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Strict Picnic
Feb 10, 2013

by Ralp
The Tale of Scheherazade

There were two king brothers. The elder, King Shahryar (a doughty horseman,) made the younger, Shah Zaman, king of barbarian lands.



After twenty years apart King Shahryar sent word to his brother requesting he visit. Shah Zaman prepared his entourage and set forth. He soon realized he forgotten the gift he got for King Shahryar, and rushed back to his palace to retrieve it.



"Hey, hun. Do you know where I left that necklace I got for my brother?" Shah Zaman called to his wife as he approached his bedroom door.



"Oh."



(to be continued)

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VendaGoat
Nov 1, 2005
5

Sexgun Rasputin
May 5, 2013

by Ralp

(and can't post for 715 days!)

Narciss
Nov 29, 2004

by Cowcaster
Im not too sure about this thread, it isnt recycled memes or wicked ironic racism. not very Nu GBS

AdorableStar
Jul 13, 2013

:patriot:


GenderSelectScreen
Mar 7, 2010

I DON'T KNOW EITHER DON'T ASK ME
College Slice

my new dog
May 7, 2007

by Nyc_Tattoo
thats funny

Other Barry
Jun 5, 2012


Dinosaur Gum
the thumbs up makes it

Seth Pecksniff
May 27, 2004

can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.
> go left (to get a better view of the action)

BeefThief
Aug 8, 2007

ban OP, castrate chef

vocaloid orgasm
Apr 15, 2011

I keep on singing
Eternal life
VOCALOID
>eiffel tower

Chum Scandal
Oct 30, 2003

5, owns

Strict Picnic
Feb 10, 2013

by Ralp






Shah Zaman's world waxed as he watched the filthy blackamoor cook defile his queen. "If this is what she does when I am still in sight, what will be the doings of this damned whore while I am away in my brother's court?"

He did the only thing he could to save what was left of his honor. He drew his scimitar and cut the lovers into quarters.



(to be continued)

Sexgun Rasputin
May 5, 2013

by Ralp

(and can't post for 715 days!)

not a bad way to die tbh, cucking the sultan.

root of all eval
Dec 28, 2002

the apron is p win

FactsAreUseless
Feb 16, 2011

Sexgun Rasputin posted:

not a bad way to die tbh, cucking the sultan.
Cucking the Sultan is definitely the best Donald Fagen album.

cock hero flux
Apr 17, 2011



Sexgun Rasputin posted:

not a bad way to die tbh, cucking the sultan.

he died as he lived

balls deep

Strict Picnic
Feb 10, 2013

by Ralp
Shah Zaman spent the first few weeks of his visit in despondency. He slept and ate very little, and would refuse his brother's offers of hunting trips. "Why? Why did she want to kill herself by forcing me to kill her?"

Then, one day his spirits dramatically lifted.





Baffled, King Shahryar asked his brother what had happened to improve his disposition.

"Well, you are aware of the treachery my wife committed against me with that black cook?"

"I am."

"I've been tormented with the thought of it. How could she do such a thing to me? Also, a little sad about having to kill her, even though it was the right thing to do and all.
Anyway, I was moping around, and you set off for the hunt. Not a moment after you had left, all your slaves set upon your concubines in the most vile acts of fornication! It was like this gyrating puddle of flesh. And in the middle of it. In the middle of it... was your wife with the most enormous black guy! Hahaha!



"So I realized that while what happened to me was bad, at least it wasn't a complete mockery like what happened to you."







After the honorable slaying of King Shahryar' wife and entire staff, the brothers set out on an adventure.

(to be continued)

CharlestonJew
Jul 7, 2011

Illegal Hen
those brothers are some tough motherfuckers

Legin Noslen
Sep 9, 2004
Fortified with Rhiboflavin
Feelgood thread of the hour.

Captain Candiru
Nov 9, 2006

These hips don't lye
Now THIS is Hellbastard.

Sexgun Rasputin
May 5, 2013

by Ralp

(and can't post for 715 days!)

Captain Backslap posted:

Now THIS is Hellbastard.

no skulls or pirates with katanas or whatever so no.

just sit back and enjoy the rich and storied tradition of dudes being terrified of black dick, the entire framing narrative of arabian nights hinges on that anxiety.

Hogge Wild
Aug 21, 2012

by FactsAreUseless
Pillbug
> check inventory

Strict Picnic
Feb 10, 2013

by Ralp

Hogge Wild posted:

> check inventory

They made a few miles on their journey when Shah Zaman inexplicably felt the need to count their possessions. "Why didn't you do that before we left?" Shahryar inquired. "I don't know." They had two scimitars, twenty-three gold coins, their signet rings, and one chef's hat.

Fatigued from the slaughter, walking, and inventory taking, the king brothers rested under a tree. It was then that they caught sight of an enormous ifrit.



The ifrit found a spot next to the shore to set down his luggage. He looked around, found the place agreeable, and opened his suitcase.



He cooed his affections to the beautiful suitcase girl, set his head on her lap, and fell quickly to sleep. The girl looked up to the sky, and then to a nearby tree, and then to the two kings hiding in it.



"Come down form there!" cried the girl.

"I don't think that would be a good idea."

"Come down or I'll sick this ifrit on you!"

The brothers reluctantly did as she requested. Once on the ground, the girl bid them, "Stroke me without stay or delay."

"What?" replied the brothers.

"Futter me well."

"You want us to have sex with you?"

"Yes." said the girl with a tinge of annoyance. The kings adamantly protested such a bawdy suggestion.



