WeaponGradeSadness posted:

Hans Asperger posted:

you stupid oval office

you stupid, stupid oval office, you don't understand a drat thing

you loving idiot, this doesn't even have anything to DO with you, FUCKSTAIN

It's not "being made fun of" that I object to, you illiterate retarded loving shitstain CUNTRAG. I know how that works, imbecile. Pay loving attention.

It's absolute morons like you who think there's such a thing as "bad posting" - define it, you can't' - and repeat the word "unfunny" like a mantra because there's literally NOTHING ELSE you can possibly use, and it's vague enough that it's basically meaningless anyway. I'm a white-noise poster and best AND at worst. I always was. And you loving well know it, you oval office. YOU KNOW IT. I never posted anything that anyone could possibly have remembered the following day. Somehow that means I deserve to be banned. Twice in one week.

It's absolute morons like you who loving scream at me for trying to stop the threadshitting instead of screaming at the loving threadshitter himself. I KNOW you don't loving care, you stupid oval office, I DON'T WANT YOU TO CARE. How can you possibly think I want you to care, you dumb motherfucker? I was trying to make Sawfish boy stop loving making GBS threads up every thread he can find me in. That is all I ever wanted, and you think I'm the villain for it. All anyone ever had to do was leave me the gently caress alone, but you loving CAN'T, and you know why? Because I was always going to take the loving fall because that's how the cards are stacked. I'm obviously getting banned, quite possibly permabanned, and all because some cunts happened to be bored. Why leave me alone when you can cause a massive burnout/meltdown?

How the gently caress DARE you scream at ME for taking exception to being loving stalked so I can be used as a shitposting Judas Goat? How the gently caress DARE YOU make ME the loving bad guy in this scenario?

And of course, long posts like this are sneered at too. "LOL YOU CARE ABOUT AN INTERNET FORUM". Yeah, well, guess what, YOU'RE ALSO POSTING ON AN INTERNET FORUM, IDIOT. You wouldn't have posted that despicable poo poo if you didn't also care. Besides, I've got a good reason to care. Two, actually. One: I was enjoying posting here and reading the politcal cartoon thread. It was funny. It was a fun thing to do. And then people like Flub ruined it, ruined this thread for everyone, but hey: he'll probably get loving Plat for getting me banned. More importantly, this is a pay forum. $10 for being kicked in the teeth by a oval office with a red avatar and then get punished for being kicked in the teeth by a oval office with a red avatar. In a sane world I'd get a refund for this poo poo.

But that's how the Internet works, you see. It's loving highschool again, only with the classes removed and just the social power structures left. The original jocks don't post on the Internet of course, because they're too jogging around cities wearing suits and barking into iPhones, but the nerds are in their element. They can finally become the popular jocks. They can finally be top of the league, the tormentors instead of the tormented. And so it goes that the nerds themselves divide in exactly the same way, with the most ruthless, least intelligent-seeming at the top.

And under these auspices we all bathe in a ceaseless carnival of negativity, because obviously negativity is what's cool. A Spore creature shaped like a lynched black man? YOU HAVE MY LOLS GOON SIR. Here's a picture of a decapitated baby! EDGY! It doesn't need a point! It just needs to be pointlessly offensive! Here's Hitler dressed as a pimp standing over a Jewish grave! You know, if the Holocaust were inherently funny, they wouldn't have had the Nuremburg Trials. See, that's black comedy. Not just yelling THE HOLOCAUST! LOL! These are the criteria under which I'm judged to be "unfunny" (which assumes I was trying to be funny in the first place, which I usually wasn't, even).

Basically what I'm saying is the Internet is poo poo, but it's mostly tolerable except when you get victimised and then victimised again on top of that.

I hope you loving die, Axelblaze, you piece of poo poo. You're scum. You're the worst in the room. You see someone being kicked to death and punch him for yelling "Stop". If I could, I'd beat my $10 out of you personally through the monitor screen. No less than I deserve.

