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Gerty
Jun 11, 2013


Fuckin guy just buys $80 worth, steps outside the liquor store, scratches them all, goes back in and redeems them for more scratchers until he's broke.

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Iron Prince
Aug 28, 2005

count hundreds on the table twenties on the floor


u never know until u try

.lnk to the past
May 3, 2005

psoting while drunk

the idiot tax

VoodooChild1968
Apr 25, 2008


I don't need you to worry for me 'cause I'm alright.
I don't need you tell me it's time to come home.
I don't care what you say anymore, this is my life.
Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone.

EN Bullshit
Apr 5, 2012



funny how all these poor peope happeln to be idiots

makes u think

appropriatemetaphor
Jan 26, 2006



someone gave out scratchers on thanksgiving and i scratched it off and i won another scratcher, i guess what i'm saying is what i really won was time spent with my family

Gerty
Jun 11, 2013



Gambling can be a serious addiction man.

Nostradingus
Jul 13, 2009

Si se puede


appropriatemetaphor posted:

someone gave out scratchers on thanksgiving and i scratched it off and i won another scratcher, i guess what i'm saying is what i really won was time spent with my family

My aunt gave me a scratcher for Christmas and I won $30. I felt pretty good about it but she seemed a little pissed

Hwbrgdtse
Nov 23, 2013

Why hello!

EN Bullshit posted:

funny how all these poor peope happeln to be idiots

makes u think

they were dumb enough not to be born to rich parents. it's like duh why wouldn't you do that?

SpicyMeatSandwich
Apr 22, 2007



Every person I see playing scratch offs looks super lucky

Gerty
Jun 11, 2013


My mom gave me scratchers once for my birthday and I politely said thank you and then put them in a drawer. Maybe they're still there?

A Fucker IRL
Jan 25, 2014


He could be scratching his sack, far more satisfying

Hwbrgdtse
Nov 23, 2013

Why hello!

Gerty posted:

My mom gave me scratchers once for my birthday and I politely said thank you and then put them in a drawer. Maybe they're still there?

save them for when she's dead, then scratch them. you'll lose and you'll cry and it'll be cathartic

A Fucker IRL
Jan 25, 2014


Gerty posted:

My mom gave me scratchers once for my birthday and I politely said thank you and then put them in a drawer. Maybe they're still there?

gas your mom

The Protagonist
Jun 29, 2009

Entropy comin'

I recently moved into a new place and the mailbox was full of spam including some really loving over the top dealership ads. One had a key rubberglued to it and another had a little electronic pull-tab box thing which activated a LED display of a "random" number which just so happened to match the winning number!

The odds were listed in the fine print and it was 1:30000 for their car/xbone/ipad lineup and then 29997:30000 for a lottery ticket. For an instant I thought hey free lottery ticket why not but then I chucked that poo poo in the garbage

Rodatose
Jul 7, 2008

Kindly read my manuscript
It is called "T is for Tacoes"


one time when I was a kid some family friends visited and my parents took them to visit some tourist places in a city. the family friends bought me and my two brothers scratch tickets. me and the first brother lost, but the second one won 20 whole dollars! then a seagull came along and pooped on him ruining his jacket/his day

it just goes to show with scratchers: even when you win, you lose

Gerty
Jun 11, 2013


Hwbrgdtse posted:

save them for when she's dead, then scratch them. you'll lose and you'll cry and it'll be cathartic

Wow this is great advice, thank you.

Big Ol Marsh Pussy
Jan 7, 2007

this is an empty country
and i am the king
and i should not be allowed
to touch anything


one time i found a scratched-off scratcher on the ground and it was a $7 winner

gambling owns

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007
OXYGEN
THIEF


I have a couple friends that buy scratchers periodically and every time I see them do it I tell them they are dumb and they agree and proceed to scratch and lose.

Sometimes they'll win like a dollar or whatever but they're firmly in the red at least a $100 at this point.

But still, they buy a scratcher now and then.

Hwbrgdtse
Nov 23, 2013

Why hello!

Gerty posted:

Wow this is great advice, thank you.

do what i can

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007
OXYGEN
THIEF


EN Bullshit posted:

funny how all these poor peope happeln to be idiots

makes u think

pf who do you think is spending thousands on Star Citizen? It's not poor people

porkchop_express
May 27, 2004


scratcher said i won your mom where to redeem tia

A Fucker IRL
Jan 25, 2014


Moridin920 posted:

I have a couple friends that buy scratchers periodically and every time I see them do it I tell them they are dumb and they agree and proceed to scratch and lose.

Sometimes they'll win like a dollar or whatever but they're firmly in the red at least a $100 at this point.

But still, they buy a scratcher now and then.

Youre the best person in the world. Wow.

Gerty
Jun 11, 2013


porkchop_express posted:

scratcher said i won your mom where to redeem tia

Sorry my mom is gay. Are you a woman?

