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EverymanGirl
Aug 7, 2011


I just had an ugly confrontation at work with a customer, and even though I behaved as best I could in the situation I still would like some outside perspective.

I work at a University Library, and I deal with unhappy patrons all the time. Usually I feel like I've got a good handle on dealing with people's concerns and when I don't I have tons of support from my awesome coworkers. I've been in a manager position for about a year now and for the most part I feel pretty competent at my job. I love helping people and if I can make a bad interaction turn into a good one I am pleased as punch.

I guess it is important for me to note, that I have anxiety. Like, diagnosed and medicated anxiety. I see a therapist for it (who is on vacation this week, or I'd be calling her), and usually I'm pretty good at managing it. I'm pretty open about my struggles, although I don't use the medical terminology. I will tell coworkers that it has taken a lot of effort on my part to be a social individual, and they don't seem to look down on me for my candor. I feel that if people can learn from my past, it's worth being open about, but I don't talk about the serious stuff. (Nobody at works knows that I am medicated, for example. Not from me, anyways.)

Also note that I have a weird "anxiety noise" that I make during awkward circumstances. It kinda sounds like a laugh, and usually when I get called out for it, somebody says "You think I'm kidding, but I'm not." In which I think, 'Oh god, no. I didn't think you were kidding! Don't hate / fire me!" These interactions are super rare and I can only think of 2 times that it's happened.

So, today I get a phone call from a guy who sounds like he's in his early 20s...typical college-age kid. The conversation went something like this, but it all went by very quickly. I don't remember all what he said, but he did not let me get a word in edgewise.

(caller): Hello, I'd like to speak to a manager.

(me) Yes, I'm a manager. How can I help you?

(caller): Oh...yes, well I got a very rude email from the library today saying I owe $130 for billed books I KNOW I returned. I called about this in December to let them know that I would NOT be paying for these books. And it is very rude for them to send me this notice when I told them that I would NOT be paying for these books. And how DARE you send this email to me. Blah Blah Blah...

(me): Yes, well the emails are automated. After a book has an overdue status of so long, an email gets sent...

(caller): Don't you DARE interrupt me! I'm an army officer, and I'm going to Iraq for 10 months. I'm fighting for your freedom, AND I am a customer. You need to respect me!

(me): Well I won't respect you if you don't respect me! Can you tell me your student ID number so that I may look up your account?

(caller): No, I will not give you my ID number, because I don't go to that school anymore! And I am never coming back to your University! And you need to learn some respect and stop laughing at me. Blah Blah Blah, more ranting, blah blah blah!

(me) Sir, I am sorry that I have severe anxiety. I didn't mean to imply that I was disrespecting you. But if you can give me your name, I can look into this issue.

(caller): I'm not going to give you my name, because I will not be held responsible for this. If you have severe anxiety you should not be working there. You are not managerial material. If you are a manager, you need to be able to handle stressful situations. You need to go on medication.

(me) Well, sir, the consequences of having billed books will prevent you from using our library, but that is all we can do. We cannot come after you.

After I convinced him that we cannot come after him personally a few more times, he stopped complaining about the library. Oh, but he did not stop harping on me. He told me exactly what I had done wrong while trying to help him. (Meanwhile, I tried multiple times to transfer him to a different manager, and I even told him that he could complain about me to my boss, but he declined each time.)

(caller) You shouldn't interrupt people while they are trying to express themselves to you. You're a manager and you're there to help people! Also, I'm a doctor, and you need to trust me that you need to get your anxiety under control. You need to get medication. Blah Blah Blah. And it was really rude and disrespectful for you to send me that email. Blah Blah Blah. And then for you to laugh at me...

(me): I did not laugh at you, sir.

(caller) ....Yes well...I'm a doctor and you still need help blah blah blah. I know you won't listen to me, but I just wanted you to know.

(me) Yes, sir. Thank you for your help, sir. Have a nice day.

When I could finally hang up, I broke down crying immediately. He hit on my most sensitive points. Yes, I opened myself up to them, and I don't know why I did. I'm usually not so candid with patrons. But again, I am usually not personally attacked by patrons.

Everyone in the office heard my end of the conversation. And everyone also did their best to make me feel better, and told me that it wasn't my fault. I know my wonderful friends and co-workers would support me 100% in most situations, but they may not be willing to tell me when I am in the wrong. Which is why I am asking for the aid of strangers on the internet. Yes, I am aware that the gentleman I spoke with today was probably an rear end in a top hat, but that doesn't mean that I didn't fail in my duties.

