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Devious Vacuum
Oct 24, 2009

GIRL GAMES



Hello, my name is Devious Vacuum, and I am a roboticist. But when I decided I wanted to LP some games, I thought I should focus on what I'm REALLY good at: having a vagina. Let's Play Games for Girls!

All of us are aware that "Girl Games" exist online, and that there are a lot of them and they're all pretty lovely, both in terms of messages they send and how well they are implemented. Why are Girl Games so terrible? How many of them are actually out there? WHY DO THESE GAMES EXIST?? These are the hard-hitting questions I would like you to help me answer!

In each episode, I'm going to look at a collection of Girl Games, mostly from free-to-play websites, but also some games full of terrible messages that you have to actually pay money for. This is by NO MEANS the full extent of girl games out there! There are so many of them. So many. That's why I need you!!

Would you like to play along at home? Everyone is encouraged to go find Girl Games of their own and post evidence of them here! Whether it be video, screenshot, or even just an image of your finished product, any and every contribution is encouraged. How deep does the rabbit hole go? Join me and find out!

How serious of a discussion is this, you ask? There are plenty of opportunities to be serious and to be funny when discussing these games. I want to first and foremost make fun of them, but also we should take every opportunity to point out problematic aspects of all of these games and the very serious cultural issues they reflect. That said, please don't come in looking for a fight! THIS IS A FUN THREAD ABOUT LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP. And remember: EVERYONE IS GIRLS.



with AsteriskAsterisk
Blog post linked from The Guardian: Games for Girls?
with BeamsplashX and Helmetcondenser
with OatmealRaisin
with Panzer Skank
with Siren
with Ragny and Psychedelic Eyeball
with Kaubocks WARNING: EYE SURGERY
with Midnight Voyager
with AsteriskAsterisk and HelmetCondenser
with Dyslexiactic
with Gharbad
with EntranceJew
with Chuuurls and HelmetCondenser
with Sweet and Awful
with Voidburger
with Charkie
with Panzer Skank WARNING: NOSE CLEANING

with AsteriskAsterisk
with DurpTwoTwo
with Fat Larry WARNING: BABY MUTILATION







Fat Larry Streams an Anime (VOD)

by Senerio
by Senerio, With EntranceJew, Heavy Sigh, Miniature Moose and Yapo
by Senerio

Devious Vacuum fucked around with this message at Apr 18, 2014 around 19:06

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Devious Vacuum
Oct 24, 2009

GIRL GAMES



Panzer Skank plays Really lovely iOS Games For GURRLZ: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Peach Style plays: The Scared Groom, Fashion Police

dijon du jour:
dress up games for boys?!
Tropical Spa Day. Nothing unusual here.
Girl Gamz

MiracleFlare:
throws a personal sex party at 123kido!
The Horrors of PlayKaty
Baby Hazel Goes To Disneyland
What did they do to Princess Merida?
Date Them All!

Boyfriend Trainer (VLP) by Devil Ed

Word of the Day is: Date (VLP) by MisterFuzzles!

Onean finally figures out what that League of Angels ad is all about.


Charkie, Mr Swoon, and Syrg find love and gas lamps in Pretty In Pink.

Mr. Swoon and Syrg rejoin Charkie for some more licensed girl games with Mean Girls. It's...not abysmal? Wait, really?

Nerdy to Emo Makeover by chocolatekake!


Let's Play the Mary-Kate and Ashley Series, Part 1 with DurpTwoTwo, ItsGoggalor, ZenScissors, and DevilEd
Let's Play the Mary-Kate and Ashley Series Part 2: Hit-Thingies with DurpTwoTwo, ItsGoggalor, ZenScissors, DevilEd, and Siren, aka Grasslamb
Let's Play the Mary-Kate and Ashley Series Finale: Rolling Start (with DevilEd, ItsGoggalor, ZenScissors, Compufreak, and Kai.)

Night Gaunt takes a look at Otome Games!


Roll Next
(With Heavy Sigh, Simply Simon, Loco, and Assoonasitis)

Soricidus Makes A Cat Happy!

DreamingOfRoses takes us to NeoPets and Hannah's Wardrobe Adventure!

ThatPazuzu:
(skeletons by DVac)
Goes on a double date during Bad Girl (Prom Night?) Goon Run Renegade Run
Chooses from the many boyfriends of My Virtual Boyfriend!
Dresses up some Celebrity Babies and a Shrek Wedding?!

