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Do you like oysters? Well, this isn't for you! Get a load of the flavor explosion in our Tailing Pool Yowza! We're taking some duck holes, basting them with coal mine leavings and slow roasting them over PVC flames. You're going to get them on a smokin' platter with some pond scum reduction and lilypad salad. ___________________________________________________________________ 
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Feb 5, 2014 16:00
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| # ? Apr 23, 2024 11:07 |
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Scrotum reduction
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Feb 5, 2014 16:12
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Challenge Nachos - $16 We take you outside to Guy's Bonus Booth and launch his award-winning nacho platter at you from all directions - if you can fill your plate before time is up, your guac is free! Guy's Fries - $30 Have a meal on Guy - literally! Guy will personally spear a freshly-cut french fry on each one of his hair spikes and let you eat from them while he regales you with poo poo you don't care about. The 90s - $19.90 We deep-fry the entire cast of "Seinfeld" to a crispy golden-brown with our famous Pog sauce. Comes with your choice of fried Tamagotchi, a broiled Walkman, or the Gulf War. Served on an original "Rugrats" animation cel. Surprisingly Delicious Green poo poo - $18 A steaming hot bowl of disgusting-looking green poo poo. Don't let the looks fool you, though - one spoonful of this unidentifiable green glop will have you saying "Wow, this green poo poo is actually pretty good." Served with some kind of crackers and topped with cheese, maybe? I think it's cheese. It tastes like cheese, anyway. Johnny Garlic's - $24 You've eaten at the restaurant, now eat the restaurant! We slow-cook a ceiling tile from an authentic abandoned Johnny Garlic's and serve it with a stagnant floodwater sauce. Comes with a side of drywall and baked table fragments. Exactly One Ladle Of French Onion Soup And A Single Piece Of Bread - $18 This disappointly-small portion of lovingly-cooked french onion soup and bread will almost certainly leave you craving more! We're so sure, in fact, that we'll gladly refund your order if you find yourself satisfied by this pathetic amount of food!
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Feb 5, 2014 16:21
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AndyAML posted:Challenge Nachos - $16 more MORE!
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Feb 5, 2014 16:30
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The Southwest Taste Hate Crime We take two pounds of mystery meat we recieved in a wet cardboard box, deep-fry it in queso and motor oil, sprinkle it with crushed red pepper and pencil shavings, and then serve it to you on the back of a very drunk schizophrenic. Guy's Shirt Flame-Hot Ranch optional, but get it motherfucker.
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Feb 5, 2014 16:42
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We take one bowling ball and slice it up like an orange using a tile saw, slather it in Guy's famous mojito garlic pumice cream batter, deep fry it in Quaker State motor oil, and launch it at your table and (hopefully) onto your plate via a novelty trebuchet built expressly for this purpose. Guy then flips over your table after your food lands and get your drinks and poo poo everywhere. $85 (there is a long wait time for this item, please be patient!)
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Feb 5, 2014 17:02
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how did this white devil become famous?
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Feb 5, 2014 17:09
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Guy's Super Slammin' Superfund Nachos - For the last decade, Guy has been combing this proud country for the very worst Superfund sites, where he establishes one of his famous Flavortown Flavorfarms. Take a slammin' spicy tour of this great country while fulfilling your entire week's caloric needs on one plate! Your nachos include - Deep fried kelp chips from Pearl Harbor Naval Complex Guy's blastin' baked beans, using water collected from the Industri-plex in Massachussets (that's not a rotten egg smell, that's bangin flavor, baby!) Organic lettuce grown at the Helen Kramer landfill in New Jersey, because organic is better for you and your children's health Heirloom Tomatoes fresh from the creek beds near the Old Mines and Richwoods lead mining facilities in Missouri And what would nachos be without some spicy beef? Our shredded beef comes from Guy's own ranching operation leased from the Taylor Lumber and Treating complex in Oregon. It's naturally spicy! (Fully 1% of the proceeds from the sale of these nachos will go towards bringing in more illegal workers for Guy's Flavorfarms. The little buggers just keep dying!)
