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Hootie's n' Blowfish $34 Fugu'daboutit! Be all mackin' with the wild side till you holler. Five generous ounces of Guy's handpicked blowfish partz smothered in ghost mint hollandaisy buffalo-style drizzle dip wash, heaped on a crunch-mount of hyper-hot Hootie HocksTM hamhock husks baked in tangy tangeronion tappenade. Served with a side o' Yoo-HooR dippin-drambuie, this cockamamie concoction will have you crying for more. Douchenozzles $18 Perk up your appetite with an overflowing brown paper lunch sack of Guy's choice vinegar-and-saline marinated pork nozzles, dusted with flaked jerked wasabi brine shrimp larvae. Santa Cruz Skate Smorgasboard $39 Pop an olly and grind down to the finish this West Coast classic. Four char-grilled fillets of tender Pacific skate fin coated with radical gull egg sea salt sex wax glaze, garnished with Monterey Jack artichoke serrano chile aoli poppers, and a refreshing blast of dungeness crab 7-UpTM sorbet, all planked out on an authentic Santa Cruz skateboard. $9 add a steaming hot serving of filtered beach sand, served in a pair of checkerboard Vans.
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Feb 6, 2014 02:24
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Guy's Slammin' Walnuts! 1400 RU And by walnuts, I mean we take bear testicles and bash them against the wall behind the grill until tender. Then we slow roast them in the dishwasher and serve it on a bed of withered tissues! Dip them in the Yowie-Kaboom garlic sauce! __________________________________________________________ 
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Feb 6, 2014 02:52
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Spicy Hot Lamby Nipple Chops with Minty Pickled Sour Sauce
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Feb 6, 2014 03:07
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what am I doing with my time?
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Feb 6, 2014 04:01
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Cheap Shot posted:what am I doing with my time? $19.99 You'll go tick tock with this one! A Seiko Chronograph skinned and par-boiled in vitreous humors, served with our dead donkey dipping sauce and Gonzo Fries. Not suitable for Muppet lovers.
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Feb 6, 2014 04:05
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everything is contained in a white rapper
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Feb 6, 2014 04:17
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We keep Mayor Rob Ford tied up in the back, and feed him a steady diet of cocaine and vodka, while seated next to the ovens, wearing a wetsuit. Then we take whatever sloughs off of him and cook a melange of squirrels and rats, sous vide, cover it in donkey sauce and serve it with a side of dandelions. Drink pairing: three gallons of the stuff that comes of Mayor Ford. Seriously, we'll throw it in. We're loving drowning in it back here.
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Feb 6, 2014 04:30
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Cheap Shot posted:what am I doing with my time? i spent three hours of my life making Guy eat eggs out of goatmans rear end then talk about how money it was with big floppy lips. yours seems like a much more constructive use of your time.
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Feb 6, 2014 04:36
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Guy's Rootin' Tootin' Rebel-Fried Tater Crispins $16.69 It's been so long since I've felt the sun on my face. I was like you, once, fat and happy, sitting with my family awaiting steaks. Now I'm trapped in some labrynthine crawlspace, miles of spiderwebs and sagging boxes of old pornography. The further I crawl, the older they become. I'm trapped somewhere in the 90s, I don't know whence. I've fashioned a series of crude ninja stars out of AOL trial disks and Smashmouth CDs. They're ineffective but they keep the spiders away. I hear a pool party nearby, the carefree laughter of children at play. My children. Never aging, happy forever in that summer day I will never find. Now I eat rats to survive. I was only trying to find the bathroom, that's all! I didn't deserve this!! I didn't deserve any of this! Mexi-ranch Fusion "Isle Tortuga" Seafood Mash Torteloony Twistums $27.33 We were three miles from harbor when the hull cracked like a rotten nut. We heard the screams first, those tens of thousand damned souls we chained together, then the knife-sharp crack of wood splitting, as we were held aloft in the embrace of some unfathomable monstrosity. I caught but one glimpse of the formless chaos squeezing us in half, and I jumped over the side. I awoke the next morning, washed up on some rocky coastline in the Virginia wilderness. I'm going to run, now, until I put as many miles between me and the ocean as numbers can count. Cheeto Frito Banana Fana Fo-Jito Fruitty Tuitty Juicebomb Smashers ₪ﯡﯥﯰ I ducked into a narrow alleyway, thick with crates. The souk was empty, the streets baking in the noonday sun, and I was still pursued. I never saw it's face, I couldn't rightly say it had one, just long bony fingers and claws as old as nightmares hidden beneath a billowing midnight cloak. The path ended abruptly, someone had built a makeshift stable by erecting a wall between the buildings. I ducked back, only to find the other way obstructed by a pile of rubble. I clutched the tablet to my chest, and fumbled for my pistol turning slowly. It was there, watching me, hand held at it's hip, claws shining. I pulled the hammer back, and took aim.
