "That's a woman?" "Well that ruined my breakfast" or whatever. (Added by EPW 12/13/12)

Standard forum poo poo you need reminders about I guess because people do them all the time:

Don't be an awful poster. Examples include telling boring anecdotes, poor spelling/formatting, being Physical, baiting madposters, feeding obvious trolls, initiating obnoxious derails, being WickedIcon (added 12/6/12), being iluvlortab (added 12/13/12), etc.
Use caps & punctuation.
Don't use AOL/texting/stupid person typing, including LOL etc.
Don't use catchphrases or forum cliches (e.g. "I totally just spit out my milk all over my keyboard!" or "Wow that guy looks like a guy I know!" or "This gif totally syncs up with that song!" or "wow nice post/avatar combo!" or "omg I can't believe I found out [celebrity] died from the [thread name]!").
Label & link NWS images.
No image macros or memes (obviously the designated thread is okay for these but nowhere else).
Don't page snipe.
Post a pony, get a ban (EXCEPT in the bad fanart/deviantart threads & the fandom mocking thread).
Thumbnail or link images wider than 1200px.
Single-emoticon replies are usually stupid; use them with caution.
Don't be an internet detective. This includes posting identifying information of and/or harassing people who aren't goons, too.
Don't bring in outside drama from other threads or subforums unless it's really, really funny.
Don't post or link to child pornography or bestiality or other clearly illegal and immoral types of porn. This includes linking to sites that contain such content. That includes motherless which I guess is a terrible place. (added by EPW 10/21/12)


Don't report:

Spoiler abuse (it probably isn't).
People who hurt your feelings or disagree with you but haven't actually broken any rules.
Words on gifs that are clearly subtitles, not macros.


If you have questions about these, or about any other aspect of PYF, please feel free to post in the PYF QCS thread, or contact me or Backyard Blacksmith or Dr. Snofeld. All of us have PM's, and my email is eggplantwizard@somethingawful.com

plehsistential
Jan 29, 2012

death to all avatar havers

quote:

People who hurt your feelings or disagree with you but haven't actually broken any rules.

Thank goodness this forum has been following this rule!!!

Fat Twitter Man
Jan 24, 2007


Can I post a quote if it has both a picture and words? What if the words are on the picture? I want to tread carefully and avoid derailing.

LorrdErnie
Oct 20, 2010

Dying for Old Tippecanoe's Cider Profits!


Fat Twitter Man posted:

Can I post a quote if it has both a picture and words? What if the words are on the picture? I want to tread carefully and avoid derailing.

I tried a picture and words in the last thread and didn't get probated so you can probably do that one. If the words are on the picture you need to be careful because it might be an image macro! Make sure your word+picture combinations are comics instead. (not meme comics though)

Shifty Nipples
Apr 8, 2007



Shifty Nipples posted:

I need a thread where quotes are discussed because this quote is my favorite right now.

quote:

We had a vote and something awful has decided to all go Islamic. Allahu ackbar *pulls ripcord and a bunch of dildos fly out of my vest

COBRARocky
Jul 28, 2013



LorrdErnie
Oct 20, 2010

Dying for Old Tippecanoe's Cider Profits!


Corn Thongs posted:

What I've learned from this thread: if someone with a star next to their name writes glowing fanfic about you, you're gonna go places

Smoking_Dragon
Dec 12, 2001

WOE UNTO THEE

manyak posted:

Hello i would like to file a formal complaint against the gay GBS mod egg plant wizard, who has now : banned me on her birthday and then posted in the E/N Therapygoons megathread about how its her birthday and nobody even mentioned it, and all the therapy in the world cant get her to muster up the will to live when no one even cares about her ; probated me on New years eve and continued to post and ban variuos goons all through the night instead of leaving her home on new ytears eve. My request is that when a GBS mod bans me in the future they maintain the facade that they are cool normal guys who are not depressed retards who work for free moderating a lovely website on their own birthday/other holidays. I would also like to complain in advance about the following GBS bans

- Feb 14th 2013 : Probated for 7 days for asking if a dorrito is a chip in the chip megathread, eggplant wizard posts all through valentines day in Grognards.txt about how the dating pool is full of grognards
- Oct 31 2013: Banned for posting a picture of a rotten pumpkin in the pumpink carving megathread, eggplant wizard posts a picture of her dressed up as Kathy from the comic kathy for halloween and quickly edits the post to say "Edit: Nevermind. gently caress it" and gasses the thread
- Dec 25 2013: Permabanned for a boring troll in the PYF pictures of womens shaved bleached wet assholes thread, eggplant wizard posts on christmas day in the goon doctor asking for advice about a yeast infection

An old one but a good one!

