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enbot posted:It must be a regional or class thing or something, taking off your shoes was expected in any house I've ever been to. Upon thinking, it most probably has something to do with the prevalence of snow in the winter. I will occasionally wear shoes in the house if I'm just, for example, picking up something that I forgot as I was walking out the door, but only in summer, because otherwise there's going to be little mounds of salt and gravel and mud all over my lovely floor. I suppose I could do it all summer, all the time but it just seems abnormal to me.
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Jan 31, 2014 19:59
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enbot posted:It must be a regional or class thing or something, taking off your shoes was expected in any house I've ever been to. Yeah, I'm American and don't wear my shoes inside my house, unless I'm just going in for a minute or I'm having some kind of more formal event there. I've always thought that wearing shoes inside your own house for any extended period was kind of strange, it would be like if I just kept my winter coat or rain jacket on the whole time I was home. People generally take off their coats if they're going inside, I don't see why shoes would be any different. Plus, it does cut down on vacuuming a bit.
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Feb 1, 2014 11:13
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My husband and I are both white as the driven snow from similar eastern European backgrounds. He was raised taking off your shoes as soon as you come inside and I wasn't. He grew up in a snowy, muddy region and I grew up in a more southern region. I think it has more to do with where you live and not necessarily the culture you come from.
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Feb 1, 2014 21:00
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Pilot to Gunner posted:Another time mid-day, a truck full of several drunk frat type boys drove past us and one of them screamed "Niiigggeeerrrr!". That was it. Just a random slur yelled at us while we were walking our dog. Hilariously, they hit a red light at the next block and my boyfriend (a track coach, super sprinter, and as I mentioned earlier is quite tall and imposing) quickly jogged up to their truck, leaned down to the passenger side window and politely asked "Excuse me? Didn't quite catch what you said back there". They all silently stared straight ahead and then ran the red light to get away. Also, regarding the shoes thing, I was always raised to keep them on because my family was all from Minnesota. It's loving cold up there. You keep your loving shoes on because otherwise your toes freeze. Yes, we know what central heating is, but we also know that poo poo is expensive as hell with how cold it gets up north. Even today living in a warmer climate, I'm much more likely to put on a pair of shoes and throw on a fleece rather than turn the thermostat up a few degrees. That money's better put into a mutual fund than making it so I can keep my home a scant amount cleaner. Truthfully if the biggest problem in your household is the dirt on the soles of a few peoples' shoes, you've got it so good you need to be counting your blessings hourly. Now, mud and stuff, yeah that's different, if that's a common problem where you live you can get slippers for that. Coolguye fucked around with this message at 08:54 on Feb 2, 2014 |
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Feb 2, 2014 08:48
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I'm from Finland and we don't keep our shoes indoors, I can't think of anybody that does and I've even heard it being commented on as something american, along with things like having carpeted floors in the kitchen (or at all really). If your feet are cold indoors and you can't afford to keep the heating on I can only think that it's bad house building practices, or atleast practices not meant for winter conditions. Heating a house even in the arctic winters that we get here isn't expensive as long as it doesn't leak out all it's heat and the insulation isn't crap.
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Feb 2, 2014 20:19
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His Divine Shadow posted:I'm from Finland and we don't keep our shoes indoors, I can't think of anybody that does and I've even heard it being commented on as something american, along with things like having carpeted floors in the kitchen (or at all really). Yeah, I don't think my feet would get cold in socks until the temperature goes down to below 15 or so, and that's quite cool to keep your house. I'd say the average in Canada would be between 18-20 in the winter, it's not really all that expensive unless you have a huge and/or poorly-insulated house/apartment. EDIT: But still, some people wear slippers. That seems like a better option that wearing shoes in the house -- doesn't that get uncomfortable? What if you live in an apartment? I imagine your downstairs neighbours would be upset if you wore shoes all the time.