Then Helmetcondenser Dates Joshua the Redditor

hyphz shows off Magical Girl Mari's Dressing Up Adventure, a Japanese game with an interesting take on dress up gameplay.

123Peppy.com Arts and Crafts!
by chocolatekake
Instructions from here: http://crafts.123peppy.com/popeye-soap-carving/55


Killerrhubarb plays Disney City Girl! Part 1 Part2 Part 3




Thanks ElephantGun for capturing the essence of Girl Gaming.




GEOP made a sweet gamertag(s) for us Let's Playdies~


Thank you Charkie for taking a screenshot from the renowned Girl Game, Girls of War.


Geop snuck into a kissing game!


Xenia completes Dongs "REO" Speedwagon's makeover.


Captain Fargle explains the bizarre cheerleader mutations in Pom Pom Squad.


dijon du jour shows us what Let's Playdies are all about.


Jinxie Monroe gets SILKY SMOOTH LEGS.

Why's It Gotta be SlenderMAN?! a short story by AltaBrown


dijon du jour created this excellent ad.


Happy Valentine's Day from Senerio!


Girl Games the Hedgehog, by Killrrhubarb


Achievement unlocked! Geop reveals me as a Fake Gamer Girl.

nu_vagus created this amazing remix of the BEAUTIFUL CAR! song!!! RAVE CAR

Coincidence?! I THINK NOT. from StoryTime

tlarn avatarized my MLP gif:

Friends don't let friends
play horse games


codl creates an excellent avatar available for you:

Delivering girl game news
directly to you


ahaha holy poo poo Let's Draw Fanart by Dyslexiactic

another by tinkerttoy


This beautiful monstrosity is by SassyRobot

THE REIGN OF THE DISHWASHER BEGINS
by chocolatekake

Thread Participation!!!
Erte Elegance
Gyre
Devious Vacuum
LordGugs
The_White_Crane
Anistar01
KennyMan666
chocolatekake

Fairytale Prince
Devious Vacuum
Honorific!

Tutti Frutti
Honorific!
Devious Vacuum

Regency Dress Up
Devious Vacuum
SelenicMartian
chocolatekake

Boyfriend Maker
RoeCocoa
tlarn
Awesomonster
The_White_Crane
DWK
Cerebulon
King Vidiot

Manga Creator Madness!
chocolatekake
Devious Vacuum
Senerio
dijon du jour
tlarn
Best Friend Skull
MiracleFlare
The_White_Crane
Killrrhubarb
DecayDJK
DurpTwoTwo
ShadowMar
steinrokkan
azren
Jenner
Lord_Ventor
The Trials of Mary, Campus Crusader for Christ by Gyre
Camel Pimp

DollDivine Viking Maker
azren (portrayal of the Vacuumborn)
OmanyteJackson

Pokemon Trainer Creator
Senerio
The_White_Crane
DurpTwoTwo
Devious Vacuum
chocolatekake
Killrrhubarb

STRONG FEMALE CHARACTERS
Devious Vacuum
SelenicMartian
Veloxyll
Meowjesty
Camel Pimp
azren
chocolatekake
this fish flies
Skanker
Devil Ed
MiracleFlare
ZOOM! ENHANCE! The_White_Crane
DWK
SirArthurIV

Then everyone made a bunch of loving mechs:
DWK
Veloxyll
StrixNebulosa
Meis
The_White_Crane
Senerio
dreamy
Killrrhubarb
haplesscardsharp
pichupal
Heatwizard
chocolatekake
Jenner

The Ladies of Dinogeddon
CaptainBob
Onean
Veloxyll
SelenicMartian
maswastaken

Devious Vacuum fucked around with this message at Apr 16, 2014 around 16:43

Devious Vacuum
Oct 24, 2009

GIRL GAMES

For my first update, have a super special double bonus video! Asterisk and I discuss why Girl Games are worth talking about, and then BeamsplashX and Helmetcondenser join me to have a very silly discussion about pizza.

with AsteriskAsterisk
Blog post linked from The Guardian: Games for Girls?

with BeamsplashX and Helmetcondenser

Dyslexiactic
Mar 1, 2011

I'm angry and I want to express it somehow.


It's happening, it's really happening!

Innovacious
Jun 27, 2012

Drink Lucozade to keep your energy maintained!


