Captain Foo posted:

WCW seems more compelling overall, but I'm marking hard for Goldust right now.

Xerzes posted:

Ahahahhahahahahahahhaha

Sanguinia posted:

Yeah, nothing says Stars of Tomorrow like Ultimate Warrior squashing Tajiri in a post-show Dark Match and a high school rules match.

If you can't appreciate good storytelling and giving THE HULKSTER'S big storyline it's proper gravity through the use of continuity, then woe be to you

Q7kid posted:

No need to be so dismissive of the Titan crew--I, for one, was on the edge of my seat for Charlie Haas vs. Barry Horowitz.

Skunkrocker posted:

I miss the old days where we posted Meltzer things about the behind the scenes stuff and show synopsi from "fans".

Can we bring that back?

Sanguinia posted:

Raw report by TerryFunkadelic1978@hotmail.com posted:

Just got back from another Raw taping.

There were 4 dark matches, which at least gave me a while to get my nachos. Bradshaw, with some guy with a huge moustache called Dutch, pinned Reckless Youth in a dull match. I don't think Bradshaw and Dutch are super good together, to be honest. Rick Martel, who I didn't know was even back in WWF, went over Doink, another surprise, in a better match than the previous, but nothing special, though seriously, how good would you expect a Doink match to be? HHH versus Matt Hardy was a little underwhelming, as HHH didn't look all that inspired. But Chris Jericho and Roddy Piper versus Taz and Rhyno was actually pretty fun, even if Piper wasn't at his best. He can still go, and he and Jericho are gangbusters together!

For the show itself, it started with a fun little opening promo where Shawn, Bulldog, Taker, Goldust, Yoko, and Vader all came out and had a jaw session, and Gorilla came down to set a trios main event before it got violent. Fuji and Gorilla were the drags of the lot, but it was still fun.

After, there was a dullsville King Of The Ring match between Stone Cold and Jeff Hardy, but Austin looked good. He went over, and then he and HHH cut a promo on Owen, about how Owen was lucky not to have to face HHH in King Of The Ring, which was better than the match at least.

Then Warrior cut a promo and DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN SON. "AAAAAAAH, MANKIIIIIIND *SKROOOONK* YOU DO NOT KNOW THE DEPTHS THE WARRIOR HAS PLUMBED, OR THE HEIGHTS THAT HE CAN REACH! YOU SAY THE PLACES YOU CAN GO ARE THOSE OF A DARKNESS SO PROFOUND, SO DESPAIRING, SO HELLISH, THAT MY DESTRUCITY WILL CRUMBLE IN THEIR WAKE! YOU ARE WROOOOONG, MANKIIIIIIIND! *SKROOOOOONK* NOT ONLY HAVE I PREVAILED OVER DARKER FORCES THAN YOU, I HAVE SOUGHT A TRAVELING COMPANION! HIS NAME IS PAUL BEARER, AND LIKE HIS NAMESAKE HE SHALL CARRY ME INTO THE CORE OF THE EARTH, TO A HEAT AND A DARKNESS YOU DO NOT, WILL NOT, AND CAN NEVER POSSESS! *SKROOOOOOOONK*" This was some fun poo poo, and it was obvious Warrior and Bearer know how to work a crowd.

Then Edge and Jake Roberts beat the Kid Rockers in a short snorer, and Kid Rockers had an argument, which stunk even more than the match. Uuuugh.

Owen Hart had a fun little promo about winning the King Of The Ring, being one of the best wrestlers on the roster, and Stone Cold's taste in alcohol, which was a little harsh. It gets you drunk the same as anything else. Cornette was also fun.

Then there was an IC Title match between Tatanka(BUFFALO) and Tom Pritchard, which ended after Chris Candido attacked Pritchard for a DQ. It was OK, I guess, but I don't get why Sunny and Pritchard were still together. Then Candido attacked him after the match, and somehow managed to be the worst part of the segment.

Then there was a fun little video package where Rick Martel took photos with children, gave autographs, and said that charity is one of the most beautiful things a person can do. It was a marked improvement over the previous segment, and I can't wait to see his debut on Raw next week.

So then The Gunns and Kaientai, which is apparently Tajiri and Sho Funaki, had a match together, non-title, and eeeeeh. And The Dudleyz came out after to mock them, which was also eeeeeeeeeeeh.

So then Mankind came out in what's pretty much always my favorite part of the show, and he brought a mic! "You bring your traveling companion, Warrior, you bring anyone you can find that's willing to stare into these eyes and see my pain, feel my torment. And Ahmed Johnson, I would say that I'm sorry for the things I'm about to do to you, the pain I'm about to put you through... but I'm not. I won't regret anything I'm about to do to you, because I've seen far worse." I love listening to him, and drat if I'm not excited for their match. Mankind versus Ahmed Johnson was about as good as an Ahmed match gets, not much. Mankind won with the Mandible Claw.

Then Mr. Fuji came out to explain that Kaientai entered the King Of The Ring tournament as a unit, somehow, so Hakushi, who is for some reason a part of this Kaientai outfit, will wrestle in Tajiri's stead against Jericho tonight. Uuuuuuuuuuh, okay? The match was meh, as Jericho was probably tired from his match earlier. But he cut a drat good promo after. "You've been everywhere there is to go in America, Steve, and I respect that. But I have something you don't: international experience. I've wrestled on every continent on this Earth, I've built my skill against every style going today. Everything you learned down South with Flair, Sting, and all of those guys, it just doesn't measure up to what I've learned. I AM THE UNCROWNED KING OF THE WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION, STONE COLD, AND IF THERE'S ONE THING I KNOW, IT'S THAT IF YOU COME AT THE KING, YOU'D BETTER NOT MISS! COME AT ME STEVE! THIS SUNDAY! AT THE KING OF THE RING! SEE IF YOU HAVE THE SKILL TO DEPOSE KING JERICHO THE LIONHEARTED, because if you can't, you will NEVER! EEEEEVER! Be the same... again!"

