CaptainYesterday posted:

King of the Ring? Pffffffffffft. We've got a better tournament coming up, but you'll have to wait until Nitro to find out what it's for!

JoeRules posted:

Hogan-Orndorff in the Year Nineteen Hundred And Ninety Six

JoeRules posted:

Any WCW'ers around? We have a Saturday Night issue.

tomahawk55@prodigy.com posted:

Just got back from the Post-KOTR Raw here in Chicago.

There were 5 dark matches this time, the first had Vader squashing 3 boy-band looking guys calling themselves 3 Count, and he looked wicked sweet. Then Roddy Piper, Bob Holly, and Marc Mero beat Kaientai(little odd after how they left Yokozuna on his back last night, but oh well), and Hot Rod was as great as ever. And then The Headshrinkers beat Doink and Doug Furnas. Phatu looked like he was sick or something, and didn't Samu leave? Whatever. Then Real American hit, and I thought I was at a WCW show for a few seconds before some guy called All American Scott Taylor came out to talk about how he loves America, his parents, and the Cubbies. I can't help but love him now. But then Stone Cold came out and squashed him in a quick match. Austin looked great. Then Warrior beat some JC Ice dude in a quick match, and Warrior looked awesome too. Would've been really nice if he was wrestling somebody I'd heard of.

Then Ted DiBiase came out holding a mysterious black briefcase with a stylized golden dollar sign on it. "As you all know, the next WWF In Your House event is titled ""Money in the Bank""! Allow me to explain the name...

In all my years in the WWF, I've lived by one rule: you need to spend money to make money. You need to take risks to strike it big. And in just four weeks, we will debut the most dangerous match in WWF history, with stakes high enough to match. In my hand, I have a briefcase filled with one million dollars of my own money, which WWF brass has authorized for use to buy a WWF Championship title shot. There are no limits; the title shot can be cashed in anytime, at any place, by handing the briefcase to an official! But it's not for me, oh no, not for the Million Dollar Man... This is a rare act of charity! I will give 6 lucky men the chance to duke it out and attempt to grab this briefcase 20 feet above the ring. In the first-ever Money In The Bank Ladder Match, anything, and EVERYTHING, is permitted.

To all entrants, you can try your best, but you know what they say: The Million Dollar Man always gets his way! Ha ha ha ha ha!"

Dudleyz cut a backstage promo talking about how their hardcore style was too much for these losers in the WWF, and since they couldn't handle how hardcore the Dudleyz were, they had to DQ them after the 3D through the table. If this had been ECW, they said, this would be a different story, and they'd be holding the tag belts today.

After that, Mankind cut a promo, creepy as ever, from a boiler room backstage. "At King Of The Ring, I watched The Ultimate Warrior scream in agony as I applied my Mandible Claw. I relished every minute of it, seeing tears roll down his face as he struggled to keep from passing out. But oh, no, I'm not done. I've only just begun to cause pain, to show whoever I can even a thousandth of the pain I endure every single waking moment of my existence. I ISSUE AN OPEN CHALLENGE! ANYONE WHO THINKS THEY'RE TOUGH, ANYONE WHO THINKS THEY'VE GOT GUTS, ANYONE WHO THINKS THEY'RE BAD ENOUGH TO TAKE MY PUNISHMENT, JUST SAY THE WORD! NAME THE DATE, AND I'LL BE THERE, INFLICTING MY AGONY!"

Then Dave Finlay from WCW beat Ace Steel in a quick match. I don't know why Finlay had Hillbilly Jim with him, but they seem great together.

Then we got a Superstars recap of Marty Janetty's becoming the Skunkrocker, before 123 Kid beat Bradshaw in a pretty even matchup.

After that, Jim Cornette comes out to cut a promo on Shawn Michaels, saying that he got lucky with Bulldog, but nobody gets that lucky twice, especially not with The King Of Harts, Owen Hart, at Money In The Bank. He says Owen almost beat him on Raw a month back, and if it hadn't been for a simple twist of fate, Owen would have picked up the victory, and at Money In The Bank, he's not leaving anything to chance, as Owen and HBK will battle it out inside a steel cage. No outside interference, no disqualifications, just pure technical prowess. Shawn comes out to accept the challenge, but Jericho interrupts him. "Hey Owen, don't think for a second that you're off the hook! You stole the King Of The Ring victory from me, and The Lionheart is not about to lay down and take that kinda loss. I WA-" Vader lays Jericho out with a huge lariat before he can finish his promo. As the Camp starts moving in on Michaels, Gorilla comes out to make a tag team match for tonight, with Jericho and HBK teaming up against Owen Hart and Vader. Cornette, Jericho, and HBK are all really good at saying stuff about wrestling.

Then Rick Martel debuted, taking a photo with a sick child before defeating Phil LaFon in a short match. If I ever see a match between those two again I'm gonna throw a car battery at them.

Then HHH pinned Bob Holly with a Pedigree.

We got a recap of Vader/Yokozuna, and Mr. Fuji's betrayal of his former client afterwards, before Yoko beat Tatanka in a short but even match. Yokozuna was huffing and puffing by the end because he's a fat fat fatty. After, Fuji comes out with Kaientai to cut a promo on Yoko. "Ah, Yokozuna, you could have shown some of that fire at King Of The Ring. I think you've fallen off a bit. You used to be a world champion, you used to be in the main event of WrestleMania! But now, you've lost your touch. Kaientai is the future, and you... you are history." Kaientai start in to try to beat down Yoko, but-

DA NA NA NA
DA NA NA NA

Ikari No Jyushin Liger started to play, and JUSHIN THUNDER LIGER ran out. Liger and Yoko ran Kaientai off, and Liger hit a radical Shooting Star Press on Funaki. Then they shook hands, and seem to have teamed up.