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Feb 6, 2014 04:54
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good thread
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Feb 6, 2014 05:15
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bowling shirt stock prepared days in advance that you suckle from the marrow of a whale bone
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Feb 6, 2014 05:18
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delicious sun dried snow plows compressed into pellets and served to you through the bars in your cage by the hands of strange children
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Feb 6, 2014 05:22
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for $59.99 guy will personally melt a GI Joe of your choosing* in a cast-iron skillet and, while the skillet is still red hot, violently slam it down on your table with complete disregard for your or your companion's safety. * 3.75" scale only. Exceptions apply. No Storm Shadow or Snake Eyes.
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Feb 6, 2014 05:23
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the slow roasted white hot shrapnel of a meat? projectile fired at your family via cannon without warning
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Feb 6, 2014 05:24
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a grass-fed hay bale crane lifted onto your table while the wait staff inexplicably urges you to chug
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Feb 6, 2014 05:27
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Join us on Wednesdays for Guy Doppleganger night! (limited to 12 guests, preferably a wedding party) The restaurant will be decorated luxuriously, with a dining table in the parlour set for 12. Anna will show you the way to your table, while Father Touchard entertains you with his hilarious gestures. Your meal will begin with a glass of Madeira in a most convivial atmosphere. Grand plates will follow, and you will be stuffed with amazing food. Finally, Guy himself will appear with a loaf of his Slamma Jamma Mozza-Tomata bread. He will slice it for each diner and, just before you take your first bite, he will softly sing "Children, I warn you all not to eat of that bread. Children, I warn you all not to eat of that bread." gently caress, nobody is going to get that one. I need to go to bed.
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Feb 6, 2014 05:35
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try any of our menu items vegas style!: we will icepick your knees into several pieces then leave your food laying next to you in a new mexico desert
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Feb 6, 2014 05:43
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Cheap Shot posted:what am I doing with my time? lmao
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Feb 6, 2014 05:46
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Cheap Shot posted:what am I doing with my time? God's work that's what
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Feb 6, 2014 05:50
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A pint of sautéed toothpaste stuffed in a clove of garlic and aged in a plastic tub of spray-on cheese, all served up a la mode on a vintage vinyl disk of dark side of the moon by Pink Floyd, topped with broken glass.
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Feb 6, 2014 05:54
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:Guy's Rootin' Tootin' Rebel-Fried Tater Crispins $16.69
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Feb 6, 2014 05:58
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dino shaped chicken nuggets slowly and methodically fed to your tied up children by an armless slav with a visible face twitch
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Feb 6, 2014 06:06
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Feb 6, 2014 08:17
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[56K Warning!]
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I can't tell if those are chicken wings under there?