There are a lot of "dress up" games for boys. They still involve girls but are definitely not suitable for children of either gender.

HerrSystem
Dec 27, 2006
Oh Shi-

Ground floor on awesome Dee-vac thread! Do you have a list of games you're going to do, or are you going to play/record them as you discover them?

And how long until you do a 100% run of Horse DDR?

Devious Vacuum
Oct 24, 2009

GIRL GAMES

HerrSystem posted:

Ground floor on awesome Dee-vac thread! Do you have a list of games you're going to do, or are you going to play/record them as you discover them?

And how long until you do a 100% run of Horse DDR?

I have a Master List going forward about 4-5 episodes, but obviously I am open to suggestions as well! And yes, I have an entire episode devoted to boy dress-up games too~.

Horse DDR will happen eventually! Everyone plays it blind, so I kind of want to get somewhere in the game before showing it.

a tea tree
Dec 20, 2006

Kirby began to wonder if he shouldn't have just eaten the Nemesis, instead.


While we're here waiting for additional content to be added (oh man I can't wait) may I suggest some extra credit viewing?

Outpost22
Oct 11, 2012


Games are supposed to be a break from reality. These just seem like hygiene simulators.

Anyway I can't wait for the misogyny!

Synastren
Nov 8, 2005

Bad at Starcraft 2.
Better at psychology.
Psychology Megathread


Devious Vacuum posted:


Hello, my name is Devious Vacuum, and I am a roboticist. But when I decided I wanted to LP some games, I thought I should focus on what I'm REALLY good at: having a vagina. Let's Play Games for Girls!


I haven't cracked up when reading an OP in the LP subforum in a while.

I clicked on the first link, thinking I'd check out the video for five minutes or so. When the video ended, I was a little confused where my half hour went.

5'ed and eagerly watching to see just how deep the rabbit hole goes.

Crabtree
Oct 17, 2012


Edit: Never mind, personal computer issues just flipped out.

Crabtree fucked around with this message at Jan 17, 2014 around 19:33

Rosettas
Sep 5, 2013

You could put the coke in my mailbox, BUT I DON'T CHECK THAT SHIT!

I never realized how bizarre and out there some of these "girl games" come out to be. I'm not even quite sure what kind of a message "go find your blankie by shooting at animals with a crossbow" game is really trying to send

Clayren
Jun 4, 2008

grandma plz don't folow me on twiter its embarassing, if u want to know what animes im watching jsut read the family newsletter like normal

Rosettas posted:

I never realized how bizarre and out there some of these "girl games" come out to be. I'm not even quite sure what kind of a message "go find your blankie by shooting at animals with a crossbow" game is really trying to send

All little girls love small, cute animals and medieval weaponry, silly!

Kaboom Dragoon
May 7, 2010

Gentlemen, welcome to SA.

Now vote this thread 5, or pay the price of insubordination!


Clayren posted:

All little girls love small, cute animals and medieval weaponry, silly!

Frankly, I've based my taste in women on that principal. I could never love any woman who doesn't know how to operate a crossbow.

RBA Starblade
Apr 27, 2008

Going Home.


It's weird how uniform almost all those dressup games looked, even among the ones not made by the same people. It was the same two proportions for all of them. I wonder how much money these games make. They must make something, right?

Panzer Skank
Jan 11, 2004

O Rosto De Um Assassino

I can't even believe how many incredible things happen in those first two videos. Your serious feminism discussion juxtaposed with firing a crossbow at a kitten, chatting about the lack of player agency as you put a pirate hat on a dog. Also holy loving poo poo the racism is already incredible and you have barely scratched the surface.

I don't have anything to say about the killing men with eye lasers game because it's accurate to real life.

Endorph
Jul 22, 2009

ASK ME ABOUT MY PRIVATE COLLECTION OF RARE MLP PORN!


Clayren posted:

All little girls love small, cute animals and medieval weaponry, silly!
That explains why my niece loved Brave so much.

blackflare
Dec 6, 2004

I am a Purrrfect Princess


I didn't realize this was in the works but I'm suddenly very excited I've played plenty of bad games before, but never this particular kind of bad.

Veloxyll
May 3, 2011

Fuck you say?!

I just have to say that the Unicorn armour @ 17:30ish disturbs me with its terrible perspective.

I am pretty sure that that classroom is just a stock image used in every anime ever.