The Gunns cut a short promo on the Dudleyz about how rules are important and the Dudleyz deserved to be disqualified. They then had a quick tag title match against Steve Blackman and Gary Albright, which they won. The match was sorta weird and not very good, Blackman was barely in it. Then the Two Man Power Trip came out to say they didn't need weapons to beat then, and challenge the Gunns to a title match at Money In The Bank, which was accepted.

Then we had a Dave Taylor hype video. People around a campfire, having a good time. A bear emerges from the forest and threatens them. When suddenly, Dave Taylor comes from behind the bear, to subdue it with sound wrestling fundamentals. A headlock! A hammerlock! A drop toe hold! Later, Taylor and the bear have joined the campers around the campfire, laughing along with the rest of them. All is well. Dave Taylor: A real man's man.

Anyone who can wrestle a bear is good in my book.

Then Goldust beat Savio Vega in a MITB qualifier match. Guess he's about to break some box office records. After, he commanded Taker to Tombstone Vega, before leading him away.

Then we got to the main event, where Owen and Bulldog faced Jericho and HBK. The finish had HBK hit Sweet Chin Music on Cornette as he was about to interfere, which distracts Bulldog enough for Jericho to push him out of the ring, through the commentary table, and lock in the Liontamer on Owen. Owen taps just before Bulldog can break it up, and the faces go over. But after that, Vader jumped Jericho, and they all brawled to end Raw.

I'd say it was a B- overall, pretty good.

Q7kid posted:

Well, there's a visual.

Also, two gently caress finishes to end the show? You guys are aware we're WCW, right?

Skunkrocker posted:

Uh, I don't have to watch or read Superstars. I'm a main eventer.

hart2hart@prodigy.com posted:

Sup dudes and girldudes. I watched some wrestling a while ago here at the Pepin Gymnasium. Hartford Wrestling is back, baby!
Lete's see, what the hell happened.
This Reckless Youth guy(awesome name) beat Johnny Paradise(not as awesome name).
Then that wildcat guy (rowr! and stuff) beat up The Human Torch. I think. I was getting nachos for some of this.
Then this big guy, Bullpen or Pigpen or something, talked to a fat guy. I don't like that fat guy, but it was still okay.
Then that Dick guy and a British dude(wait, how many guys here are named John? This is weird) got beat by Doug Bash'em(awesome name) and some guy who thought he was Arn Anderson. I don't think you're Arn Anderson, dude.
Then this giant guy, Gorgon or something, beat up Mike Quackenbush. That guy sucks and I hate his name and his stupid face and his tiny legs.
Then this japanese guy and a guy in a skirt and Steve Corino(ECW kicked rear end!) got in a fight and the guy in the skirt got mist in his face. Wait, didn't I see that guy on TV? Whatever. Cool fight.
Then there was a tag title match! Title matches rule. Shane Sewell(weird name) and Gary Steele(awesome porn name) beat some big guy named Cassidy and PG for them, so they're the champs.
Then Ahmed Johnson told Stevie Richards(E C Dub!) that he sucks. That was funny. Definitely the highlight of the show.
Then Pigpen had a match with that skirt guy and beat him down.
Then Jeff Hardy fought charlie Haas for the HWA title and kept it.
Man, I hope these guys get good at this soon. I'd give it an E. Wait, do schools still give Es? Whatever.

XxXxKoRnXx@aol.com posted:

I think this might have been the first Raw live from Canada, and WWF celebrated the occasion by giving us fewer dark matches than usual. First had the Smoking Gunns and Tom Prichard beat Jerry Lynn, Dirty White Boy, and Taz when Prichard pinned Dirty White Boy.

Tatanka and Samu beat Phatu and Michael Modest when Tatanka pinned Modest.

Then Sid and the Two Man Power Trip beat Finlay, Matt Hardy, and some dude in red when Sid pinned Finlay. They were..okay. Austin looked good.

When the cameras come on, Goldust comes out to gloat about how he's won the Money In The Bank briefcase, and it's only so long before he wins the WWF Title as well. Chris Jericho comes out to rebuff: "You think just because you have that briefcase, and you have that monster, you're better than everyone. I wanna dispel those illusions where it really counts: in the ring. You and me, Goldust, and when I'm done with you, you'll never... EEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER, BE THE SAME... AGAIN." Goldust shrugs him off. "Destroy him, my Undertaker." Gorilla comes out before Taker can do too much to Jericho to announce that Jericho will face Taker in the main event.

Jake Roberts and Edge were in the ring to cut a promo, they called Doink and Vampiro cowards for their sneak attack last week. Doink and Vampiro then came out to call Jake an ugly old drunk, which led directly to their match. Jake Roberts and Edge beat the Doink and Vampiro by disqualification when Vampiro hit Jake with a chair as he was about to DDT Doink. Feels like I could go the rest of my life without hearing another promo from most of these guys and die a happy man. Least the Snake's good at it.

We got a short video package about the Martel and Finlay/Sid and Mankind match last Raw, when Sid Sycho Bombed Finlay into the announce table, incapacitating him.

Then we got another Dave Taylor video. Dave Taylor and Road Rage visit Dudleyville (which I'm pretty sure was a trailer park), to clean up graffiti. Dave Taylor: A Real Man's Man. Meh.

Vince McMahon comes into the ring to announce the creation of a new title, the Pan-American Championship, defended on every show held in the US and Canada, to be awarded at Summerslam to the winner of the first ever Fearsome Foursome match.

In the first qualifying match for the Fearsome Foursome at Summerslam, Dave Taylor beat Gary Albright with the Churchill Crusher.

Another video package, and this one for the Hitman! We see a coatrack with Bret Hart's pink sunglasses, and his black and pink leather jacket. A hand reaches out of the shadows, and takes both. Bret's signature guitar wail plays as a graphic fades in: "THE HITMAN RETURNS at WWF SUMMERSLAM" So awesome.

