Search Amazon.com:
Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us $3,400 per month for bandwidth bills alone, and since we don't believe in shoving popup ads to our registered users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
«11 »
  • Post
  • Reply
Coin
Jan 9, 2006

I'm no shitposter; I always know how I'm posting is wrong. I'm just a guy that doesn't like reading the thread, effortposting, and respecting the mods. So if you think about it, I'm the best poster here.

Epitome of first world problems, I know, and I'm aware that maybe this is just me being an rear end in a top hat. That is why I'm asking the internet for advice before I take more direct action.

My major social hobby is board gaming, and I'm active in a couple of meetup groups in my community. I'm a newcomer to the hobby, and I find it awesome; it scratches the nerd-itch that Dungeons and Dragons used to, except everyone at the board game meetings showers regularly. It's also been an excellent way for me to meet new people in a city where I haven't lived very long.

The main problem is a another very recent newcomer. He's got anxiety issues which cause him to shut down in stressful situations. It makes me really uncomfortable to have to wait in silence while the grown man whose turn it is is trying to hold back sobs or has to go outside or stand facing the corner for several minutes. (edit: This doesn't just happen once a session, when it happens.) It's much worse when I'm the one responsible for teaching the game; I can either correct his new-player mistakes (which leads to a meltdown) or not correct them (which is obviously the better choice and what I have started to do, but spoils the game if he ends up grabbing a huge lead through not understanding that he's not allowed to do what he's doing, and also someone else will probably correct him anyway.)

I've raised my concerns to the other players, but a couple of people who haven't played with him as much as I have have argued that this behavior isn't all that strange. I think they just didn't want to be seen as picking on the mentally ill person. I also don't want to do that, but it's starting to spoil my major social outlet and I can't be the only one who is really bothered by him. I find his sense of humor to be extremely annoying, so that might be distorting my view of the situation.

If it matters (and it won't except to some board-gaming goons. Skip this paragraph if you don't play board games) he seems to be able to handle Sentinels of the Multiverse. Citadel was okay, except when someone played that purple card that made us all address the king as "Your Majesty" or whatever. (He didn't melt down; he just used this accent that made me want to punch him.) Being in the same room as him when playing Galaxy Trucker was awful, and he disrupted a game of Terra Mystica several times with sobs and one walk-out due to trouble understanding the bridge rules. The young man in question is old enough to be a graduate student, by the way.

Would I be a horrible person if I just said, "Hey, since board games seem to trigger your mental issues, have you considered not playing board games?" I know he walks a long way to attend these gatherings, so they must be important to him, but god drat it really, really sucks having him there.


edit: I get that trying to get rid of him on my own would be mean and counterproductive. I'm going to look for other people to hang out with.

2nd edit: wow now that I've spent some time socializing in other ways and had a beer this seems extremely mean-spirited.

3rd edit: I'm out of the group, I made arrangements to continue socializing with the people I like from there, and I'm looking for something different to do on that night. Advice for dealing with him is no longer useful, because I don't have any reason to anymore. Thanks for the feedback, goons!

4th edit: but keep on telling me to do the thing I already said I was going to and already have done, that's cool too

5th edit: why yes I did try asking if he needed a minute to cool down. I think i mentioned that somewhere in the middle of the thread. I don't think he heard me.

Coin fucked around with this message at Feb 10, 2014 around 19:43

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Ironic Porn Rental
Feb 20, 2006
Even as you read this, I'm masturbating to my own post.

Just let him play the games man.

Toriori
Jan 4, 2012

No Yanda's allowed

You aren't very nice, and if you can't play nicely with others you shouldn't play. If he's got such bad anxiety it's probably already really hard for him to even go out socially like that, maybe you could see this in an exercise in patience and understanding.

Dr. S.O. Feelgood
Dec 30, 2008


How long have each of you been going to these things? Is it the same group of people each time? You said he's new to this, so you should probably be less judgmental and give him some time to get more comfortable around everyone else. It's pretty lovely that you think that other people must be annoyed by him too, even though they've already told you they're not. If he bothers you that much, maybe you should consider doing something else instead of telling him to leave.

edit: You could also try talking to him or being more friendly, although it sounds like you probably aren't interested in that. It might not be so awkward for you to explain stuff or correct him if you knew him a little better. Other than that, I don't really see any options besides ignoring him or stop going to the meetings.