Then it was time for the main, where HBK, Yoko, and Taker faced off against Goldust, Bulldog, and Vader. It ended when Vader powerbombed HBK and was able to keep Taker away while Bulldog distracted Yoko, so Goldust stacked up HBK for a pin. Fun main event, even if Yoko was looking out of breath near the end, the lardo. Cornette and the heels all gloated over HBK after the show, and for some reason, Cornette wasn't so great here.

Still, good fun, solid B-.

Skunkrocker posted:

What the gently caress?

USENET USER bluntman420RVD@hotmail.com posted:

LIVE PPV REPORT FROM WWF KING OF THE RING

Just got back from the latest WWF PPV in Milwaulkee, Wisconsin.

There were 3 dark matches, first Rick Martel beat Gary Albright in a dark match, which was nothing special. Then Jushin Liger beat Ace Steel with a Shooting Star Press, in a match that was a bit too long. Then HHH beat The All-American, Scotty Taylor with a pedigree in a surprisingly fun match.

We started off with a title match, where the Gunns faced off against the Dudleyz, and they still had uncle Zebekaiah. It was a pretty short match that ended with a sick 3D through a table for a DQ win for the Gunns.

Then we had another title match, where Pritchard and Candido had a good match for the IC belt, better than a lot of their recent TV stuff. Pritchard retained with the seated senton.

Then we got the first of tonight's King Of The Ring matches, Edge with Jake The Snake by his side against Owen Hart. It was good, and Owen looked good as always.

Then there was a Jushin Liger hype vid, a fun little anime short where he rescues a cat. Apparently he's on Raw tomorrow. eh.

Tatanka and Marc Mero had a nothing match where Tatanka went over.

Piper and Jericho had a fun little backstage segment where Piper gave Jericho a pep talk. Woo! Jericho is a good improviser, it seems.

Then one of my most anticipated matches of the night, Goldust/Undertaker. Taker dominated, but just couldn't manage to hit the Tombstone. Finally, Goldust got the Final Cut, and managed to get his feet on the ropes for leverage without the ref seeing him. Then Goldust coldcocked Bearer, took the urn, and LED TAKER AWAY! OH man, Undertaker is now under the control of Goldust!

Then we had the next KOTR match, with Stone Cold and Jericho. It was even until Jericho reversed a Stunner into this cool thing that he apparently calls the Codebreaker, kind of like a Backstabber but to the face. They are pretty good together.

After that, we got a hype video for Rick Martel, modeling with animals over some sad music while talking about how ugly someone's soul would have to be to abuse a pet. Fun enough, I suppose.

Then we got Mankind/Warrior, which I've been looking forward to for a while now. It was amazing. Mankind finally got Warrior to submit to the Mandible Claw after what must have been a full minute of Warrior screaming in agony. Then he kept it on, and the refs had to drag him away! I was marking out big time!

Then we had yet another hype video where some Brit called Dave squeezed himself some orange juice bare handed. A real man's man he is.

After that, we had the KOTR finals. Both men held on through each other's holds, and after Jericho got out of the Sharpshooter, Owen busted out a Piledriver! Jericho got his foot on the rope, but Cornette slapped it down before the ref noticed. What a sneaky little louse. Owen Hart is the new King Of The Ring.

Then we had Yokozuna/Vader. This was a pure power affair, where they just went full force at each other. Yoko almost had Vader with the Banzai Drop, but Vader stood up, and powerbombed Yoko for the pin. The match was a little dull, and Yoko was pretty obviously tired by the end. After, Mr. Fuji called to the back, and Tajiri, Hakushi, and Funaki came out to beat up Yoko! So that's what Kaientai was. Overall, kind of a disappointment after that cool arm wrestling match on Superstars.

Then it was the main event: Bulldog/HBK. HBK, as you'd expect, kept on his toes for the first part, but after some stretches from Bulldog, he wasn't so sprightly anymore. But he started to counter the holds, and it got intense, each guy looking to hit their finish. Bulldog had HBK up for the Running Powerslam by the end, but HBK powered out and hit the Sweet Chin Music, and with his last bit of strength, got the cover. Probably the best WWF match I've seen since Mania 12. Then when the cameras stopped rolling, Owen came out to ambush HBK, saying he's the King and soon enough he'll be the champ too.

All in all, a B affair. Pretty pretty solid stuff.

Golden Bee posted:

Congrats on WWF for their King of the Ring! I got confused when Bluntman420 said

because the winner wasn't listed, but then I saw Owen later and figured it out.

Sanguinia posted:

Look you dumb mark, Wrestling Enthusiast Kevin Nash isn't here to amuse you, he's gainfully employed as a Physical Intervention Specialist by Four Horsemen LLC under CEO Arn Anderson, Future WCW World Heavyweight Champion. He'll post when he feels like it.

Sanguinia posted:

His Nintendo 64 isn't going to play itself. There's like 120 stars in Mario!

Usenet user MasatoTatanka@hotmail.com posted:

Just got back from the Superstars taping.

There were 4 dark matches this time, about as much as usual. The Dudleyz beat Aldo Montoya and Barry Horowitz, and then 3D'd Montoya into a table after. Then the Gunns beat Ace Steel and JC Ice. Then Tatanka beat Bob Holly in an unusually high-profile dark match. Then those Kaientai guys fought Rick Martel, Edge and Jake "The Snake" Roberts. Jake pinned Funaki. These were all basically eh, but Ace Steel and JC Ice work pretty well together.

