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Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.




LAST WEEK ON RAW:
  • The Authority comes out to say how cool it was that Batista won the Royal Rumble when Daniel Bryan interrupts. He says that they kept him out of the Rumble for no reason, and he wants to be in the WWE Championship Elimination Chamber. HHH and Bryan stare down until HHH calls down the Shield. Bryan is attacked but Sheamus and John Cena make the save. A six-man tag is set for the main event to determine which team goes into the Elimination Chamber.
  • The Real Americans defeat MysTico.
  • #BnB comes out and insults Cleveland, the Miz, and Dolph Ziggler.
  • R-Truth beats Fandango.
  • Brad Maddox, ratings king, comes to introduce the still WWE World Heavyweight Champion, Randy Orton. Orton talks about how he’s angry that he has to be in the Elimination Chamber. Batista comes out and talks about the WrestleMania match. Brock Lesnar’s music hits and he comes out. Heyman demands a match of either Brock vs. Orton for the championship, or against Batista for the title shot. If they don’t get what they want, things will go down.
  • In the Battle Of/For Cleveland, Dolph Ziggler defeats The Miz. Miz’s dad is not on television.
  • The Usos pin Rybaxel.
  • Alberto Del Rio defeats Kofi Kingston in a match that went so long.

  • In the tag team championship rematch, the match is thrown out when Lesnar interrupts and attacks both of the Rhodeses.
  • Naomi wins a tag team match with her butt.
  • In the match to determine three entrants into the WWEWHC Elimination Chamber, Daniel Bryan, John Cena and Sheamus qualify by disqualification when the Wyatts interfere and attack John Cena. The Shield are furious with the Wyatts.



WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH RAW TONIGHT:

1. CM Punk is gone!
Why you should care: After a whirlwind Royal Rumble weekend, news came out that CM Punk had left the company. Will WWE mention this in any way? Are we all being worked? Are we… the marks?

2. The Wyatt Family has beef with the Shield!
Why you should care: We’ve been asking for this match since the Wyatts came onto the scene, and we’ll get it at Elimination Chamber. God, this feud is gonna be so cool.

3. The Elimination Chamber has got some pretty cool guys!
Why you should care: With WWEWHC Randy Orton, Daniel Bryan, John Cena, Sheamus, a returning Christian, and Antonio Cesaro being entered into the match, it is sure to be a great time. Who will head into WrestleMania as the top dog in the company?

4. There’s a steel cage tag team match!
Why you should care: To prevent interference after last week’s Lesnar attack, the rematch between the New Age Outlaws and the Brothers Rhodes will take place in a steel cage. Neat.

5. What will Batista do?
Why you should care: He hasn’t really done much of anything besides getting booed.

STREAMS FOR TONIGHT:

http://bigevents.tv
http://thefirstrow.eu

In addition, WrasslorMonkey made a cool application that makes streams look great. Follow these instructions!

WrasslorMonkey posted:

And here's the bookmarklet that removes the extra junk from streams since it seemed to work out well for folks last time (open the page and drag the link to your bookmarks bar then click it while on a stream page).

All this and more, live on Monday Night Raw!

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Writer Cath
Apr 1, 2007

It's always Heath's fault.

I've never been this interested in potential crowd reactions before.

Sephuran
Nov 12, 2011



RAW is now finally televised live in Australia so I can finally join you guys in glorious HD.

MotU
Mar 6, 2007

Wheee!


Very upset about Cena being out of action tonight. Maybe someone should have warned him that doing the 5 Knuckle Shuffle too much would make him go blind

Omally
Oct 24, 2001

i'll always take care of you



i have a feeling this show is going to be absolute chaos, and i love it

Fluffy Bunnies
Jan 9, 2009

Half Dog.

Half Horse.

All Awesome.

I'm relatively intrigued to see how much they'll mute the crowd.

kidcoelacanth
Sep 23, 2009

~*LEGACY*~


Chaos is descending upon the WWE. Revel in it.

Sweeney Tom
Aug 9, 2012

The elite quarterback, seen here in its natural element.

Bryan's a buried goat, Punk's a ball that went home, and Cena's a pirate. These are the Dark Days.