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Feb 2, 2014 20:36
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I’m a 2nd generation Black West Indian (though I am often mistaken for various non-black ethnicities due to my skin tone and facial features) and my fiancé is a 1st generation Eastern European. We’re both from New York City and we met in college. I get along pretty well with his family and he gets along with my mother. My mother initially freaked out when I started dating him, since she believed he was part of the Russian mafia and I would end up as a sex slave. Thankfully she got over that once she met him. I was also warned by my female Eastern European friends that most of their men are always drunk and abusive. My fiancé rarely drinks and he wouldn’t hurt a fly. People in NYC aren’t as overt in their racism as other places in the U.S. but it is something I encounter almost daily in subtle forms from whites and other people of color. The most overt racism I’ve ever gotten was when an older East Asian man mockingly told me that I only date white guys. I’ve only had one weird situation with a white girl from a dinner party who assumed I wasn’t with him. I’ve been completely ignored at times with waiters who only talked to my fiancé, and we get glares and stares from time to time. EDIT: I recall a bunch of older white guys smiling and giving nods of approval to us on a train. It made me feel weird. I’ve only traveled to California with him and it didn’t seem as hostile as New York for interracial couples. I’ve definitely seen more black women in interracial relationships there than here. Idia fucked around with this message at 20:34 on Feb 3, 2014 |
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Feb 3, 2014 04:46
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Omnomnomnivore posted:My entire time growing up in a white American family, we did all of the following: I'm Russian (first generation immigrant) dating a Chinese girl (first generation immigrant). I guess I should keep these in mind, but some of these things are common in my culture as well: indoor/outdoor clothes (indoor clothes include slippers), not drinking tap water, washing before bed. Peeled fruit isn't really a thing (barring things with inedible peels, of course), and neither is bringing your own pillowcases (although old school travellers would bring their own soap). As for the relationship, neither of us met the others' family so far. Mine does't care, hers is apparently somewhere between neutral and thrilled (her father is a fan of Russian culture).
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Feb 3, 2014 06:01
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My parents were down with the swirl, and every relationship I've been in has been interracial. Other than the occasional racist parents and a few white women who clearly fetishized my color or otherwise made a big deal about "dating my first BLACK guy!", it's basically been whatever. I used to have a ton of anxiety about being mixed which I projected into relationships, but I'm more-or-less at peace with that these days and my girlfriend of two years doesn't give a poo poo about me being brown, other than the innate beauty that comes with it  .It was hella confusing as a teenager when I'd mention to dad that I was dating someone, and the first thing he'd ask was "is she black or white?" and he'd act disappointed when I said "white." He and mom were still married at the time, so it was like "but you... mom... white... what  ."Anyway the moral is boycott Coca-Cola or some poo poo.
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Feb 4, 2014 08:12
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Shine posted:...a few white women who clearly fetishized my color or otherwise made a big deal about "dating my first BLACK guy!"... Stop taking all the white women!  All kidding aside, I am white as the driven snow, German ancestry (master race my rear end, the loving sun tries to kill us if we get a glimpse of it for more than a couple minutes.. It burns us precious..) but the family has been in the US since I don't know when, at least 4 generations. I dated a lovely black woman for a few years. She was from Georgia, and I always found it fascinating to hear her stories of racism there. We met and dated in the Phoenix, AZ area, and I never once had someone make a comment or racial slur of any kind during that time, nor did I experience any of the odd "they aren't together" sort of things. She was smoking hot, so maybe that had something to do with it? Reading this thread has been pretty interesting, because with only my little microcosm experience to go by, I wouldn't think that interracial relationships were any sort of an issue at all. Sadly, I appear to be quite wrong.
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Feb 4, 2014 22:02
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My mother has seen Not Without my Daughter (long story made short: Iranian husband being awful with his American wife, and yes, Iranians are not Arabs). I remember how she told me to stay away from Arabs (and Blacks) when I was a little kid. On the other hand, I don't think it might bother my (Scandinavian) father at all. He just doesn't like Jews. Edit: personal stuff a little more hidden. Knight Corgi fucked around with this message at 23:50 on Feb 19, 2014 |
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Feb 5, 2014 00:10
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Shine posted:Anyway the moral is boycott Coca-Cola or some poo poo. I laughed my dumb rear end off at this. If you could lift a couch id date you.
