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Grey Elephants
Jul 23, 2013


I apologize in advance, I know I have it better than a lot of people so this is probably just going to sound extremely whiny.

My experience at college really has not been the greatest, and it's been getting worse ever since I lost pretty much my sole way of coping with it.

I've made exactly two friends, who I pretty much only walk from class with to the point where the paths to our dorms split. I tried to hang out with one of them, she said to text her so she could tell me when she was free and then responded to none of the texts I sent (nothing creepy, just a simple "Hey what are you up to?").

This isn't without precedent; until shortly before the senior year of high school. At the end of the summer, there was a block party, and the 3 other guys my age on my street were there. We all got shitfaced and I ended up having a tentative friendship with them. Fast forward to now and the four of us are really close friends. And then I went to college (the other three are working and attending the community college). I made some other friends during senior year, but during the summer if I texted them, snapchatted them, messaged them on facebook, whatever, I got ignored.

I've heard of no parties at all (I go to a party school (didn't find out it was a party school until after I was accepted)). I'm extremely bad at making friends sober, so I feel like I'm missing out big time.

I feel just angry and pissed off all the time...which is kind of how I felt at home but this is worse. I have trouble getting out of bed sometimes. At least at home I had friends to look forward to. After I get back from the gym I feel happy for an hour or two but that's probably because of the endorphins more than anything. I can't even supplement my workout routine properly because any meat here is gray and slimy unless it's fried/frozen. My primary source of protein has to come from cheese steaks and burgers.

The cherry on this sundae is my roommate. My roommate fits pretty much every redditor stereotype aside from the fact that he does not have a fedora. Reddit-style atheism, brony (posters everywhere), neckbeard, misogyny, chugs at least 4 liters of Mountain Dew a day, you name it, he's got it. He never leaves the room and just constantly yells at the top of his lungs at video games (to the point where you can hear him halfway down the dorm hall. I can't drown him out with music, I've tried) . He tries to pretend I don't exist unless he wants to ask me something or I pretty much shake him vigorously. As soon as he enters the room he goes to his computer, puts on his headset, and chats with his friends. He also leaves trash out (our room smells awful and has bugs because of this), showers maybe once every few days, and doesn't even flush the toilet. His yelling also lasts till about 3-4 a.m. every night, when I try to sleep. If I try to nap during the day, when he's yelling, he refuses because (you don't need to sleep during the daytime). Even when he's sleeping, he yells out intermittently, waking me up. I've tried to ask him to at least reduce or change some of this stuff, but I just get told varieties of "gently caress off", "my room too", or "not my problem".

I thought college was supposed to be fun, meeting cool new people, exploring yourself, and growing as a person. These are supposed to be the best four years of my life, and I'm loving miserable

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Chicken Doodle
May 16, 2007

This could Hertl-ittle.


Welcome to the real world.

BuckarooBanzai
Dec 2, 2004
Wherever you go, there you are.

Join a club based on something that interests you, talk to the RA about your roommate.

Tequila Sunrise
Nov 24, 2006

Well...this is fucked.

Make the party.

Get someone to buy you some beer, invite some people to your room. If your roommate doesn't approve either tell him to deal with it or just find some random person on your floor and say 'Yo man, wanna drink this weekend? I got some beer."

I know socializing sober can be awkward, but you always have to tell yourself "What's the worst that can happen?". In an absolute worst case scenario someone might make fun of you, but that's extremely rare. You'll make some friends and get a reputation as a chill guy if you're willing to just hang out with people.

Grey Elephants
Jul 23, 2013


BuckarooBanzai posted:

Join a club based on something that interests you, talk to the RA about your roommate.

There aren't many clubs here, and none of them really interest me.

Talked to my RA before, he told me to submit a room change request (I did this months ago, I'm on a waitlist) and stick it out.

Tequila Sunrise
Nov 24, 2006

Well...this is fucked.

Grey Elephants posted:

There aren't many clubs here, and none of them really interest me.