Dr. S.O. Feelgood fucked around with this message at Jan 18, 2014 around 03:55

Sharkie
Feb 4, 2013


If you don't like the people at that particular meetup group, go to another one, I guess. It sounds like you're the only one with a problem here.

natetimm
May 24, 2007
MAYBE WITH THIS SYCOPHANTIC POST,
THE JOB CREATORS WILL FINALLY LOVE ME AND TREAT ME AS ONE OF THEIR OWN

Look, Daddy I'm even racist like you!


Bring an airhorn and honk it at him briefly every time he does something you disapprove of.

Devils Affricate
Jan 22, 2010


It's kind of weird how you think it's a better idea to not mention the fact that he broke the rules during a game in order to avoid setting him off, but you're considering moving forward by telling him to not show up at all. The latter is much more mean spirited, and probably a lot more likely to cause him to freak out. If I were you I'd just keep enforcing the rules of the games regardless of his reactions, just making sure not to be a dick about it. If this really causes him to bring every game to a halt because he can't deal with it, the other players will probably end up feeling the same way you do about him.

DaVideo
Dec 29, 2011



I've been in a similar situation (nerdy hobby with a weekly meeting) where one of the group members annoyed the poo poo out of me but only mildly irritated everyone else. The group was fun enough to put up with it, though I started using an in-ear headphone to tune him out even if it was a bit rude. I'm not sure you can really do the same thing with boardgames and suggesting that he leave is really dickish, so unfortunately you're going to have to suck it up until he learns the rules or one of you leaves.

Coin
Jan 9, 2006

I'm no shitposter; I always know how I'm posting is wrong. I'm just a guy that doesn't like reading the thread, effortposting, and respecting the mods. So if you think about it, I'm the best poster here.

He did say once that he had specifically had a bad experience with board games in his past. I know that board games are a triggering thing for him. I don't know if he has this many issues in other social situations.

I'm really not interested in becoming his friend. If he had no mental issues, I would still find him deeply annoying. The first time we ever gamed together, he didn't have a single episode and still annoyed me, but not so much that it interfered with the evening (because I could still do what I went to do while he was being annoying.) In any case, I'm afraid that I might accidentally make him cry if my tone isn't cheerful enough, or if it's too fake-cheerful.

It's certainly possible that I'm approaching this from an uncharitable place, but I honestly don't understand his behavior. He clearly finds board gaming extremely stressful a good portion of the time. It would be one thing to put himself through stress for a promotion or better health, but he's driving himself to tears over moving little wooden men around. I'm pretty sure it's the board games that make him cry and not the social gathering, though I could be wrong.

I also really like a lot of other people in the group and I'm starting to make friends there. I don't want to quit going.

I guess I won't approach him. I don't find it plausible that I'm the only one he bothers, but I can see where it would look bad if I were the only one to say something. I can probably play games with other people most of the time, and hopefully it will turn out to be just games that are new to him that trigger meltdowns. If he keeps it up. eventually he'll quit coming or someone else will flip their poo poo at him. If he masters his emotional issues, he'll just be really annoying. I suppose it would be best to wait another few sessions and see.

Coin
Jan 9, 2006

I'm no shitposter; I always know how I'm posting is wrong. I'm just a guy that doesn't like reading the thread, effortposting, and respecting the mods. So if you think about it, I'm the best poster here.

Devils Affricate posted:

It's kind of weird how you think it's a better idea to not mention the fact that he broke the rules during a game in order to avoid setting him off, but you're considering moving forward by telling him to not show up at all. The latter is much more mean spirited, and probably a lot more likely to cause him to freak out.

He's going to freak out regardless. Correcting him when he asks to be corrected can also trigger this. Maybe I didn't make that clear; it's really, REALLY difficult to keep him from freaking out when he's having an episode, because he won't always leave the table for a minute when he clearly needs to. (And we do phrase that as "Would you like to have a minute, maybe get a drink of water?") Instead he'll try to power through until he breaks down in sobs, which is much more disruptive and painful to watch than a step away would be.

