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Captain Gordon
Jul 22, 2004


Recently I got an opportunity to work for a videogame company in Los Angeles and I jumped on it without a second thought. I had absolutely no problem leaving the shithole I have been living in for the past 13 years - Dublin, Ireland.

Things have been relatively well and good for 7 month that I have been here. As you can imagine, the culture shock of moving from a tiny provincial town (which Dublin is in comparecent to LA) to bursting metropolis in US of A was something to get used to, and making friends with people I didn't grow up with wasn't easy either. To tell the truth, even though I am surrounded by good and interesting people I honestly cannot count them among my close friends, and most of my relationships at the minute feel like friendships of convenience at best. It is getting better, but it is a slow process, even if when we have a lot of interests in common.

Eventually, my wife who I love very much joined me here and things have been rather hard on her. Unlike me, she actually likes Ireland, even though she is not deceiving herself about the current economic state of the country and lack of any prospect for a career or personal development there. She genuinely does want to give this move a go.

That said, she is going through a massive culture and social shock. Unlike me, my wife is very outgoing and really likes unusual socially engaging events. I am sorry if that sounds dry and dumb as gently caress, but I am having a hard time describing something that lies somewhere in between a ragged house party and a gig. She likes going to odd meetups and ends, underground punk gigs, historical festivals, speakeasy bars and that kind of thing.

I enjoy pretty much all of the above as well, but the main difference between us is that I do not go out of my way to find those things. If they pop up on my radar and I can make it, sweet, but I do not actively seek them out myself and therefore I do not have a specific approach, formula or a magic bullet for finding them. My wife made a huge effort to network in Dublin and it was extremely easy for her to find her crowd and what she wanted to do as a result, even though it took a long time for her to develop those relationships.

I know that my wife gets super upset when she has nothing to do, as we both went through a shut-in period in Ireland which lead to us breaking up, because for a while we became a boring as gently caress couple that never did anything. That wasn't always the case though, things just got hard because of jobs and renting bullshit that was going on the time. Its all water under the bridge, but the clear lesson learned from that situation is that a docile lifestyle isn't for us.

I can see that she is very scared of everything rolling back to THAT time and that she is worried about our future on top of going through normal fears that come with moving a country. This fear leaves her in kind of emotional paralysis where she is too depressed to meet new people or get out of the house, even. I do my best to take her out to see places in the evenings and introduce her to my friends, which helps a little bit, but I would be fooling myself if I said right now that everything would be fine if this status quo continued. I recon that until she finds her group of friends she wont be happy no matter what I do.

And yes, you have read it correctly, it has only been 2 weeks for her, just barely. I know that this is too short of a time frame to make any solid judgement on the situation, but I am worried nonetheless. I also have a probably irrational fear of getting along here, because most of the people I have met here, while fun and interesting, are terribly lazy and clique-y and not at all inclusive of newcomers.

So, tl;dr

- Wife and I moved to Los Angeles from Ireland :usa:
- Wife likes going out and doing things that aren't shopping or vegetating on the beach
- I am relatively new here and do not know a lot of places to go and things to do
- Wife is depressed about moving countries and is homesick; is not very outgoing or curious as a result
- I am worried about her and cannot physically drag her out of the house every day because I have a full time job

Do you guys have any advice for me?

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slutpixie
Apr 12, 2007
hot like 80s love


It's been two weeks. Chill. Give your wife some time. Acclimatising can be difficult and you freaking out about it is just going to make it worse.

When you giver her some more time the answers to your questions are in your post. Your wife is a self-starting, outgoing woman who regularly attends random meet ups, gigs etc and you just moved to LA. Duh.

The real thing to worry about is why you're so insecure in your marriage or whatever that you're freaking out about two weeks of perfectly natural homesickness. What's up with that? (You're probably having some acclimatisation issues as well. The answer is more time.)

slutpixie fucked around with this message at Jan 17, 2014 around 16:05

I HATE PINK BIKES
Feb 15, 2012


Two weeks? gently caress man I'd still be jetlagged.

