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RantingWords
Nov 9, 2010


I'm a huge rear end in a top hat. I'll spare you guys most of the details - the short of it is that I just got back from a trip to see my girlfriend who is a soon to be ex because our relationship has been failing. Shortly after I returned, a married female friend of mine who goes to the same weightlifting gym that I do hit me up. I was feeling lonely so I suggested lunch, which we got. Then we decided to go see a play together a few days later. Finally, she asked me if I wanted to get drinks this weekend and I said yes. After 2 beers each and lots of conversation, the bar was closing and she offered her place for food and wine.

I go, we sip our wine and watch a movie, then finally we converse lightly. I basically flat out ask her why I'm there since I know she's married and the implications of me being there are scandalous. She basically tells me that she is not happy in her marriage and her husband (who is military, and thus not home often) have been having issues. I ask if I am overstepping my boundaries, she tells me no. Then we kiss and eventually gently caress.

Half way through, she tells me she loves me. I'm completely dumbstruck, as we have only hung out like 3 times. I ask if she meant someone else (as she apologized for it as soon as she said it) and she told me no. She loves ME.

We actually drank very little, so I know it wasn't booze talking. She had half a glass of wine and I had only one at her house, so we only head 3 drinks the whole night over a course of about 7 hours. We met at 10pm at the bar and I got in my car at 5am and now it's about 5:30am and I am writing this.

So, uh, what should I do? Sever? Tell her to piss off? Continue to see her? She wants to continue the affair, apparently.

Honestly, right now I'm worried her husband is going to shoot me when he gets back or she's going to do something insane like press surprise sex charges since someone who says "I love you" on the third "date" is clearly not stable.

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martyrdumb
Nov 24, 2009

pants are overrated


Just distance yourself. "Unstable" does not equate to "will surely make false surprise sex allegations" anywhere but in your mind.

RantingWords
Nov 9, 2010


martyrdumb posted:

Just distance yourself. "Unstable" does not equate to "will surely make false surprise sex allegations" anywhere but in your mind.

You're right. I was just hit with the most absurd anxiety. I've never done anything like this before and I guess I was thinking she was like me, looking for a little intimacy and a chance to get laid since our relationships suck. I'm a fuckhead.

Police Automaton
Mar 17, 2009


It's probably just loneliness. After a certain age some people get terrified they'll be alone forever if they don't have a partner who 100% clearly and undoubtedly loves them back RIGHT NOW. That being said, what you did is a lovely thing. Back out.

VotGs
Dec 15, 2003


martyrdumb posted:

Just distance yourself. "Unstable" does not equate to "will surely make false surprise sex allegations" anywhere but in your mind.

Not quite so. It's happened often enough (verifiably, not Jody-stories) to people I've known in the military. The kind of military wife who sleeps around while her husband is deployed is exactly the sort to cry surprise sex when her meal-ticket-military-member walks in early to suprise his wife and finds Jody balls deep in her.

But yes, OP, unless you are thoroughly dumb, get away from this woman. It's a pattern as old as time around the military...she did to him what she's doing to you now, and what she'll do to the next fellow who comes 'round when she gets bored of you or when you don't offer up the cash that she needs to support herself.

(Oh, and you're not in the Columbus, GA area, are you? I will laugh if you are.)


-----

And I just realized this rant seems a little misogynistic. It's not necessarily 'slut whore women trying to get men's money!'. I've seen plenty of military husbands do the same kind of poo poo, and I expect a reasonable number of same sex marriages to end the same way. It's a function of the lack of time and constant PCSing/deploying/schools/fieldwork life of a military member, male or female. We don't have time to forge long lasting connections, and often fall for the woman or man who will love us quickly. But just as quickly, she/he will get bored with our absences, and soon enough, they're off to find someone else who 'fulfills' them and makes them happy (hormonal).

Usually its because these people are young, just out of high school, and just haven't really had the opportunity to grow up and see how their actions harm others. They also don't understand the difference between romance and love, and don't take time to forge deeper bonds that will withstand absences and stress.