Roddy Piper cut a promo to start the show. "I'm out here because on Raw, Vader decided he could pick on someone smaller than him. That he could batter my protege Chris Jericho and get away with it. He's dead wrong! Vader, I'm calling you out, and maybe now that you've got a fight taken to ya, instead of jumpin' a guy after he just wrestled a match, you might not do so hot!" Cornette came out and accepted the challenge, and Roddy and Vader will face off in the main event. This was good, but not really up to Piper's usual.
Then there was a video package of Owen and HBK on Raw, when Owen was announced as the next challenger. Pretty good, WWF's video department knocks it out of the park yet again.
After that, another video package, this time of Skunkrocker Marty Jannetty attacking 123 Kid. Not as good as the Owen/HBK one, but come on, who cares about 123 Kid and Skunkrocker? Good vid, though.
"Skunkrocker came out to cut a promo. ""123 Kid, I thought we could be partners, we could be friends, we could be equals. That you wouldn't betray me like Shawn did all those years ago. But just like him, you only care about yourself. I've seen you backstage chatting with him and a certain blueblood I'm not going to name, and it made me sick.""
Holy moley, this just might be a shoot.
""You think just because the fans cheer you, you're one of the popular kids, and you can sit at the lunch table with the rest of your clique and ignore the people who brought you to the dance. YOU LITTLE PUNK, YOU WOULDN'T EVEN BE IN THE WWF IF IT WEREN'T FOR ME! I OUGHTA-"" ""WILL YOU PLEASE! SHUT! THE HELL! UP!"" Jericho came out on the ramp. ""Marty, you certainly seem to be aggressive tonight- PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE. Maybe the reason Shawn and Kid got tired of you is because you don't know how to honestly bare your soul, so you turn to whining and sniping. When I have a problem with someone, I don't hide behind a mask, I face them head on, like I want to face you, RIGHT NOW!"""
Then Jericho/Skunkrocker started, a pretty even match up until Skunkrocker reversed a Boston Crab into a backslide for a 2 count. After Jericho kicked out, Skunkrocker got angry and spit a mysterious gray liquid into his face.
As Piper helped Jericho wipe the burning spray off his face, Skunkrocker took the mic. "YOU MESS WITH THE SKUNK... YOU GET THE SPRAY. *HSSSSSSS*" The first promo wasn't super good, but drat that was a decently fun match, and that spray looks dangerous.

Then Warrior squashed Doink before cutting a promo. "AAAAAAHHHH, GOOOOLDUUUUST, A WAAARRRIOORRRRR'S SPIRIIIT DOES NOT STAND FOR THESE UNDERHANDED DEALINGS! YOU MAY HAVE THE POWER OF THE UNDERTAKER, BUT GOOOOLDUUUUUUUUUST, YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU WILL BE THE DEAD MAN ONCE JUSTICE HAS BEEN METED OUT! SKROOOOOOONK!" Goldust came out to retort: "Warrior, a match with the likes of you is below my pay grade. You may have been the headline star in 1990, but now you're just a joke. If you want to get some sort of justice, you're going to have to come to me." Warrior ran up the ramp to lunge at Goldust, but got stopped in his tracks by Undertaker, recieving some sort of elevated powerbomb for his trouble, like the Jackknife, but if he raised the guy over his head. It didn't keep him down too long, so it doesn't look like it's his new finisher, but still, it's a cool move. Goldust, Taker, and Warrior are my favorite parts of most WWF shows, and this was no different.

Then Jushin Liger, Yokozuna by his side, beat Bradshaw with a Shooting Star Press before Kaientai ran out and tried to get the jump on them. Between Yoko's strength and Liger's agility, Kaientai didn't have a chance. uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. no. one. gave. a. shiiiiiit. We saw Kaientai get squashed in a dark match not an hour ago, jesus. And the Liger/Bradshaw match wasn't super either.

Then some guy named Scott Taylor came out, I guess he's taking Mankind's challenge. A couple minutes later Mankind had his hand down Taylor's throat. Pretty good match, to be honest. This guy's been in some pretty decent matches lately. This is the first one out of the dark, though.

Then Austin and Helmsley cut a promo on the Gunns. "That gangly little pipsqueak Bart barely even laid a hand on Triple H in the King Of The Ring tournament, and he and Billy think they stand a chance? Ha!" Austin cracked open a beer as HHH poured himself some champagne, and they toasted to their impending victory. Good promo.

Then Chris Candido challenged Tom Pritchard to a Loser Leaves WWF match, which Pritchard wins when Candido almost hits him with the belt before Sunny stops him, allowing Pritchard to Piledrive Candido and get the pin.
After, Candido started ranting and raving. "NO, NO, IT'S NOT FAIR, NONE OF IT'S FAIR, THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY MOMENT, THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY SHINING HOUR, BUT THAT LIAR'S RUINED IT ALL! HIM AND EVERYBODY ELSE! THEY'RE ALL TRYING TO DESTROY ME! SUNNY? YOU BELIEVE ME, DON'T YOU? YOU'VE ALWAYS STAYED BY ME..." Sunny said nothing as she walked away and the security personnel dragged Candido out of the arena. Glad to see this feud is loving over, it stunk up the place. Maybe Pritchard can get some decent opponents now.

Now for the main event. Vader pretty much steamrolled Piper, going for power moves as often as he could while Roddy kept trying to wear him down with the Sleeper. Near the end, Roddy was running the ropes when Cornette cracked him in the spine with his tennis racket, allowing Vader to hit his powerbomb for a pin. Best match of the show, although Piper was definitely tired by the end.
Then Vader went for more punishment on Roddy, Jericho came to his aid, and they brawled to end Superstars. This wasn't as good, but still decent.
After that, there was a stinker of a dark main where Bulldog squashed Marc Mero.

All in all, it was a B- show, drat good for a Superstars.

Usenet user connecticutyankeeinkinglawlerscourt@wesleyan.edu posted:

So I just went to the first Hartford Wrestling Alliance show, and I'm not sure I want to come back.