An Angry Bug
Oct 29, 2012



Angry Diplomat posted:

My god, it's full of butt, part 1: the Cluwne factory

One of the round types in SS13 is Wizard, in which a powerful wizard is tasked with completing several objectives, while the crew must attempt to kill him. Wizards get access to a huge variety of spells, but can only choose four of them from the list at the start of the round; these are the spells they are limited to for the whole round.

One such spell is Curse of the Cluwne (at least, I think that's what it's called). This spell is generally considered a choice for "advanced" wizard players, since it has an extremely long cooldown, only targets one opponent, and can only be used at melee range, making it quite risky to use. It's still a popular spell, though, as it is far and away the griefiest spell of all. The Curse instantly transforms its victim into a Cluwne: a morbidly obese, subhuman, epileptic, brain-damaged, amazingly annoying ur-clown named "the cluwne" and wearing utterly hideous neon green clown clothing that is cursed and therefore cannot be removed. Cluwnes are traditionally marked for death by their non-cursed former comrades, and even when they manage to escape being murdered by an angry mob, they are so loving terrible at everything that their very existence is torment and they commonly wind up begging for death since their incredible incompetence can actually make it difficult for them to successfully commit suicide.

I have played in quite a few Wizard rounds, but one still sticks out as my absolute favourite. The wizard went on a Cluwney rampage that was funny as hell on its own, but the actions of one enterprising Roboticist turned the round from "hilarious" to "oh jesus my sides I'm dying over here" in no time flat. This ambitious soul retrieved a murdered Cluwne and dragged it back to his lab; ordinarily this would be a reason for the Cluwne to rejoice, since a Cluwne brain can still function perfectly normally if transferred into a cyborg, granting the player a new lease on life.

The Roboticist did not borg the Cluwne. He had other plans. Butt plans.

The deceased sad-clown was delivered to Genetics, where the Roboticist and a Geneticist entered into collusion. Now two people were in on the butt plans.

I have no idea what madness they got up to in there, but I do know that the second Roboticist was put on Butt Duty, bringing the known number of butt plan conspirators up to at least three. It is also likely that a delivery man was involved so as to speed the process along, as Butt Duty was a full-time job. All those butts had to come from somewhere, however:

They were cloning Cluwnes.


My god, it's full of butt, part 2: the buttening

The mastermind behind it all sat contentedly at his operating table and worked with astounding assembly-line efficiency. Behind him was a locker with a seemingly limitless number of twitching, honking, weeping Cluwnes stuffed into it; he would grab a Cluwneclone, slap it onto the table, neatly slice off its butt, indifferently cut out its brain, hurl the dead body and retarded brain down the disposal chute while he set the butt to one side, and repeat. The man on Butt Duty would then grab the Cluwne butt and slap a robot arm onto it, creating a Buttbot, a butt on wheels that served no purpose except to be a butt and say the word "butt."

The efficiency and hard work of the Butt Conspiracy paid off, and before long Medbay was entirely crammed with Buttbots, to the point where the entire area was rendered non-functional and impassable due to the surging ocean of little wheeled cyberbutts happily beeping "butt" in a tinny chorus. But(t) crowding was not the issue - Buttbots do one thing aside from simply say "butt" now and again. When a Buttbot hears someone speak, it has a chance to repeat what was said, with "butt" substituted in place of random words.

This became an issue when the Captain strolled into Medbay and was aghast at its sorry state. "What the gently caress is going on here?" he shouted.

The Buttbots chirped up in a gleeful, deafening chorus. "What the butt is butt on here?" "Butt the gently caress butt going on butt?" "What butt butt is going butt here?" and so on and so forth, in a disorienting wave of auditory butt. This infuriated the Captain further, but his hollering and order-giving only further excited the Buttbots, making it totally impossible for anyone nearby to hear what was said or get any idea of what the gently caress was going on amidst the titanic cacophony of butt. The Captain flew into a rage and decided to destroy all of the Buttbots, but he forgot that they leave smears of poo when destroyed; it was not long before he slipped head-over-heels and wound up prone and stunned in a puddle of human excrement, cursing relentlessly while the legion of Buttbots around him babbled back page upon page upon page of buttified imitation.