Your instincts are leading you down the right path, OP. She loves you after three dates and one gently caress. That should be a warning bell loud enough to blow your eardrums out.

cda
Jan 2, 2010


RantingWords posted:

Half way through, she tells me she loves me. I'm completely dumbstruck, as we have only hung out like 3 times. I ask if she meant someone else (as she apologized for it as soon as she said it) and she told me no. She loves ME.

One of the cool things about adultery is that it's often as pathetic and emotionally empty as this.

Just-In-Timeberlake
Aug 18, 2003

iSheep krew represent


The real lesson to be learned is don't gently caress around with people at the gym, now you have to change your workout time.

Look, don't touch.

Fuzz Feets
Apr 11, 2009



Nth'ing the fade away with married lady. Also, if it hasn't already happened, to avoid being an even bigger rear end in a top hat you should probably sever with your soon to be ex.

Skeesix
Jun 23, 2007

I can barely get any research done

VotGs posted:

Not quite so. It's happened often enough (verifiably, not Jody-stories) to people I've known in the military. The kind of military wife who sleeps around while her husband is deployed is exactly the sort to cry surprise sex when her meal-ticket-military-member walks in early to suprise his wife and finds Jody balls deep in her.

I think you're making a big leap in assuming this woman will tell her husband. If she does, it would be because she thinks "This one other man that I've slept with is amazing and what we have is TWUE WUV!!!!!" If she's that particular brand of delusional, she won't be crying surprise sex.

Apogee15
Jun 16, 2013


Crazy people are crazy and not all that rational. I don't think predicting the future actions of a crazy person is all that useful.

Bimmi
Nov 8, 2009


As someone who's been there, yes it was a huge mistake and your best option would probably be to keep as much of a friendly distance as possible and under no circumstances attempt to pursue the relationship further.

In my case, I failed to do both those things. It ended poorly.

Skeesix
Jun 23, 2007

I can barely get any research done

Apogee15 posted:

Crazy people are crazy and not all that rational. I don't think predicting the future actions of a crazy person is all that useful.

Agreed. But either way the best course of action is to get some distance and not worry about some spurrious surprise sex charge.

Trevor Weedheart
Jan 9, 2009

naruto headband rockin ice niggas


loving soldiers wives is awesome. Take a look at GiP, most of the time they don't even care, theyre bitter, damaged people who expect to be poo poo on. Why else would they join the freaking army? You did the right thing giving that lady some relatively normal guy dick for once in her life.

VotGs
Dec 15, 2003


Skeesix posted:

I think you're making a big leap in assuming this woman will tell her husband. If she does, it would be because she thinks "This one other man that I've slept with is amazing and what we have is TWUE WUV!!!!!" If she's that particular brand of delusional, she won't be crying surprise sex.

I didn't say she'd TELL. I think she'll get CAUGHT. She won't be ready and she'll spin whatever tale she thinks will get her out of the jam she's in. It might be 'one time because I was drunk!', or 'you're gone so much and I'm so lonely but I still love you!' It could be 'I was drunk and he took advantage of me.' Or hell, she might actually tell the truth, but the truth isn't that much prettier than any of the lies she'll be able to think up.

I don't think she's a schemer. I think that she, like MANY spouses and soldiers I've known in my career, has not considered consequences or possibilities, so when those consequences pop up, there's no telling what will happen, because the person his/herself doesn't even know. It's like when a little kid gets caught stealing a cookie because they don't realize their parent can hear the package opening from the front room. When confronted, they'll claim the dog did it. Or their pre-toddler sibling. Or Santa Claus or the mailman. It doesn't matter if it makes sense or is possible, because they've not had the time (or maybe don't yet have the faculties) to actually think the thing through and make plausible excuses.

Skeesix
Jun 23, 2007

I can barely get any research done

VotGs posted:

I didn't say she'd TELL. I think she'll get CAUGHT. She won't be ready and she'll spin whatever tale she thinks will get her out of the jam she's in. It might be 'one time because I was drunk!', or 'you're gone so much and I'm so lonely but I still love you!' It could be 'I was drunk and he took advantage of me.' Or hell, she might actually tell the truth, but the truth isn't that much prettier than any of the lies she'll be able to think up.