Talked to my RA before, he told me to submit a room change request (I did this months ago, I'm on a waitlist) and stick it out.

Seriously, if your roommate is a fedora'd gentleman, there's no better way to piss him off than by inviting typical college kids. Frat bro type? Ditzy girl? Pot heads? I bet he hates those types more than anything else in the world. Maybe you won't be friends with all of those types, but inviting them over will serve the purpose of pissing off your roommate and upping your social game.

BuckarooBanzai
Dec 2, 2004
Wherever you go, there you are.

Grey Elephants posted:

There aren't many clubs here, and none of them really interest me.

Talked to my RA before, he told me to submit a room change request (I did this months ago, I'm on a waitlist) and stick it out.

So start a new one? poo poo's just not magically going to get better. You're going to have to be pro-active on this one.

Number Two Stunna
Nov 8, 2009


You're learning the real lesson of college, that life is nothing but suffering and loneliness.

Bacon Drew
Nov 15, 2009

Well I'm On
'Til The Crack Of Dawn
Mowing Down M.C.'s Like I'm Mowing A Lawn


I'm sort of in your boat with the friend thing, I lost a few of my best friends cause of some complicated poo poo and I've been trying my best to fill the gap but am also not too good at it. I can't help you with the room mate problem.

As for friends, even if you're shy or socially awkward, try your best to talk with people in your classes when you can. Show up 30 minutes before the class starts because that's when people often start coming in and just try and make conversation. After class, rather then splitting up and going and going back to your dorms, ask people if they want to go somewhere and do something. This is the type of thing I've been doing and It's starting to work slowly, but surely.

In my high school most people were a bunch of obnoxious little pricks, but I've quickly found in university people are generally really nice and seem totally cool with accepting other people into their social groups. Most people won't go out of there way and just try and make friends with you if you never make an effort yourself.

crashnburn254
Jul 14, 2009



Talk to the RA again, talk to the person above the RA, and even talk to the director of your housing complex. Keep complaining.

HondaCivet
Oct 16, 2005

And then it falls
And then I fall
And then I know


You sound like you're suffering from depression, you should try to get in and see a counselor. It's not normal to be angry all the time and you deserve better.

brokowski
May 13, 2013


The most important thing is to not give up. If you keep pursuing your interests and self improvement while making an effort to be social at college I can almost guarantee you that it will get better. Although you should also consider seeing a therapist or something, because it sounds like you are depressed as well.

Ern Malley
Nov 11, 2005



Grey Elephants posted:

My primary source of protein has to come from cheese steaks and burgers.

What, really?

Xenocides
Jan 14, 2008

They weren't just hull numbers, they were our home addresses. Now the old neighborhood is torn down and gone and all that is left are memories.


Grey Elephants posted:

I thought college was supposed to be fun, meeting cool new people, exploring yourself, and growing as a person.

That is the stuff you do in your spare time after you have dealt with all the humdrum awkwardness and tedium that makes up life.

Grey Elephants posted:

These are supposed to be the best four years of my life, and I'm loving miserable

Most people who say this say it in retrospect and they are looking back with rose-colored glasses and a nostalgic longing for youth. They may or may not be the best years of your life. Probably not if you manage to lead an interesting life.

legsarerequired
Dec 31, 2007


I hated my college years. However, they got better when I did the following:

- Realized I was constantly depressed and sought out free counseling on campus. If you constantly feel sad and angry, people sort of pick up on that and avoid it. It isn't really fair, but it's just how it is.
- Forced myself to go to at least one club or social event a week, even if it wasn't something I cared about or had tried before. If you have a car, find events in your city. After I got used to being around people, my new objective was to introduce myself to one person per event, or to participate in a conversation.
The point is to meet people and get used to being around people. Unless you're unbearably goony (poor hygiene, mean-spirited mannerisms, etc), people tend to respond to nice folks. At least for me, you'll find that they'll be more willing to reach out to you when they see you around, because they'll feel a little more familiar with you.
Again, the main objective here is to get used to being around people, so even if it's something you haven't really tried (like a sport or something), just give it a shot.
- Expect that you will meet a lot of acquaintances/party-friends before you meet someone you click with. You're in for a lot of awkwardness, but it really gets easier each time. Social situations and new people are basically awkward and weird until you spend a lot of time practicing them. And to be quite frank, I think college might be the best time to learn and practice these skills.