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Feb 5, 2014 17:24
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Tempus Fugit posted:Guy's Super Slammin' Superfund Nachos - Suggest adding some Three-Mile Island blue corn salsa on the side for a glowing kick in the donkey seat.
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Feb 5, 2014 17:43
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Guy's All-American Loaded Baked Potatoes! Genuine Idaho Potatoes stuffed with gummy bears, guacamole, nilla wafers, black garlic, and bacon. Served on a rusty hubcap full of used heroin needles and topped with velveeta-flavored jello, nutella and our house-made honey-sriracha donkey sauce! $18, add jerk-spiced rhinoceros horn for $10
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Feb 5, 2014 17:45
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Tempus Fugit posted:Guy's Super Slammin' Superfund Nachos - Thirsty? Try one of our Margaritas, made with Florida Homestead Air Base key limes!
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Feb 5, 2014 17:57
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A Streetcar Named Goddamn! A fresh new take on a N'Awlin's classic! Guy's select breed of crawdads are raised on a premium diet of corn chips and remaindered Jolt and systematically degraded until they self terminate! Their leavings are then deep fried and tossed in a shallow trench in the traffic island out front, where you will be invited to dine al fresco like the loving gutter puke you are. It'll have you out in the rain wearing a filthy wife beater, screaming Hella! at the window of a third floor walkup! (MP)
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Feb 5, 2014 18:17
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 "Pepperoni Mozz Stix" an actual menu item from guy fieri
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Feb 5, 2014 18:22
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Guy's Still Kick'n Kitchen Combo An unforgettable feast to leave everyone talking! Guy Fieri staggers to your table, clutching his genitals, moaning. Espresso reduction Five Alarm Fieri Hot sauce gravy drips between his swollen fat fingers and marks his passage on the floor. He then parts his buttocks and expertly seats himself on one of your legs, anus pressed down as snugly as possible displaying the poise and excellence of a world class chef. He begins to eat Texas Teriyaki Shrimp Fingers between angry grunts and violent groans of approval. Finally, he reaches to finish with a serving of Rock-n-Roll mexicali pepper jack streetstyle hamcakes but instead clutches your tablecloth violently and slides to the ground, splashing grotesquely in his pooling sauces. The table setting is dragged with him, showering his unconscious form with East-Asian bacon ranch jello drizzle and world famous Guy's Barnhouse BBQ creme brûlée. Served with a boiling side of slammin sesame oil shooters and signature FieriFried double-porked beef slaw. Serves 25-30, recommended for party events! Call to book. -$140
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Feb 5, 2014 19:33
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the lovely fat guy meal
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Feb 5, 2014 19:34
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Our staff summons a tulpa of Western Decadence live at your table, whom Guy then slaughters, deep frys and serves with siracha-guacamole.
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Feb 5, 2014 19:46
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the donkey blaster- jago, authentic maine moonshine, and guy's original donkey sauce, with an infusion of grenadine syrup - $15 the meltdown- vodka with a chunk of uranium for that blue glow -$12 guy's special fluid- discount champagne and jolt cola, shaken with dry ice and poured over frozen cheese sticks - $22
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Feb 5, 2014 19:48
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a sphere of unknown material, wrapped in a vintage 1990s Rapping Daffy XXL tshirt. do not be afraid, feelings of attachment to the sphere are completely normal. take it home and hide it in the linen closet; even buried under that quilt, you will be able to hear it singing to you in your dreams. no one may know. it sings for you alone. no one know may. may know one no. $$$?##,spurious interrupt
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Feb 5, 2014 19:51
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Crunchwrap Supreme - $16.75 - The new Crunchwrap Supreme from the Taco Bell next door. Served wrapped with the original Taco Bell paper wrapping and garnished with the shredded remains of the receipt used to purchase the Crucnhwrap. For an extra $5.50 the waiter will call you a 'bitch' when he serves you.
