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ArfJason
Sep 5, 2011



The other day I was getting completely owned in Modern Warfare 3, so I decided to buy a new mouse and mousepad. I disposed of my old Genius Netscroll+ and George Bush election mousepad and bought myself a Shogun Bros Ballista MK-1 Pro Gaming Mouse 8200dpi 12000 FPS Programmable USB, and bought a Razer Goliathus Control Edition Mouse Pad.
All seemed good but I noticed that it didn't have the same drag as my old mouse and that really put me out of my "game sense" so to speak.
In a flash of genius, while watching Girls, I started masturbating, and had an amazing thought. I ejaculated on the mousepad and that provided the perfect consistency and friction needed for a good game session, while relieving my sexual tonsil.
What are your gamer tips?


I have Google SafeSearches off

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hemale in pain
Jun 5, 2010



what is this pc bullshit, proper gamers use a gamepad scrub.

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010



use semen to write youre win on a piece of black paper. tape that to your screen, turn off all the lights, and turn on a blacklight

Bold Robot
Jan 6, 2009

Be brave.


I wear those mlg pr0 Gunnar Optiks gamer glasses when I game. I find it helps with my kd.

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007

Must have yaself a real pritty voice.


I drink those illegal chinese energy drinks until I can hear colors and scream into my headset mic until nothing but blood comes out

Vargs
Mar 27, 2010

Blood in, blood out.



u can mix your doritos with your mountain dew to make cereal

Christmas Miracle
Dec 25, 2012
STEAL ALL THE FARM

smoke a rock when you play bioshock

ArfJason
Sep 5, 2011



Vargs posted:

u can mix your doritos with your mountain dew to make cereal

wouldnt that just make the new and tasty Mountain Dew flavored Doritos?


I have Google SafeSearches off

Give Pat a Job
Apr 8, 2003

One finds that this is
The best of all possible worlds


If you find you're in the middle of a pretty good raid and can't just leave your computer, you can just relieve your bowels into a standard sock.

Lugubrious
Jul 2, 2004



whenever you go to get more mtn dew from the frige you can also use this time to go to the bathroom if you need to so you only need to leave the room once.

Give Pat a Job posted:

If you find you're in the middle of a pretty good raid and can't just leave your computer, you can just relieve your bowels into a standard sock.

or do this

ArfJason
Sep 5, 2011



a bug was running around my screen so it flicked my nail at him. I noticed he left a bit of bug stuff on the screen, close to the aiming reticule in Counter Strike 1.6. I then messed with the monitor properties to adjust the x and y positions so it's centered, and now can insta no scope people with the awp but can't see my health anymore.


I have Google SafeSearches off

Vargs
Mar 27, 2010

Blood in, blood out.



Lugubrious posted:

or do this

u cant pee into a sock u fuckin noob thats what the dew cans are for

just be careful u dont drink from the pee cans because they look and taste the same as the normal 1s. i like to dribble a bit on the side so u know not to drink from the sticky ones

Dexters Secret
Sep 8, 2008

We could care less what others think about is, but at times, we do care and we fall apart. But when we do fall apart, we put each other back together. We do all this and we ask nothing in return. We are Onii and Imouto.


someone give me some cheat codes for Dontrel Dolphin 2

Lugubrious
Jul 2, 2004



Vargs posted:

u cant pee into a sock u fuckin noob thats what the dew cans are for

just be careful u dont drink from the pee cans because they look and taste the same as the normal 1s

sometimes you need to poop. how are u going to poop into a soda can.

Give Pat a Job
Apr 8, 2003

One finds that this is
The best of all possible worlds


If you find you really enjoy minecraft, seek medical attention as you most likely have caught a case of aspergers.

Bold Robot
Jan 6, 2009

Be brave.


There's a string of levels in super meat boy that syncs up to the second half of The Mollusk, so if you spin some ween you can probably do better at the levels

ArfJason
Sep 5, 2011



beware for fake gamer tips. a friend told me that by smearing vaseline on the screen you could up antialiasing exponentially while your graphic card usage only went up linearly. The hosed up idiot didnt know vaseline didnt go into the render pipeline, poo poo.


I have Google SafeSearches off

ArfJason
Sep 5, 2011



Bold Robot posted:

There's a string of levels in super meat boy that syncs up to the second half of The Mollusk, so if you spin some ween you can probably do better at the levels

i literally thought of the same idea, with meat boy too, even, but not with the mollusk.
huh


I have Google SafeSearches off

amityville anus
Jan 30, 2010


to defeat the cyberdemon shoot at it until it dies

Bold Robot
Jan 6, 2009

Be brave.


ArfJason posted:

i literally thought of the same idea, with meat boy too, even, but not with the mollusk.
huh

you're not wrong, a few levels later on sync up to White Pepper but only if you do a weird order. Like start with flutes of chi but then skip to ice castles and stop after the grobe.

drilldo squirt
Aug 18, 2006

I am so excited to be on the internet, be nice to me :-) <3

I find when I play some high stress rts like starcraft my anxiety causes me to make some sub par moves do you guys have any suggestions on how to overcome this? I'm almost at diamond.