Owen Hart cut a quick promo before his match. "I hear a lotta people comparin' me to my older brother Bret. They say he's a better wrestler, that he's a bigger star, and that I'm a second banana. That just isn't true! Look at what he did after losing to Shawn Michaels. He went away to cry into his pillow. When I lost to Shawn Michaels, you saw me come out the next night on Raw, still as ferocious as ever! And next time I get in that ring with Shawn Michaels, I'm learning from my mistakes, and I'm getting that belt."

Owen Hart tapped out Bob Holly with the Sharpshooter in a short match. Holly looks sorta off, not that he did much anyway.

Mankind beat Rick Martel by DQ when Dave Finlay came out to attack him. Mankind and Dave Finlay kept fighting until officials had to come out and escort them backstage.

The Two Man Power Trip had a short tag title match with Tall and Jewish, getting a quick win when Hunter pedigreed Aldo Montoya. I'm getting kind of tired of this "Connecticut blueblood" thing. Whatever.

After the match, TMPT cut a promo about how while they may have to defend their titles in a rematch against the Gunns at Summerslam, they drat sure don't have to like it. They'll pull out any stop they need to retain.

There was a video package of Jose Lothario being powerbombed into the announce table last Raw after Vader confronted HBK. We see him being loaded up onto a stretcher after the show ended and wheeled away as HBK walks by his stretcher.

Goldust and Piper had a very even match until Vader came down and started to beat up on Piper, giving him the DQ victory. Piper seemed kinda off. Must be low on blow.

After the match, Vader continues to attack Piper while Jim Cornette grabs a mic and calls out HBK: "You see this, Michaels? This is what Vader will do to you at SummerSlam! He'll break your bones, tear your ligaments! You'll be begging for merc-" HBK comes down to run them off, and they brawl to the back. Cornette didn't sound so great tonight.

Jericho and Undertaker had a very intense match. At one point, Taker tried to get Jericho up for a chokeslam, but Jericho reversed it into a Codebreaker. When the ref wasn't looking, Goldust whacked Jericho with the urn, letting Taker hit him with a Tombstone for the win.

After the match, Taker and Goldust started to beat up Jericho more, before Warrior rushed in, helped Jericho up, and stared down Goldust to end Raw.

The cameras turned off, and, in what I originally assumed was sort of joke, the sting from Bret Hart's music began to play. Then, in perhaps the best surprise return I've ever seen live, Bret Hart came out for a match against his little brother Owen for the hometown crowd. Bret beat Owen with the Sharpshooter, tapping him out fair and square. Awesome match. I just wish more of the crowd had stuck around for it.

Then Bret got on a mic and said a little bit. "You know, when I stepped away from the WWF after Wrestlemania 12, I was sure I would never be able to come back with my head held high. I was sure the shame of losing to that pretty boy Shawn Michaels would haunt me forever. But when I heard the WWF was coming to Canada for a live Raw, I just knew I needed to be a part of it. Make no mistake, this isn't the last you'll see of me, and I'm not done with the WWF title just yet. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for all the support and love you've given me and my family."

I'd give it a B, all in all.

Q7kid posted:

Except when Jushin Thunder Liger died on his way back to his home planet, apparently.

freehate@aol.com posted:

Wrestling's cool. I saw some wrestling. WWF Superstars!

We started out with four dark matches. Jerry Lynn, Taz and Brian Pillman took on Johnny Paradise, Tracy Smothers and Phatu, Paradise was pinned by Pillman. Chris Candido, Men's Teioh and Dirty White Boy took on Kaz Hayashi, Michael Modest and Bart Gunn, with Gunn pinning Candido. These two were boring. Smothers looked like crap in the first one, Bart Gunn looked good in the second.

King Kong Bundy, Vampiro and Samu wrestled Rick Martel, Aldo Montoya and some tall guy who didn't get announced, and Bundy pinned Montoya. Martel looked good.

Then Shawn Michaels and Vader came out and beat the hell out of each other. That was awesome. They went at it until neither one could get up anymore, and they got counted out together.
When the cameras came on we got a bad surprise. Those clown guys introduced "The Fresh rear end Interview Tent," where they "find out which members of the WWF roster are truly down with the clown." Edge, Skunkrocker, Dave Taylor, and Doink are the first guests. Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope are very hostile towards Edge and Dave, and very in favor of Skunkrocker and Doink. Skunkrocker mentions that the loyalty demonstrated by the Insane Clown Posse's fanbase would have been very valuable in his partnership with Shawn Michaels, and may have prevented their acrimonious division. The faces eventually threaten to come to blows with the heels, but Violent J proposes a Totally Twiztid Tag Tussle for tonight's main event, pitting Edge and Dave against Skunkrocker and Doink. The blonde clown did a little better than the other one, I guess.

There was a quick graphic advertising a contract signing between Vader and HBK tonight for their match at Summerslam.

We watched a video of Dave Taylor and Dr. Tom Prichard feeding the needy at a soup kitchen. Good for them. Dave Taylor is a real man's man.

Billy Gunn had a match with Steve Austin. Austin missed with a clothesline and Hunter shouted instructions to him, leading to an argument lasting long enough for Billy to get a roll-up for the three count.

Then Road Rage had a match with Ace steel and JC Ice, and went over fast. Yawn.

There was a video package about Sid and Rick Martel's feud.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley had a quick match with Cuddly Chris Daniels. The dancing guy got pinned after a pedigree.

There was a video of the Two Man Power Trip. Austin and HHH are at a bar. Austin gets an American lager, HHH gets a fancy cocktail with expensive vodka. Each man looks at the other's drink disdainfully. HHH voiceover "We may not be the best of friends outside the ring..." clips of TMPT matches "... but when the match starts, we're a perfect team."