Seeing this, some jokester took a radio, turned on its microphone so that it would publicly broadcast anything it picked up, and tossed it into the room.

Well, poo poo, now nobody could hear anything. Every radio on the station became a hellish noise cannon, blasting out an incomprehensible wall of recursive butt laced with garbled cursing and butt-riddled mockeries of the crew's anguished cries for silence. At some point a bunch of the Buttbots came within hearing distance of the Cluwneclone closet; this is significant because Cluwnes will randomly and uncontrollably burst into fits of screamed honking. There were dozens of Cluwnes in that thing, and their eerie wails of HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK soon became a HONK HONK butt HONK butt blared forth from uncountable Buttbot speakers, received by the radio and broadcast throughout the station, magnifying upon itself until it was quite literally impossible to divine the slightest scrap of understanding from the game's text box as it was choked by dozens of pages of recursive buttspam per second. The Captain was helpless to stop it. The Roboticists were churning out Buttbots faster than he could destroy them, leaving him effectively stranded in the middle of the deafening, butt-packed hell that had once been Medbay.

I don't even know what the gently caress happened to that wizard, and I don't care. He was not the true villain of that round. The Robutticists were.

Sito
Apr 25, 2013


Jack Daniels posted:

I'm freaking pissed at that Other Forum Mod guy. loving poo poo, man....

Lumpy the Cook
Feb 4, 2011



Yonic Symbolism posted:

Why is /b/ posting here so much now.
When will the leave. Will they be gone if I go for a latte and come back.

Nanomashoes
Aug 18, 2012

have a sad cum bb

Pinterest Mom posted:

japanese character design can be just



this is the protagonist from final fantasy tactics advance ii


death .cab for qt posted:

there is just something immensely messed up about dressing a young boy up in knee high boots and hot pants imho

death .cab for qt posted:

but what do i know i never posted in tviv

EXTREME INSERTION
Jun 4, 2011

oh yeah


Fat Twitter Man posted:

Can I post a quote if it has both a picture and words? What if the words are on the picture? I want to tread carefully and avoid derailing.

Let's find out

HopperUK posted:

I googled 'feminist pie' and one of the results was this:



Awesome.

BgRdMchne
Oct 31, 2011

Put 'em up and tell
me that you love me.


"Very Strange Things" posted:

'Will anyone sleep with my Down's syndrome son?' Mother makes appeal for a lover for 21-year-old Otto

quote:

Like most mothers Lucy Baxter wants her child to live a fully rounded life - including the experience of a physical relationship and even finding love.
But her 21-year-old son Otto has Down's syndrome and has had trouble finding a partner.
So she is appealing for women to come forward so Otto can 'enjoy the same experiences as other men his age'. * She says she is even prepared to go so far as to pay for a prostitute for her adopted son. (see Plan B. at end.)

quote:

He says his ideal woman is television and radio presenter Fearne Cotton.

I googled who she was for you and this is her.

Unfortunately, she is dating Jesse Wood right now (son of The Rolling Stones' musical instrument player, Ronnie Wood).
Here she is with him:


As you can see, he doesn't look like he's playing with a full pack of chromosomes either, so it really isn't that much of a stretch for me to see this happening, a la the Feame Must Eats all Eggs, type of goonanigans.
Not that bad, Ms. Cotton. See?


This is how their child might look.


She looks an awful lot like a certain other special little lady doesn't she? That's right, Christina Ricci.


* Plan B. In Season 2, Episode 17 of Life Goes On, "Corky's Travels" ...

tv.com posted:

... Corky gets lost and wanders around the mean streets of Chicago. He meets a kindhearted, young hooker who gives him his first sexual experience-essentially a few long kisses. (The episode is intentionally vague over whether they went further.) Corky is shadowed (and mystically guided) throughout the evening by a semi-mythic blues singer, the great Leon Redbone.

So, does anyone have any connection with Redbone? Would he lend his expertise to this project?