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Feb 5, 2014 08:09
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Chupe Raho Aurat posted:I laughed my dumb rear end off at this. If you could lift a couch id date you. A/S/L/Deadlift?
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Feb 5, 2014 15:10
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GreenCard78 posted:My paternal grandfather was Punjabi, paternal grandmother was Mexican so that make my dad 50/50 and my mom is white. I usually go with Hispanic or sometimes white Hispanic because the vast majority of my family is Mexican despite technically being a quarter Mexican (whatever that means). My friend was raised in a Hispanic home, grew up speaking Spanish and english, identified her whole life as hispanic then her parents told her she was adopted, full blooded Pakistani, so she alls herself a Hispaki. She just married a white guy. Looking back at her HS pics I totally see it now.
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Feb 5, 2014 17:12
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well I guess I have to put an addendum to my original post since we came down for a little getaway to Charleston SC and apparently almost no one here has ever seen an interracial couple before.
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Feb 5, 2014 18:19
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b0nes posted:My friend was raised in a Hispanic home, grew up speaking Spanish and english, identified her whole life as hispanic then her parents told her she was adopted, full blooded Pakistani, so she alls herself a Hispaki. She just married a white guy. Looking back at her HS pics I totally see it now. There is no conflict between being Pakistani and Hispanic. Hispanics can be of any race: white, black, even Asian.
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Feb 5, 2014 18:51
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Earwicker posted:well I guess I have to put an addendum to my original post since we came down for a little getaway to Charleston SC and apparently almost no one here has ever seen an interracial couple before. Charleston is maybe the most racist place I have ever visited, though I try my best not to visit the South as much as possible.
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Feb 5, 2014 20:08
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Arakan posted:Charleston is maybe the most racist place I have ever visited, though I try my best not to visit the South as much as possible. yeah people stare at us everywhere and just this morning some waiter made a big deal about my obviously Jewish last name in this weird way, I was pretty surprised. I always thought Southern racism was exaggerated by northerners because I used to live in PA which is racist as gently caress and I've been all over Texas (which has just as bad of a reputation) without any issue, but man this town is stuck in some kind of time warp its a very strange place.
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Feb 5, 2014 20:43
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If that Super Bowl Cheerios commercial was about my family, it would have featured Multi-grain Cheerios. Pops: Our family has daddy *slides brown Cheerio* and mommy *slides white Cheerio* Me: And.... *stares at pile of cereal* *cries*
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Feb 5, 2014 21:33
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b0nes posted:My friend was raised in a Hispanic home, grew up speaking Spanish and english, identified her whole life as hispanic then her parents told her she was adopted, full blooded Pakistani, so she alls herself a Hispaki. She just married a white guy. Looking back at her HS pics I totally see it now. That's an odd case, most are like this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Punjabi_Mexican_American Shine posted:A/S/L/Deadlift? There's only one important stat in here. 
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Feb 5, 2014 23:33
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DrNewton posted:Hello fellow Torontoian. How are you? Speaking as a Chinese dude from Toronto myself, the "Asian" experience is similar to the "Brown" experience actually. More traditional families have the whole no no about interracial dating thing, there's a big drive to succeed so you can make money (so you can support your parents in their old age) and the whole filial piety thing. I'm second generation but basically third removed from China. My parents grew up in Belize and Venezuela where the Chinese communities are small so interracial relationships were kind of the norm. In my case no one really cares about the race of whom you're dating (I've got half Hispanic and white cousins everywhere, probably some half Mayans to come). My parents aren't as strictly traditional as the stereotype, which is probably why I was lazy and I'm "only" a pharmacist instead of a doctor. In the other hand I had a Chinese friend who had a curfew even in university and was told that would only change until her husband decided it. She had a thing for brown guys too and you can imagine how tragically all those relationships turned out. As time passes you're going to see more westernized kids date out of their race and naturally the generation following ours will be more open about it. I don't think that the "respect your elders/family and save face" aspect will go away any time soon since it's not something that particularly clashes directly with Western ideals as much as anachronisms like "keeping the blood pure" and subservient women do. Basically more of you white folks get to experience your SO's relatives being general dickholes to other people and family members but no one will call them out on it to avoid causing drama in order to save face but they'll gossip about it endlessly when they're not around. Eej fucked around with this message at 05:03 on Feb 6, 2014 |
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Feb 6, 2014 04:56
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quote:Basically more of you white folks get to experience your SO's relatives being general dickholes to other people and family members but no one will call them out on it to avoid causing drama in order to save face but they'll gossip about it endlessly when they're not around.