Then Vince McMahon interviews Mankind. "Loyal WWF viewers may know this man by his stage name, Mankind, but few know the man behind the mask, Mick Foley." an unmasked Mick talks about his troubled life. "I've always tried to be the hero like HBK, I always tried to fight for the underdog, but when people see my ugly face, my patchy hair, my uneven smile, my lack of an ear, they run away. I've never felt accepted, never felt like I fit in..." Foley begins to sob, and McMahon offers him a hug, which he tearfully accepts. Mankind looked great in all this. Vince was..okay.

There was a video with footage of Owen Hart and the British Bulldog winning matches. Then they had a match with Jammin Jamie Noble and Sugar Shane Helms. Bad night for the dancing guys. Bulldog seemed really out of it for some reason.

We got another PNN video. PNN: Pillman News Network logo fades into Pillman waiting backstage as he spins a large wheel with several names on it. Some names: VADER, HBK, BRET, TAYLOR, OWEN, JERICHO, DANIELS, GOLDUST, PIPER, LIGER, BULLDOG, AUSTIN. "Round, round, round it goes, where it stops, they won't know... until it's too late. Heh, heh, heh." Fade to black as the wheel begins to slow, but we don't see where it stops.

I don't know what all that Twiztid stuff was, but then the main event happened. Dave Taylor hit Doink with his finisher after a long match and pinned him. Edge and Taylor both looked bad.

After that was the contract signing for Vader/HBK. HBK comes out alone, while Vader has Cornette with him. Gorilla Monsoon is there to officiate. It is revealed that Cornette has finagled to get Michaels' rematch clause declared null and void. Michaels is livid, but signs the contract, since when he beats Vader in San Antonio, there will be no need for a rematch. When Vader isn't ambushing someone, he'll get cut down to size. Once both copies of the contract are signed, HBK Sweet Chin Musics Cornette, ducks under a clothesline from Vader, and tries to hit another Sweet Chin Music. Vader catches the leg, and attempts to pick him up for a powerbomb, but HBK drops out behind Vader. Monsoon tries to intervene, but takes a hard lariat from Vader. Vader laughs and holds the unconscious Monsoon up to intimitade HBK as the show closes. HBK and Vader both looked great in all this. Gorilla Monsoon was as bad as ever.

All in all, I'd call it a C show.

blueblazer@aol.com posted:

blazeblue2@aol.com posted:

That last guy forgot some stuff, I don't know, maybe he went to the can. After the Sid/Martel match there was a weird promo.
They played a HBK/Taylor video thanking Sky for carrying Raw, USA for continuing to carry Superstars, and announcing the Home Box Office as the new home of WWF Raw. Dennis Miller walked in from offscreen. "Jeez Louise, you cats have more networks on your hands than the Sicilian Mob. HBO is glad to have you guys as part of its all-star lineup."

"WWF RAW COMES TO THE HOME BOX OFFICE IN 8 DAYS"

Then Tom Prichard retained against Tatanka in a surprisingly long match.

Rest of what he wrote looked fine, though.

Evil Badman posted:

It's incredibly apparent that both teams were charged with making a comedy act digging on the other team with bonuses to give them a title. See also: The Skunkrocker.

Q7kid posted:

What tipped you off? When WWF gave Marty Jannetty a title created out of whole cloth?

sk posted:

Debut Debacle: WWF has made a HUGE blunder with their most recent episode of RAW. Recently RAW has been airing pretaped promos with superstars telling the viewers to start watching HBO, which USA has done its best to put the kibosh on. Most fans know about the move by now though, and this week's video reminded them to start watching the new channel in two weeks. This is great, except for one thing: NEXT WEEK IS THE DEBUT OF RAW ON HBO. WWF has actually told their viewers to skip the debut and come back the next week, which is some incredible negligence on their part. The best (worst) part is that one writer told us he had mentioned it when discussing the script with the group, but a note was made and it was never discused again.

kiltdyksmn@aol.com posted:

Hello from the great white north. We got Superstars from up here in Winnipeg, and we started off with a pair of dark matches. In the first, Taz, the Dudleys and Henry O Godwinn..sorry, apparently that's Mister Godwinn, now, took on Rick Martel, Dr. Tom Prichard, Dave Taylor's friend the bear, and some man in flashy, ostentatious clothes. Rick Martel put D-Von in the boston crab and made him tap out. Whatever Godwinn's doing right now, it's not really working for me.

Then King Kong Bundy, Tatanka, Doink & Vampiro had a match with Tracy Smothers, Bob Holly, and the Smoking Gunns. Smothers was pinned by Bundy for a five-count.

We start the TV portion of the show with an all too familiar guitar riff, and the Hitman comes out to a roaring crowd in Winnipeg. The cheers quickly turn to boos as people realize that it's not actualy Bret Hart, but his brother Owen who comes out from behind the curtain. He stalks down to the ring and grabs a mic. "You see what I have to deal with? All of you SHEEP, who can't recognize a REAL talent! I don't care what you think, I don't care what our family thinks, and I especially don't care what BRET thinks: I'M THE BEST HART THERE IS, and when I beat him at Vengeance, everyone will know it. And then I'll ge--" "Owen Hart. Would you please SHUT! THE HELL! UP?" Chris Jericho interrupts Owen, who paces lividly in the ring. Jericho starts walking down to the ring as he continues talking "Nobody is interested in hearing the same thing from you every week. You LOST to Bret Hart, you TAPPED OUT to Bret in the middle of the ring, and nobody wants to hear you run your mouth about it E-E-EVER, agaiiin." Jericho and Owen are standing inches apart in the ring now, neither man willing to give an inch, with Owen looking even madder than before. Just as it looks like a fight is going to break out, Vince McMahon comes out from the back. "Now wait just a minute. If you two want to fight, you'll have a fight, but it will be in this ring in a sanctioned match. The main event tonight will be Chris Jericho vs Owen Hart!" Owen and Jericho were both great, but Owen might've done a bit better.