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Feb 5, 2014 19:54
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A meal fit for an Elder God! The Aquatic R&D division of FlavorCorp has made a remarkable discovery in the Marianas Trench, and we're cooking it up for you! The FlavorSub has pulled up an enormous carcass from the deep, so we're making Guy's own Flamin' BBQ Whale(?) Ribs. An old family recipe of Guy's, we start with a marinade of necrotic tissue flayed from the bones of the unbelieving and insanely spicy metastatic colon cancer chunks. We then construct an enormous bonfire from the fetid bones of the insane and slow roast those ribs! We were able to get our hands on some of the most rare of mushrooms, the Black Goat of the Woods, and we've stuffed them into some jalepeno poppers as a side dish. Guy himself says of this unique dish, "Dehumanize yourself and face to bbq!" Who are you to deny him? $1500/plate
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Feb 5, 2014 19:59
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A brillo sponge let sit in chocolate liqueurs overnight and passed through an EZ bake oven. garnished with gold leaf or whatever other swallowable debris we have nearby
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Feb 5, 2014 20:07
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your waiter, who has been gorging himself on carmelized onions will sit at your table and take sick hits off of the phattest blunt you will ever see, laced with our secret blend of tex-mex spices and street drugs, while you dine on soggy cheerios splayed about your table and floor
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Feb 5, 2014 20:18
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a pail of beef and poo poo is brought forth and slowly upended onto a guitar full of nacho and cream-filled diapers
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Feb 5, 2014 20:23
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you know that coffee thats made using beans that have been shat out by a sloth? its exactly like that excepts its fieri's poo poo and all he's had to eat is kfc mashed potatos and gravy
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Feb 5, 2014 20:38
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Guy's Bitch & Chips A sassy don't-need-no-man beer-battered, deep-fried filet of parthenogenetic blacktip shark paired with a heapin' helpin' of impotent tartar sauce. Served with the oven-baked crunch of Monsanto's patented gene-terminated unsproutable potatoes in a basket lined with newsprint copies of /r/theredpill threads.
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Feb 5, 2014 20:43
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$30 Panko-masochism Be tied up and whipped while an attractive man or woman (our choice) sloooooowly feeds you panko-fried shrimp with sweet guacamayo or spicy wasabinnaise dipping sauces (your choice). Imagine your mouth watering and your body trembling as wasabinaisse and shrimp just barely touch your lips, only to be pulled away time and time again. Money. I’m getting shivers just thinking about it. $15 Bawitdaba da bang a dang diggy diggy diggy said the boogy said up jump the boogy the burger $25 Hey remember that food critic who wrote a scathing review of Guy’s American Kitchen and Bar? Thought he was a real funny-man. Real jokester. Well, let this Guy tell you some jokes: an average person can run at 15, maybe 20 miles an hour, which is slower than a 1969 Camaro. A big block and Edelbrock carbs make just enough torque to crush a human skull like a grape. Blood wipes off of chrome like nothing. Heh. Laughing yet? Oh, you probably want a menu item here. Well have some crab cakes or something I guess. On the house. $50 Guy’s own Meat Log Guy didn’t get his perfect tan without a little skin cancer. Thankfully, Flavortown’s talented biochemists figured out how to make the most of a bad situation. First, we grow immortalized GuFi cancer cells in our patented buffer of Axe body spray, hair gel, and donkey sauce. We lovingly harvest the mature cells and compress them into a loaf along the finest trimmings from our chicken processing plant. For that extra Zing! We inject the log with habanero garlic mayo before cooking it to juicy perfection. A meal for the whole family! Served with your choice of 2 sides. $20 Denny's We will prepare any Denny's menu item exactly as it would be prepared at Denny's. "Wow I can't believe I'm not eating at Denny's" is what you'll say when you order this. Harald fucked around with this message at 20:51 on Feb 5, 2014 |
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Feb 5, 2014 20:45
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L'enfer est Guy, Huis Clos: Upon ordering your meal, you are led to a room where Guy joins and watches you eat your dinner, saying nothing. When you are finished, he leaves. He does this again and again for eternity. There is no escape. Served with a side of despair. Regret, add $5.