The first match had Ahmed Johnson beating some big dude called Kurrgan in what had to be the best match on the card. The match after it, this guy called Mike Quackenbush who looked like he had a really tiny penis, defeating some Cassidy O'Reilly guy, was the worst match I have ever seen. Full stop. It was probably the worst thing that has ever happened to the state of Connecticut. I'd give it an F+, but I don't even think that's a real rating. At least nobody died. If only for that, it gets the +. Then Ahmed Johnson came out, thank god(I never thought I'd say that) to brawl with Jeff Hardy for some reason. Then Charlie Haas defeated Matt Hardy, Dick Togo, and some Wildcat guy, who looked like Chris Harris for the HWA IC title, which was at least not as awful as Quackenbush/O'Reilly. Then Stevie Richards and Reckless Youth defeated CW Anderson and Rhino in an even less bad, but still bad, match. In the main event, Jeff Hardy defeated Steve Corino for the HWA Heavyweight title(even though I'm like 75% sure neither of them are legit heavyweights).

I'm giving it an E+, even though I'm sure that's not a real grade. This poo poo managed to sell out! It sold out a 1,200 seat arena to be fair, but still! It got a sellout crowd to watch this poo poo! auuuuuugh at least WWF TV is decent.

Usenet user silverscreensensation@hotmail.com posted:

Just got back from Raw.

5 Dark matches:
-Aldo, Horowitz, and Brooklyn Brawler/Kaientai, Kaientai go over, Hakushi pins Brawler in a bad match. Nobody cares about Kaientai. Like at all.
-Dave Taylor/Gary Albright, Taylor goes over in a better match than the previous, but still not super.
-Jushin Liger and Yokozuna/JC Ice and Ace Steel, Yoko goes over after Liger Ligerbombs Ace Steel into a Banzai drop from Yoko. Worse than the previous one, but not as bad as Kaientai's
-Warrior/Backlund, Warrior goes over in a surprisingly good match.
-TMPT/Robert Ford and Kaz Hayashi, TMPT go over, HHH pins Kaz in a eh match.

Then the cameras started as Goldust debuted his new interview segment: Inside The Actors' Studio. His first guests: HBK, Jericho, and Piper. Jericho and Piper talked about how Vader ambushed them after their match last raw, and how low he is for doing so. Jericho started to mention that Vader seems to jump him every time he gets near Cornette's crew, and Owen in particular. HBK, obviously nervous and wary, talked about how Cornette always seems to have the element of surprise on his side. To end the segment, he asked each man their least favorite word. Roddy answered "smoke", Jericho answered "Cornette", and before HBK could answer, Taker yelled "BOO" and he and Goldust attacked the trio. Gorilla came out to make a main event tag match, HBK and Jericho versus Goldust and Taker. So it seems Taker is straight up heel now. I was marking out, it was P.E.R.F.E.C.T.

Dave Finlay/Justin Bradshaw, Finlay went over in a decent match. He seems to really click with Hillbilly Jim and Bradshaw. After, there was a backstage segment where Dok Hendrix asked Hillbilly Jim and Finlay why they've been working together. Finlay answered, "We both love drinkin', love fightin', and hate shavin'. Why not hang out?" This was less good.

Tom Prichard and Sunny cut a promo about how he's saddened that Candido had to leave the company, but he hopes him the best in his future endeveors, Sunny said she'll hang around Prichard for a while until Candido gets his head together. Prichard followed that up saying until then Sunny can manage him since he's going to be defending his IC belt a lot since Prichard wants to be known as a fighting champion. After this Blackman's music hit signaling the start of the next match.
Tom Prichard/Steve Blackman for the IC title, Prichard went over. Is it just me, or is Tom Pritchard just not very good? The promo stunk, the match stunk, he's just not good.

Dave Taylor hype video: we see Dave's workout regimen: he runs up and down a large hill with a backpack full of firewood on his back. He does one-handed pushups. He arm wrestles a yeti. Dave Taylor: A Real Man's Man. Eh.

Bulldog/Holly, Bulldog goes over. Bulldog was off his game, but it was decent all the same.

Skunkrocker cut a promo before his match. "123 Kid, I did what I did weeks ago because I'm not afraid to stand alone. You have your backstage buddies, but I'm not the kind of guy who makes friends. I thought I had a friend in Shawn Michaels, but he ended up kicking me through a barbershop window. I thought I had a friend in Razor Ramon, another friend of Shawn's, but he left me too. I thought I had friends in WWF's corporate offices, but they left me on the street the second I got in a little trouble with the "authorities". And after I had gotten through all that, I thought I had a friend in you. But the last thing I need right now is a friend. I'm done working with people, working for people. I'm my own man now, chasing what I want, and nobody's going to stop me."
Skunkrocker/Scott Taylor in a MITB Qualifying match, Skunkrocker went over with the Stink Bomb, a top rope powerbomb. I like how they're willing to go shooty with these promos, but neither the promo or the match was very good.

Edge and Jake Roberts come out to challenge Mankind. Jake talks about how if there's anyone who can match Mankind's darkness, it's him, and if there's anyone who can match his fire, it's Edge, one of WWF's finest young men.
Mankind/Edge, Mankind went over with the Claw. These were OK, but Edge just isn't good. He looked awful during the promo, and the match was a squash where he got like no offense. I don't think we'll be seeing too much more of Edge.

Rick Martel/Tatanka, Tatanka went over when Sycho Sid storms in and attacks Martel. Then Sycho Sid cuts a promo on Martel. "You talk about beauty, pretty boy, you talk about beauty a lot. You talk about how beautiful national parks are, and the little puppy dogs, and those poor ol' sick kiddies. Well, those sick kids can go screw as far as I'm concerned! Y'see, I've never known what it's like to be pretty. I'm just a big ugly bastard. A big ugly bastard who beats the hell out of little pretty boys like you. And at Money In The Bank, I'll beat you, and beat you, and beat you s'more, until you ain't a pretty boy no more, you're just an ugly bastard like me." After that, Sid kept attacking Martel until officials had to be called in to attend to Martel's injuries. These were good, too, but Sid wasn't super good in his segment, I think he was trying to improv a little, but it didn't help.

Cornette cut a promo about how amazing Owen and Vader are, and how HBK doesn't stand a chance at Money In The Bank. Then we had Vader/3 Count, where Vader went over, pinning Jammin' Jamie Noble, an Owen/HBK video package, and Owen/123 Kid, Owen went over. The Vader squash was bad, but the rest was excellent.