.lnk to the past
May 3, 2005

psoting while drunk

Big Ol Marsh Pussy posted:

one time i found a scratched-off scratcher on the ground and it was a $7 winner

gambling owns

true but it helps to stick to skill games like sports betting and craps

Blast of Confetti
Apr 21, 2008
I'm a cunt who thinks children committing suicide is funny. I'm a cunt. I'm a cunt. I'm a cunt.

you people sure have trash families

Christian LARPer
Sep 9, 2005
I LIKE TO CALL WOMEN CUNTS WHEN I DISAGREE WITH THEM BECAUSE I'M SUPER FUCKING EDGY. I SHOULD PROBABLY SHUT THE FUCK UP BUT WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT, CUNT?

when I was 12 my grandma gave me 10 of those for christmas and I won $500. I never played again.

Croccers
Jun 15, 2012


I have a $4 here I need to cash in, $6 prize whoo. Top Prize is $150,000.

On the back:
-How To Play it crap
-This text:

Series of 500,00 tickets with a prize pool of $1,200,000.
140,848 winning tickets including a top price of $150,000
-Condition of entry stuff.
It also says the ticket is worth $3.72 so the store the sells it earns .28c per tickey for just scanning a ticket into a computer and taking money.

Accretionist
Nov 7, 2012


Scratchers let me sublimate anxiety about poor economic prospects, and rudimentary statistical analysis of returns is fun

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007
OXYGEN
THIEF


Croccers posted:

I have a $4 here I need to cash in, $6 prize whoo. Top Prize is $150,000.

On the back:
-How To Play it crap
-This text:

Series of 500,00 tickets with a prize pool of $1,200,000.
140,848 winning tickets including a top price of $150,000
-Condition of entry stuff.
It also says the ticket is worth $3.72 so the store the sells it earns .28c per tickey for just scanning a ticket into a computer and taking money.

you risked $4 to win $2 at odds that are probably around 1 in 4 or 1 in 5 for a cash prize.

Accretionist
Nov 7, 2012


Probably around 1 in 3

Last time I decided to buy some lottery tickets, I looked up the stats on all of the ones in my state and <$5 tickets were all around there.

Worse odds than roulette.

Blast of Confetti
Apr 21, 2008
I'm a cunt who thinks children committing suicide is funny. I'm a cunt. I'm a cunt. I'm a cunt.

Moridin920 posted:

you risked $4 to win $2 at odds that are probably around 1 in 4 or 1 in 5 for a cash prize.

you also have to factor in scratching all that loving poo poo off, which occupies time that could be spent scratching your rear end in a top hat or something

Big Ol Marsh Pussy
Jan 7, 2007

this is an empty country
and i am the king
and i should not be allowed
to touch anything


.lnk to the past posted:

true but it helps to stick to skill games like sports betting and craps

the coolest thing about gambling is mentioning it casually to people and then they start spouting off about how you can bring down the casino by martingaling roulette

Gerty
Jun 11, 2013


Anyone ever read that book The Gambler? I liked that book.

Blast of Confetti
Apr 21, 2008
I'm a cunt who thinks children committing suicide is funny. I'm a cunt. I'm a cunt. I'm a cunt.

Big Ol Marsh Pussy posted:

the coolest thing about gambling is mentioning it casually to people and then they start spouting off about how you can bring down the casino by martingaling roulette

the best way to beat the casino is to bring an autistic white kid to count cards at the blackjack table

Gerty
Jun 11, 2013


Blast of Confetti posted:

the best way to beat the casino is to bring an autistic white kid to count cards at the blackjack table

I brought a polynesian chick with downs syndrome once. Boy was my face red.

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007
OXYGEN
THIEF


Accretionist posted:

Probably around 1 in 3

nah I read his post a little more carefully after I made mine:

quote:

-This text:
Series of 500,00 tickets with a prize pool of $1,200,000.
140,848 winning tickets including a top price of $150,000

so it's 1.4/5, about a 28% chance of having a winning ticket. slightly better than 1/4 but that isn't counting the 'win a free ticket!' winning tickets you know there are.

Usually the back will just tell you the odds of winning a cash prize.

Big Ol Marsh Pussy
Jan 7, 2007

this is an empty country
and i am the king
and i should not be allowed
to touch anything


Blast of Confetti posted:

the best way to beat the casino is to bring an autistic white kid to count cards at the blackjack table

look im not counting sir, i split 10s because my retard friend told me to.

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007
OXYGEN
THIEF


Casinos like it when you try and count cards, because you won't be able to and they'll take your money. Seriously, you can find 'How to Count Cards!' books in the casino gift shops in Vegas.

Not only are you not going to be able to because you aren't a math genius, as far as I'm aware they use decks that are constantly being shuffled and they take a card out of the shuffle when they need it.

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Christian LARPer
Sep 9, 2005
I LIKE TO CALL WOMEN CUNTS WHEN I DISAGREE WITH THEM BECAUSE I'M SUPER FUCKING EDGY. I SHOULD PROBABLY SHUT THE FUCK UP BUT WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT, CUNT?

Big Ol Marsh Pussy posted:

the coolest thing about gambling is mentioning it casually to people and then they start spouting off about how you can bring down the casino by martingaling roulette

if you just play red/black it's a pretty safe game, but boring.

I saw one guy win like $10,000 once on a single bet. he proceeded to lose it all in ten minutes.

gambling is inherently stupid unless you're really good at poker or blackjack, or very good at cheating.

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