I don't think she's a schemer. I think that she, like MANY spouses and soldiers I've known in my career, has not considered consequences or possibilities, so when those consequences pop up, there's no telling what will happen, because the person his/herself doesn't even know. It's like when a little kid gets caught stealing a cookie because they don't realize their parent can hear the package opening from the front room. When confronted, they'll claim the dog did it. Or their pre-toddler sibling. Or Santa Claus or the mailman. It doesn't matter if it makes sense or is possible, because they've not had the time (or maybe don't yet have the faculties) to actually think the thing through and make plausible excuses.

Well the OP seems to have immediately known that it was a bad idea, so I don't think he'll be doing it again and it takes two to tango.

THE MACHO MAN
Nov 15, 2007

Hey Vancouver, bet you can't win just one!


It's gonna be pretty funny when he comes home, she inevitably spills the beans, and then you get a foot shoved up your rear end

Bimmi
Nov 8, 2009


Hey now, it's possible she might feel just enough shame over being a cheating piece of poo poo that she'll never say a word about it to anyone.

(in my case her husband was a huge ex-Marine pilot who could have snapped me in half like a dry twig, so thank god for shame, I guess)

Uncle Salty
Jan 19, 2008
BOYS

For some reason your phrasing here made me laugh.

RantingWords posted:



I go, we sip our wine and watch a movie, then finally we converse lightly.

Also, I like how you're asking "what is my next step here?" while positing that she is clearly unstable. Uh huh, yeah, she's totally the only unstable one.

GreenCard78
Apr 25, 2005

It's all in the game, yo.


THE MACHO MAN posted:

It's gonna be pretty funny when he comes home, she inevitably spills the beans, and then you get a foot shoved up your rear end

schneider posted:

Also re: faggotfuckbitchboot with his gay loving pictures and smooching.

What he doesn't realize is that the minute he deploys, a rift will open in the space time continuum and eldrich, forboding Lovecraftian dongs which have been slumbering in dark space, long before man gained sentience, will emerge and descend upon his little lovely piece of teenage pussy. They will then penetrate all of her orifices in ways he could never possibly imagine, leaving her pretty little pussy a bloody mess of hamburger and her anus hopelessly distended, flapping like the wind flags at the 200 yard line. After being frosted like a Krispy Kreme donut, she will drain his bank account and leave him for a hipster douchebag who is a "nice guy".

This is the fate of all PFC/LCpl girlfriends. If this happens when he is a Sgt. or above he will return home, kill her, Jodie and then himself.

Semper fidelis.

Volume
May 2, 2008

Now I don't know how you guys do it but when I'm in my underwear I like to have a good time.

You sound like a sociopath who took advantage of this vulnerable woman.

magic mountain
Mar 11, 2009


She's probably freaking out about how she blew it by making you think she's unstable and now that you had your fun you're sitting here being dismissive about her on the internet.

You're a real prize.

Bimmi
Nov 8, 2009


One generally doesn't get to the point of loving marrieds by being a decent, well-adjusted human being.

JebanyPedal
Feb 17, 2011

Pan American nightmare
Ten thousand feet fun-fair
Convinced that I don't care
It's safe as houses I swear
I was just sitting musing
The virtues of cruising
When altitude dropping
My ears started popping
One more red nightmare


Drop her and don't see her anymore and get out of her life, and hopefully when her man comes back they can live happily while re-enacting this song in real life: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIpsDTSmRyM

You goof.

Zelder
Jan 4, 2012

They still call it the White House
But that's a temporary condition, too.


Volume posted:

You sound like a sociopath who took advantage of this vulnerable woman.

Eh, he just sounds like a dumb guy. I don't think he took advantage of her, unless you contend that she has no ability to make decisions of her own.

magic mountain posted:

She's probably freaking out about how she blew it by making you think she's unstable and now that you had your fun you're sitting here being dismissive about her on the internet.

You're a real prize.

I don't know, she should probably be freaking out about cheating on her husband. Which is a bad thing to do.

OP don't get involved in married relationships, it's never a smart move.