Dusseldorf
Mar 29, 2005



Anyone who can't make their move relatively quickly shouldn't be playing board games regularly.

Griff Lee
Sep 4, 2011

"Mega Lolz"


If he breaks the rules say "hey you can't do that" and if he keeps flipping a poo poo then eventually he will get kicked out


Coin posted:

but it's starting to spoil my major social outlet

stop being a baby

Coin
Jan 9, 2006

I'm no shitposter; I always know how I'm posting is wrong. I'm just a guy that doesn't like reading the thread, effortposting, and respecting the mods. So if you think about it, I'm the best poster here.

DaVideo posted:

I'm not sure you can really do the same thing with boardgames and suggesting that he leave is really dickish, so unfortunately you're going to have to suck it up until he learns the rules or one of you leaves.

Ignoring one of the other players completely would be about as disruptive as what he does. Also, while I'd prefer him to leave, I don't want to make a production out of being rude to him in front of the other players every single session. I'm not THAT much of an rear end in a top hat.

I'm afraid to interact with him because I don't know what's going to make him cry.

Coin fucked around with this message at Jan 18, 2014 around 04:53

Dusseldorf
Mar 29, 2005



Griff Lee posted:

stop being a baby

Dunno, throwing a poo poo-fit sounds like being a baby.

Griff Lee
Sep 4, 2011

"Mega Lolz"


Dusseldorf posted:

Dunno, throwing a poo poo-fit sounds like being a baby.

Look at the title of the thread and tell me OP isn't acting like a baby

Coin
Jan 9, 2006

I'm no shitposter; I always know how I'm posting is wrong. I'm just a guy that doesn't like reading the thread, effortposting, and respecting the mods. So if you think about it, I'm the best poster here.

Dusseldorf posted:

Dunno, throwing a poo poo-fit sounds like being a baby.

I can't believe I'm doing this...

He's clearly got mental health issues, so I'd prefer not to make fun of him. I'm not mad that he doesn't handle his issues perfectly. I just want to be able to socialize normally without having to think "Now, can I say this without causing a man to cry?" every time I open my mouth.

Coin
Jan 9, 2006

I'm no shitposter; I always know how I'm posting is wrong. I'm just a guy that doesn't like reading the thread, effortposting, and respecting the mods. So if you think about it, I'm the best poster here.

Griff Lee posted:

Look at the title of the thread and tell me OP isn't acting like a baby

I did mention in the first line of the OP that I thought maybe I wasn't being fair, and that's why I was asking opinions from people outside of the situation.

I haven't done anything to encourage him to leave, and I've made an effort to be fair and civil to him whenever I can't gracefully avoid him. I honestly don't think I've been a dick at all, though my initial plan of action probably was dickish.

DaVideo
Dec 29, 2011



Sounds like you have the right idea by avoiding him. You can probably figure out some discreet ways to skip out if you both sit down to the same table too, like fake phone calls or a bathroom break. It might seem a bit rude, but you have to weigh it against how unfun he makes playing games for you.

It sucks because it is your problem to deal with even if it's not your fault. The guy I knew would send me into a seething rage with the sound of his chewing, even though I'm normally a very calm and patient person

Coin
Jan 9, 2006

I'm no shitposter; I always know how I'm posting is wrong. I'm just a guy that doesn't like reading the thread, effortposting, and respecting the mods. So if you think about it, I'm the best poster here.

DaVideo posted:

Sounds like you have the right idea by avoiding him. You can probably figure out some discreet ways to skip out if you both sit down to the same table too, like fake phone calls or a bathroom break. It might seem a bit rude, but you have to weigh it against how unfun he makes playing games for you.


This is probably the way to go. I'd still have to be within earshot of the sobs, most of the time, but it's a little easier to power through them when I don't have to worry about whether I caused them. Making a point of always joining a game at the opposite end of the room when he sat down next to me would be just comically rude, and I really don't want to do that. I don't like him, but I don't see any reason to think he's immoral or mean. Just a massive pain.

Battleflagg
Dec 26, 2009

Sha-la-la-la

natetimm posted:

Bring an airhorn and honk it at him briefly every time he does something you disapprove of.