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Feb 6, 2014 15:19
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Eej posted:Basically more of you white folks get to experience your SO's relatives being general dickholes to other people and family members but no one will call them out on it to avoid causing drama in order to save face but they'll gossip about it endlessly when they're not around. You summed it up perfectly.
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Feb 7, 2014 01:07
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b0nes posted:Hispaki
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Feb 7, 2014 01:14
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Powerlurker posted:At a very large public university in my town, there are plenty of Chinese, Taiwanese, and Korean international students, but only a handful (somewhere between 10-20 at any given time) Japanese nationals in attendance at any given time. I've always heard it has something to do with graduate school and American diplomas not being a very big deal in Japanese society, in comparison to Chinese or Korean. Here's an interesting article on at least one aspect of that. In my seven years as a graduate student, I've worked with literally dozens of Koreans and Chinese nationals. I've only ever known maybe two Japanese grad students.
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Feb 8, 2014 01:52
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Pfirti86 posted:I've always heard it has something to do with graduate school and American diplomas not being a very big deal in Japanese society, in comparison to Chinese or Korean. Here's an interesting article on at least one aspect of that. I know a fair number of international undergrad students as well and none of them are Japanese either. (I've seen plenty of Indians, Chinese, Koreans, etc though)
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Feb 8, 2014 02:13
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Earwicker posted:yeah people stare at us everywhere and just this morning some waiter made a big deal about my obviously Jewish last name in this weird way, I was pretty surprised. I always thought Southern racism was exaggerated by northerners because I used to live in PA which is racist as gently caress and I've been all over Texas (which has just as bad of a reputation) without any issue, but man this town is stuck in some kind of time warp its a very strange place. Yeah, Charleston isn't just racist, it's classist as gently caress and everybody cares too much about when your family moved to Charleston, how many generations ago, and whether or not they lived S.O.B. (south of Broad.) Talking about your family background is just normal conversation. My Mom tried in vain to crack Charleston society, sent me to an exclusive private school, but still didn't matter and I didn't give a gently caress. I'm so glad I moved away over twenty years ago.
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Feb 8, 2014 17:41
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Has anyone ever be in an interracial relationship with someone who actively wanted to be in an interracial relationship? How did/do you react, feel about it?
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Feb 8, 2014 20:01
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Knight Corgi posted:That's it. I am now dating an Arab. Not saying anything to my parents because my (Asian) mother hates Arabs (more than Blacks and Indians) mainly because of religious issues (and he's not even Muslim, to start with) and especially since that movie Not Without my Daughter (long story made short: Iranian husband being awful with his American wife, and yes, Iranians are not Arabs). I remember how she told me to stay away from Arabs when I was a little kid. On the other hand, I don't think it might bother my (Scandinavian) father at all. Where in the world are you guys? Does his family live in the same country? How have their reactions been?
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Feb 9, 2014 16:47
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Kurtofan posted:Has anyone ever be in an interracial relationship with someone who actively wanted to be in an interracial relationship? How did/do you react, feel about it? Yeah, the girl I dated most recently only dated Swedish guys. It didn't bother me, really. One funny thing though, one of the things the liked the most about Swedish guys was apparently that our dicks were bigger than others...I had not heard that before. But hey, I liked the compliment! 