Shithouse Dave
Aug 5, 2007

each post manufactured to the highest specifications

At least you won't have to kill yourself because your girlfriend will when she finds out.

Be sure to keep us updated.

Prosopagnosiac
May 19, 2007

What the fuck?


Speaking from experience, and I cringe to admit it, but yeah just don't have anymore contact with her. I did something similar with a woman who's husband cheated on her, and I was basically her revenge gently caress. It will never work oh the way you want it to, she was exactly the same, throwing the love word around fast and loose early on. I was foolish enough to think it could last. Which of course it didn't, the second her husband showed remorse and was on his way back from training, it was over. And then after he shipped away on deployment she was back to calling me, texting me, and just generally using me as an emotional crutch. It's lovely to be used this way and it makes you question who you should feel mad at.

My advice to you, is to never contact this woman again if you see her at the gym be polite but brief. If she keeps pushing poo poo, just challenge her by saying that you won't do anything else with her until she's divorced. That's what I did, and of course she never did. Until she's willing to go that far, she's not really serious about it. Also, tell your gf/ex/whatever you two are now the truth. Good luck man.

Morby
Sep 6, 2007

Double Trouble

VotGs posted:

(Oh, and you're not in the Columbus, GA area, are you? I will laugh if you are.)

So will I. Ft. Benning/Columbus is my home town and these stories are so common. I've seen this play out multiple times on military relationships that have a less-than-solid foundation. The military spouse goes on deployment, and the remaining spouse doesn't handle it well. It's one thing to say you're cool with the distance in theory. Even the first 6 or so months of their deployment will be fine. But as time goes on, it gets more and more difficult for the remaining spouse to stay faithful to someone who cannot physically or emotionally be there and eventually they just decide "gently caress it" and cheat. Relationships that have a solid foundation based on time, age, experience, etc. don't have these problems.

My friend's husband was deployed for a year in Korea with no problem. They've been married a few years, are disgustingly in love, and have a very stable relationship.

Another friend I had in undergrad cried everyday that her husband was deployed. She had known him for 6 months when they got married. In a surprise to absolutely no one, 3 months into his deployment she was spending all his money and cheating on him. The bonus was that he was planning on getting out of the military when his deployment was done, and told her to spend the money and pay the bills as she saw fit, but to set aside enough for him to go to school to become a paramedic. When he came home on leave he found out that she had been bleeding him dry. The smartest thing he did was make her sign a prenup before they got married. They divorced and both have moved on.

If you hang around enough military people or live on/near a military base, there are a million of these stories. A successful relationship with a member of the armed forces is totally possible, but both people need to be very mature and stable.

RantingWords
Nov 9, 2010


Volume posted:

You sound like a sociopath who took advantage of this vulnerable woman.


magic mountain posted:

She's probably freaking out about how she blew it by making you think she's unstable and now that you had your fun you're sitting here being dismissive about her on the internet.

You're a real prize.

I'm not exactly proud of what I did. I haven't been feeling exactly loved by the soon-to-be-ex who is long distance AND started insulting and withdrawing sex from me when I would fly across the country to go see her. Oh, and she cheated on me once. This wasn't a revenge gently caress, I'm not going to tell her about it. But I am going to finish this stupid break up that she is dragging out and move the gently caress on.

I don't feel like I took advantage of her. I was sitting in her house and I asked her why I was there and if she understood what it could mean that she was married, with a husband not home, and a young man sitting on her couch sipping wine. She said she understood and that she did not feel guilty about it. THEN we hosed since I figured I was going to be more of a fling to her. Their relationship doesn't seem exactly like a good one. Though I understand that I should not have been there in the first place.


Thanks for the advice guys. I knew my gut was pointing me in the right direction, but I was panicking pretty bad last night. Having slept on it, I'm a bit more clear minded. I guess my biggest concern now is her reaction when I tell her we can't do it again and the possible reaction of the husband IF she tells him. She told me last night that she has cheated on him before, several times when he was away on deployment and that she's never told him about any of it, so I'm not sure if she will.

teardrop
Dec 20, 2004



RantingWords posted:

I'm not exactly proud of what I did. I haven't been feeling exactly loved by the soon-to-be-ex who is long distance AND started insulting and withdrawing sex from me when I would fly across the country to go see her.