Goonspeed!

Hummingbirds
Feb 17, 2011



Don't start smoking because of this advice but I will say that I made tons of friends my freshman year by spending way too much time at the smoking area near my dorm. However, if you already smoke try that. If not, there were a few people that hung out with us even though they didn't smoke.

If you're on a smoke-free campus then this won't work obviously.

shit is weak
May 17, 2008

Too strange to live, too rare to die...

Hah, the smoking advice is weird and awful, I mean I met a lot of people in college due to smoking, but now I'm a pack a day smoker whose job kind of suffers from it and overall hates it. Your roommate is scum. You should humor him I guess, but he won't help you meet new people so don't bother getting too close. Be careful not to be too clingy or quick to besties with anyone, that was the biggest pitfall from others that I saw in college. As stoner as it sounds; be chill. Also, speaking of stoner, smoke weed, drink etc. It's a good, easy way to find yourself in a circle. Beyond that chit chat with people in class, find a club, and shoot the poo poo with people who seem to be in a similar situation. At the very least you can take solace in the fact that your roommate is clinging to his high school friends while you are trying to make new ones.

Squirrel Burger
Jul 19, 2011
Holy shit I am fucking terrible at reading rules.

Given OP's last thread about getting arrested for smoking weed, no, I do not encourage OP to keep smoking weed.

If college is the best four years of your life then you really hosed up your life. Don't romanticize it and make what you can of the time you have.

(Also, jesus, get some protein powder. Really, these things are not hard to do if you put in the slightest effort.)

Vigilance
Nov 18, 2006

BEST IN THE WORLD

Hey man. Im drunk right now. For that I aplogize.


Here's what you gotta do though. You gotta get outside your comfort zone. Join a fuckin club or something. I joined a writer's group on my campus. I was nervous as gently caress about it when I first joined and I assumed I'd hate it, but I didn't! You gotta make an effort to make friends. Try stuff that you might not be sure about. You might think some club about penis dicks and candy is stupid but just loving get outside your comfort zone and try it. Friends wont come to you you gotta make the effort. I was miserbale and alone a lot like you when I was in college but I made an effort and eventually made some cool friends and it was great but it won't happen unless you make an effort. Make a loving effort. If you take nothing else from this dumb rear end drunk post take this: make a loving effort. You will make friends if you do. But if you just wallow in self pity nothing good will ever happen.

gently caress me and my drunk self im sorry.

PlacidPanic
Dec 8, 2006
BEEP BOOP MURDER IS JUSTIFIED BECAUSE ALL PEOPLE ARE GOOD INSIDE AND I'M A FUCKING IDIOT

Yeah, if you want college to be fun and meet people and grow as a person you need to get out of your overpriced dorm room. There should be stuff going on on campus like all the time, take advantage of it while you're paying for it. Ideally you'd be exploring stuff that you're interested in that relates to the reason you went to college in the first place, but I guess a lot of people just go to college now because it's the thing you do after high school. Still, you should make the most of the time you're there, it's not gonna just happen to you. What are you going to school for? Why are you interested in it? There are people there who know a lot about that thing that interests you. They're giving talks about it and doing cool things with it that will change the world. Things that you haven't even heard of. Go and find out more about it. Talk to other people who are interested in it. Collaborate with people to do things with it that are fun and challenging, beyond what your classes require of you. Start figuring out how to get more from life than you can get just following the standard prescribed path and hanging out with the people in your immediate vicinity. You're paying to live in an academic community for a reason, right?

shit is weak
May 17, 2008

Too strange to live, too rare to die...