Cpt. Spring Types posted:

Your mom seems pretty cool.

woozle wuzzle
Mar 10, 2012



Top Bunk Wanker posted:

Rob Thomas ft. Santana - Smooth

THE JORY
Jul 28, 2012



Shabooty posted:

my mom drives a ford fischer

Dissapointed Owl
Jan 30, 2008

You wrote me a letter,
and this is how it went:


Dilkington posted:

new ian curtis biopic looking good

little munchkin
Aug 15, 2010


Brother Jonathan posted:

Hi, I'm Big Butt Skinner

Guw
Jan 10, 2013


quote:

I don't think these guys are really making GBS threads up my thread that much, in fact I'd say their posts are quite humorous in the context of the ongoing chaos in PYF. As the OP do I get any say in what constitutes threadshitting, BroJo?

forbidden lesbian
Dec 18, 2012

 
 
No  Lain

All  Pain


Stick Figure Mafia posted:

This is my favorite thread.

Lumpy the Cook
Feb 4, 2011



quote:

StrawberryClock is the King of the Portal!

Taciturn Tactician
Jan 26, 2011

The secret to good health is a balanced diet and unstable healing radiation


Noni posted:

Considering the goon community, I can't believe I'm the first to mention this, but have you considered pillow mods? Forget about those expensive, off-the-shelf premium pillows and build your own pillow rigs that have the qualities that you desire. Heck, some of those fancy commercial pillows should be avoided for their outright theft of components and ideas that were developed in the pillmod community. Notably, Serta's FaceHugger line was recalled entirely after they realized the looming PR disaster that a bunch of sleep nerds would incite.

I've been into pillow modding for a few years now and have managed to improve my sleep efficiency index from 0.69 to 0.85 (I'm a class 4b sleeper). You can build a full-featured pillmod for less than $100. Hell, I've made a half-dozen models and not spent more than $200.

Before you start modding, you should heed the standard warning and check if you have sleep apnea or anything medically obstructive. Sure, your vanilla pillows are probably annoying to sleep on, but sleep apnea could be compounding the issue by permitting minor annoyances, like pillow temperature, to wake you easily. More importantly, a few people with pillmods have died while sleeping. Although many of us doubt the involvement of their mods (people who enter the community are prone to sleep issues in the first place), it's still good advice to follow.

If you do have sleep apnea, then pillmods should be hugely advantageous. In fact, the pillmod community began around sleep apnea machines (CPAPs) and their inconveniences, especially for those whose preferred sleep postures are obstructed by CPAP facepieces. The earliest mods involved simply cutting channels into memory foam pillows, and then using freezer gel inserts to cool the pillow. They would also have to reinforce the channel so that the weight of a person's head wouldn't crush the air tubes.

But now, especially with the availability of Arduino kits and cooling systems intended for electronics, there are hundreds of pillmods that you could complete in a few hours.

It seems like most people are drawn to do PCS projects for their first mods. That's fine, but be aware that the better PCS (Pillow Coolant Systems) typically are of moderate difficulty or higher. They are also costly and time-consuming, relative to other mods you could start with such as glowmods, larms, and just simply modding a pillow's material and shape to your headspace.

Here's my first glowmod larm, for example:



This is a good starter mod combination because people like it for light therapy and smooth awakenings. The pillow gradually gets brighter until your wake-up time. You can also set it to gradually get darker at night. It's the adult version of those Glow-Worms that infants love.

But if you are dead-set on a PCS mod, I suggest strongly that you forget about those flashy, complex pillmods that involve watercooled networks of capillaries or, even worse, active heat sinks (such as piezoelectric heat transfer plates). Instead, opt for something silent, passive, and/or battery-based. For example, I have build a mod called "The Vulcan Nerve Pinch" that will get you about 20 degrees F in cooling delta on soft air ducting alone. Yeah, that's not much, but don't be the guy who blows $300 on his first project and builds a pillow that gives his face hypothermia on the first test run.

Once you get some basic know-how, and you're beyond the flashy mods and ready for something purely functional, check out shape or volume mods. These will actively keep your head at the perfect elevation. JB_Artgow is well known for his expertise in this area. I'm using his Face-Lover v3 mod (Affectionately also known as "Face-Fucker v3") every night. That's where Serta hijacked their FaceHugger brand name from. Allegedly.