Konar
Dec 14, 2006


Captain Gordon posted:

Recently I got an opportunity to work for a videogame company in Los Angeles and I jumped on it without a second thought. I had absolutely no problem leaving the shithole I have been living in for the past 13 years - Dublin, Ireland.

just fyi you moved to another poo poo hole city

Grin and Tonic
Oct 20, 2008

having a blast online

Uh, it's Los Angeles, there's so much weird poo poo to do your wife's head will explode.

Konar posted:

just fyi you moved to another poo poo hole city

also this

keyvin
Sep 9, 2003

My flesh and blood lives. No matter what.

She could try meetup.com to find interesting things going on.

Anoulie
Oct 8, 2013


Does your wife have a job in LA, OP? If not, get her one, even if you can support the both of you financially. Unless her visa doesn't allow her to do that, in which case volunteering might also be a thing that'd get her out of the house and make her feel better.
Also, it's been two weeks, chill.

Bisse
Jun 26, 2005
Terry Pratchett

keyvin posted:

meetup.com
Seriously, problem solved.

JFairfax
Oct 23, 2008


OKCupid is good for meeting people when you've just moved to a new city.

SchrodingersFish
Mar 9, 2012


Grin and Tonic posted:

Uh, it's Los Angeles, there's so much weird poo poo to do your wife's head will explode.


Yes, Yes, and more yes!

Just give her time, LA is a very different place than Ireland and it's a hugely stressful moving to a new country, let alone a new continent! Also, reiterating the advice to try meetup.com. If you've never used it before, I can vouch for it being a good place to find events and meet people. It has different meetup groups you can try out that host events. Some groups are better/more active than others, but all of the ones I've tried have been fun! They even have groups for people new in town and wanting to meet new people! Honestly, LA is so big I wouldn't be surprised if you found an active group on meetup for Punk loving Irish expats.

Do you guys have a car? Silly question because it's practically required I guess if you live in LA. If you only have one car, do you drive it to work every day? This could be part of why your wife is feeling bored. If she doesn't have a job and doesn't have a car to get around with during the day, depending on where you live, there is literally nothing for her to do but sit in the house alone all day because public transit in LA is poo poo. Maybe she could drop you off in the morning so she has the car to go out and do stuff during the day? As others said, it might be a good idea for her to get a job too, this will keep her busy, keep her mind off of her homesickness, and get her out meeting new people.

Good luck!

redreader
Nov 2, 2009

I am the coolest person ever with my pirate chalice. Seriously.


Meetup.com and carry on finding new events. Some groups suck, some are full of old people, etc. so keep on trying. I was sent briefly (1 month) to burbank from London before I moved to the USA for good, and I went to one meetup and it was loving bullshit. Gross people. My wife now goes to meetups and she's done a bunch and finally found a pretty cool group of people.

Also know that no matter how cool/sociable you are, it takes a while to find a bunch of friends in a new place. I moved to London, then 4 years later moved to the USA. Both times it took a while (like over a year) to find a bunch of people. The most important thing is to never, ever say 'no' to any social event. Also there is a real problem when it comes to expatriate spouses. You're at work all day working with americans (although it's software... all the places I've ever worked it was Indians/Chinese, i.e. from India and from China) but you're socialising with people while she's at home. When she wants to go out people stare at her because her accent is 'funny', etc etc. There's a bunch of articles about this so it's worth looking up, what you described is apparently dead normal.

http://expatriateconnection.com/why...at-can-be-done/
http://dissertations.ub.rug.nl/facu...t/2003/a.j.ali/
http://www.expatexchange.com/moving...xpatspouse.html

And finally: I get it and you may get it more: sometimes you talk to an American and they just look at you with *shock* on their faces and cannot for the love of god understand you. This is even if you talk in perfect bbc-style english. Their mind just goes blank. This is not super common but happens enough to really piss me off. On the other hand, most foreign accents lower your status in the USA but the UK accents (mine is close enough) sort of raise your status. It's awesome.