Eye lasers and crossbows: Two features of the two softwares demonstrated that are actual games.

Veloxyll fucked around with this message at Jan 17, 2014 around 22:00

Midnight Voyager
Jul 2, 2008

Somebody's poisoned the water hole!

DVAC NO DO NOT DESCEND INTO THIS RABBIT HOLE

HEREIN LIES GRASSLAMB.

Tin Tim
Jun 4, 2012

Live by the pun - Die by the pun


I think somebody has to address the elefant in the room, so I'll do it: That Selena Gomez game was some real funny poo poo. Aside from her body apparently being a smelly mess that needs a ton of perfume in very specific spots, the hair on her legs made me laugh real good. Even more so if you take into account that it supposedly grew over the span of a single night? It was almost like a loving MAD magazine parody. Though, I was disappointed that Asterisk didn't pick up on the phrase "You have to put a steamer on your face"

e: Also, eyelaser flirting

Tin Tim fucked around with this message at Jan 17, 2014 around 21:55

gegi
Aug 3, 2004
Butterfly Girl

Rosettas posted:

I never realized how bizarre and out there some of these "girl games" come out to be. I'm not even quite sure what kind of a message "go find your blankie by shooting at animals with a crossbow" game is really trying to send

What message does 'win girls by jumping on mushrooms and killing turtles' send?

Gaz-L
Jan 28, 2009


gegi posted:

What message does 'win girls by jumping on mushrooms and killing turtles' send?

Being persistent (also violent towards fungi) will get you laid.

Psychedelic Eyeball
Jan 10, 2006

Like it or not, they will build you a new civilization.



Are there any girl games that aren't there to remind you that if you're a girl, you're utterly screwed and must spend 500 dollars in beauty products every day? Can they somehow get even shallower than what we've seen in the first two videos?

Although I must say, I was a huge fan of crossbow-wielding plush puppy and robot lady turning men to ghosts with eye lasers. Why was that one game only rated 68%, that was like the only half good game in the whole lot!

Mr. Bing
Oct 25, 2004

...Is it still there?

Psychedelic Eyeball posted:

Although I must say, I was a huge fan of crossbow-wielding plush puppy and robot lady turning men to ghosts with eye lasers. Why was that one game only rated 68%, that was like the only half good game in the whole lot!

Wouldn't be surprised if it were rated down for lack of customization options. This is a GIRL GAME you must play DRESS UP.

Elephantgun
Feb 13, 2010



Finally a series of games for me, a girl, who games. A gamer girl if you will

gegi
Aug 3, 2004
Butterfly Girl

Psychedelic Eyeball posted:

Are there any girl games that aren't there to remind you that if you're a girl, you're utterly screwed and must spend 500 dollars in beauty products every day?

Sure, there are plenty of them, but they're not purchased by the company that runs the big "games for girls" site network. Back when I looked into this sort of thing for business reasons, those search terms were dominated by a handful of sites all owned by the same people, all cross-linking to each other to build up their ranking. The economy of flash games for ad views is something separate from standard indie game development that I don't really understand.

It comes down to: what do you define as a girl game? If the criteria are looking exactly like one of these games, then of course they're all terrible, but that's because you've used terrible as the definition, if you see what I mean.

Elephantgun
Feb 13, 2010



Gyre
Feb 25, 2007



I was totally like you DV, although I embraced femininity earlier (high school) and less thoroughly. I still hate dresses and never wear makeup, but my hair is a source of constant vanity and I collect scarves like limited-edition beanie babies.

One thing I don't think a lot of women experience is actually talking about why they feel the need to pretty themselves up. I once had a sociology of gender class where we talked to the person next to us about how they get ready for the day and why, and the girl I was talking to rattled off a list of things she did in the morning but could not for the life of her explain why she did them other than they made her feel pretty.

Jenner
Jun 5, 2011

Oh, this'll be good.

Awh yis.

I expect to see some Barbie's Horse Adventure in this thread.

Rahonavis
Jan 11, 2012

"Clevuh gurrrl..."


Warrior Pinkie Pie and "Flirting in the Street" killed me.

But drat, these games are just upsetting. The saddest part is that they are all basically the same. Like there is literally nothing else the programmers can imagine a girl would ever want to pretend to do other than wash her face and put on clothes. Riveting. Between that and slaying monsters or exploring a magical land or raising dragons, how could I choose?!