Then the main: HBK and Jericho(with Piper) v. Goldust and Taker, HBK went over after Jericho distracted Taker on the outside, allowing HBK to Sweet Chin Music Goldust and get the quick pin.
After, Warrior ran in to try to attack Goldust, but got picked up for a chokeslam by Taker. Michaels hit SCM on Taker before he can hit the Chokeslam on Warrior, leading to a big pull-apart brawl to end Raw. The main was fan-loving-tastic, with Goldust and Undertaker working amazingly as a team.

Overall, Raw was a C+ show, not too big of a drop in quality from recent weeks, but there was a lot of dross in the middle.

Usenet user hartthrob1981@prodigy.net posted:

Just got back from the Superstars taping.

We had 5 dark matches to start off. Whatever beef you may have with WWF, they sure give the live crowd a show. First Dave Taylor, the Real Man's Man, defeated Samu in an eh match. Then the Dudleyz defeated 123 Kid after a 3D through a table on the outside while the ref was distracted by Uncle Zeb jingling his keys in a pretty lame match, and Kid didn't look all that pleased about his circumstances. Then Kaientai lost to Phatu, Roddy Piper, and Chris Jericho in a pretty fun match, better than we've seen out of Kaientai lately. Then Kid came out yet again for a squash match against Tatanka, which he lost. Then Bradshaw and Bart Gunn had an eh match, I think it could have been more interesting if Bart had given it his A-game.

When the cameras came on, we had the Ultimate Warrior on Piper's Pit, talking about Goldust and Taker. Then Owen Hart came out to gloat to Piper. Piper got mad, Warrior tried to be the voice of reason(a phrase I never thought I'd type), before Owen hit him with a chair. Tonight's main event: Owen Hart/Ultimate Warrior!
Then we had a Dave Taylor video package, where he juggled chainsaws. It was a fun little package, but nobody seems to care about him. Then Jushin Liger beat Ace Steel in a match that could have been fun if Ace Steel wasn't off his game.
Then we got a skit with Goldust and the Ultimate Warrior. "Goldust and Taker skit: MISSION: INEVITABLE, A Shattered Dreams Production. Undertaker is in some air ducts, in a spoof on that one scene from Mission Impossible with the MITB briefcase in place of the computer, and Goldust talking to him from headquarters. However, when Taker tries to lower himself, he simply falls. Goldust turns to the camera, mugging, and says ""well, you know what they say, if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself."" and laughs. He then walks into the room and takes the briefcase, leading his Undertaker after him as he walks out.Then there was a little text card like the old James Bond movies: GOLDUST AND UNDERTAKER WILL RETURN IN MONEY IN THE BANK. Really fun little video.

Then Bulldog and Vader beat Sugah Shane Helms and Jammin' Jamie Noble in a decent enough squash. After that, the Dudleyz cut a promo on the Gunns and TMPT, talking about how they ain't done with them yet, and if anyone is getting a title shot at Money In The Bank, it had better be them, or more tables, not to mention people, will be broken in their wake. This was not the best, and the IC title match that followed it, where Tom Pritchard beat Phil LaFon was only kind of better.

Then 123 Kid came out for a promo. "Marty, whatever you think made you what you've become, whatever you think I've done to you, it's not what you think it is. Yes, I always tagged you in against the tougher opponents, but it's not because I wanted you to get pinned instead of me, it's because I respected you as a wrestler. You were the multiple time tag team champion, the former Intercontinental champion. When I was learning to wrestle, I watched your matches with Shawn, and I studied them. You guys were everything I thought a wrestler should be, a tag team should be: you were agile, always had each other's backs, and you knew how to make a crowd root for you. I saw Shawn kick you through that window, and at the time, I hated him about as much as you must have. But when I came to the WWF, I met a very different Shawn. He'd learned from his mistakes, he'd learned that friends aren't to be tossed aside. If you think I betrayed you by befriending Shawn Michaels, either I don't know Shawn like I thought... or I never really knew you. And right now, I'm leaning towards the second option." Skunkrocker ran out from the back, screaming "LIAR!" over and over, and began to beat 123 Kid down, still ranting into the mic. "YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU SAY ABOUT ME BACKSTAGE, THE LIES YOU TELL? YOU'VE NEVER BEEN MY FRIEND, YOU'VE NEVER VALUED MY SKILL! I WANTED TO WAIT UNTIL MONEY IN THE BANK, BUT I CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER!" He sprayed 123 Kid with the Skunk Spray for a phenomenally long time, and walks to the back while medical personnel attend to 123 Kid. The crowd gave like no shits about this, probably because he got squashed twice in the dark part of the show.
Then Cuddly Chris Daniels came out to answer Mankind's open challenge and got tapped out for his trouble. The promo was dogshit, but short, and the squash match was fun, Mankind brought it as always.
After that, Goldust and Undertaker fought Road Rage in a short, but really fun match where Undertaker shone. They followed this with an HBK/Owen hype video. drat, I can't wait to see this match. Then Rick Martel beat HHH in a fun match before cutting an even better promo on Sid about how ugly Sid's soul would have to be to ambush him during a fair fight.
Then we had the main event, a short but intense match that ended when Goldust blew glitter into Warrior's eyes while the ref wasn't looking, letting Owen roll up Warrior for the pin. Then Warrior and Goldust stared each other down to end the show. When the cameras went off, HBK and Skunkrocker came out to have a short match where HBK went over, but the crowd was pretty much gone by then.

I'd say it was a B- show, damned good.

Golden Bee posted:

Goldertaker, which I was originally skeptical on, is paying dividends!

Evil Badman posted:

Superstars or "The Passion of the 1-2-3 Kid."

NutritiousSnack posted:

Is DDP still fighting everyone?

Abrasive Obelisk posted:

If I can vote:

I have faith in WCW to be funny, so Fans Bring The Weapons.