Seconding 'LA is terrible'. Also, good luck on the green card. Unless you're EB1 they'll audit your rear end and probably refuse perm.

knowonecanknow
Apr 19, 2009

Ambition must be made to counteract ambition.


keyvin posted:

She could try meetup.com to find interesting things going on.


Worked for me when I moved across the country. Ended up meeting my current girlfriend on there too.

Pice of Shit
Jun 11, 2003
I got mail....yay.


Maybe you should get out of e/n and post in LAN: Los Angeles to get some advice from people who actually live in la.

superv0zz
Jun 23, 2006

Touch it.

I moved to a new city to do a PhD and my wife moved with me. She never got used to it and I was easy to blame for her intense dislike of the place since we had moved there (And discussed it thoroughly beforehand) largely for me. She got a much better paying job but was constantly negative about everything because it didn't fit with her 'ideal life' plan. There were other factors but we ended up separating and eventually getting divorced.

So, yeah.

Poison Cake
Feb 15, 2012


I would say it takes a minimum of six months to begin acclimating to a place. The fact she's not working and it's LA definitely makes it more difficult.

Vomik
Jul 29, 2003

Melting.


You guys broke up back in Ireland because your wife wasn't being invited to events?

redreader
Nov 2, 2009

I am the coolest person ever with my pirate chalice. Seriously.


Poison Cake posted:

I would say it takes a minimum of six months to begin acclimating to a place. The fact she's not working and it's LA definitely makes it more difficult.

At the risk of sounding like a giant nerd with no friends who is bad with people (fwiw I'm not) I'd say it takes longer than 6 months if you're working with people who don't socialise after work (my situation at all companies before this one) unless you're trying and have some kind if plan. To get a real life with lots of friends and options to go to parties every weekend etc takes more like a couple of years. Longer if you don't have much money, shorter if you happen upon a great meetup group or something.

My wife and I met here in the bay area but I'd been here longer than her and all her friends were in AZ. When we started dating she sort of 'inherited' my friends but wanted to meet her own group. She started trying various meetups about a year and a half ago and within 6 months had found a really great meetup group and now those people make up a large % of our friends and have events pretty much every week (not part of meetup, like private friends-only events).

Dusseldorf
Mar 29, 2005



LA is genuinely a super nice place to live and there's a ton to do. People who don't like it probably either never lived in it or had a huge commute. Since "she likes going to odd meetups and ends, underground punk gigs, historical festivals, speakeasy bars and that kind of thing" then yes, there is a ton of each of these.

Where in LA do you guys live? I assume the video game company is in the south bay. You should move to the north side of that (Culver City or Venice ish) rather than the south bay beach areas (Manhattan Beach ish). Although the beach communities are nice, they area a lot quieter.

Dusseldorf fucked around with this message at Jan 17, 2014 around 19:27

Homers BBBq
Mar 11, 2008


superv0zz posted:

I moved to a new city to do a PhD and my wife moved with me. She never got used to it and I was easy to blame for her intense dislike of the place since we had moved there (And discussed it thoroughly beforehand) largely for me. She got a much better paying job but was constantly negative about everything because it didn't fit with her 'ideal life' plan. There were other factors but we ended up separating and eventually getting divorced.

So, yeah.

You have to be pretty dull to not find anything you like about a place unless it's like Bismarck or something. I moved to New York City because of my girlfriend even though I knew I didn't like it beforehand. I still hate it but it's not making me miserable every day because being with her is the most important thing.

One thing that surprised me about New York is how dedicated people are to finding whatever is the newest and coolest. When you live in a place with millions of people (like LA), places and events get overrun when word gets out so it can be a full-time job to be the first to know. My girlfriend follows a few blogs that people started as a hobby but actually became profitable enough to quit their regular job. I imagine LA can't be much different. You're wife will be fine as long as she's decently open-minded.