I never suspected that eyebrow-plucking would figure in so often as a game mechanic but here we are.

Are you planning on doing any licensed games? Those were the Games For Girls I grew up with (more accurately, popped in the disc drive once, did something so insipid and stereotypical I can't even remember it, got to see a unicorn dance, then tossed the disk into the bottom of the pile to play more Tetris and Battle Chess) and a cursory glance in the aisles of Big Box shows they are as abysmal as ever.

As far as the "Are these games" issue, a better question might be, "If these are meant to be games, how the hell do you win?" (Though come to mention it, I don't think you can win...)

E: VV The saddest thing is, I knew the answer would boil down to "Money, dear boy boid," but I had just enough faith in people not to believe it.

Rahonavis fucked around with this message at Jan 18, 2014 around 00:34

Buried alive
Jun 8, 2009


Someone with better skills than me needs to make a "Games for girls flash games never changes facial expressions" because holy crap, every single one of those games had almost the exact same facial expression. The only exceptions were pizza time, street-flirting and that dream date one (because she had a nose while most of the others didn't.)

Also why is that pizza time game a girl game? The only thing I can think of is some sort of sexism about how women belong in the kitchen. I can't decide if that's better or worse than the overt fashion stuff going on.

gegi
Aug 3, 2004
Butterfly Girl

Rahonavis posted:

The saddest part is that they are all basically the same. Like there is literally nothing else the programmers can imagine a girl would ever want to pretend to do other than wash her face and put on clothes.

Further back in the distant reaches of the internet before this particular network of sites came to prominence, I recall these dress-up things being more commonly called dollmakers. Not games. People made them for fun, there were webrings (anyone remember webrings?) and collection sites to help you navigate to more and more dollmakers, because people who found these things fun tended to want more of them to play with. At the time it wasn't even particularly young girls that were expected to be the audience.

That's the niche that these companies went into. They really heavily pushed the term 'girl games' to dominate the search engine results for it and to strongly associate it with these things in people's minds. And because these flash dollmakers are so cheap they could easily pay people to make loads and loads of them.

They want people to come to their site and click absently through these games. They want people to come back and see what new ones have been added. And they want them to be slightly unfulfilled and bored so that they'll click on advertising.

It's not so much that the programmers can't think of anything else girls would like to do, it's that they've been given the brief of "$500 for every dressup game". (I forget the exact prices, but I talked to a few people who did this sort of thing in the past. For that matter some of them were artists who licensed the code and then could produce games with identical features but different art and get paid for each set they produced.)

It's all about the money.

Ubisoft's Imagine line, on the other hand, has an entirely different set of problems. Some of those games are okay, some of them are terrifyingly bad, but they're not operating on the same model as free flash website games. Terrible retail games often focus their efforts on being cheap and bright and right in the reach of a parent who doesn't know anything about games and just wants something to make their child happy.

Geop
Oct 26, 2007

I guess you could say he's...
hot under the collar.
Heh.


Aw yeah, been waiting on this thread I'M READY FOR SOME PINK STUFF AND GLITTER AND poo poo

Devious Vacuum
Oct 24, 2009

GIRL GAMES

Rahonavis posted:

Are you planning on doing any licensed games?

Some of them! However, I know for a fact Dyslexiactic and FutureFriend are going to start a Barbie Games Megathread quite soon, and likely there will be a lot of cross-pollination between our threads. Some might even call them, Sister Threads~

Devious Vacuum
Oct 24, 2009

GIRL GAMES

Geop posted:

Aw yeah, been waiting on this thread I'M READY FOR SOME PINK STUFF AND GLITTER AND poo poo



GANG TAG FOUND

Geop
Oct 26, 2007

I guess you could say he's...
hot under the collar.
Heh.


Is it Pladies or Playdies? Because I can fix it super fast

Panzer Skank
Jan 11, 2004

O Rosto De Um Assassino

Geop posted:

Aw yeah, been waiting on this thread I'M READY FOR SOME PINK STUFF AND GLITTER AND poo poo



Geop holy poo poo that gang tag. Hooooooooooooooly poo poo. Also I think it might be playdies? I have no official content to reference.

edit: I keep leaving the thread and then coming back again to laugh at that gang tag like a crazy person

Suspicious Dish
Sep 24, 2011



It's Playdies.

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Namtab
Feb 22, 2010

Here you go, buddy!

Video Dames

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