Abrasive Obelisk posted:

NJPW Rocky

Usenet User BigAnimeFanHere@prodigy.net posted:

Hey WWF fans, just got back from Raw. We had 5 dark matches as usual, Jerry Lawler beat 123 Kid in a quickie, TMPT beat Dave and Scott Taylor when HHH pinned Scott Taylor in a fun match, the Headshrinkers beat Brooklyn Brawler and Matt Hardy in what had to be the worst match of the night, probably because Samu and Phatu have different alignments and gimmicks entirely. Then the Dudleyz beat Tall And Jewish in a short match that was only slightly better than the previous match, and Hakushi beat 123 Kid in a short squash.

Then we saw HBK and Rick Martel on Inside The Actors' Studio, talking about their shared history and their upcoming matches with Owen Hart and Sid, respectively. Owen and Sid came out to mock them, and challenge dthem to a tag match in the main event, which Martel and HBK accepted. Sid's not super when he's asked to improvise, and he and Martel were the weak links in the segment. Goldust was FAN-TAS-TIC. That dude is a star.

After that, there was a really weird match where Doink came out to this sort of... industrial? remix of his theme music, wearing black and white, to face Marc Mero for like 4 minutes before he started to beat him with a chair and got disqualified. The match itself was actually pretty alright, but man, I'm not sure where they're going with Doink.

Then we saw a little hype vid: Dave Taylor and Jake Roberts walking down a street at night. A hooded man emerges from an alley, brandishing a knife and demanding their money. Jump cut to the man apologizing to both, thanking them for their advice, and promising to become a monk. Dave Taylor: A Real Man's Man. The crowd seemed to care more about this than they have about his other videos, probably because people love Jake Roberts.

After that, Tom Pritchard defended his IC belt against Bradshaw, and Bradshaw won when he hit the Clothesline From Hell on the outside and Pritchard got counted out. The match wasn't special, but I can see these guys going somewhere.

Then we got a pre-taped segment with Ultimate Warrior in front of his own logo. He gave a long, wandering rant, telling children to stay off drugs. Or he was talking about a recipe for roast possum. it's the Ultimate Warrior, who knows. It was fun, but you could tell he was having an off day.

They followed that up with a hype vid of the Yoko and Liger/Kaientai feud, which nobody seems to care about. This led into Liger beating Funaki with a Ligerbomb. This could have been OK, but Yoko wasn't good at ringside and Funaki looked like he had a cold or something.

The Gunns defended their titles against Ace Steel and JC Ice handily in a poo poo match before the Dudleyz came out to mock them for ducking their challenge. The Gunns fired back with some frankly lame lines about how the Dudleyz were bowling shoe ugly and they probably preferred inferior chaw. The promo was better than the match, but not by a lot.

We got a promo for the MITB match, hyping that Goldust, Warrior, Skunkrocker, and Liger were in, leaving only 2 spots in the riskiest match the WWF has ever seen, with a reward to fit. They followed this with Goldust/Yokozuna, a very fun match that ended with Hakushi attacking Yoko, allowing Goldust to hit his finisher. Yoko and Goldust work surprisingly well together. Then Taker beat Bob Holly in a pretty fun match, for a squash, at least.

After that, there was aGoldust and Taker skit: FarGold, a Shattered Dreams production. Goldust and Taker portray the two hired men, stealing the MITB briefcase. In the next scene, Goldust as Warrior as Marge Gunderson tries to question Taker as Jerry Lundegaard at the car dealership, but his unintelligible rantings leave Taker stupefied. Then, we see Goldust and Taker running off across the ice with the MITB briefcase.


After the action, a Bond-esque end card: GOLDUST AND UNDERTAKER WILL RETURN IN TWO WEEKS IN MONEY IN THE BANK. Very fun little video.

Then Vader and Chris Jericho had a MITB qualifier where Bulldog tried to interfere, Piper retaliated, and they brawled into the ring to cause a double DQ. Vader and Jericho work well together, but the match just came off as overstuffed, to its detriment. It felt like too many people were trying to get their way, and it just wasn't satisfying. Vader beat Jericho down after the match.

Then Hillbilly Jim and Finlay accepted Mankind's open challenge. The match went longer than most of the open challenge matches, and ended when after Finlay refused to submit to the Mandible Claw, Mankind resorted to a sort of double underhook DDT thing for a pinfall victory. More than I expected from Finlay.

Then they recapped the Owen/HBK feud, before the main event: HBK and Rick Martel v. Owen and Sid. HBK and Martel didn't seem to trust each other at first, but they started to really work together, ending when Martel hit a Scoop Slam on Sid to set up HBK's diving elbow, but Owen broke up the pin and started brawling with HBK, leading to a full on brawl and a double DQ. Then security had to come in and break up the brawl to end Raw. The match was really fun, and the show overall was a solid B-.

Q7kid posted:

Well, there's a visual.

Swagger Dagger posted:

My favorite part of this whole thing is how over Goldust is.

Skunkrocker posted:

Yeah, but they're still

We're :bischoff:

Oh wait, that doesn't work... let me get the link.

We're

Usenet User milliondollartommydreamer@hotmail.com posted:

We had 5 dark matches, as usual. First Vader squashed kid in an average match, then Rick Martel beat Gary Albright in a dull match, Vampiro and the Dirty White Boy lost to Dave Taylor and Bob Holly in an even duller match, Tatanka beat Michael Modest in a somewhat more exciting match, and in the least cared-about dark match of the night, Jerry Lynn beat the 123 Kid. They worked pretty well together, but drat if 123 Kid's cred isn't virtually nil.

Then the cameras came on. First segment: Goldust is on Piper's Pit talking about how he will beat Warrior and all those other clods to win the MITB contract, and insulting Piper. Jericho tries to come to Piper's aid, but Taker attacks him before he can. HBK runs to Jericho's aid, and Mankind follows to cause as much pain as he can. They brawl until Gorilla makes a trios main event for tonight: Piper, Jericho, and HBK versus Mankind, Taker, and Goldust. This was pretty great.