Feed him a Red Bull before he starts playing and give the guy self-destructing the air horn instead.

Seriously though, a little kindness can go a long way.

t3h z0r
May 7, 2008



Coin posted:

He did say once that he had specifically had a bad experience with board games in his past. I know that board games are a triggering thing for him.
Hahahaha then why is he in a loving board game club.

"Guys, I know its the purpose of the club but can we PLEASE STOP WITH THE BOARD GAMES? YOU KNOW ITS A TRIGGER FOR ME!!!!" *starts shrieking*

Was he raped by a man with a white mustache and top hat or something.

Coin
Jan 9, 2006

I'm no shitposter; I always know how I'm posting is wrong. I'm just a guy that doesn't like reading the thread, effortposting, and respecting the mods. So if you think about it, I'm the best poster here.

t3h z0r posted:

Hahahaha then why is he in a loving board game club.

"Guys, I know its the purpose of the club but can we PLEASE STOP WITH THE BOARD GAMES? YOU KNOW ITS A TRIGGER FOR ME!!!!" *starts shrieking*

Was he raped by a man with a white mustache and top hat or something.

No, he appears to really want to play board games, even board games with unforgiving time limits or complicated rules that would be mildly stressful even to an experienced board gamer and just a complete loving nightmare for someone like him.

I haven't asked him for an explanation because I feel like the look that I wouldn't be capable of keeping off my face might make him cry.

Autumn Angel
Jan 18, 2014



Unless he's like, scratching his rear end or something really annoying at the games, I'd say let him play. You even said yourself that these games are probably important to him. It's also important to recognize that these are just board games, and not to be taken seriously.

Now, at the end of the day it's your decision. If he's really annoying to you then kick him out; you don't owe him anything, after all.

trickybiscuits
Jan 13, 2008


I don't have many suggestions, but I don't think you sound like much of an rear end in a top hat. You're not required to like this guy and it is exhausting at best to be basically walking on eggshells around someone who won't or can't deal with their own mental issues. Also it sucks when people are being so careful to make one person feel okay about behaving strangely that they ignore other people's discomfort about the behavior. Ignoring him is probably the best course of action.

Xenocides
Jan 14, 2008

They weren't just hull numbers, they were our home addresses. Now the old neighborhood is torn down and gone and all that is left are memories.


You made him play as the giants in Terra Mystica didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?

Coin posted:

No, he appears to really want to play board games, even board games with unforgiving time limits or complicated rules that would be mildly stressful even to an experienced board gamer and just a complete loving nightmare for someone like him.

Seriously? If those games qualify as complicated all you have to do is bring in a game like Republic of Rome or Twilight Imperium or Star Fleet Battles and quickly break his soul and then he will never come back. Please take pictures.

aidoru
Oct 24, 2010



It could be that he does have some history with board games that triggers his anxiety, and his going to these meetings is a way for him to try and tackle the issue. "Fight or flight" sort of thing.

Anyway, pretty much repeating what the others are saying in that if you're really the only one seeing him as an issue, then you might be a bigger issue, yourself. Dealing with other people's illnesses is not fun (speaking as someone who has their own illness that can ruin people's day) but in the end it's only a few hours a day/week/month/whatever. Get closer to the people you're developing friendships with and hang out at IHOP or something so you have another social outlet where you aren't stressing over that guy.

Coin
Jan 9, 2006

I'm no shitposter; I always know how I'm posting is wrong. I'm just a guy that doesn't like reading the thread, effortposting, and respecting the mods. So if you think about it, I'm the best poster here.

aidoru posted:

Get closer to the people you're developing friendships with and hang out at IHOP or something so you have another social outlet where you aren't stressing over that guy.

Best advice so far. Thank you!

Coin
Jan 9, 2006

I'm no shitposter; I always know how I'm posting is wrong. I'm just a guy that doesn't like reading the thread, effortposting, and respecting the mods. So if you think about it, I'm the best poster here.

Xenocides posted:

You made him play as the giants in Terra Mystica didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?

Actually, we did.

I like to play as the giants. They're really not bad if you get their stronghold early.

gandlethorpe
Aug 16, 2008



Bring Candyland and next time he freaks out, say "we have Candyland if you can't handle this game".