Captain Gordon
Jul 22, 2004


Konar posted:

just fyi you moved to another poo poo hole city

LA isn't the prettiest city I have seen for sure, but I will take the sun and the beach, friendly people and the well paid job over the permanently overcast, miserably down-rotten and corrupted as gently caress country village. I don't fancy making GBS threads away my evenings in a pub watching football/rugby on the telly, wondering why the gently caress I am paying 3/4 of my salary for renting a piece of poo poo freezing cold apartment that hasn't had its boiler serviced for 3 years. Ugh.

Sorry, but talking about Dublin makes me really, really angry at how unbelievably poo poo and depressing it was, mostly even so how I accepted a lot of things to be "just the way they are" just because they became routine. I am talking about genuinely upsetting things, like a complete lack of variety in anything, insane cost of living without any sort of quality and a professionally dull and stagnated jobs in the area. Hopefully never again.

Dusseldorf posted:

Where in LA do you guys live? I assume the video game company is in the south bay. You should move to the north side of that (Culver City or Venice ish) rather than the south bay beach areas (Manhattan Beach ish). Although the beach communities are nice, they area a lot quieter.

I live on the border of Santa Monica in west LA at the moment, and Santa Monica is not exactly my cup of tea. Culver city and Venice is pretty close to me, although nether of us has a car yet (I live about 10 minutes from work). My wife manages to get around on buses for the time being, but we should be able to get a car soon enough, I think.

Vomik posted:

You guys broke up back in Ireland because your wife wasn't being invited to events?

No dude, things were really bad back then. She was finishing her thesis and got a point where she was struggling with it because it wasn't offering a lot of job prospects. We were also tied in rent to a nice but expensive as gently caress house. I had to work a really lovely call-center job which was making me miserable and I had to juggle it with an awesome but inconsistent contract job, so money was always tight and so was free time. We were also quite immature and didn't deal with all this bullshit in a sensible manner, which eventually drove us apart. We met up some time later and reconnected big time, she is a hell lot more mature now and it was really amazing how she went from "never leaving the house" to "knowing literally everything in Dublin", that takes some dedication. Anyway, its a bit of a derail from what I posted about in the OP.

redreader posted:

Seconding 'LA is terrible'. Also, good luck on the green card. Unless you're EB1 they'll audit your rear end and probably refuse perm.

I am on an L1 and definitely going to try for it. My job is going to sponsor me for a green card and they have done it already for a few people successfully. Beside, gently caress it, why not?

keyvin posted:

She could try meetup.com to find interesting things going on.

She is using that and found a few things already

Captain Gordon fucked around with this message at Jan 17, 2014 around 20:49

superv0zz
Jun 23, 2006

Touch it.

Homers BBBq posted:

You have to be pretty dull to not find anything you like about a place unless it's like Bismarck or something. I moved to New York City because of my girlfriend even though I knew I didn't like it beforehand. I still hate it but it's not making me miserable every day because being with her is the most important thing.

One thing that surprised me about New York is how dedicated people are to finding whatever is the newest and coolest. When you live in a place with millions of people (like LA), places and events get overrun when word gets out so it can be a full-time job to be the first to know. My girlfriend follows a few blogs that people started as a hobby but actually became profitable enough to quit their regular job. I imagine LA can't be much different. You're wife will be fine as long as she's decently open-minded.

Oh, I totally agree. It was a smaller city than we had moved from but there are a lot of things to do and it's an interesting place. For me, there was definitely the feeling of 'weirdness' that comes with moving to a new place when you've lived somewhere else for so long. At the beginning it feels like you're visiting and it feels odd but I found that went away after a few months and now I consider where I live to be home and where I came from to be the place I visit.

Dusseldorf
Mar 29, 2005



The one problem with the west side is it will be the wrong side of town from the punk scene. I expect if she goes to a lot of shows many of them will be downtown.

Captain Gordon
Jul 22, 2004


Pice of poo poo posted:

Maybe you should get out of e/n and post in LAN: Los Angeles to get some advice from people who actually live in la.