Big Coffin Hunter
Aug 13, 2005



best in the world

Wojtek
Oct 17, 2008
EVERY POST I MAKE IS ANOTHER SECOND I'M NEGLECTING MY CHILDREN

PS: LF SKILL HIT ME UP ON BATTLE.NET WOJTEK#1641 HORDE


Wonder if truck monkeys already removed Punk from the opening.

Writer Cath
Apr 1, 2007

It's always Heath's fault.

kidcoelacanth posted:

Chaos is descending upon the WWE. Revel in it.

Where's Wilem Defoe when you need him?

GLOSS
Apr 10, 2005

Two kings bring lethal steel; No words spoken between enemies; Just thunder of sword and shield

Wojtek posted:

Wonder if truck monkeys already removed Punk from the opening.

Well they removed him from the opening splash screen in the app, so it begins!

Gatts
Jan 2, 2001



Writer Cath posted:

Where's Wilem Defoe when you need him?

Oh jeez, I can't imagine how awesome he'd be in an authority role. The new Face of the WWE! He'd kill it even with bad material.

WrasslorMonkey
Mar 5, 2012

Marking out for bananas


I don't think I've ever been more excited for a RAW

Writer Cath
Apr 1, 2007

It's always Heath's fault.

Gatts posted:

Oh jeez, I can't imagine how awesome he'd be in an authority role. The new Face of the WWE! He'd kill it even with bad material.

If we're talking potential GMs, I don't think you could do better than Nicolas Cage.

Junpei Hyde
Mar 15, 2013


Going for the darkhorse option of CM Pun showing up like nothing happened. Then only PSP remembers Punk quitting.

Fiveace Attorney
Dec 12, 2006

I ain't his friend! If you were to ask me if I was his friend, I would say "NO" to you!


After the craziness of last week I expect this show to be at least a bit better

sportsgenius86
Jun 17, 2008

THE STREAK IS OVER


this is either going to be a total pointless bore or a total shitshow. I don't see any in-between

Fiveace Attorney
Dec 12, 2006

I ain't his friend! If you were to ask me if I was his friend, I would say "NO" to you!


this show's in omaha? do omaha crowds do anything, or care

OldTennisCourt
Sep 11, 2011


Haven't watched wrestling in years and I decided to try again so here's hoping it's a good show!

achillesforever6
Apr 23, 2012

Everyone talks about how awesome Achilles is, but did he ever made the god of war his bitch?


Sadly Diomedesforever6 just doesn't ring as well as Achillesforever6

Fiveace Attorney posted:

this show's in omaha? do omaha crowds do anything, or care
They would if someone came out in a Husker shirt/jersey because in my experiences of going to Omaha every year that seems like the only thing they care about, that and their totally awesome zoo.

Fiveace Attorney
Dec 12, 2006

I ain't his friend! If you were to ask me if I was his friend, I would say "NO" to you!


achillesforever6 posted:

They would if someone came out in a Husker shirt/jersey because in my experiences of going to Omaha every year that seems like the only thing they care about, that and their totally awesome zoo.
#Bad News Barrett on par to get wicked heat tonight

Rhonne
Feb 13, 2012

Do you want to know what we do to artists?

I hope we get a segment of Zeb Colter just ranting for 10 minutes about the Superbowl.

Hole Wolf
Apr 28, 2011



Everyone please welcome the new face of the company, Kevin Nash.

xNarUtoRKOrton420x
Jul 12, 2010

I'll go to the funny papers if I have to!


I think Bad News Barrett had to be rushed into ER after the week WWE has had, it was like a glourious overdose.

Edwardian
May 4, 2010

"Can we have a bit of decorum on this forum?"


sportsgenius86 posted:

this is either going to be a total pointless bore or a total shitshow. I don't see any in-between

Voting shitshow clusterfuck. It will be glorious.

Wheeee!

Ratedargh
Feb 20, 2011

"You look cute G," Jey said as he wrapped his arms around my waist getting a good grip on the khaki shorts I decided to wear, he was looking deep into my eyes sheesh he stay having my heart pound. But in a good way


I'm so curious how this will turn out. I'm expecting it to be not nearly as interesting as it could be. But hey, maybe it will be something out of a Von Trier film.