Squirrel Burger posted:

Given OP's last thread about getting arrested for smoking weed, no, I do not encourage OP to keep smoking weed.

If college is the best four years of your life then you really hosed up your life. Don't romanticize it and make what you can of the time you have.

(Also, jesus, get some protein powder. Really, these things are not hard to do if you put in the slightest effort.)

Oh my god!! You are that dude?! Jesus, that sucks. Honestly man, smoking weed is chill, but, given this thread, it seems like you might have been doing it as sort of an escape from anxiety or whatever. I like weed a bunch, and when I get off of a hard days work I smoke plenty. But, I never ever smoke weed before any social occasion or a party, because it makes me kind of stupid and antisocial. Instead, if you really need an intoxicant to relieve anxiety, get good at drinking just enough before you get drunk. I guess my point is be aware of if you are a stupid dumbdumb on weed, because if so, you shouldn't smoke it around people you want to befriend.

I met a lot of great people in college, but I also met a lot of awesome people through the job I had in college. Most of which did not go to my college or college in general. I just wanted money to buy booze, drugs and stupid poo poo, but, you have a drat better reason to get that job. You owe your parents money!

What's going on with that by the way?

Nathilus
Apr 4, 2002

I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.

Your rant started off OK but got more and more detatched from reality as it went on. Like, what is the deal with your weird meat thing? You're telling me that if you go to HEB (or whatever grocery stores you have) the uncooked meats there are all grey and slimy?! I mean yeah you're in college and poor and can't eat finely marbled steak everyday. That is to be expected. I lived off of mostly hot pockets and chicken ramen my first year of college. Anyway you can easily get protein that isn't nasty so shadap.

When your roommate disturbs you the next time, escalate if he refuses to abide by reasonable requests. Get in the habit of sneaking up behind him and shrieking into his ears. Then cut a deal that if you stop doing that, he'll stop the random yelling. If THAT doesn't work, shove a broom handle halfway up his rear end in a top hat and threaten to put it the rest of the way up if he doesn't submit. He's a loving brony, it can't be that hard to crack his mind like an egg, it's already halfway there.

Seriously though, if you're stuck with a roommate who refuses to make concessions to living together, try one of the various forms of coercion. Bribery, threats, shame, whatever it takes. Given that he's a brony, he probably just lacks self-awareness and can be made to see how much he inconveniences his living-buddy. He might just not give a poo poo though, and at that point you have to start thinking about how to make him care. This is a lovely situation, but use it as a learning opportunity because you're going to need the skills for living with other adults in the future.

Some people don't want to be your friend. Don't take it personally, there's no accounting for taste. It's fine, just try again. There are a couple billion more people to try. Other people will act friendly but only when it is convenient for them. Again no harm, no foul. I believe in fault-free divorces. However, if you really are walking around feeling pissed and miserable all the time, its going to make getting friends harder. People pick up on that kind of thing, even if you don't wear it on your sleeve. I recommend ~*~therapy~*~ because it sounds like you're depressed. Get the attitude straightened up and the rest comes naturally.

College IS supposed to be about having fun, meeting new people and exploring yourself or whatever the gently caress. There isn't some kind of conveyor belt that you stand on to have machines do this stuff for you, however. You have to actually LEAVE YOUR DORM ROOM (for starters). You have to get to know people, say yes, and be willing to take chances.

Finally, one last piece of smug, holier-than-thou college advice. You have a picture in your head about how college SHOULD be, and it's almost surely entirely mythical because that's just how we build poo poo up to ourselves. Don't freak out about the perfect college experience. Instead, discover and pursue the things that are going to make you personally happy. It doesn't matter what they are, as long as at least one of them can make you some money in the future.

Fatkraken
Jun 23, 2005

Fun-time is over.

Tell your RA about the constant yelling. Keep pushing, don't take no for an answer. In the interim, ear plugs may help somewhat.

Join clubs. Join clubs even if you're not that interested in the subject matter, it's better than sitting inside moping all day. Join sports teams, since it seems like exercise helps your mood, you don't have to be the star football player, find any team sport that needs more players and get involved.