Obviously no-one read any of this. Mostly you'll have just barked at print and subconsciously translated it into . Which, to be far, is accurate, but not adequate. I don't think. (The fact that I've made most of your criticisms of this post already probably won't stop you from making them again like you're really loving original and witty; it didn't last time) The only reason I bother posting all of this is, as I said, I'm obviously getting banned for Flub's threadshitting, so nothing matters and I might as well post a gigatic rant against everything that's wrong with the Internet. That's why I posted the first one, by the way. Anyway, quote this eight hundred times, take a vote on who's going to buy flublandDrussiavelt (or whatever) Plat. Hell, get him Archives too. Just send him a loving cash prize. Congratulations, fishman: you're the biggest gently caress in the room. Wasn't this thread about political cartoons once instead of being about me? Ah, well. It's obviously entirely my fault for one reason or another.

Zeno-25 posted:

For comparison, this is what it takes to shut down the highway in Chicago



No wonder you babies got stomped in the Civil War

Putty posted:

thats the word for gay anime porn right

Macaluso posted:

I don't think it's been posted yet, does anyone have that quote by the one Creative Convention mod who wrote a really pissed critique of some guy's badly written story?

pantsfish posted:

Dear Kantaris,

First I'd like to say thank you for mustering your courage and posting your story in Creative Convention. Between all this "natural talent" and "good material" every now and then we need what literary types call "a sun-ripened catbox full of pig intestines" to relax with.

Second of all I'd like to say my thank you was insincere and that you are arguably the biggest human being to vomit his bullshit all over what is generally a good fiction forum. Without reading - without so much as scanning - this forum, you decided you'd drop off your Vin-Diesel-Meets-Monopoly-Man-Meets-THE-UNFUNNIEST-loving-BUNCH-OF-poo poo story off here so we would "appreciate" it for you.

Well guess what, Kantaris: Nobody appreciated this piece of poo poo. I read this and my balls shriveled up inside my stomach. This story is awful. It's so bad - so outright terrible - my finger's itching to go under your name and click the "permaban" button on principle. I won't do that because I have self-restraint, something you clearly lack.

How do I know you lack it? Because you shat this out and didn't even stop to think you might delete it before you embarrass yourself. You just thought "hey, I had this TOTALLY FUCKIN RANDOM conversation with my brosef at work, better post it up for them folks at that Creative Forum". If I were you, I personally wouldn't have the time or capacity to post this. Why? Because as soon as it came off my fingers, onto the keyboard, my hands would be occupied propping a shotgun under my chin.

You wretch. You low-down, yellow-bellied cocksucker. My one hope in this life used to be to gently caress Christina Ricci in one of those mirrored-ceiling hotels. Not now. You wanna know what it is? Do you? I hope - I pray to Christ, Kantaris - that I come across an auto accident involving you and your family. I hope that the last thing you see before you die is me impaling your newborn son's head on a broken part of your car's frame. I hope that the last sound that crosses the barrier to your ears before the lights go out is the splootching sound my erect penis makes as it repeatedly penetrates the gushing wound in your wife's throat.

And you know the worst part? You think this is funny. Something so bad has happened in your life that you looked at this and you were proud enough to think - just for a second - that this is something worthwhile. You know what, Kantaris? The people who write "Drawn Together" would snub this. Pictures of old women being violently raped with Medieval weaponry are infinitely funnier than this story could ever hope to be. I'd rather watch my chronically depressed mother swing neck-first from a ceiling fan than I would ever read this again.

You ruined my forum, Kantaris. You ruined my life's one dream. You ruined fiction. All in one fell swoop, Kantaris. I hope it was worth it.

Regards, you loving scoundrel,

Evan "Pantsfish" Wade

Fernhill posted:

Barfoid 3 posted:

comes along bort posted:

that's amazing. usually they only call out the national guard when some negroes attempt to go to school

tunnel for cars posted:

Wayne Grezkty Pwns.