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Feb 9, 2014 16:50
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Kurtofan posted:Has anyone ever be in an interracial relationship with someone who actively wanted to be in an interracial relationship? How did/do you react, feel about it? Well, the girl I went out with from Thailand certainly said she wanted to try going out with a white Scottish guy... and I suppose made more of us being an interracial couple than I did - or at least, I feel that was the case; I could be mistaken. Honestly? It kinda... creeped me out - I felt as if she was going out with me not becasue I was me but becasue she thought I was something else. I didn't like it (which is the main reason we are no longer together).
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Feb 9, 2014 19:08
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Kurtofan posted:Has anyone ever be in an interracial relationship with someone who actively wanted to be in an interracial relationship? How did/do you react, feel about it? I'm generally fine with it unless there is a blatant fetish vibe or they talk about it constantly. If people just want to try a relationship with someone physically or superficially unlike their previous partners that's cool with me. I say "generally" because I wasn't fine with it when one person I was seeing for while confessed that they really only wanted to date interracially because they were disgusted and repulsed by their own race and how "it never works out with those people because *insert a bunch of terrible racial stereotypes here*'. Ended the relationship because they obviously had some issues that weren't about me as a person, and in my head I kept thinking "Now I need to act out all of your personal racial stereotypes to see if you even notice or care when someone with my skin color does it..."
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Feb 10, 2014 08:32
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Omnomnomnivore posted:My entire time growing up in a white American family, we did all of the following: You pretty much nailed my entire experience with this too. "Eww, those are OUTSIDE clothes! Don't touch me, I'm clean!"  There's also the amusing ones, like if you ever look for a place to live together, watch in amusement as they test every faucet/fixture for water pressure. I still don't understand why, and she can't (or won't) explain it - but it is a requirement. I even assured her with some simple plumbing work we can adjust the water pressure to any level we want. Another fun one - the non-Mandarin Chinese languages absolutely confound me. I don't know how they survived as a culture, because they can't even understand each other most of the time. My girlfriend's family speaks a fairly small/far away dialect of Cantonese. The entire extended family can easily spend an hour debating the proper word for something in their dialect, possibly never coming to a consensus. Then, there's the superstitions. Colors, numbers, fruits, oh my. For anyone in a relationship with a Chinese partner, make sure you understand these if they matter to them, especially around Chinese New Year. Should you unwittingly decide to hand them a pear, your relationship may be over.
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Feb 18, 2014 16:33
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Pfirti86 posted:I've always heard it has something to do with graduate school and American diplomas not being a very big deal in Japanese society, in comparison to Chinese or Korean. Here's an interesting article on at least one aspect of that. Similar experiences here. I've known many Japanese exchange students finishing their undergrad degree here (Ohio), but for grad degrees it's mostly people who are attempting to teach Japanese in America. I've known only a handful of non-pedagogical grad students, who were mostly engineers.
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Feb 18, 2014 16:48
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si posted:Another fun one - the non-Mandarin Chinese languages absolutely confound me. I don't know how they survived as a culture, because they can't even understand each other most of the time. My girlfriend's family speaks a fairly small/far away dialect of Cantonese. The entire extended family can easily spend an hour debating the proper word for something in their dialect, possibly never coming to a consensus. My wife's family speaks Cantonese. I have tried to learn it, but holy hell is it brain-breaking. I don't think I'll ever figure out how to speak any of the various tones or inflections properly. si posted:Then, there's the superstitions. Colors, numbers, fruits, oh my. For anyone in a relationship with a Chinese partner, make sure you understand these if they matter to them, especially around Chinese New Year. Should you unwittingly decide to hand them a pear, your relationship may be over. Never give clocks, never give knives, etc. I eventually got in the habit of asking her other family members if something would be an appropriate gift.
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Feb 18, 2014 16:56
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Cessna posted:My wife's family speaks Cantonese. I have tried to learn it, but holy hell is it brain-breaking. I don't think I'll ever figure out how to speak any of the various tones or inflections properly. And I would say Cantonese is entirely workable/understandable compared to her dialect: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teochew_dialect 
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Feb 18, 2014 17:05
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si posted:And I would say Cantonese is entirely workable/understandable compared to her dialect: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teochew_dialect Oh, forget it. I wouldn't even try. Her family is from Guangzhou, but she was born in the States, so I also get to translate a Brooklyn accent... 