The Face-Fucker involves inflation and deflation of semi-rigid water bladders to redistribute the pow's volume. It sounds complex, but it's easy if you buy a parts kit. It uses a silent pump and osmotic gradients to work. You can calibrate it based on both your head's weight and angle. Unlike many other volume mods, this is one-mod-fits-all, so you don't have to design around your giant noggin.

Artgow also has a ebook on Amazon (It's only $2), with instructions for something like 100 mods. He doesn't make money on the book, but he does make a few pennies if you buy parts kits from him directly. This beats the poo poo out of finding a Radio Shack that still stocks diodes and capacitors.

Now I'd like to brag for a bit and talk about some of the more exciting, extreme pillmod possibilities, some of which I just warned you against doing. I'm in the middle of building a custom, arduino-controlled pow with about 12 different mods. Although piezoelectric coolers are all the rage right now, I'm sticking to good old fashioned microducting for cooling. However, I'm using infrared LEDs for heating. The latter are normally expensive, but Dealextreme sells them in bulk for cheap. I think they're sold out recently thanks to jerks like me, however.

I don't like a warm face. The heating mod is just for camping in the cold or when I want to use the pillow as a heating pad for sore muscles. Also: sheer awesomeness.

Here's a schematic (not mine):



As for straight-up ducted cooling, the next image is my take on how one spiderwebs their coolant ducts. You have to be careful here not to bend the tiny tubes more than about 60 degrees or put them in a position where your noggin might bend them. That might look complex, but I used only 4 channels with a coolant turnover (in this case, just water) of 2 seconds for the entire surface to cycle.



By the way, medical tubing works just fine, but make sure that it's both flexible and a directional heat conductor, like Vekspan, which is used for anastomosis. If you buy non-direction stuff, hose down the pow-side with some plastidip from your hardware store, or just throw down a layer of aluminized cloth. The lovely crinkly stuff costs a whopping $1 at Dollar Tree, labeled as an "emergency blanket." You can pilfer the softer stuff from a BBQ apron.

Once this thing is done, I intend to stress test it by running both the heating and cooling systems and letting them fight it out to the death. Of course, in a battle of the PCS vs PHS, I suspect the PHS will win and then torch my pillow.

This pillow is directional, obviously. Because I can't flip it over, I've build the base and core layers from flexible expanded polystyrene and ceramic fibers, which will probably give me mesothelioma eventually, but drat if I won't be well rested at least. I was inspired by a dude who made a low-rent version of aerogel so that he could win an award for "Lightest Pillow" at Pillowcon 2010. My pow, without the mod gear, weighs 2 ounces.

Now, uniquely for me, because my bed is up against a brick wall, I need a pillow that can deal with a little bit of moisture. I like the brick wall for it being a huge heat sink, but it causes moisture to condense on pillows, especially fancy modded ones. This problem is solved by the combination of my core layers and a rechargeable dessicant. During the day, the dessicant tumbler is turned and heated, thus expelling moisture. It's so powerful that it'll suck the sweat right out of my massive head, but at least I'll never again have sweaty pillows.

Speaking of which, at Pillcon 2011, I was the massive fucker who won the door prize of John Cezrik's faux rabbit fur surface:



You'd think that such fur would be irritating against your face after a half-hour or so, but Cezrik's material has microcapillaries built to certain OCT ranges (OCT is optimal cheek temperature). It's like sleeping on a cloud of baby buttcheeks.

Speaking of babies, I actually enjoy the sound of water pumping through the coolant tubes right next to my ears. It's very soothing. Babies, apparently, are calmed by the sound of water swishing in your mouth right next to their ears, and that's what this is like.

Also being built into this pillow o' mine will be some alarm aromatics. Not only can I wake up to a gradually-brightening, sunny pow, but the aroma of my choice (Bacon) can also waft out.

And if the gentle sound of the water pumping isn't soothing enough, I've got three speakers and the Arduino can easily generate some white noise or play sounds of various environments like the motherfucking ocean. I prefer low-range, soft brown noise. I'll have none of that hissy poo poo that store-bought machines put out.

The nice thing about having noise generated in your pillow is that the sound doesn't permeate the rest of the room. So if your significant other likes a dead quiet room and you need some noise, this is a fine solution.