Barry Horowitz, Aldo Montoya and the Brooklyn Brawler were in the ring, and the Headshrinkers came out for a match. The Headshrinkers were quick about it, and Sione pinned the Brawler. Ugh, yawn.

Backstage, the Smoking Gunns meet with Tracy Smothers, talking up his performance on the previous Superstars against the Headshrinkers. Smothers agrees to help the Gunns in their fight against the savages.

Skunkrocker defended the Pan-American Title against "All-American" Scott Taylor. It didn't take long.

The man in the flashy clothes and jewelry from the dark match is shown backstage with a crowd of scantily clad men, and has a stereo playing some dance music. There are some women in there dancing with the men, but they're more modestly dressed. Edge and Jake Roberts ask what's going on, and the man just smiles and says "A gentleman never asks, and a lady never tells." He then winks to the camera. I guess he's a little too racy for USA.

Another strange segment, like on the last few shows. Shawn Michaels finds himself walking down a quiet road near a town. He is confronted by a number of children who taunt him for being bald. From the way it's shot I'm not sure he was actually bald. He looks to the heavens for assistance, and a large bear approaches from the treeline. Shawn changes his mind, and calls the bear away, leaving the children to their cruelty. Meeting one wrong with another solves nothing. The scene fades as Shawn walks away from the youths. This was fun.

Hunter Hearst-Helmsley beat the holy hell out of Yokozuna.

Marc Mero cuts a promo on Bradshaw, lambasting him for being a coward and breaking his pizza trophy. "You're just jealous because you can't get a trophy of your own, because I'm better than you." Marlena helped him out a bit with this one.

Dave Taylor and the Brave Lions helped that bear do wind sprints in a video. This was fun too.

Then we got Brian Pillman in the Fresh rear end Interview Tent. "Pillzman, why you gotta pick Jeriho to pick a fight with? He got backup! Rod Rod and..." "That Heartache Kid!" "Man, I can't even remember the last time I seen that Shart Michaels!" Pillman interrupts. "Everywhere I go, I hear about Jericho. In Mexico, Japan, Canada... it's all the same. This high-flying star, doing maneuvers I can't do anymore because of that goddamn foot injury; it kills me. THAT BASTARD KILLS ME, drat IT! Every time I see him, hear about him, listen to him! At Vengance, every ounce of pain he gave me? I'll pay it back in spades. SPADES, YOU ****!" ICP look terrified, and run out the tent in fear. "And about that help," Pillman pauses, his red face turning back white and his breathing slowed, "who says he's the only one with help?"

We got a recap of Kane's attack on Goldust from Raw.

Kane beat "Playboy" Jim Powers in a pretty short match. Security missed it when I chucked a couple batteries at Powers for being crap, but I missed him too. Lame.

Vince came out and announced that TMPT will be punished for their behavior these past few weeks. He said he has considered their statements and wonders if they can be true to their word. HHH will be booked against Rowdy Roddy Piper for the next In Your House: PPV event and against Jericho the next. If he loses just one of those matches, the Brave Lions will get their rematch. Vince then said that if Austin wants the IC title, he'll have to prove that he just isn't a punk and can raise hell in the ring fair and square. He'll have to come out and win one match every night to prove he's worthy of the title. Austin and HHH were furious. I don't care.

Steve Austin and Edge had a good, back-and-forth match. It took a while, but Austin was eventually able to put him down for the pin with a Stunner.

Vince McMahon came out to congratulate Austin, but reminded him he'll be busy all month if he wants his shot for the IC title. Austin just stared down Vince and told him to make sure Prichard brings it, because he'll be going up against the toughest son of a bitch in the WWF. Little better than the list promo.

Owen Hart and Jericho had a long even match. Near the end Pillman ran out, presumably to clock Jericho, but Roddy left the announcing desk to stop him. The ensuing chaos outside the ring distracts Owen for a short while but when he turns around - BAM! Codebreaker from Jericho and Owen is out for the 1-2-3. Jericho books it when Owen comes to and we close the show with Owen arguing with Pillman. We've seen Owen/Jericho a few too many times lately, but they're still really good.

Overall I'd give the show a C.

Q7kid posted:

It should be noted James Maritato portrayed a proto-URSUS on WCW TV well before URSUS was a gleam in WWF's eye.

ToddDClean@netzero.com posted:

Toodle pip. Superstars came to Bristol.

Bastards stuck us with four dark matches and they were mostly awful. Chris Candido and the Can-Am Connection (this is neither of those places, idiots) took on that bear, some big fellow named Mark Henry and "the godfather." Doesn't look like Marlon Brando to me. Godfather pinned Furnas.

Kane, Shawn Michaels and Dr. Tom Prichard took on the Headshrinkers, with Kane pinning Samu. Was alright. Michaels looked good like always. That Kane's a bit poo poo.

Dirty White Boy, Buh Buh Ray Dud Lee, Brian Pillman and Vader took on Edge, Tracy Smothers, Chris Jericho, and..Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart? That's new. And by new I mean fat and bearded. Vader looked good, but this was too damned many people for one match.

For the last of them Justin "Hawk" Bradshaw beat a little hell out of "All American" Scott Taylor. Bugger off.

Jim Cornette informs the UK that Vader, Owen and the British Bulldog are great unlike the people of the UK. The Smoking Gunns come out to say that British Bulldog isn't so great, and they'll prove that tonight when they face Owen and Bulldog in the main event. The Smoking Gunns are poo poo.

Triple H promo on Piper "Piper is a legend. Piper is a former champion. Notice the phrasing? His accomplishments, his successes, his relevancy, all in the past. His time is over. My time is just begining. Our time is just begining. I am one half of the tag team champions, and my journey? It isn't over like Piper's is." Wasn't great, but better than the Gunns.