Going to do that too

waffle
May 12, 2001
HEH


Yeah two weeks is not a long time to get used to a country. You should be less worried about her not being happy at this very moment and more about whether she realizes what she needs to be to be happy. Is she being proactive in finding stuff to do (or at least realizing that it's within her power to fix her own problems)? Of course, even for now, since it's only two weeks, that's not really your problem to worry about just yet.

It is kind of weird that it almost sounds like she is unhappy unless she's doing something all the time, but that may just be the tone of your post--it's hard to tell if she has normal expectations of "doing things", or if she has to be occupied with something all the time.

waffle fucked around with this message at Jan 17, 2014 around 20:53

jabby
Oct 27, 2010


Captain Gordon posted:

Sorry, but talking about Dublin makes me really, really angry at how unbelievably poo poo and depressing it was, mostly even so how I accepted a lot of things to be "just the way they are" just because they became routine. I am talking about genuinely upsetting things, like a complete lack of variety in anything, insane cost of living without any sort of quality and a professionally dull and stagnated jobs in the area. Hopefully never again.

Admittedly I've never lived in Dublin but its the biggest city in Ireland. Seems a bit weird to hate it so intensely. I can understand being frustrated by the job market but is your life really so unbearably miserable if you don't have tons of the exact stuff you like going on around you all the time?

Cicero
Dec 17, 2003

Jumpjet, melta, jumpjet. Repeat for ten minutes or until victory is assured.

I thought Dublin would be cool but that's just because I'm an American and we tend to think of Ireland as a pretty cool place. Sorry to hear that it actually sucks.

Thundercracker
Jun 25, 2004

Proudly serving the Ruinous Powers since as a veteran of the long war.


jabby posted:

Admittedly I've never lived in Dublin but its the biggest city in Ireland. Seems a bit weird to hate it so intensely. I can understand being frustrated by the job market but is your life really so unbearably miserable if you don't have tons of the exact stuff you like going on around you all the time?

I dunno, everyone I've met who's been/from Dublin has hated it. My friend who was born there never wants to go back and describe it as smelling like "A wet cardboard box and dog"

pandariot
Feb 19, 2012



Dusseldorf posted:

The one problem with the west side is it will be the wrong side of town from the punk scene. I expect if she goes to a lot of shows many of them will be downtown.

Everything Dusseldorf is saying is very good. Listen to this goon.

You said she's taking the bus? If she wants to get downtown I'd recommend the light rail train over the bus. The Expo Line will take you from Culver City to downtown: http://www.metro.net/projects/exposition/expo-line/

The beautiful thing about LA is that it can be whatever you want it to be. Absolutely everything is here, including all kinds of fun and interesting people. Tell her to be patient, start volunteering, take classes in whatever interests her, etc. and she'll have circles of friends in no time.

Pice of Shit
Jun 11, 2003
I got mail....yay.


[quote="pandariot"

The beautiful thing about LA is that it can be whatever you want it to be. Absolutely everything is here, including all kinds of fun and interesting people. Tell her to be patient, start volunteering, take classes in whatever interests her, etc. and she'll have circles of friends in no time.
[/quote]

gently caress this guy's nuanced opinion. LA sux.

For real: I've found laist.com to be pretty helpful in finding cool things to do.

Hyzenth1ay
Oct 24, 2008


She needs a job.

Mucktron
Dec 21, 2005

"But I've been twelve for a very long time"

This might have changed, but back when I was living in Santa Monica a few years back, there was a good deal of UK and Irish ex-pats in that area. The ones I knew were working-class and a bit older, but it might help to have a few people from that area to chat with, even if it's on a superficial "Ah yes. I am from that area too" level.

Check out some of the pubs, while a lot are gonna Irish in a very superfical "I'm 12th generation Irish WOOOOOO!!! Saint Paddy's Day!!" at least a handful are ex-pat owned and operated.

OMG JC a Bomb!
Jul 13, 2004

My posts are augmented.


Well, look on the bright side. Obama's less likely to blow up your house with a drone strike now that you're here.

For now....

leica
Jan 23, 2006



I was married to a Japanese woman that couldn't/wouldn't get used to living in the states, she missed her family, was miserable and it was making me miserable. I bought her a one way ticket back to Japan and she happily got on the plane. Love doesn't always trump everything I suppose.