Wow, it really sucks that a woman isn't giving you the sex she owes you.

sarcasm aside good job deciding to end it

Uncle Salty
Jan 19, 2008
BOYS

RantingWords posted:

a young man sitting on her couch sipping wine

You are hilarious at this. Please keep posting stories with details like this. It's so CLASSY.

RantingWords
Nov 9, 2010


Just got off the phone with married chick. We are going to "cool off" for a few days and then talk later. She said she wants to see me again and assured me it's not my fault (what) and I told her that we will talk in a few days and that I don't want to create any more bad situations. I do NOT intend to hook up with her again and I do intend to create more distance.

Also, apparently my now Ex-gf is in tune with the universe, because just after I hung up, she messaged me on facebook and said that she got a new job and is ready to break up and move on. I had tried to break up with her a few weeks ago, but she told me to stay with her a while longer and her tears made me relent. We are officially broken up now and I am single.

Going to try and avoid doing lovely things in the future, but I'll let you guys know how this all goes in the next few days/weeks. I'll also let you know if I get the poo poo kicked out of me, since I'm sure you guys will love it.

Morby
Sep 6, 2007

Double Trouble

Dude, why are you going to talk to the married woman at all? There is no reason for you to speak with her.

ZoneManagement
Sep 25, 2005
Forgive me father for I have sinned

The truly sad part is how badly you could possibly have hurt the other guy and you'll never know it until it's you.

Shithouse Dave
Aug 5, 2007

each post manufactured to the highest specifications

I like how in this story everyone is a horrid piece of poo poo except the soldier.

dogcrash truther
Nov 2, 2013

This moron has not provided any additional info. The lack of a gender-specific pronoun here is in no way intended as sexism.

Shithouse Dave posted:

I like how in this story everyone is a horrid piece of poo poo except the soldier.

Now now, I'm sure he's a horrid piece of poo poo too, if it makes you feel better.

A.s.P.
Jun 29, 2006

They're just a bunch of shapes. Don't read too deeply into it.

Yeah seriously it's shocking to me how little empathy OP has for the woman's husband. It just seems like he's only afraid of the consequences of if he gets caught and doesn't feel any real remorse for loving someone else's wife behind his back. So the lady says it's okay with her, so OP figures it is fine with everyone? OP, if you're afraid of the husband beating the poo poo out of you, wouldn't that imply that you know it would hurt the husband if he found out his wife cheated on him?

Also the OP's choice of words makes me feel like there's a significant age gap between him (a "young man sipping wine") and this lady. Not that there's anything wrong with that generally. But OP, if you think sleeping with an older lady makes you more sophisticated or interesting, you're wrong.

Volume
May 2, 2008

Now I don't know how you guys do it but when I'm in my underwear I like to have a good time.

That poor woman. She's blaming herself for being a victim.

Cichlid the Loach
Oct 22, 2006

Brave heart, Doctor.


RantingWords posted:

I don't feel like I took advantage of her.

Don't take Volume's posts to heart, OP, this is his schtick.

But add me to the pile of people who don't understand why you have to talk to this woman again. Plus I don't really get this delayed break-up thing with your ex. You seem to think that when you break up with people you need to negotiate with them to let you go, or something.

cubicle gangster
Jun 26, 2005

magda, make the tea


Throwing the word 'love' around during sex doesnt mean the same as it does when clothed. She was lost in a fantasy, just go with it. She doesn't love you, she just wants to have sex with someone she does and it slipped out.

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MustelaFuro
May 6, 2007

Evolution: Reproduction of the fit enough.


If you talk to the woman, you should probably tell her that what happened was a mistake and wasn't the right thing to do. You said she said she's not happy in her marriage, for whatever reason, and if that's the case she should talk to her husband about that. If the problem is irreconcilable she and her husband should divorce, and even if that does happen, you should not continue seeing her. It will only lead to bad things for both of you.

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