Then we got a Jerry Lynn hype video, and nobody cared.

Doink came out, to something I can barely describe as music, for a match with Barry Horowitz. It lasted all of 2 minutes before Doink beat Horowitz down with a chair and crouched ranting over his body. I couldn't catch much, but I think he mentioned a gathering. Nobody really liked the match or promo too much.

After that, we saw a hype video: Dave Taylor and The Ultimate Warrior visit a Rennaissance fair. They excel in axe-throwing and jousting, walk on hot coals, and enjoy giant turkey legs. During the jousing scene, we can see that Warrior's armor has tassels on the arms. Dave Taylor: A Real Man's Man. Fun video.

Following that, Bradshaw beat Aldo Montoya in a heatless match, and called Tom Pritchard out for a match at MITB since he's already beaten him by countout. The promo was a little better than the match.

Then Marc Mero beat Playboy Jim Powers to earn a spot in the MITB match and Tom Pritchard beat Cuddly Chris Daniels to retain the IC Title, both relatively heatless and dull.

Skunkrocker cut a boring but short promo about possibly killing 123 Kid and ending his WWF career before beating Sugah Shane Helms with the Stink Bomb in a marginally better match.

Sid then beat Scott Taylor in a marked improvement on the previous match.

After, TMPT cut a promo on the Gunns and Dudleyz.

Austin: "The Dudley Boyz seem to think rules don't apply to them, not only in the ring, but out of it. They. Lost. Period. They. Do. Not. Get. Another. Chance. And that's the bottom line."

Hunter: "We already have a match at Money In The Bank against the Gunns. Maybe they could fight Road Rage if they're so desperate for opponents. I'd like to see that stunning matchup. HA!"

Dudleyz came out to respond: "You know, you may not have heard of it, but we got a little thing in the ol' E C Dubya called the Three Way Dance. How about it, two on two on two? Or do ya think that the Gunns and the Dudleys are so drat good, you couldn't possibly take us both at once?"
Hunter: "OH THAT'S IT, YOU INSOLENT LITTLE WHELP, YOU'RE ON! IT'S A THREE WAY DANCE FOR THE TAG TEAM TITLES, AND WHEN WE SHOW YOU WHERE THE POWER LIES, YOU WON'T DREAM OF TALKING GUFF LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN!"
This wasn't super, but Dutch was a big help to D-Von.

Then there was a Goldust and Taker skit: GoldustEye, a Shattered Dreams production. Undertaker as Bond and Goldust as Trevelyan fight their way through the nuclear facility. Next scene is the scene by the train tracks with Goldust as Natalya trying to kiss Undertaker. Spoof of the final scene in the satellite cradle, but rather than them hanging off the cradle, the briefcase is, and they are climbing a tall ladder to reach it. Taker grabs Goldust as he is reaching for it. "For England, Taker?" "No... For the title."


GOLDUST AND UNDERTAKER WILL RETURN IN MONEY IN THE BANK
Very fun.

Then Yokozuna and Jushin Liger beat the Two Man Power Trip by disqualification after Kaientai attacked them. Mr. Fuji cut a promo after telling Yoko he'd be facing Hakushi at Money In The Bank. Neither the match or promo were very good, the flow of the match was really thrown off by Yoko not being very involved in the match(cuz he's super fat) and the promo probably just stunk.

The main event had HBK, Jericho, and Piper beat Mankind, Taker, and Goldust when Jericho reversed the Mandible Claw into a Codebreaker. The match really wasn't served by the commentary. After, they brawled until security had to pull them apart, as seems to be de rigeur for WWF these days.

All in all, a B-. A lot of poo poo in the undercard, but the main was solid as a rock.

Golden Bee posted:

The main event had HBK, Jericho, and Piper beat Mankind, Taker, and Jericho.

I these "Three Way Dances" are too complicated.

But if Doink is going Juggalo, that's fantastic.

Nystral posted:

Is Yoko's weight a real concern within TEW or just something made up as flavor?

I'm really liking both sides here as they both have some really compelling story lines.

IcePhoenix posted:

Just out of curiosity, from a game perspective how much damage are they doing to him?

MysticalMachineGun posted:

Man, why aren't you squashing 1-2-3 Kid on tv, WWF? Bury him in public!

Skunkrocker posted:

Wait, he finished the feud with me? Yeah, right. gently caress Sean Waltman. What a dick. I hate his stupid greasy hair. Who does he think he is? Kirk Hammett? I hope he fails in his future endeavors.

Captain Foo posted:

Doink going Juggalo is amazing.

Usenet user Jerichoholic@hotmail.net posted:

Not a lot of time, so I'll just run down the Raw results, if you're alright with that.
Dark Match: Steve Blackman & Gary Albright vs. 123 Kid, Albright pins Kid, meh
Dark Match: Vader & Dirty White Boy vs. Michael Modest & Matt Hardy, Vader pins Modest, meh, and Modest was looking off.
Dark Match: Smoking Gunns vs. Hakushi/Funaki, Bart Gunn pins Funaki, meh, Hakushi was looking off his game.
Dark Match: Sid & Jerry Lynn vs. Rick Martel & Aldo Montoya, Sid pins Montoya, better, Sid looked especially good.
Dark Match: Doink the Clown & Vampiro vs. 123 Kid, Doink goes over, meh.


Mankind is on Inside The Actors' Studio to start the show. Mankind talks about how much he's been enjoying destroying the people who have answered his open challenge, how he relishes their pain and suffering. Jericho and Piper come out. Jericho challenges Mankind saying that he'll show him that if you go around hurting people, one day someone's gonna hurt you back. That day is today, and afterwards, you will NEVER! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER! be the same... again! Amazing as ever.