OldTennisCourt
Sep 11, 2011


After reading up on it, has something like this happened in the WWE before? That is, a major talent/star leaving out of nowhere with no warning to anyone?

Deadpool
Apr 28, 2002

"I'd like to make a boo-boo report."



OldTennisCourt posted:

After reading up on it, has something like this happened in the WWE before? That is, a major talent/star leaving out of nowhere with no warning to anyone?

Stunning Steve Austin.

Sanguinia
Jan 1, 2012

Now, the undefeated king sings aloud the name of booze he holds in his hand...


kidcoelacanth posted:

Chaos is descending upon the WWE. Revel in it.

I guess Bray Wyatt's powers are even greater than we thought. THE MACHINE IS COMING APART

GrimGypsy
Mar 27, 2007



I really wish this RAW was along one of the coasts and not in godforsaken Omaha.

Sweeney Tom
Aug 9, 2012

The elite quarterback, seen here in its natural element.

OldTennisCourt posted:

After reading up on it, has something like this happened in the WWE before? That is, a major talent/star leaving out of nowhere with no warning to anyone?

Austin did this twice.

Writer Cath
Apr 1, 2007

It's always Heath's fault.

OldTennisCourt posted:

After reading up on it, has something like this happened in the WWE before? That is, a major talent/star leaving out of nowhere with no warning to anyone?

Austin did something similar when they wanted him to face Lesnar in a random Raw match with absolutely no build up. Someone else can probably give you better details.

NienNunb
Feb 15, 2012

Desecrated, desecrated, desecrated, desecrated, die!!


OldTennisCourt posted:

After reading up on it, has something like this happened in the WWE before? That is, a major talent/star leaving out of nowhere with no warning to anyone?

Austin left in 2002 because they wanted to waste a money match (Austin/Lesnar) on a 5 minuet squash on Raw.

Ozz81
Aug 30, 2006



OldTennisCourt posted:

After reading up on it, has something like this happened in the WWE before? That is, a major talent/star leaving out of nowhere with no warning to anyone?

Stone Cold did iin 2002, basically just left without giving any notice and was gone for 3 months or so. Either they're playing up a kayfabe version of that, or Punk was just burned out and needed a break, or perhaps got sick of backstage stuff.

Supreme Allah
Oct 6, 2004

Relax, I never quarterback faster than I can see and besides, it's all in the reflexes.


Show opens w. Cole 'Ladies and gentlemen earlier tonight there was an altercation backstage between John Cena and the Wyatt Family'. Footage of a beat down. 'John is being treated in the back he refused to go to the hospital, we do expect him out here later.'

Sorted.

sportsgenius86
Jun 17, 2008

THE STREAK IS OVER


Ratedargh posted:

I'm so curious how this will turn out. I'm expecting it to be not nearly as interesting as it could be. But hey, maybe it will be something out of a Von Trier film.

I said boring or a shitshow, not a boring shitshow.

Writer Cath
Apr 1, 2007

It's always Heath's fault.

Ozz81 posted:

Stone Cold did it that one time, basically just left without giving any notice and was gone for 3 months or so. Either they're playing up a kayfabe version of that, or Punk was just burned out and needed a break, or perhaps got sick of backstage stuff.

If only they could have gotten Seth to Be a Star instead of belittling Punk.

OldTennisCourt
Sep 11, 2011


NienNunb posted:

Austin left in 2002 because they wanted to waste a money match (Austin/Lesnar) on a 5 minuet squash on Raw.

What was the fallout to that? I mean, I know Austin is still on good terms with the company and all now, but was it a case of him being hot enough with the fans that they almost HAD to forgive him?

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Ratedargh
Feb 20, 2011

"You look cute G," Jey said as he wrapped his arms around my waist getting a good grip on the khaki shorts I decided to wear, he was looking deep into my eyes sheesh he stay having my heart pound. But in a good way


sportsgenius86 posted:

I said boring or a shitshow, not a boring shitshow.

Chaos reigns!

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