BigSexyWitGlasses
Nov 1, 2009



Bold Robot posted:

I wear those mlg pr0 Gunnar Optiks gamer glasses when I game. I find it helps with my kd.

i had to look these up to see if they're real and yep they're real i am so sad now

gggiiimmmppp
Feb 15, 2004

Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels

if you didnt spend at least as much on your mouse, keyboard and mousepad as you did on the rest of your gaming pc you literally cant even play games at all dont even try

Bold Robot
Jan 6, 2009

Be brave.


deadlypie posted:

I find when I play some high stress rts like starcraft my anxiety causes me to make some sub par moves do you guys have any suggestions on how to overcome this? I'm almost at diamond.

Yeah. Now usually you are going to want to play a game like starcraft on a full desktop pc cause of mouse issues like OP already described. But for SC to get to diamond (or higher) the key is play on the couch. Reduces stress due to more comfort. Now obviously this is going to be different if you have an mlg level chair but unless you're going to drop like $800 plus on an aeron or something you want to be on the couch. Put on some easy watching tv like Charles in Charge and just groove. I get great apm from Charles in Charge.

whoflungpoop
Sep 9, 2004

With you and the constellations

i cant get past lvl 169 on candy crush do i need a new tablet

Bold Robot
Jan 6, 2009

Be brave.


whoflungpoop posted:

i cant get past lvl 169 on candy crush do i need a new tablet

Use one of those sausages that they use as stylus in Korea. Will help.

stoutfish
Oct 8, 2012

I WENT TO THE PAAARK...TO SEE THE LAAARK!


whoflungpoop posted:

i cant get past lvl 169 on candy crush do i need a new tablet

pay to win

The Droid
Jun 11, 2012



be aggressive, you've now won 90% of multiplayer games

drilldo squirt
Aug 18, 2006

I am so excited to be on the internet, be nice to me :-) <3

http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...hreadid=3575504 is a good guide for the starcraft meta game I find.

Synonamess Botch
Jun 5, 2006

dicks are for my cat


candy crush is literally the best video game made in years.

ArfJason
Sep 5, 2011



Double Muhammad posted:

to defeat the cyberdemon shoot at it until it dies

Sorry but Snopes debunked this a while ago.


please refrain from posting fake gamer tips.


I have Google SafeSearches off

Painful Dart Bomb
May 22, 2012


Christmas Miracle posted:

smoke a rock when you play bioshock

good advise and it rhymes. THanks for this

Dexters Secret
Sep 8, 2008

We could care less what others think about is, but at times, we do care and we fall apart. But when we do fall apart, we put each other back together. We do all this and we ask nothing in return. We are Onii and Imouto.


how do i beat pac man

vyst
Aug 25, 2009

Ask me about getting into Goonwaffe early or not taking too long to answer your emails!

ArfJason posted:

The other day I was getting completely owned in Modern Warfare 3, so I decided to buy a new mouse and mousepad. I disposed of my old Genius Netscroll+ and George Bush election mousepad and bought myself a Shogun Bros Ballista MK-1 Pro Gaming Mouse 8200dpi 12000 FPS Programmable USB, and bought a Razer Goliathus Control Edition Mouse Pad.
All seemed good but I noticed that it didn't have the same drag as my old mouse and that really put me out of my "game sense" so to speak.
In a flash of genius, while watching Girls, I started masturbating, and had an amazing thought. I ejaculated on the mousepad and that provided the perfect consistency and friction needed for a good game session, while relieving my sexual tonsil.
What are your gamer tips?

What if my semen is too runny to make a good adhesive OP?

IzzyFnStradlin
Jun 19, 2004
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: this sovereign citizen stuff might be closer to the truth than we are willing to admit.

ArfJason posted:

a bug was running around my screen so it flicked my nail at him. I noticed he left a bit of bug stuff on the screen, close to the aiming reticule in Counter Strike 1.6. I then messed with the monitor properties to adjust the x and y positions so it's centered, and now can insta no scope people with the awp but can't see my health anymore.
lol

Shelf Adventure
Jul 18, 2006
I'm down with that brother

The best part about games is complaining about them later on internet message boards. Save yourself time by not playing them and just skip straight to whining.

Hustlin Floh
Jul 20, 2009



What's the tip to make Dark Souls fun

ArfJason
Sep 5, 2011



Vargs posted:

u cant pee into a sock u fuckin noob thats what the dew cans are for

just be careful u dont drink from the pee cans because they look and taste the same as the normal 1s. i like to dribble a bit on the side so u know not to drink from the sticky ones

Actually, I was theorizing on the Team Dignitas forums about this, and had the great idea of using the pee. Now, this is an advanced Tip, so please check the graph to make sure your hair is correct:

We all know that pee comes out warm, so it's been long ignored as a coolant, but since it comes out at body temperature, (98.20.9 F), and it's been known that a Geforce gtx 760 playing far cry on highest settings (including max SSAO and LSSAH (google for more details on how to max them)) can reach up to 203 F, the thermal transmission works out.
What I did was buy a catheter and hook it up to a small pump and radiator, then pass it through tubes so as to cool the gfx card.
Now I eagerly await every moment I have to pee because it usually signifies a 20 fps gain burst on Crysis Max Settings.

As for the advantages of feces, need i tell you "thermal paste" to convince you?


I have Google SafeSearches off

the wildest ass
Oct 10, 2012



if your playing dota, consider killing yourself

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gggiiimmmppp
Feb 15, 2004

Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels

el burbo posted:

if your playing a moba kill yourself

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