Yokozuna and Liger vs. Can-Am Connection, Liger pins LaFon. Meh
Tajiri beats Scott Taylor in a MITB qualifying match. Faaaaaaaaart
Mr. Fuji cuts a promo on Yokozuna and Liger. Decent

Hype video: Dave Taylor and Chris Jericho attend a rock concert, discovering a shared appreciation for the New Wave Of British Heavy Metal. After the show, Taylor plays guitar with one of the bands, and Jericho is on vocals. Dave Taylor: A Real Man's Man. The crowd was not super excited by this one, I gotta say.

Mankind cuts a promo from backstage. "Dave Finlay, when you accepted my challenge last week on Raw, I expected you to tap out just like the rest. But no, no, you held on, you showed a resolve through the pain and agony I inflicted, a resolve that I have seen in very few men. At Money In The Bank, I WANT TO SEE THAT RESOLVE WITHER AND DIE! I WANT TO SEE YOUR LAST GASPS BEFORE YOU SCREAM AND CRY AND BEG FOR MERCY! I WANT A SUBMISSION MATCH, WHERE THE ONLY WAY TO WIN IS TO MAKE YOUR OPPONENT SUBMIT!" I love Mankind's promos.

Pre-taped video, Warrior's logo as background. Chris Jericho, looking very confused as to why he has Warrior's facepaint on, goes on a Warrior-style rant telling children to stay in school and eat artichokes. Fun stuff.

Tatanka/Bob Holly, Tatanka goes over. Zzzzzzz.

Finlay and Hillbilly Jim accept Mankind's challenge for Money In The Bank, as they come to the ring for Finlay's match with Steve Austin.
Finlay vs. Austin. Austin pins Finlay after Mankind attacks him.
Afterward, Mankind holds Finlay in the Claw until he passes out. The match wasn't bad, and neither was the attack segment. The promo before the match was a stinker, though.

Warrior cuts a promo about MITB. "IN SIX SHORT DAYS, I WILL BE THRUST INTO THE HEAT OF COMBAT IN THE FIRST EVER MONEY IN THE BANK MATCH! I WILL BE PART OF A WRITHING MASS OF HUMANITY, PROPELLED BY AMBITION AND VENGEANCE TO CAUSE PAIN AND REVEL IN DESTRUCTION! *SKROOOOOONK* EVEN IF I DO NOT END UP WITH THE MONEY IN THE BANK BRIEFCASE, I CAN STILL SUCCEED IN CAUSING AS MUCH HARM TO GOLDUST AS IS POSSIBLE! THERE WILL BE LADDERS, THERE WILL BE CHAIRS, THERE WILL BE CHAINS, THERE WILL BE BLOOD! THE WARRIOR WILL CALL UPON THE SOULS OF ALL THE WARRIORS BEFORE HIM AND RISE TO THE TOP OF THE LADDER IF IT IS THE LAST THING THE WARRIOR EVER DOES! *SKROOOOOOOOOOONK*" This was good, as most every time Warrior gets on a mic.

The British Bulldog vs. Shane Helms, Bulldog goes over. This was OK.
Afterward, Jim Cornette cuts a promo on HBK, Chris Jericho and Roddy Piper, explaining how they will be thoroughly beaten at Money in The Bank by Owen, Vader and Bulldog, respectively. This was alright.

Smoking Gunns promo on TMPT and Dudleyz. This was decent enough.
HHH vs. Kaz Hayashi, HHH goes over. Kaz was off his game, but HHH looked good. Match wasn't much though.

Goldust/Undertaker/Warrior feud hype video, and goddamn I am hype for this feud.

IC Title Match: Dr. Tom Prichard vs. Robert Ford, Prichard goes over. Better than Pritchard's recent matches, though Robert Ford was looking a little heelish.
Afterward, Bradshaw comes out to reiterate his demand for a title shot, and Prichard accepts. Not as good as the match.

HBK cuts a promo on Owen. He's weary, beaten down, and paranoid. "On the Raw right after I'd gone through a war against the British Bulldog, Jim Cornette came out and said that Owen Hart only beat me by a simple stroke of luck, and that at Money In The Bank, when I'm locked in a cage with him, It's certain that he'll be the one to walk out with this WWF Title. At Wrestlemania 12, I fought his brother Bret for over an hour straight, and it was only through a lucky kick that I came out with the belt in the end. From everything I've seen of Owen, he's every bit as good as his brother, and ten times as ruthless. I don't doubt that he'll be able to beat me, especially while I'm still recovering from that match with Bulldog. I'll need a miracle to get through this with sound body and mind, but if there's ANYTHING you all can expect from the Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels, it's being able to come through in the clutch when the chips are down and there's no hope. If the only thing that can save me at Money In The Bank is a miracle, then I'll fight with all my heart and soul to make that miracle happen. King Owen, I'll see you on the field of battle." HBK walks away, and before he walks through the curtain, he takes one more teary look at the crowd, and hangs his head as he walks to the back. Perhaps the best promo I've seen for a while.

Owen Hart/Warrior, Warrior goes over after HBK speeds out from the back and hits Owen with a Sweet Chin Music while the ref is down. drat good match.
After the bell is called, Cornette and the rest of his cronies rush out to Owen's side, but Shawn hits Bulldog with a SCM, knocking him into Cornette, and tries to slip between Vader's legs and escape, but eats a powerbomb from Vader. Vader stands alone in the carnage to end the segment. Vader was good, but Cornette underwhelmed.

Main: Mankind/Jericho, Mankind goes over after Vader attacks Jericho. Really fun match.
Vader and Mankind start to beat down Jericho, but Finlay comes out for the save, and they all brawl to end Raw. Jericho wasn't super here, and nobody really cared about Finlay.

Dark Main: HBK and Dave Taylor v. Goldust and Taker, HBK pins Goldust. Decent dark main, probably lost a little luster since people were leaving to beat the traffic.

All said, a B- show.

BoredDG posted:

Wow, it really is RAW is Jericho

Skunkrocker posted:

Woah woah woah wait... Vampiro?
When the gently caress did you hire Vampiro?

Skunkrocker posted:

sk, what the gently caress? You failed us on the dirt sheet scoops!