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2899919&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=52

Volume posted:

Holy poo poo. I don't have archives so I have to ask, is this when the previous TV tropes thread got invaded by a troper who writes stories about a white barbarian who rescues Africa from it self? I know that thread sent him off to that forum but I didn't catch what happened in there.

Volume posted:

Urelated: Context, Atlanta gets an inch of snow.

the bsd boys posted:

Man, you subtext hunters are really weird stunted motherfuckers. Jesus.

Captain Oblivious posted:

Sometimes media doesn't explicitly state all messages.

Rita Repulsa posted:

Captain Oblivious posted:

Sometimes media doesn't explicitly state DICKS. VAGINAS. FINN REALLY WANTS TO CUM IN A LITTLE JAR AND GIVE IT TO PRINCESS BUBBLEGUM. MORE VAGINAS.

Psydude posted:

I'm completely floored by the fact that an undiagnosed paranoid schizophrenic who is dating an imaginary person and believes he is an otter is unable to produce a viable plan for his underground lair of insanity.

Seoinin posted:

I can think of a lot of things I'd rather read than Ryan Shomer's sex predator fantasies but I am unsure if Goblins is one of those things.

FredMSloniker posted:

You just put the phrase 'mood cock ring' in my head.

drat you.

Splicer posted:

Exactly how many moods would such a thing really need to convey.

The Leper Colon V posted:

Exactly as many as a cock already conveys.

Sloober posted:

Can you put that in chart form? Possibly like that Angry-Scared dog facial expression chart?

The Leper Colon V posted:

Sure can.

code:

Aroused | Not Aroused
    /         ,

Stallion Cabana posted:

what about 'Aroused but scared' or 'confused and aroused' or 'oddly aroused'

Bieeardo posted:

code:

Confused and aroused | Oddly aroused
             ?               &

Someone else can handle 'aroused but scared'.

Error 404 posted:

~

Kavak posted:

I can't find the one that preceeeded this, the "Eat a bowl of gently caress" one. Still my favorite forums meltdown.

Henchman of Santa posted:

Is this real or an elaborate ironic meltdown?

Henchman of Santa posted:

Is this real or an elaborate ironic meltdown?

I.N.R.I posted:

how a smiley gets made: there has to be a fledgeling megathread, and a person says what if there was a smiley that was like the smug face but made specifically for this thread, and it has to be like this. and then after a number of people quote the guy and say Oh god. Yes. this immediately. this is what my 10bux was for., goons post their prototype version of the smiley based on the original description and say stuff like uh, if someone could fix animation and make it transparent, that would be great. then eventually the best smiley is picked and the goons say alright then ill buy it as soon as my next paycheck comes in if someone hasnt beat me to it already

particle409 posted:

Captain Trips posted:

I'm gonna go ahead and assume those ads are from before the era where every plastic bag says "keep away from children"

Base Emitter posted:

They're from before Roe v. Wade.

ashgromnies posted:

Justin Bieber is the new Sephiroth actually

deadlypie posted:

Well they both wear dumb clothes and are nothing but a corporate mascot that idiots like.

Hanks Lust Cafe posted:

Ohh look at me I don't like good, attractive things like J Bieb, instead I watch anime and talk to online people. No don't walk away, every girl on planet Earth. *diarrhea runs down pants legs* Oops!

Volume posted:

The Schwa posted:

Since it's topical, does anyone have the aftermath of that one goon's Seahawks/Niners toxx clause? It's one of my favourite things I've seen on the forums.

Eat Bum Zen posted:

can i also join your wolfpack? i too have a beard

david carmichael posted:

What is her name.

Necc0 posted:

Can someone post the 'for the love of god just gently caress me already' quote?

haunted bong posted:

one time i had a dream i was eating a giant marshmallow, and then when i woke up, i called the cops on granos

Lord Chumley posted:

The Seattle Seatoxx: This Thread May Contain Peanuts

Gaz2k21 posted:

My former housemate had no less than 3 copies of this movie....