If meat is bad unless it's frozen, uh, buy frozen meat maybe? Ground turkey or whatever is better than cheese steaks and burgers. There's also the option of whey protein powders or other vegetable sources if it's just about getting built. Make sure you have a good diet, plenty of vegetables and all that good poo poo.

Talk to the schools therapist, you might have brain problems in addition to your life problems.

You say you're bad at making friends. Work at getting better at making friends. It comes naturally to some people, but for others it's a difficult process. It's possible that ~brain problems~ of one kind or another are making it hard for you to relate to people, so again, seek advice on this front.

Zombie Souffle
Feb 3, 2010


To everyone being weird about the meat comment it sounds like Grey Elephants is stuck using an on campus meal plan, which is where the whole "disgusting grey meat" issue is coming from. Not all universities have decent cafeterias. Depending on his dorm he may not have access to a fridge/cooking area either, or his roommate may have stuffed it full of bullshit.

College is not really the best time ever. Tons of people spend it stressed out or having social issues. So don't feel alone in not having the whole 'party time brand new friends super fun!' deal. The best things to do other people have mentioned as far as meeting new people. Join on campus clubs, go to group/club meetings that are specific to your major, check out off campus events, or a part time job if you can handle it with your course load.

Enfys
Feb 17, 2013

A yak is born

Zombie Souffle posted:

To everyone being weird about the meat comment it sounds like Grey Elephants is stuck using an on campus meal plan, which is where the whole "disgusting grey meat" issue is coming from. Not all universities have decent cafeterias. Depending on his dorm he may not have access to a fridge/cooking area either, or his roommate may have stuffed it full of bullshit.



Beans, eggs, cottage cheese, milk, yogurt, nuts/seeds - there are plenty of foods that have a lot of protein in them which should be doable even on a campus meal plan and are much healthier than cheese steaks and burgers if the meat is really that bad.

Pycckuu
Sep 13, 2011


College owns as soon as you realize that everyone is going through the same things as you are. If you have a bad room mate, talk to him, then talk to your RA and see if you can trade with someone else. If you want a really crazy dorm experience, move to the international dorm (most big schools have one and that poo poo is wild).

In terms of extracurriculars, join habitat for humanity or a sports club (not ultimate frisbee). H4h is full of girls and also girls love dudes who do sports, particularly in college. You don't even need to be good. Also stop smoking weed while on campus you giant retard, you can get in a lot of trouble.

Hummingbirds
Feb 17, 2011




I specifically said he shouldn't take up smoking. But I can't remember a time when my friends and I didn't strike up a conversation with someone who sat down with us, whether they had cigarettes or not. OP has no friends and says there's no clubs to join (whether that's true or not he's not joining any clubs) and if he finds his nearest smoking area there will be a ready-made social group that will likely be open to accepting him and what's more, he can probably get some party invites if he makes friends with them.

Trustworthy
Dec 28, 2004

with catte-like thread
upon our prey we steal


Squirrel Burger posted:

If college is the best four years of your life then you really hosed up your life. Don't romanticize it and make what you can of the time you have.

Objection! There are many ways to define "best," and I'm certainly a wiser, more successful, and more fulfilled person than I was a decade ago. I'd much rather be me right now than me back then.

However... there is something special--something with some distinctly "best"-like qualities--about that random, glorious four-year patch of one's life that consists of being young and sexy, drinkin' and fuckin', and having no real responsibilities besides learning some poo poo and writing a few no-effort papers in between drinkin' and fuckin'.

That said I went to a state school; maybe it's different at private university.

Grey Elephants
Jul 23, 2013


Enfys posted:

Beans, eggs, cottage cheese, milk, yogurt, nuts/seeds - there are plenty of foods that have a lot of protein in them which should be doable even on a campus meal plan and are much healthier than cheese steaks and burgers if the meat is really that bad.
I don't have access to any cookware beyond a microwave and the only grocery store in town is across town (no car). I DO have protein powder from home, but it's like 20 dollars for a huge jar stuff that I can barely keep down.

