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Oct 2, 2010

Heh. Heh. Heh.
Four hehs.

DC 10:

Bears are living creatures. If you kill one, it dies.

Bears subsist entirely on home-cooked pizza, and will gladly offer a slice to weary travelers.

Bears are mammals of the Hida family. Most of them are bushi, but some may be courtiers.

The traditional bear greeting is a welcoming hug and open-mouthed kiss.

Ettin fucked around with this message at Jan 26, 2014 around 11:12


Apr 6, 2009

Bears speak Draconic with a voice that sounds like a yapping dog.

From its tubular mouth a bear emits carefully focused harmonics, producing sonic energy so powerful it can shatter a stone wall. So skilled is a bear at controlling the sounds it emits that it can choose what type of material to affect with its attack.

The most common attire for bears is a backwards baseball cap and overalls.

Jun 14, 2006

Sorry for Party Flocking

DC 50

All bears are actually large, silly dogs.

Apr 6, 2009

With appropriate motivation, a bear can take levels in Ranger.

Davin Valkri
Apr 8, 2011

Maybe you're weighing the moral pros and cons but let me assure you that OH MY GOD

Nobody knows the true name of the bear, for all who say it bring certain death. All our names for bears are mere euphemisms: "honey-eater", "brown-one", "monster".

Jun 14, 2006

Sorry for Party Flocking

DC 36.5

Bears often mourn their dead, returning to "bear graveyards", congregating in herds, gently fondling the bones of dead bear matriarchs (known as "driders") with their long trunk-like snouts, often performing a call-and-response chorus of trumpeting sounds. This happens at least twice a year in the material plane, 3 times in the plane of shadow.

Apr 6, 2009

DC 13.2:

Bears periodically migrate across the plains in great herds, or "snuffles", their striped pelts concealing them from predators against the tall grasses.

Jun 14, 2006

Sorry for Party Flocking

Here is a commonly known anecdote demonstrating this ursine behavior; share it with your PCs should they roll high enough for Bear lore:

An old dwarvish woman fell asleep under a tree after losing her way home. When she woke up, there was a bearstanding over her, gently touching her. She kept very still because she was very frightened. As other bears arrived, they began to scream loudly and buried her under branches. She was found the next morning by the local herdsmen, unharmed.

Davin Valkri
Apr 8, 2011

Maybe you're weighing the moral pros and cons but let me assure you that OH MY GOD

DC 5

Bears are intelligent enough to use modern gunpowder artillery. The only thing keeping them from exterminating the elves and pixies with shellfire is lack of opposing thumbs to make bear-sized cannon. They are rumored to be looking into human 3D printing techniques for this.

Jul 14, 2001

DC 11
The bear is a solitary animal, adaptable to all sorts of climates, environments and foods. In groups, they share food when quantities are abundant, despite their limited social interaction. The bear is a formidable adversary with no predatory instincts at all. But, when surprised or wounded a bear may attack, and becomes very dangerous.

DC 22
In ancient cultures, bears were considered equal with men.

Jul 14, 2006

DC 5: Bears enter a deep slumber through the winter. If caught in a winter storm you may seek out a bear's lair and curl up with it for warmth to survive the night.

Kai Tave
Jul 2, 2012

DC 7

Despite their ferocious appearance, bears possess relatively poor eyesight. They make up for this deficiency with a keen sense of hearing. When confronted with a bear, the best survival strategy is to remain as still as possible while loudly imitating the sounds of a much larger predator such as a Bulette or a bigger bear.

DC 26

Bears come in two distinct varieties, chromatic (brown, dark brown, black, white, and even darker brown) which are predisposed towards evil and metallic (zinc, titanium, lithium, nickel, and palladium) who act as a force for good. Bears sometimes adopt the form of humans or dwarves to interact with the mortal races in pursuit of their own long-reaching agendas.

Apr 6, 2009

DC 3.1415926535897932384626433832795


Kai Tave
Jul 2, 2012

DC 1

Holy gently caress, that's a bear.

Mar 30, 2011

The slightest touch from a Gol-Shogeg will result in Instant Death!

DC: Comics - Big Bear is a New God, apparently. Who knew?

Nude Bog Lurker
Jan 2, 2007

King Kong of Megadongs

Gobblin' them mega schlongs

Makin' sure they mega long

Stroke 'em if they mega strong

DC 2: Bear is not a misspelling of beer.

Oct 2, 2010

Heh. Heh. Heh.
Four hehs.

Common characteristics of modern bears include large bodies with stocky legs, long snouts, shaggy hair, neckbeards, and trendy t-shirts with humorous phrases.

Apr 6, 2009

The bear lives primarily on a diet consisting of berries, grubs, honey, and Pabst Blue Ribbon.

Aug 21, 2000

Someone bold, someone blue, someone borrowed, someone new...

DC 5: Bears only eat live prey, and will ignore a person who is 'playing dead'.

DC 10: Bears can't climb trees.

DC 30: Bears eat carrion.

DC 35: Bears will knock down small trees, or climb larger ones to secure prey.

Kemper Boyd
Aug 6, 2007

no kings, no gods, no masters but a comfy chair and no socks

DC 420: Big bears are doin' thangs.

Nov 18, 2003


In an emergency, a large group of bears (termed a "fur") can call upon a crack team of deadly soldiers to defend their homes: Bear Force One.

Dec 3, 2009

"Well 'umie, as a 'ead-dockta da first thing I recommend iz we get rid of da source of yer problem!"

DC 20: Bears innately understand all forms of sign language. Due to their lack of opposable thumbs however, all signing drives them into a berserker fury.