Vesi
Jan 12, 2005

pikachu looking at?

what about surfing or kiteboarding, that's what I'd do if stuck in LA

Enfys
Feb 17, 2013

A yak is born

Captain Gordon posted:

LA isn't the prettiest city I have seen for sure, but I will take the sun and the beach, friendly people and the well paid job over the permanently overcast, miserably down-rotten and corrupted as gently caress country village. I don't fancy making GBS threads away my evenings in a pub watching football/rugby on the telly, wondering why the gently caress I am paying 3/4 of my salary for renting a piece of poo poo freezing cold apartment that hasn't had its boiler serviced for 3 years. Ugh.

Sorry, but talking about Dublin makes me really, really angry at how unbelievably poo poo and depressing it was, mostly even so how I accepted a lot of things to be "just the way they are" just because they became routine. I am talking about genuinely upsetting things, like a complete lack of variety in anything, insane cost of living without any sort of quality and a professionally dull and stagnated jobs in the area. Hopefully never again.



So you seriously hated living in Dublin and hate Ireland with a fiery passion. Fair enough. You have now moved to a place that is completely unlike Ireland and Dublin in so many ways that even years from now even if you are well settled, you will still be finding some things that make you feel foreign or that are different from home or whatever. The key thing is that you hated where you came from, and now you are in a completely different place, so it is very refreshing to you.

Your wife, on the other hand, really liked living in Ireland and had built a life there and made meaningful connections and had a happy, thriving life instead of despising everything about where she lived. She has now uprooted her happy, good life in a place she liked and moved to a completely different place that is going to feel incredibly foreign and huge and different to her after Dublin. TWO WEEKS AGO. Seriously, two weeks ago.

Of course she is homesick. She left the place that was home to her and where she had built a good life for herself. She is having a completely normal and reasonable emotional reaction to leaving home and moving to another country, and you are being a bit of an arse here by getting so worked up that she is not responding in a way that you think or want her to. You're projecting your own worries onto her and probably adding quite a bit of additional stress and pressure to her life. It takes people time to adjust to a big move like this, especially when they were happy where lived before. Her process of adjusting isn't going to mirror yours, and you can't 'hurry' her into being as comfortable with LA in two weeks as you are after 6 months.

You've even said she's already been using Meetup and found a few things, so....? People take time to settle into an entirely new life and new routine. Really it sounds like this is way more about your issues and your anxieties than it has anything to do with your wife. If you were saying she'd lived there a year and was showing signs of depression or whatever, that would be quite a different story, but come on. Two weeks. It really doesn't seem like you're allowing her any space for her to go through her own adjustment process. You just want her immediately be the same person with the same social life and are panicking over her feeling perfectly normal things like homesickness after just two weeks.



Also, this really doesn't have anything to do with your wife, but you are hateful about Ireland to a bizarre extent, and you might want to deal with your own feelings about that so you stop trying to put all of your anger and anxiety into your relationship with your wife. Every country has flaws, but being zealously fixated on either the negatives or positives of your home causes some pretty distorted thinking (ie - Ireland is an unequivocally horrible place where all you can do is spend nights in pubs watching telly and fuming about your boiler not being serviced). You didn't come from a war torn third world country or anything. You'll be happier, and you'll probably be an easier and more positive person to be around (and be in a relationship with) if you work through your own feelings about Ireland and let go of your intense anger, even just a bit. It would probably make your relationship with your wife better as well since it must be difficult to be homesick about a country that causes your partner to become 'really, really angry' to even talk about.

Enfys fucked around with this message at Jan 18, 2014 around 16:13

Beep Street
Aug 22, 2006

Chemotherapy and marijuana go together like apple pie and Chevrolet.