King Kong Bundy and Taz had a match with Road Rage, and Mero pinned Bundy. Bob Holly stinks like piss in person.

Backstage, Doink, Vampiro and that loving clown band from the States talked about Jake Roberts and Edge. I hope their makeup kills them.

Then a video happened. Shawn Michaels finds himself wearing only a loincloth, on a rocky plain, surrounded by the bodies of the fallen. In his hand is a bit of leather on a thin cord. Approaching him, carefully shot to tower over him, is Vader, wearing heavy armor, bellowing out a challenge in an incomprehensible language. After a few moments' hesitation, Shawn takes up a stone, places it in the sling he carries, twirls it and lets fly. Vader falls. Shawn stands over him, victorious, as the scene fades out. It was good, whatever it was.

Backstage, Brother Love promo, Headshrinkers silent behind him. If the Smoking Gunns want a fight, they will have it at Vengeance.

Sid came to the ring with Tatanka for yet another match with Rick Martel. Martel took this one by rolling Sid up out of nowhere.

There was a video of Dave Taylor trying to teach that bear and Mankind proper dining etiquette. It was messy.

This time on "someone murders Yokozuna the fat shitarse," it was Steve Austin's turn. Austin murdered him harder than anyone else and Yokozuna was stretchered out. I didn't know we had stretchers that big. The announcers said something about Yokozuna retiring earlier than he expected.

Dave Taylor beat some hell out of D-Von Dudley. Still don't care.

Mankind had a match with Ahmed Johnson. Where in the hell has he been? Weren't Bob Backlund and some loser fighting him? Whatever, who cares. Ahmed got the mandible claw and tapped.

Mankind requests a mic and just unloads a nasty rant at the audience and the WWF Locker room. For years he's put his body on the line, just to have the people boo him, and he took it without complaint. He always had a higher tolerance for pain then most. But these past few weeks he's laid his heart out in the open, and you people took it and crushed it. Some sicko in back has made his life this past week a living hell. They tore apart his locker room and they took something dear to him and made a mockey of it. They all know who he's talking about. The Heart Break Kid, Shawn Michaels! Mankind tells the crowd he did this over just losing a match fair and square, to a man uninvolved in it to boot, and they still cheer for him. Shawn comes out both to confront Mankind and apoligize, but also to tell him he has no idea what he's talking about, but Mankind doesn't buy it and tells HBK he'll pay at Venegance. After all that dross, finally some people who can talk.

The main event was Owen Hart and Davey Boy Smith against the Smoking Gunns. Took them a while, but the Bulldog put Bart down for the count with a big running powerslam.

I'd call it a C- in all.

XkXoXrXnX@aol.com posted:

In the first dark match, Godfather and that bear went up against Chris Candido and Mister Godwinn. Godfather pinned Candido. Godfather and that bear are no good as a team. No good.

In the second, Hakushi took on Olympic weightlifter Mark Henry, who went over after a very back-and-forth match. Henry was really off.

In the third, Jim Neidhart and Ahmed Johnson had a match with Jerry Lynn and Dirty White Boy. Ahmed pinned Dirty White Boy. Ahmed looked bad.

When the cameras turned on, Brian Pillman and the Two Man Power Trip are on the Fresh rear end Interview Tent. "Yo, Pilzman, I got word from one 'a' my ninjas that Jeriho is here tonight and ready to rumble, and he's got Rod Rod and B***ard wit his rear end. You think you can keep yo rear end composed for the big fight Sunday?" "Well, Violent J, I was planning to save my official WWF debut for Vengeance, but f*** it, if the Lionheart wants to tussle tonight, I'll bring a chair and a whip!" He turns to the Two Man Power Trip. "You guys up for a fight tonight?" "OH HELL YEAH!" "Then let's do it! Tom Prichard and the Brave Lions against The Two Man Power Trip and yours truly!" Shaggy whatever sucked. Everybody else was good, though.

King Kong Bundy and Taz beat Scott Taylor and the Brooklyn Brawler when Brawler tapped to the Tazmission. Nobody cared, but both teams worked really well together.

We got another really weird vignette Shawn Michaels, as the great Canadian hero Yamozhah, faced the wolverine Nogha to save the sliding hill Hodoodzoo. Through skill and guile, Yamozhah defeated the beast.

Hype video: Sunny guides URSUS the bear and Godfather through a dance routine while Dave Taylor watches in bafflement.

Edge beat Robert Ford with a Snakebite.

Jake Roberts & Edge promo. They want a match with Doink & Vampiro. The Dark Carnival comes out to accept, at Vengeance.

There was a quick match between Vampiro and Billy Gunn. Billy won after one of the clowns hit him with a chair right in front of the referee.

Mankind is backstage, yelling to talk to Vince. He keeps asking about the final tape. Vince doesn't know where it is, and reassures him it will turn up soon.

Tall and Jewish were already in the ring when the cameras came back to it, and Fatu & Samu had a quick match with them. Samu pinned Aldo.

Backstage, Bob Holly confronts Vince McMahon to demand another match with Tatanka and Sid. Vince reasonably points out that his partner is already slated for a match with Bradshaw. Holly is jumped by Sid and King Kong Bundy, only for Rick Martel to make the save. Vince announces the six-man tag for Vengeance and suggests to the faces to find a third partner quick.

Video package: Since Vader won the WWF Championship, he has disrespected not only the fans, but the WWF's legacy by blowing off Raw and even eating burgers off the championship belt. Can the Ultimate Warrior, who won number one contendership on Raw is HBO, teach Vader a warrior's honor?

Scott Taylor was out for a match with Mankind. It was quick and violent, and the All-American tapped. Wait, didn't we see Scott Taylor already? The hell?