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Feb 6, 2014 08:23
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Slime Bro Helpdesk posted:I can't tell if those are chicken wings under there? yeah they are professional chef guy fieri
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Feb 6, 2014 08:25
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Jonny Retro posted:professional chef guy fieri
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Feb 6, 2014 08:50
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Kickin It Real In The Sugar Shack - $24.95
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Feb 6, 2014 09:26
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We suspend the laws of Euclidean geometry in Guy Fieri's American Diner and Classic Camaro Emporium so that your party can really explore and get the full Flavortown™ experience! As your tour continues, you may begin to realize that you don't know how to find your way out, and that you're being hunted by an entity which is always present and never seen. Fun for the whole family! Served with Garlic-Cheese 'N Garlic Toast Points and a bucket of sriracha. - $8.95 A 16% gratuity will be added to your party babies havin rabies fucked around with this message at 13:59 on Feb 6, 2014 |
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Feb 6, 2014 13:57
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A surprise for the whole family! Enjoy yourselves as our curiously lopsided staff slithers towards your table bearing a tray of monstrous ocean creatures that closely resemble your wildest nightmares. Hold the kids close as the sound of hissing fills your ears and your blood starts pouring out everywhere. While unearthly and diseased chanting ululates from your server, dig into fried horrors from the beyond dipped in Guy's signature sriracha-and-blendered-kitten sauce. Once you have seen what lies in the gaping black maw of beyond, you'll be back for more! $24,95 per survivor Only available during eclipses and february 29th Junior G-man fucked around with this message at 15:28 on Feb 6, 2014 |
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Feb 6, 2014 15:25
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I hear that in Flavortown, diabetes is an STD.
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Feb 6, 2014 16:13
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A morningstar and meat hook with which to bludgeon your waiter and feast of his flesh. Comes with a gallon of bleusabi barbecream dippin sauce served in a 16" waffle cone
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Feb 6, 2014 18:37
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Meal of the Titans ! Journey into the hellmouth below this restaurant, and seek out the dreaded Medusa. Armed with a steak knife and a novelty plate, defeat the beat and return with one of its tentacles. We'll deep-fry it and bring it to you covered in bleu-sabi and donkey sauce. Comes with your choice of soup, salad, or Pegasus fries.
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Feb 6, 2014 19:54
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Guy's Awesome Auschwitz Bacon Wrapped Asparagus $23 Asparagus just took a ride through the flavor machine! First we fry up some asparagus in a vat of Guy's own used hair gel to give it a crunchtastic kick. Then we wrap it tight with old bacon found in the dumpsters of other fine New York restaurants. Then we hit it with a dusting of McCormick's Own Cremated Holocaust Spice Rub for an out of this world taste you gotta try to believe! Served with a side of Donkey Sauce.
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Feb 6, 2014 20:09
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The Hog A Hog is placed on the table in front of you. You look into its eyes, and it stares back into yours. You begin to feel your soul slip away as you stab away at its pink flesh, only too late realizing that the Hog is you. Served with Donkey Sauce(tm). What Fun fucked around with this message at 23:47 on Feb 6, 2014 |
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Feb 6, 2014 23:42
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Guy's Deep Fried Bacon Inception Guy starts off with a single chicken nugget. It's breaded and deep fried, then wrapped in bacon, breaded and deep fried. The creation has a bunch of french fries smashed around it, is breaded and deep fried, then wrapped in bacon, breaded and deep fried. The creation is looped through a bunch of onion rings, breaded and deep fried, then wrapped in bacon, breaded and deep fried. The creation is then stuffed in the middle of a hollowed out potato, stuffed with cheese and bacon, breaded and deep fried, then wrapped in bacon, breaded and deep fried. The creation is placed in an 8" hoagie roll, breaded and deep fried, then wrapped in bacon, breaded and deep fried. The creation is then placed in the middle of a banana bread, breaded and deep fried, then wrapped in bacon, breaded and deep fried. The creation is wrapped in an 18" pancake, breaded and deep fried, then wrapped in bacon, breaded and deep fried. The creation is wrapped in a 28" pepperoni pizza, breaded and deep fried, then wrapped in bacon, breaded and deep fried. The creation is placed inside of a steroid-infused turkey, breaded and deep fried, then wrapped in bacon, breaded and deep fried. The creation is placed inside of a medium-sized pig, breaded and deep fried, then wrapped in bacon, breaded and deep fried. The creation is wrapped in a custom-made 6' tortilla, breaded and deep fried, then wrapped in bacon, breaded and deep fried. The creation is placed in the middle of a 77-layer dip made in a kiddie swimming pool, breaded and deep fried, then wrapped in bacon, breaded and deep fried. The creation is inserted into the middle of a live baby elephant, breaded and deep fried, then wrapped in bacon, breaded and deep fried. The creation is inserted into the middle of a used 2005 Range Rover, breaded and deep fried, then wrapped in bacon, breaded and deep fried. The creation is inserted into Kid Rock's tour bus after a grueling southern stretch, breaded and deep fried, then wrapped in bacon, breaded and deep fried. The creation is placed in the middle of a decommissioned Soviet nuclear submarine, breaded and deep fried, then wrapped in bacon, breaded and deep fried. The creation is placed inside of a brand new Star Destroyer, breaded and deep fried, then wrapped in bacon, breaded and deep fried. The creation is placed in the middle of our local star, breaded and deep fried, then wrapped in bacon, breaded and deep fried. Donkey Sauce available upon request. $4.99, with small fries/drink $6.99.