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Feb 5, 2014 20:51
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Copley Depot posted:
drat
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Feb 5, 2014 21:06
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Guy's Bodacious Buttfumble For the past 72 hours Guy's had a big 46oz Porterhouse nestled gently but firmly between his meaty thighs. After dislodgement, the steak is dunked in a purple drank glaze to make it trill with caramelization. It's then blasted in a 1200F pizza over for no less than 45 minutes, then slam-dunked onto your table with a side of creamed corn and twice-touched potatoes. $92. Guy's Hawai'ian Hangover Guy just came back from a trip to the islands with some inspiration! Sixteen pounds of pig trimmings are headbutted into an abandoned pineapple, covered in seawater and coconut juice. Add in Guy's infamous Mint-Orange Juice aioli and you've got a dish that'll make you hang 10 (fingers over your toilet bowl.) $51.59 Guy's Sensational Southern Spectacular A bottle of Ranch garnished with a larger bottle of Ranch. $183
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Feb 5, 2014 22:26
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pyf anthony bourdain quotes "mmm"
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Feb 5, 2014 22:49
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It's Fieri's Fast, Furious, Felony Chili! When Guy gets inspired he doesn't get at odds...he gets even. Two tons of sizzling sirloin from the baddest, fattest, gargantuan Aborigines he could find, coupled with beans grown in a rank, dank, tomb filled with stank, from an abandoned New Orleans cemetery combined with his secret spices, come together to form a chili that even law enforcement can't handle! The secret to his success, this torching, tongue-scorching chili brought him into the limelight, making him the money to buy his razzling, dazzling, gold chains, solid gold watch and diamond-encrusted jewelry! And when some young chefs tried to steal his amazing, hair-raising, novelty recipes, the only jewelry they came away with was a pair of matching silver bracelets that lock in the back and don't come off! -Customer review written on the menu from Sheriff John Bunnell
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Feb 5, 2014 23:02
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Ootrek posted:pyf anthony bourdain quotes "human slavery is not a great thing, but i'll be damned if slaves don't make some good wine"
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Feb 5, 2014 23:03
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The Walking Dad posted:Does Guy Fieri actually think his look is good, or does he just have to dress like that and look like that as part of his brand? he probably does lots of cocaine constantly
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Feb 5, 2014 23:36
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a pack of 2 minute noodles served on a dvd of XXX 2 starring Ice Cube
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Feb 5, 2014 23:38
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red plastic cup posted:Crunchwrap Supreme - $16.75 - The new Crunchwrap Supreme from the Taco Bell next door. Served wrapped with the original Taco Bell paper wrapping and garnished with the shredded remains of the receipt used to purchase the Crucnhwrap. lol I'm a food person and like to eat at a bunch of good restaurants and last time I was in Santa Rosa I ate at the taco bell next door and not johnny garlic's
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Feb 6, 2014 01:08
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deep fried bacon chocolate nougats encased in a layer of sriracha seasoned ground beef and a sweet honey barbecue glaze, then deep fried again. Served with 20 delicious dippin' sauces.
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Feb 6, 2014 01:23
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Guy's Baseball Burger Bite- Two corndogs are sandwiched between two half-pound beef patties, topped with nacho cheese sauce, peanuts, CrackerJack, and romaine lettuce. Served on a microwaved brioche bun. Comes with three pounds of Donkey Fries and a complimentary hit with a fastball. $30
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Feb 6, 2014 01:27
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Zesty Veal Surprise. The finest baby calf raised on bottle fed sriracha and served in a bassinet. Guy will personally come out and slap you on the rear end after every bite.
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Feb 6, 2014 01:36
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Giy Fieri is a fat gently caress and his food will also make you a fat gently caress
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Feb 6, 2014 02:14
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| # ? Apr 23, 2024 11:07 |
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Copley Depot posted:$15 Bawitdaba da bang a dang diggy diggy diggy said the boogy said up jump the boogy the burger 
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Feb 6, 2014 02:22
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