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Apr 27, 2024 22:16
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- Junpei Hyde
- Mar 15, 2013
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quote:<USENET REPORT FROM USER: B1GB055M4N@aol.com>
So Raw sure was a thing. Here's my low down on what happened:
Before the dark matches, Marlena cut a promo (a dark promo, they must really think high of her) something something face turn she's managing the wild sparks now. I guess this was OK but who really cares?
4 dark matches this time, WWF must be testing the waters carefully with all that new talent. In the first one Tatanka beat Bob Holly (with Marlena) pretty easily. What was that I said about new talent? Match was short and not very good, Tatanka seemed off his game.
In dark match #2, some new guy I forgot the name of (Reckless something I dunno) beat Sho Funaki (w/Mr. Fuji). Match looked like it could go either way. The crowd weren't into this at all, it really put their mood down.
Next, some team called the Can-Am Connection (who the gently caress comes up with these dumb names anyway seriously?) went up against the team of Barry Horowitz and Aldo Montoya, who I predict to be the next breakout tag team in the WWF, after the Rad- Oh hey look the match already ended before I finished typing, new guys won, and the crowd hated this one too. Despite my previous joke, the jobber team? Actually pretty great chemistry! As for the new guys, one of them looked WAY better than the other, think he was called Furnace or something (I don't get it).
In the final non-main dark match, Edge was again accompanied by Jake Roberts and beat... Dick Togo. Dick. To go. Yeah sure whatever WWF, may as well call a guy Sexton hardcastle while you're at it. Dick was accompanied by Kaz Hayashi. Both guys were seen as jobber so the crowd just couldn't give a poo poo. Rightfully so, the match was utter garbage from start to finish. Why is Jake managing Edge again anyway? He's face, right?
Now for the televised stuff. First match is Bradshaw vs Savio Vega. Bradshaw won in an open match. It was OK, better than the dark matches for sure, but nothing special.
Michaels came out to cut a promo on Cornette. He said that KOTR is only 2 weeks away and taht he won't screw up like he did on last week's Raw. "This time, I'm ready for a fight!" Cue Stone Cold, and he cuts a promo in the style you'd expect: "You come out here Shawn Michaels, and say you're ready for a fight! Like that's significant! I know one man who's always ready to fight, his name is Stone Cold Steve Austin! And if you ain't, then maybe that title belt would fit me more than it'd fit you!" HBK didn't look pleased, and challenged Austin to a match in the main event, tonight!
Next up, the Bodydonnas go up against the Kid Rockers. Following in the footsteps of his partner, Skip is now referred to as Chris Candido. WWF must have realised that his real name sounds dumb and changed his in ring name accordingly. Pritchard absolutely dominated the match until Candido tagged himself in for a hot tag. He fucks up and gets reversed for the pin. WWF aren't even being subtle about who they care about. I'm honestly starting to grow on Kid and Janrtty as a team, and Sunny continues to be a good valet.
After the match Pritchard was none too pleased at Candido loving up, and the argument soon got physical. Sunny intervened, but when Pritchard tried to protect her, he ended up on the receiving end of a beating from both Sunny and Candido! I... Think this makes Pritchard face? Whatever, I don't really care, and it looked like the crowd didn't either.
Next we get Hakushi vs David Finlay. WWF have been showing a lot of new faces lately. Hakushi wins in an open match, but he seemed kind of out of it today.
Next, Phatu goes up against one of WWF's new guys, Rhino. New guy ain't so lucky as some of his contemperaries and takes the loss, but it was an open match.
Backstage, Pritchard grabs a mic and cuts a promo on Candido and Sunny. "You have made this VERY clear that the Bodydonnas, former strongmen and lady, are done for! Fine! Be like that, CAN-DIE-DO! I am no longer Tom Pritchard, cousin of Chris Candido! I am now Mr.- MAKE THAT Dr.!- Tom Pritchard, new age hero of Memphis and writer of your demise!" So I guess he's a fully singles guy now. I guess I can think of worse people to give a push, and they say Vince is high on the guy so whatever, I guess. Maybe he'll surprise us, but somehow I doubt it.
After that we get Piper's Pit, where he at first talks about his match with Taker. This eventually morphs into him insulting Roddy in typical Goldust fashion. "You see, Roddy, I'm a star, you're just an old relic. A silent movie in a talkie world, clinging on to the new in a failing attempt to stay relevant. I'm dazzling Technicolor, and you're nothing but a dull... *ruffles fingers through Piper's hair* grey...", before he can finish, however, jericho interferes from ringside with a "WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT... THE HELL... UP!" Jericho shouts at Goldy for a little bit before Monsoon comes out and declares a match between Jericho and Goldust, RIGHT NOW! Whenever Goldust gets a mic are some of my favourit segments of Raws, and this time was no different. Piper was just as good as Goldy, and Jericho wasn't half bad either. Didn't really dig Monsoon's work, though.
So Jericho/Goldust. Goldust has control of the match for a good while until the Undertaker's bell tolls and the lights go out! When the lights come back on Goldust is absolutely freaking out, but Taker is nowhere to be seen! The distraction is enough for Jericho to lock in the Walls of Jericho for the victory. Cool match, but maybe Jericho should have got in some more offense.
Next up is Hunter Hearst Helmsley vs Bart Gunn in a 1st round KOTR match. Bart is of course with Billy, and HHH has Austin in his corner. Austin has a mic (they sure seem to wanna give him a lot of promo time this show) and shoots his mouth while they go down the ramp. "YOU MAY LIKE TO DRESS UP IN YOUR LITTLE HATS AND PLAY COWBOY, BUT I'M MORE SOUTHERN THAN THE BOTH OF YA, AN' ME AND HEMSLEY HERE ARE BETTER OUTLAWS THAN EITHER A YOU LITTLE SACKS A CRAP ARE EVER GONNA BE! AND THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE!"
As for the match, it started off fairly simply until HHH slammed Bart to the outside and into the barricade. He then beats him down and hurries back into the ring at a 6 count. Billy tries to help his brother up, but eats a Stunner for his efforts. HHH advances in the tournament by countout.
Next Cornette comes out with his camp, who are about to face the Wild sparks (yay...) and Kaz Hayashi. I honestlt can't say I care about these guys as a team any more than I care about them as singles guys. I suppose it doesn't matter though, because the camp goes over pretty quickly as you'd expect. Vader did most of the work, as is becoming a trend in his matches as of late. Not that I'm complaining, Vader looked good out there.
Now for our (televised) main event, HBK vs Stone Cold with HHH. Match is pretty open and lasts a decent amount of time. Near the end, HBK sidesteps a gut kick, sweeping Austin and locking in a figure 4 leglock. HHH interferes by trying to pull Austin towards the ropes, but the ref sees and HBK gets the win anyway by DQ. Afterwards, the Two Man Power Trip double team to beat on HBK until Chris Jericho comes to make the save! I guess that wasn't just a one night thing. The two manage to run off TMPT to end the show. This was a good main event, Jericho looked good again, I think this kid's going places.
The dark main was Undertaker and Ultimate Warrior vs Goldust and Mankind. The faces went over in an open match. Warrior seemed off his game.
Overall, a good Raw, but not what I'd call great. If I were to grade it, I'd say about a C-. I felt it should have been way better given the content, but the crowd just couldn't get into it after the dark matches. They were really a perfect storm of badness.
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Dec 27, 2013 19:28
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Apr 27, 2024 22:16
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Dec 24, 2013 13:51