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Feb 7, 2014 05:01
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One half pound of shredded corned beef liberally seasoned with only the finest human skin cells and dandruff as breading, with a heaping side portion of soggy french fries wrapped in wilted kale, served with Fieri's super special secret sauce on a stick.
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Feb 7, 2014 05:12
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C. Everett Koop posted:Guy's Deep Fried Bacon Inception this post is like a magic eye puzzle, it's incredible
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Feb 7, 2014 05:23
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http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Guy_Fieri&diff=579521864&oldid=579521860
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Feb 7, 2014 05:26
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Kickin' Chikin' Quesadilla of the Pyschopomp As you slowly come to, you realize you're lying flat. You don't remember lying down, in fact, you don't remember anything; your name, your life, nothing. You have no memory, no sense of time and no sense of place. The world is a uniform gray, with no horizon, no sky and no earth. You look up and are shocked to see the underside of a giant crow, jet black, wings flapping lazily. You are held gently in his talons, slowly going from nowhere to nowhere. You lose consciousness again. When you again wake, you are walking on a formless beach, gray ocean behind you and a large gray pyramid before you. The crow is gone and in his place, walking beside you, is a man with jet black wings and crow's head. He says nothing, merely gesturing forward towards the pyramid. Maybe a minute later, maybe a year, you enter the pyramid through golden doors. Proceeding down the long hallway, you struggle with your thoughts. You still have no name, no past, no existence. At the end of the hall the walls widen into an enormous chamber. There are no torches, no lights, yet the room is suffused with a golden glow. Standing in the middle of the room, with his hand on a small, low table containing a set of scales, stands a jackal-headed man. He turns to look your way and as your eyes meet, it comes back. All of it. A tidal wave of memories crashes over you, driving you to your knees. An entire lifetime experienced at once, and you begin sobbing. All of the pain and the hurt and envy, all of the joy and the love and the beauty and you can't stop sobbing. The memories accelerate, and begin to bifurcate. You see the memories of others, those you loved and those you caused pain, and sob ever harder at the comprehension. The logic and beauty of the universe is laid bare before you, and you understand it all. You see the gossamer filaments that bind all creatures. And you sob at the futility of it all, the inability of mortal creatures to understand. The memories begin to slow, flashing brightly across your vision in decreasing strength. The tide recedes. You attempt to stand, helped up by the crow-headed man. His stare is palpable and you turn to meet his gaze, his eyes bright shining featureless black orbs, also wet with tears. He beckons you forward, towards the jackal-headed man. You slowly make your way there, stopping at the low table with the scale. You raise your head and look the jackal-headed man directly in the eyes, and with a voice shredded with sobbing and rusty with disuse, but buoyed by the comprehension of the universe, you are able to croak but a single word: Quesadilla... The jackal-headed man stares, perhaps a faint knowing smile playing about his muzzle, and in a booming voice declares, as he plunges his hand into your chest searching for your heart: with Donkey Sauce... Served on Sundays only, Market Price.
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Feb 7, 2014 08:21
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Tempus Fugit posted:Kickin' Chikin' Quesadilla of the Pyschopomp Where's that goddamn goldmine already
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Feb 7, 2014 14:14
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