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Feb 18, 2014 17:08
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si posted:You pretty much nailed my entire experience with this too. "Eww, those are OUTSIDE clothes! Don't touch me, I'm clean!" The superstitions thing seems to be more of a thing in southern China thanks to the Hong Kong influence keeping them from dying out; the traditional superstitions also tend to be stronger in rural areas than in the cities. My wife and her family are from Wuhan and all consider feng shui to be a load of feudal superstition and they have no problem with sticking your chopsticks into the rice.
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Feb 18, 2014 18:10
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Powerlurker posted:The superstitions thing seems to be more of a thing in southern China thanks to the Hong Kong influence keeping them from dying out; the traditional superstitions also tend to be stronger in rural areas than in the cities. My wife and her family are from Wuhan and all consider feng shui to be a load of feudal superstition and they have no problem with sticking your chopsticks into the rice. My mother-in-law is from Taiwan and she loved the knives we ave her for xmas a few years ago (her's were dull pieces of crap). She was raised and still is Catholic - maybe that's influenced how she sees a lot of these traditions.
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Feb 19, 2014 00:42
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I've been dating my fiancee for the last 6 and a half years. I'm white, raised in Hawaii, and she's South Korean. I would say that we haven't had much in the way of any kind of cultural disputes but that could mainly be because I'm extremely laid back about these kinds of things and Hawaiian culture has some asian influences in it already (For example, I grew up always removing my shoes whenever I went into a house). Her parents are pretty ok with the whole thing, her mother and grandmother totally don't care at all while her pops is.... nonplussed. However, her father doesn't have a whole lot of sway in her family, which is an unusual thing in South Korea, so it's not a big deal. About the only cultural issue that has popped up between us is the general South Korean outlook when it comes to money. See, when getting married in South Korea the groom's family is supposed to provide a house for the couple. Now, all thoughts of economic situation aside, hell if I'd ever accept a $3-400k house from my parents because it's the "proper" thing to do. Her father was quite upset about that, but he cooled off when he realized that A)my fiancee and her family didn't care what he thought and B)due to the fact that my parents aren't giving us anything, we weren't going to be accepting any ridiculous financial help from her parents either. We do get a lot of looks and general racism of the innocuous kind. Living in South Korea it's pretty unavoidable for people to assume that I'm some kind of fresh-off-the-boat whitey trouncing around with my one-night stand. It usually is no big deal and easy enough to defuse since I speak Korean passably well and I'm not the kind to get insulted about things. It definitely helps that I pretty much live a "Korean" life and do my best to fit into things over here, though. *edit* I can pitch in about this question; Boris Galerkin posted:Anyway, I'm really curious for the Chinese people posting here or the ones dating Chinese: how do y'all deal with the topic of parental retirement? From what I understand and have been told, it's very common and somewhat expected that the mother/father is going to move in with the son/daughter at some point so that they can be taken care of. I personally can't stand staying at my parents for more than a few days when I'm visiting. I can't imagine having to have my parents/in laws live with me and my spouse. It's actually a common thing in South Korea too, mainly because of the mentioned money thing. Parents will literally put themselves into the poor house supporting their children up until marriage which in Korea is late 20s to mid 30s. My fiancee's parents are... financially unstable and I eventually realized that we are going to be supporting them for our lives. I'd say that, like others have posted, we are planning on doing more of the "here is a monthly allowance" and less of a "come live in my house," but that could change. Would I be 100% happy and pleased to have my in-laws living with me? Not at all, but if it had to happen I'd make the best of it. As it is we give her parents about $500 a month, and I've been allowed to save back a similar amount of money to give to my parents. My bit of advice about this kind of thing is this; you definitely gotta talk about it and figure it all out before doing anything serious. A lot of times this kind of cultural thing is just fixed. You should really ask yourself "is my relationship with my significant other important enough that I can do this thing for him/her?" If the answer is no, well then do both of you a favor and end it. USMC_Karl fucked around with this message at 03:58 on Feb 19, 2014 |
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Feb 19, 2014 03:44
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