Tom Prichard and the Brave Lions beat TMPT and Brian Pillman when Pillman beat Jericho's leg with a chair. drat fine match.

Afterward, Pillman grabs a mic. "What's the matter, Lionheart? Your paw hurting? You feel like you can't walk? THAT'S HOW I FELT WHEN I WAS LAID UP WITH MY FOOT INJURY THESE PAST FEW MONTHS! And all that time, who was dazzling the crowds with his high flying offense? Who was rubbing in the fact that I would NEVER get back the agility that made me "Flyin' Brian Pillman"? It was Chris Jericho, The Lionheart, El Corazon De Leon, all the STUPID names you gave yourself were like thorns in my side. Come Sunday, at Vengeance, the Lionheart won't be the king of the jungle ANYMORE!" Pillman sounded good.

Contract signing for Warrior/Vader at Vengeance. They sign the contract quickly, and stare down, bellowing and huffing, to end Superstars.

I'd call it a B- in all.

Happyman posted:

An earlier writeup had:

Golden Bee posted:

C'mon, we got you excited for Spin The Wheel, Make The Deal.

ressulfan7@aol.com posted:

I was at Raw. It kicked rear end!

The first of five dark matches tonight was Stan "Mr. Lariato" Hansen against Gary Albright. It was an even showing here, but Hansen picked up the win with his patented lariat.

The second dark match was newly-face Tatanka teaming up with part-time commentator Roddy Piper against the evil French Can-Am Connection. The faces dominate this match for a long time, pulling off quick tags and signature spots until Piper submits LaFon with the sleeper hold.

The third dark match was rather new. It was Razorblade Shock (Edge and Jake Roberts) against two dudes in cowboy hats, Robert Ford and Justin "Hawk" Bradshaw. Edge hit his Roberts inspired Snake Bite on Ford to pick up the win. On TV, the cowboy men were called the New Age Outlaws.

Fourth dark match had Owen and Bulldog squashing Tall and Jewish. It was actually not bad for a squash match because both Owen and Bulldog looked like a million of bucks. Owen has Horowitz submitting to the Sharpshooter for the finish.

Fifth dark match had Finlay and Martel teaming again, taking on the weird team of Vader and Taz. They had a good long match, and Vader looked really good through the whole thing. Eventually he put Finlay down for the pin with a Vaderbomb.

Raw opens with... what the heck? It's Road Warrior Animal! He comes out with Vince McMahon to cut a promo about the Legion Of Doom being dead, and says the Animal is now unleashed. Vince McMahon declares a number one contenders tournament to end on next week's raw, with the winner facing Vader at the In Your House: Great White North PPV. He announces that one of the participants will be Road Warrior Animal. Animal is very intense, and Vince is visibly nervous being around him. Animal stumbled quite a bit over his words.

After that, Skunkrocker defended the Pan-American title against Marc Mero, Just as Mero seemed to be getting the upper hand, Sione ran into the ring from out of nowhere and beat the hell out of him, giving Mero the DQ win.

Vince interview segment with Kane, now showing signs of injury. Paul Bearer is with him, and Vince asks him to talk about "the incident", but Undertaker runs in and starts to beat up Kane before Vince declares that if Undertaker makes any contact with Kane before the next PPV, he will be out of the number one contendership tournament. He tries to continue the interview with Kane, but Kane is too beat up to continue.

Inside The Actor's Studio: Goldust interviews Shawn Michaels and Dude Love. Eventually Goldust's arrogance gets the better of Dude Love's patience and he unloads on Goldust. He calls Goldust a coward who's too scared to stand up to Vader. Too afraid to risk his one shot at the WWF title. Goldust gets angry and storms off.

We had a match between Dr. Tom Prichard and Chris Candido. These old rivals went at each other tooth and nail, until Prichard was attacked by..Henry O. Godwinn in a suit? Afterward, Candido got on the mic to introduce his new bodyguard, Mister Godwinn. They kept beating on Dr. Tom for a little while, until the Godfather ran out for the save.

Dave Taylor is walking around backstage when all of a sudden he hears screaming! He runs to see what's going on and finds Headshrinker Fatu and URSUS the bear nose-to-nose screaming incomprehensibly at each other, eventually the conflict devolving into Fatu and the bear headbutting each other. David Taylor can only watch, perplexed.

Jerry Lynn came out for a match with Scott Taylor. It didn't take long for the All American to go down. These two seemed to mesh really well.

There was a pre-taped interview with Mark Henry, who talks about how Stan Hansen inspired him to take up professional wrestling. Interspersed throughout the interview are clips of Hansen lariating the bejeezus out of random guys.

Right after that interview, we see the man himself, Mark Henry. He crosses his arms and glares straight as his opponent, Dirty White Boy, steps forward and into the ring. From the bell, Mark Henry dominates DWB, showing off his excellent strength and desire to win. DWB slaps Henry once, which is then followed by Henry pounding him into the ground. The match ends soon after with a World's Strongest Slam. Post-match, after both contestants are gone, the words "World's Strongest Man" pop up on the Titantron, succeded by a silver "2".


WCW Monday Nyquil segment with The Three Man Power Trip. Austin is seated at a desk in front of a facsimile of the Monday Nitro set in a suit and a cheap wig resembling the hair of Eric Bischoff. To his right is a pair of bongo drums, to his left is Brian Pillman dressed as Commissioner Curt Hennig. The camera keeps zooming in and out and shaking around.

Austin: "Hello, everyone, this is WCW Monday Nyquil, where the big boys play with each other! To my right is Bongo," and as he throws Bongo off-camera, he continues, "Bongo is gone, we gotta cut contracts so we get those sweet sweet WWF castoffs, and to my left is Commissioner Hennig-"
Pillman starts to talk, but HHH, with a goofy false moustache and tights with Hulk Hogan's face airbrushed on the groin, buts in.