Alas, her will was stronger than theirs, and she did have her way with them.

Afterwards, the girl thrust a chain of rings at the brothers. "You know what this is? This is a chain made up of the seal rings of all the men I've futtered. There are five hundred seventy of them. That ifrit took me on my wedding night. He keeps me locked in that box so no other man may have me. Every day I'm locked in! That fool jinni! I'll always find ways to perform what he fears! I can't tell you how many times I've futtered on his very horns! Now give me your rings!"



Once a safe distance from the ifrit and the girl, the brothers vowed to return to their kingdoms and never intermarry with womenkind again.

(to be continued)

Cal Worthington
Oct 8, 2013

Serious business.
gently caress yeah
5

George H.W. Cunt
Oct 6, 2010





Nice that ifrit gonna be p upset when he finds out

The Brown Menace
Dec 24, 2010

Now comes in all colors.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkiITQnrAYM

Harakiri Potter
Oct 18, 2004

REACH HEAVEN THROUGH VIOLENCE BABY
oh hell yeah

SerSpook
Feb 13, 2012




Ammat The Ankh
Sep 7, 2010

Now, attempt to defeat me!
And I shall become a living legend!
fived and bookmarked

Kombotron
Aug 11, 2011

original is better

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mErdPHMv-m8

root of all eval
Dec 28, 2002

I wasn't sure before, but my discerning affections have changed with this last update. 5

Rubbergoose
Jul 13, 2006

it's gonna be awkward after that crazy lady made them cross curved rigid swords. and not their scimitars if you know what I mean :downsrim:

5'd

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
this is a whole lot of cuckolding

5/5

jayse
Feb 27, 2011
>examine sexual health

Ninja fetus
Jan 22, 2005
Legalize murder
drat

Strict Picnic
Feb 10, 2013

by Ralp

jayse posted:

>examine sexual health

If you mean stave off the plague demons, which are delivered by carnal knowledge of women, King Shah Zaman did this by maintaining a balance of humors. King Shahryar had an entirely different approach. When he returned to his kingdom he called together his Emirs and Wazirs to make an announcement. Since there never was nor is there one chaste women on the face of the earth, the king would take the maidenhead of any wife he married on their wedding night, and he would take her head in the morning.

Three years past. The Emirs were frustrated and furious, peasants were near revolt, and the land was running out of virgins. The king's Chief Wazir prepared himself to tell the mad king the unfortunate news.



"Uh.. your.. your highness?"



"Did you bring me my need?" entreated the king.

"Oh, boy. Well, that's what I came to talk to you about. We're... the... soon, your majesty! I'll have a virgin for you soon!"

Ashamed of his cowardice, and unsure of where he could find another virgin, the Wazir went home. His eldest daughter, Scheherazade, seemed to know his concerns immediately. Unsolicited, she offered to be the king's next bride. "Fool child! He'll kill you!"



"If Allah wills it, let my death be ransom for another."

The Wazir began the Tale of the rear end and the Bull.


The Tale of the rear end and the Bull



The bull and the rear end were in heated debate on the value of work. The bull berated the rear end as lazy and useless. The rear end extolled luxury of a life of ease. "While you're exhausting yourself in the field, I'm napping in the breeze. While you're counting the minutes till lunch, I'm enjoying nibbles of whatever my appetite desires. They don't even appreciate you. Why toil for people when you could be relaxing with me?"

"You make a good point, but what could I do? It's not like I have a choice."

"Just don't do it! Lie down when they bring you the yoke, and don't do anything."

Two days past with the bull motionless in his stall. The farmer was discussing his concerns with the trader. The trader, who had heard the conversation between the rear end and the bull, suggested putting the donkey to the yoke. The farmer did just that. After a few days of plowing, the donkey was strained, fatigued, and desperate to get away from the yoke.

"Hey bull, you up?'

"Yeah."

"Look. There's something I have to tell you, man. I overheard the farmer talking to the butcher. If you don't start working again they're going to kill you!"



When the trader saw the bull prance out to the farmer, dragging his yoke with him, the trader let out a hearty laugh. The trader's wife wished to know what was so funny. "You know I can't tell anyone what the animals say. Understanding is a gift from Allah, and I vowed never to share the thoughts of beasts under pain of death."

"So tell me and die."



The dog and the cock were listening in, and the trader heard the cock say to the dog, "Can you believe this guy? I have to deal with twenty bitches and this dude can deal with one! You can't let them mouth off like that. One word i don't like, and I show them who's boss!"

The trader took his wife in the house...





and beat her until she was submissive like a good woman should be. When he opened the door and stepped back outside, everyone rejoiced. Grief and sorrow were turned to gladness. It was this way that the trader learned domestic discipline from the cock.



"And what was the point of all that?" asked Scheherazade.

"The point is: shut up, or I'll whack you like the trader whacked his wife." retorted the Wazir. "I'm going to marry the king, dad. If you try to stop me, I will go to court and tell the king I am willing, but you disapprove. What do you think he will do to you?"

The Wazir meekly entered the king's chambers. "Um... your highness? It seems as though I have found a virgin for you."

"Who is she?"

"My daughter."

"You do understand that I intend to gently caress her, and kill her in the morning?"

"Yeah, that's fine."

"Excellent."

(to be continued)

Strict Picnic fucked around with this message at 13:03 on Dec 15, 2013

net cafe scandal
Mar 18, 2011

holy poo poo this is loving incredible

a pipe smoking dog
Jan 25, 2010

"haha, dogs can't smoke!"
good thread

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Klyith
Aug 3, 2007

GBS Pledge Week

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