Mad Wack
Mar 27, 2008

Don't stop me now


Since you don't run the meetup you don't have much control over the membership. Invite the people you like to play games with you at your house instead. Move away from meetup and just turn them into your game night friends. Then you can control who is playing. Christ it's like explaining to a child.

Coin
Jan 9, 2006

I'm no shitposter; I always know how I'm posting is wrong. I'm just a guy that doesn't like reading the thread, effortposting, and respecting the mods. So if you think about it, I'm the best poster here.

Mad Wack posted:

Since you don't run the meetup you don't have much control over the membership. Invite the people you like to play games with you at your house instead. Move away from meetup and just turn them into your game night friends. Then you can control who is playing. Christ it's like explaining to a child.

I'll probably do something like this, but my apartment isn't big enough to have that many people over at once, so I'd still be going to the meetup to play things that require a larger group. I might end up settling for smaller games to avoid this guy; it seems like a reasonable compromise.

Coin fucked around with this message at Jan 18, 2014 around 06:16

Mad Wack
Mar 27, 2008

Don't stop me now


The key thing is splinter off the group. Almost every meetup or social organization has little cliquey splinter groups. You could even move to a bar or a library or the local VFW or whatever. Or you can just be extremely offensive and hope people take your side. I did this with an autistic dude that got dumped on me on a road trip. It worked.

Tatum Girlparts
Sep 8, 2011

More like Tantrum Girlparts!
I can't be smug if I never stop whining.


Did his dad loving beat him with Parcheesi or shove the Monopoly car in his rear end?

Anyway in this group you seem to be the only one with the issue, if everyone else is gonna be his support group to work out his boardgame issues you're better off bailing. Kinda a poo poo move on their part to not give a heads up about Crazy Jeff and his weeping fits at Catan.

Coin
Jan 9, 2006

I'm no shitposter; I always know how I'm posting is wrong. I'm just a guy that doesn't like reading the thread, effortposting, and respecting the mods. So if you think about it, I'm the best poster here.

Tatum Girlparts posted:

Did his dad loving beat him with Parcheesi or shove the Monopoly car in his rear end?

Anyway in this group you seem to be the only one with the issue, if everyone else is gonna be his support group to work out his boardgame issues you're better off bailing. Kinda a poo poo move on their part to not give a heads up about Crazy Jeff and his weeping fits at Catan.

I think he started coming after I did, so it wouldn't have been anyone's responsibility to tell me.

One area where I haven't been clear; there are a few different meetups here in town. I haven't seen him melt down at the same one twice (which doesn't mean that it hasn't happened) so I'm not sure who else is aware that this is a regular thing for him. This might resolve itself fairly quickly once people learn that this is common behavior for him.

The one I like best appears to be the one that he likes best, unfortunately.

gandlethorpe
Aug 16, 2008



Who first invited him to the group? Or was it one of those college open-invitation things? If the former, why don't you try talking to his point of contact?

Coin
Jan 9, 2006

I'm no shitposter; I always know how I'm posting is wrong. I'm just a guy that doesn't like reading the thread, effortposting, and respecting the mods. So if you think about it, I'm the best poster here.

Open group, run by a gaming shop. If it continues to get worse, I suppose (hope) the shop owners will ask him to leave.

Horrible Smutbeast
Sep 2, 2011


Coin posted:

Open group, run by a gaming shop. If it continues to get worse, I suppose (hope) the shop owners will ask him to leave.

There you go. It's none of your business unless he starts attacking you or anything now. If you want to see some real autism and mental illnesses maybe you should stick around for the DnD or Magic card nights, then thank your stars that you don't have to deal with those people.

slinkimalinki
Jan 17, 2010

Through moonlight and shadow she'd prowl and she'd pry.


Coin posted:

my major social outlet

Consider finding social outlets that are less likely to be infested with massive loving weirdos.

detectivemonkey
Jun 5, 2012



If you're near DC bring me and we can form an alliance (I've been meaning to go to the game night by my local game shop and now I am scared).

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

movax
Aug 30, 2008



what's his username?

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply
«11 »