When confronted about why his response was always "I don't want to talk about it" one day we managed to press further so he told us why "well....I was trying to buy Rat Race...."

He was a raging alcoholic.

CaptainHollywood posted:

So..... was he trying to own 3 copies of Rat Race?

ThatPazuzu posted:

Can someone please recommend some "easy" movies? I had my wisdom teeth out and I'm still hazy from pain killers and on bed rest. I tried watching House of Cards but I can't follow it at all right now.

Raskolnikov2089 posted:

Marathon Man is great! Easy watch.

Oldstench posted:

Upstream Color. Really light comedy.

ThatPazuzu posted:

I watched some of both of them before realizing it was a joke. No fair on doing it to me now.

anirtak posted:

Oh man, I always get a cold after marking a huge batch of exams, and I have a stack of 500 midterms coming my way next weekend. I never thought to try gloves/freezing the papers (hand sanitizer was not enough in the past). I might look like a freak, but I'm willing to give it a shot to not get a cold during this stupid hectic semester. The textured fingertips of my lab's nitrile gloves might even help with flipping through.

FrozenVent posted:

I thought freezing didn't kill anything that'd make you sick, was I told wrong?

PurpleLizardWizard posted:

It will kill some bacteria, but it's not going to get all of them. Baking the exams would be be a bit more effective.

karl fungus posted:

Touch whatever you want, but don't touch your face. Latex gloves won't help you if you end up trying to scratch an itch on your nose, the gloves aren't antimicrobial. You might as well skip the gloves and keep a bottle of hand sanitizer nearby.

Jeoh posted:

Wear a gas mask while grading.

OnceIWasAnOstrich posted:

Do it cell culture style. Wear latex gloves and keep a spray bottle of ethanol that you use to spray your gloves down between exams. Saves your hands from drying out constantly.

karl fungus posted:

Grade in a fume hood. Even better, wear a full-body hazmat suit.

sweeperbravo posted:

Hire someone you don't particularly care for to touch and turn the pages for you.

areyoucontagious posted:

Incinerate exams, hand out grades randomly

MMOs & Welfare posted:

creation museum: the place where everything's made up and the points don't matter.

Arian_Samurai posted:

Crossfit is the result of a generation of people growing up watching Goku and Vegeta work out in 100x earth's gravity

Germstore posted:

Ron drinks to much. Hermione harps on him all day. She gets some on the side from Harry once in a while. Everyone knows about it, but no one says anything. Weasley family reunions are awkward as gently caress for everyone involved.

There's also that time Hermione and Draco get wasted at a class reunion and fool around in a restroom stall. It isn't a proud moment for either of them.

Germstore posted:

Hermione keeps a vial of Harry's polyjuice potion on hand for Ron's birthdays. It makes him happy, and he drinks a bit less for a while afterward.

MD2020 posted:

It's one of the new events and he injured his hand or wrist during a practice run. He's pulling out to avoid injury so he can do his other events.

Lobok posted:

Likely story.

"Shaun, dude, I really don't want to do this."
"Look bro, if I go over there I'm probs going to die. You ever seen that 1,000 Ways to Die show on Spike? It's all filmed in Russia."
"But---"
"Just grab the wrench and hit me on the wrist. Do it."

Three Olives posted:

So there is totally going to be at least an attempted terrorist attack on this thing, right? Apparently they still have to sell about 1/3rd of the tickets to it.

Riso posted:

The accommodations ARE the terrorist attack.

Seoinin posted:

why bother

Seoinin posted:

yep check us out, we're the dudes that bombed the olympics where the toilet seats were on backwards and people had drunk construction workers sleeping it off inside the walls in their hotel rooms

Croccers posted:

Does NK have a Winter Olympics team?

CAPTAIN CAPSLOCK posted:

yea for the skeleton event

Krowley posted:

karn1635 posted:

Putin on the tits.