"I'm Vice-Commissioner Dick Lewd, and I'm changin' all the matches on the show! Marcus Bagwell, Glacier, Raven, and Ron Simmons are going to have a Dutch Antilles Rules match for chancellorship of Guyana, and James+James, The Navigators, Eric Bischoff and Madusa, and a couple of guys from catering are gonna have a Rated R Tag Team Match where tag teams must stand on each other's shoulders while wearing a large trenchcoat! And I changed the main event to a Yappapi strap-on match between Hogan and Mortis!"

"You son of a bitch, I booked Bagwell and Bischoff to wrestle for the tag belts tonight!"

HHH and Pillman begin to bicker before Austin pushes them off-camera, and yells, "GET A ROOM ALREADY!"

"We got a big night for ya tonight, last time we saw ya, we had the first ever Bottle Of Geritol On A Pole Match, now we got an even bigger new match! Yessiree, it's the Inheritance Money In The Bank Ladder Match, where 6 old codgers fight for a little money to leave their families once their withered bodies crumble to dust! And in our main event, Hulk Hogan faces Paul Orndorff, in a match that blew 12 years ago, and blows even worse today! And we've got our tag team champions, a glorified stand-up duo that managed to run one of our hottest stars out on a rail!"

Pillman rushes back into frame holding a championship belt. "Not anymore! Now me and Hawk are tag team champs! Now I can book all my own matches! Hurray! What do I want first, a Double Dog Collar match, or an elimination Buried Alive match?" Pillman wanders off camera mid-ramble before Austin continues.

"And Steven Regal will defend his Television Championship for maybe 4 minutes while the announcers talk about anything and everything else under the sun! And that's not all, we've also got our young stars, like Stunning Ste-no, he's gone. Flyin' Bri-he's gone too. Terra Ry-gone. Dave Fin-gone. Dave Ta-gone! Jushin Thunder Li-Gone! Eddy Gone-rre-no, wait, we've still got him, thank God! We've also got Jeff Jarrett doing Mixed Martial Arts, The Great Muta and Masahiro Chono in robot masks playing the electronica music, Mabel and Piggley Wiggley praisin' Jesus and playin' King Arthur, 123 Kid playing lovely country music, and woooOOOOOOOooooo, call the ambulance, Scotty Steiner's injuring someone tonight! All that and more on WCW Monday Nyquil, where if the promos don't put you to sleep, the matches will! Oops, looks like we're all out of time, see you on Saturday Night, where everything's made up and the matches don't matter!"


In the first match in the number one contender tournament, Steve Austin took on Dude Love. The two went back and forth, until Goldust came to the ring and stole Dude's..Mankind's..the one-eared guy's attention, letting Austin score a Stone Cold Stunner for the pin.

The arena went dark for a video on the Titantron. Jushin "Thunder" Liger and Shawn Michaels as Oishi Yoshio and Chikara of Asano, search through darkened corridors until they find Kira Yoshinaka as portrayed by Hakushi. They seize his arms and hold him down as the scene fades out. Fading back in, the two kneel alone, each holding knives. The blades raise, and, as the scene fades out once more, fall.

For the second match in the tournament, Animal got his first WWF match in years, taking on King Kong Bundy. Animal threw him around like a ragdoll and put him away after a few minutes.

The Titantron lit up for another video. Dude Love convinces HBK to visit his house for dinner with his family. At first Shawn isn't fond of the idea, but eventually relents. As they drive to Foley's house, it turns into a black and white gothic horror film, with swipes, angles, wolfs howling in the background and even with a bat flying out of Foley's garage. It fades to black when HBK enters the house then cuts back and in color to HBK and Foley exiting the house laughing and smiling, with HBK telling Foley he has a lovely family. It cuts to the family and they are basically a knock off version of the Addams Family, which the mother muttering that HBK might be a bit weird, he's seems like a good guy.

The third match of the first round of the tournament saw Sid taking on that guy with shiny pants. What's his name, Bret Michaels. Sid put up a good effort, but he just wasn't up to the task in front of him, and got kicked in the face in pinned for his troubles.

We go backstage for Vader and Jim Cornette, talking about how Vader doesn't care who wins the number one contender's tournament, because none of them are even on his level.

The main event saw the tournament rounded out with Bret hart against The Undertaker. Great stuff. They kept at each other, looking for any weakness to exploit, and couldn't find any. It had to end sometime, and this one did when Owen came down to shout abuse at his brother, which let Taker pick Bret up for a Tombstone piledriver and the pin.

After the match, Owen and Bret get mics to continue their argument. Owen thinks beating Bret makes him better than Bret. Bret says they're 1 for 1, and since the next In Your House is in Calgary, why not settle it there? This was great. Just amazing.

All in all, I'd call it a solid B+ show.

Sanguinia posted:

A) The 4-man team of Hollywood Hulk Hogan, Scott Steiner, The Big Show and Booker T challenge The Outsiders in a multi-man tag team match. The challenger's contract (which Mortis called the Devil's Contract) stipulated that if any member of the four-man challenger team pins or submits any member of The Horsemen in the match, Arn Anderson will forfeit the WCW Championship to that man.

I Before E posted:

The end was originally going to be a Seventh Seal homage where he beat Taker for his soul in a chess game/wrestling match,

CaptainYesterday posted:

Not until after this week's Pro Graps Unlimited, I think. It DOES have a 60-man, three-ring battle royal that needs to be written. Right now, it's just 'Wrestler X wins, last eliminating Wrestler Y. Most eliminations: Wrestler Z'. Note: Wrestler Z may also be Wrestlers X or Y.

CaptainYesterday posted:

If you're trashing my pet project of the Navigators...

I Before E posted:

Robert Ford is Road Dogg's brother

Do not even ask posted:

Holy poo poo