DC 15: Bears can be trained to put on a silly hat and vest, but they will still eat that monkey.

DC 10: It was probably a bad idea to kick that bear in the scrotum, then stand still and declare he "Come at you, bro"

DC 5: Bears do not have change for a $20.

Hipster Occultist
Aug 16, 2008

He's an ancient, obscure god. You probably haven't heard of him.

DC 30: Besides forests and caves, Bears can also be found in happenin' night clubs.

Nov 16, 2002


DC 15: Bears can totally speak and understand the common language, they're just stubborn assholes.

Dec 11, 2006

...on the plus side I'm feeling much more angry now than I expected so this totally helps me get in character.

DC 10: Bears love the common breakfast food known as "porridge", but are not sensitive to the food's temperature variance.

Nov 18, 2003


Oh hey, here's some new material from Arrows of Indra

Bear Necessities
Prerequisites: A bear who is your friend.

By performing a catchy musical number in which you learn about the priorities of a shiftless bear, you may substitute your Perform for Survival when you make checks to get along in the wild.

Down With People
Oct 31, 2012

The child delights in violence.

DC 666: iwrestledabearonce

Dr. Doji Suave
Dec 31, 2004

DC 25 Nature: Humans would consider the caves and underground dwellings of bears to be dank and dismal. Those few tribes that live above ground are found in ruins, and are only active at night or on very dark, cloudy days. They use no form of sanitation, and their lairs have a foul stench. Bears seem to be somewhat resistant to the diseases that breed in such filth.

They live a communal life, sharing large common areas for eating and sleeping. Only leaders have separate living spaces. All their possessions are carried with them. Property of the tribe is kept with the chief and sub-chiefs. Most of their goods are stolen, although they do manufacture their own garments and leather goods. The concept of privacy is largely foreign to bears.

A typical bear tribe has 40-400 (4d10 x 10) adult male warriors. For every 40 bears there will be a leader and his 4 assistants, each having 1 Hit Die (7 hit points). For every 200 bears there will be a sub-chief and 2-8 (2d4) bodyguards, each of which has 1+1 Hit Dice (8 hit points), is Armor Class 5, and armed with a battle axe. The tribe has a single bear chief and 2-8 (2d4) bodyguards each of 2 Hit Dice, Armor Class 4, and armed with two weapons.

There is a 25% chance that 10% of their force will be mounted upon huge worgs, and have another 10-40 (1d4x10) unmounted worgs with them. There is a 60% chance that the lair is guarded by 5-30 (5d6) such wolves, and a 20% chance of 2-12 (2d6) foxes. Bear shamans are rare, but have been known to reach 7th level. Their spheres include: Divination, Healing (reversed), Protection, and Sun (reversed).

In addition to the males, there will be adult females equal to 60% of their number and children equal to the total number of adults in the lair. Neither will fight in battles.

A bear tribe has an exact pecking order; each member knows who is above him and who is below him. They fight amongst themselves constantly to move up this social ladder.

They often take slaves for both food and labor. The tribe will have slaves of several races numbering 10-40% of the size of the tribe. Slaves are always kept shackled, and are staked to a common chain when sleeping.

Bears hate most other humanoids, gnomes and dwarves in particular, and work to exterminate them whenever possible.

Sep 4, 2011

DC 90 Arcana: Bears do not actually exist, and are all illusions placed by the gods. By successfully passing a disbelief check, a bear will not harm you and you will see the bear for what it truly is: A pack of angry badgers who will gleefully tear you asunder.

Hashtag Yoloswag
Mar 24, 2013

...I'm sorry. I can't seem to remember any of the rest.

DC 30: Bears are powerful wizards and, as such, cannot be trusted.

Nov 24, 2006

DC 3: All bears wish they could fly. Some bears wish to fly so badly that they cos-play as owls.

Poland Spring
Sep 11, 2005

Chauncey Peppertooth grunts for a moment. Nothing happens.

DC 5 The Queen of Spring is asleep.
DC 10 She is asleep in a cave on a mountain.
DC 15 She needs to be awoken for Winter to end.
DC 20 Well gently caress, she's a bear.

Pieces of Peace
Jul 8, 2006
Hazardous in small doses.

DC 599.78: Most bears are not well read, but they are learning.

Jan 25, 2012

'You never know beforehand what people are capable of, you have to wait, give it time, it's time that rules, time is our gambling partner on the other side of the table and it holds all the cards of the deck in its hand, we have to guess the winning cards of life, our lives.'

DC 4: Arguments between bears on cultural matters tend be over minor details and really dumb.

Jul 22, 2007

Hail all those who are able,
any mouse can,
any mouse will,
but the Guard prevail.

History DC 30: A legendary bear explorer once located the West Pole.
Streetwise DC 25: Bears are notoriously poor at the art of disguise and cannot even make themselves resemble things the size and shape of bears, such as little black rainclouds.

Oct 30, 2013

DC 15: Bears like to rub their backs against trees when nobody's looking.

Jan 27, 2005

Bears are very friendly and hairy, some people very much enjoy the company of bears and spend a lot of time with them.

Nov 14, 2012

DC 8: Bears don't dig on dancing.

Dec 4, 2013

Kill la Kill is an anime in which two sisters team up in order to scissor their mother. I wholeheartedly recommend it.

DC 5: Bears actually do poo poo in the woods.


Apr 18, 2001

Gaz Posting Brigade

DC 10: Don't try to outrun one of Dominia's Grizzlies; it'll catch you, knock you down, and eat you. Of course, you could run up a tree. In that case you'll get a nice view before it knocks the tree down and eats you.

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