Fatkraken posted:

Talk to the schools therapist, you might have brain problems in addition to your life problems.
I've done therapy before, but it didn't work out because my parents always made the therapist tell them what I told him, so I didn't want to open up. If I try for therapy here I'm afraid the same thing will happen.

poo poo is weak posted:

You owe your parents money!

What's going on with that by the way?
My family (by which I mean extended family) is a bit different when it comes to money. We loan money amongst ourselves all the time without expecting it to be paid back, with the expectation that when we need a hand we'll be helped out. I'm not using this as an excuse to not pay them back, I'm saying they kind of don't want me to pay them back (trying to convince them to let me).

Hummingbirds
Feb 17, 2011



Grey Elephants posted:

I've done therapy before, but it didn't work out because my parents always made the therapist tell them what I told him, so I didn't want to open up. If I try for therapy here I'm afraid the same thing will happen.

You're not a minor anymore, it would be illegal for the therapist to tell your parents anything.

Grey Elephants
Jul 23, 2013


Hummingbirds posted:

You're not a minor anymore, it would be illegal for the therapist to tell your parents anything.

This happened when I was 18.

Konar
Dec 14, 2006


Grey Elephants posted:

This happened when I was 18.

Ah well just forget it then.

Hummingbirds
Feb 17, 2011



Grey Elephants posted:

This happened when I was 18.

That, uh, that was almost definitely illegal. Why would your parents even know if you were seeing the school therapist?

Grey Elephants
Jul 23, 2013


Hummingbirds posted:

That, uh, that was almost definitely illegal. Why would your parents even know if you were seeing the school therapist?

This was an outside therapist, not the school therapist.

They would know because they have access to my student email.

Grey Elephants fucked around with this message at Nov 18, 2013 around 19:18

Hummingbirds
Feb 17, 2011



Grey Elephants posted:

This was an outside therapist, not the school therapist.

They would know because they have access to my student email.

Either way your therapist broke confidentiality. It was illegal. Are you sure he told them anything or did they just try to get info from him?

I don't know if you're aware of this but it's extremely odd that your parents have access to your email. Give the therapist a different email to contact you with.

Baronjutter
Dec 31, 2007

...the engine tracks thousands of details for each unit meaning it will be a far deeper game than your grandpa's chess.
Pre-order CHESS now and receive the DLC "queen" unit.

Why the hell do your parents have access to your email?

fuck the ROW
Aug 29, 2008

i just want your sufferings ~ your bloods and fluid ~ your stupid fucking tiny skeleton ~

Grey Elephants posted:

I thought college was supposed to be fun, meeting cool new people, exploring yourself, and growing as a person. These are supposed to be the best four years of my life, and I'm loving miserable

Actually, it's for getting a degree and hopefully learning some sort of skill or communication skillset that will allow you to provide for yourself and prevent you from becoming a leech on society. This is actually really key, and I hope you internalize it. Great, stay golden.

Grey Elephants
Jul 23, 2013


Baronjutter posted:

Why the hell do your parents have access to your email?

They insisted, and it was easier to give them the password than hear another two hour lecture on how I am The Worst Person for wanting some privacy.

beejay
Apr 7, 2002



Grey Elephants posted:

They insisted, and it was easier to give them the password than hear another two hour lecture on how I am The Worst Person for wanting some privacy.

Jesus. Are they paying for you to be there? If not tell them to gently caress off now and forever.

Edit: Looked at your other thread and it seems they are paying at least partly for your school. In that case, don't give anyone your school email address and use Gmail or whatever?

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Trustworthy
Dec 28, 2004

with catte-like thread
upon our prey we steal


Grey Elephants posted:

They insisted, and it was easier to give them the password than hear another two hour lecture on how I am The Worst Person for wanting some privacy.

Wow, you've got a long row to hoe, buddy.

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