Enfys posted:

Also, this really doesn't have anything to do with your wife, but you are hateful about Ireland to a bizarre extent, and you might want to deal with your own feelings about that so you stop trying to put all of your anger and anxiety into your relationship with your wife. Every country has flaws, but being zealously fixated on either the negatives or positives of your home causes some pretty distorted thinking (ie - Ireland is an unequivocally horrible place where all you can do is spend nights in pubs watching telly and fuming about your boiler not being serviced). You didn't come from a war torn third world country or anything. You'll be happier, and you'll probably be an easier and more positive person to be around (and be in a relationship with) if you work through your own feelings about Ireland and let go of your intense anger, even just a bit. It would probably make your relationship with your wife better as well since it must be difficult to be homesick about a country that causes your partner to become 'really, really angry' to even talk about.
I moved away from Ireland and hated the place for a few years but I totally love visiting it now. It might be a normal thing to hate the place you've left for a while to help you deal with homesickness.

Tiny Brontosaurus
Aug 1, 2013


Find a way to get your wife to Silverlake or Echo Park. Once you guys have cars (you will need one each in LA, please believe me on this) you might even consider moving there. They're young, culturally-dense neighborhoods full of musicians and artists (yes, and "hipsterrrss" goon who was just going to whine about that, don't think I don't see you there. That fedora looks awful on you.) and there are live music gigs in the coffee shops and bars there basically every night of the week. It's not particularly a punk scene but there are people who are into that as well as a whole range of other stuff.

Sock Weasel
Sep 13, 2010



I moved from Yorkshire to Texas to be with my husband after he took a job here. He's originally from Texas and has a great group of friends in the area and while I get along with them well, I'm exactly where your wife is at with wanting 'my own' group of friends. As of today I've been here six months and am definitely not fully settled yet. It takes time! At the moment she's probably still in the "what the hell did I just do" mindset. Remember that while you have a job that you know to busy yourself with, the only familiar thing she has here is you. That's it. Nothing else. While it is difficult to do so, that needs to change fast.

Not being able to work does suck a lot and she's probably finding that hard; not just because she has nothing to do but also because it is a huge, huge way to meet people. See if she can find volunteer work to do! I used http://www.volunteermatch.org and am on my way to spending a couple of days a week at the local animal shelter which will get me out of the house and get me meeting new people. Meetup.com is a great idea and it's good that she's found some things already! Transport is another big one; for the first two months I had nothing and DFW isn't an area with public transport. I eventually got my own vehicle but at the very least make sure she's making an effort to really familiarize herself with your local transport systems.

Having people pull the "say something for me!" line gets old really drat fast and on top of everything else yes, it will probably make her feel like she doesn't really belong that little bit more. The only way around it is to just get out more and get used to it. I agree with Enfys in that you hating Dublin probably isn't making this any easier for her. Try not to bring up how much of a poo poo hole it is if she voices being homesick... at least not for a little bit.

Enfys
Feb 17, 2013

A yak is born

Beep Street posted:

I moved away from Ireland and hated the place for a few years but I totally love visiting it now. It might be a normal thing to hate the place you've left for a while to help you deal with homesickness.

If you were really unhappy and miserable in the place you left, it might be normal, but it still important to recognise and deal with those feelings, whatever they are. It's especially important when in a relationship with someone like his wife, who was happy and liked living in Ireland and is feeling homesick and missing her home. The OP said he becomes 'really, really angry' whenever he talks about Ireland, which I believe given the few things he has said in this thread alone. It's going to make it really hard on his wife to adjust if she cannot express her homesickness or if her feelings of loss or missing the life she had are invalidated in the face of the OP's intense anger over the topic, which as he states them here, are presented as the undeniable 'truth' about Ireland.

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Grand Prize Winner
Feb 19, 2007


Get a car, stat. Even if it's a thousand-dollar beater it'll make your time (and especially your wife's time) there a lot more pleasant. If you have to choose between working windows and working AC, go with working windows because even in the summer it doesn't get too far above 100-110 fahrenheit (or 38-41C if you haven't yet adapted to our superior system of temperature measurements), but any car in LA sunlight's gonna turn into an absolute greenhouse.

Consider learning some Spanish, it can be real, real useful.

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