Of course, all those mods result in an awful lot of wiring:





That's enough pillmod talk, I suppose. gently caress it bitches, let's glow this joint:



If this kind of thing appeals to you, there's also the blanketmod community. However, I tend to stay away from them due to it being populated by perverts who essentially make sex toys out of their comforters, which they call, obviously, "cumforters." Pillmodders are, in essence, nerds who are poor sleepers. Blanketmodders, in contrast, cut dick-sized holes in blankets with anime patterns on them and think they're engineers.

There is, however, a clever mod that came out of that community that involves a mere $30 in parts and makes your bed vibrate like the "magic fingers" machines found in crappy motels. It's really just a few off-balance weights powered by scrap motors, but entertaining. If nothing else, that and your pows should be enough to get anyone into your beds, you creeps.

Anyway, I'd like to hear what any goon pillmod pals have done.

This one is much better without context:

BORK! BORK! posted:

My girlfriend was mostly silent throughout the whole experience then as the post game lobby loads up, I turn to her and shrug and she replies 'It was all going so well until that walking tree called the werewolf a friend of the family'

It sure was

Sagebrush
Feb 26, 2012


Tele-juche

LLJKSiLk posted:

From what she tells me, it stems back to her cranking her step dad's Harley back in the day for masturbation purposes when nobody else was around.


LLJKSiLk posted:

may be a red flag

gleep gloop
Aug 16, 2005

GROSS SHIT

People who aren't stupid posted:

Brother Jonathan sucks.

Fucker
Jan 4, 2013



you rock posted:

A 'home groan' forum to post our dirty pics and post-op experiences

syxxcowz posted:

Good idea, something a bit like r/gonewild, but with an SA twist

Stop derailing, at least our fellow brother Jonathan doesn't make try-hard probations that attempt to be funny but are cringe-worthy at best. He's better than Eggplant Wizard in that regard and we should take our gains where we can get them.

ALL-PRO SEXMAN
Nov 8, 2006

Veni, vidi, Lombardi.


This quote is amazing and deserves to be here:

hellbastard posted:

This is why I'm glad I've become musically self sufficient making the music I want to hear.
Even all the bands I love that still exist have become kind of lack luster of late because they're so unchallenged. Nothing that could challenge them is getting popular enough to be heard by them and motivate them to be more interesting. Frankly I'm just disgusted with the whole cesspit the music industry has become.

Judge Clayjar
Aug 5, 2007



Fucker posted:

Stop derailing, at least our fellow brother Jonathan doesn't make try-hard probations that attempt to be funny but are cringe-worthy at best. He's better than Eggplant Wizard in that regard and we should take our gains where we can get them.

Yes, it's better that he doesn't attempt to be funny and instead robotically removes posters from his midst for slight offenses. "Height joke detected. Poster probated. Train joke detected. Poster probated. Handbeezy detected. Nig nog probated."

El Kooserino posted:

The remarkable thing about Brother Johnathan is that he is really very bad — in spite of all the people who say he is very bad.

~ Robert Graves

Roobanguy
May 30, 2011


Kunzelman posted:

I wish you spoke more like a human and less like a direct-to-forum PR machine.


mpashanin posted:

*does not compute* *insert emotion and press enter*





PLEASE BUY OUR GAME!!


Kunzelman posted:

There we go this is good.

I think your game looks neat.


WORST FORUMS GUY
Apr 2, 2011

Stupid Egomaniacal Cunt


WORST FORUMS GUY
Apr 2, 2011

Stupid Egomaniacal Cunt


nig nog trying to get a hand beezy

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010

Legit Cyberpunk


Tatum Girlparts posted:

My headmate is that little voice in the back of my head whispering that every choice I've made is wrong and that I've ruined my life, constantly telling me I've failed myself and disgraced my family, and in the darkest nights filling me with mortal terror that in the end I'll leave nothing but lovely internet posts and a fat corpse behind as my legacy on the world.

He's also a flying cat, not the whimsical kind though, more like that cat corpse helicopter thing.

pentyne
Nov 7, 2012


Black Baby Goku posted:

nig nog trying to get a hand beezy

You're like the first guy who took a sledgehammer to the Berlin Wall.

Beetlejuice v.o
Jul 12, 2008


Black Baby Goku posted:

nig nog trying to get a hand beezy

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

COBRARocky
Jul 28, 2013



Black Baby Goku posted:

nig nog trying to get a hand beezy

the man

the legend

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