I usually let people vent their frustrations before I try to help them, but I know that I have interrupted patrons if I cannot get a word in edgewise. It may be rude, but I'm interrupting to get to the point. To help them with their problem. The patron is presumably busy and so am I, so if I know the solution I will not hesitate to rush along the interaction. I've never had a complaint before, but maybe I'm being super rude without knowing it?

And did I laugh at him? Or did I make the weird anxiety noise? Heck if I know, but he was being super crazy about being "disrespected" with an automated email. But what if other people think I was laughing at them with my weird anxiety noise? I would be super upset if someone who was not an rear end in a top hat thought I was making fun of them instead of helping.

I really don't know, internet... How do I fix things now?

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KYOON GRIFFEY JR
Apr 12, 2010



You did fine. The guy was an rear end in a top hat. Drop it if you can.

Extra
May 19, 2013



Sounds like the dude on the phone has a tiny dilz and was just a huge dickbag who wanted a punching bag. If you need validation from people on the internet then no, you aren't an rear end in a top hat. People can be dicks, do your best to get over it.

e: Try to ignore it ever happened. I know that's easier said than done as I still can't forget about little dumb poo poo I did as a kid. Some people are gigantic insecure idiots who will take out all of their own weaknesses on other people and especially prey on anyone who doesn't or can't stand up to their idiocy. That person who called was clearly one of those people.

Kinda surprised you can't ding people's credit rating for having books out and unpaid.

Extra fucked around with this message at Feb 12, 2014 around 22:47

Oral Slither
Aug 26, 2006

You know, I don't think I'm gonna be Jewish for very long.

Okay, I have anxiety myself, and I think you did just fine. He was being unreasonable and making poo poo up. Yeah right, he's a doctor

I think when patrons are like that, you are well within your rights to put them on hold and pass the phone to someone higher up than you. No need to ask his permission first.

jabby
Oct 27, 2010


Doesn't sound like you have anything to fix. Just forget about it.

Your only mistakes were a) not hanging up on him when it became obvious he wanted to argue rather than receive help and b) giving him personal information about you. It's never necessary to explain personal stuff to a customer.

Nichole
Nov 5, 2009


There is nothing you could have done to make that guy happy. I used to work in retail and every once in while would have an encounter with someone like this. They just wanted to complain about something and there is literally nothing you could do to make them happy. Most of the time whatever gripe they had was completely made up anyway.

This is totally me guessing, but this guy was probably someone who actually owes the money legitimately and was lying about not owing the money. For some reason he felt this was the way to go about trying to get out of the charges. He wouldn't even tell you his name so that you could possibly help him. He is just some rear end in a top hat who wanted to call and be a jerk to someone. I highly doubt he is shipping off to Iraq or a doctor.

Devils Affricate
Jan 22, 2010


Not sure what you mean with the question "How do I fix things now?" The guy isn't calling back all the time, is he? There's nothing to fix.

If someone on the phone is ranting about something and refuses to identify himself in any way, there's no reason to stay on the line with them. "I'm really angry about this thing and there's nothing I actually want you to do about it other than listen to me bitch about it"--yeah, that's when it's time to hang up. You might as well be listening to a prank call.

MonkeyBot
Mar 11, 2005

OMG ITZ MONKEYBOT

EverymanGirl posted:


(me): Well I won't respect you if you don't respect me! Can you tell me your student ID number so that I may look up your account?

The guy was a total douchebag and as everyone is saying just wanted to yell at someone but this is where your end of the conversation went a little wrong. You should have left the bit about respect out, it just got the dude's back up further. It sucks and in the real world you wouldn't have to deal with it but when you're dealing with an unreasonable customer you pretty much just need to be a doormat and hope they wind down as soon as possible. I don't know if it would've made his ranting any shorter but it probably didn't help.

But no, no mistakes were made by you. This was someone who just needed a punching bag.

EverymanGirl
Aug 7, 2011


Thanks for the insight, everyone! I am feeling better reading these responses.

MonkeyBot posted:

The guy was a total douchebag and as everyone is saying just wanted to yell at someone but this is where your end of the conversation went a little wrong. You should have left the bit about respect out, it just got the dude's back up further. It sucks and in the real world you wouldn't have to deal with it but when you're dealing with an unreasonable customer you pretty much just need to be a doormat and hope they wind down as soon as possible. I don't know if it would've made his ranting any shorter but it probably didn't help.

But no, no mistakes were made by you. This was someone who just needed a punching bag.

I know, right? Usually, I'm so good at being a doormat! Something about this guy just really got me upset though. I promise, I never yell at patrons usually. Maybe it's cause he was a troll?

jabby
Oct 27, 2010


EverymanGirl posted:

I know, right? Usually, I'm so good at being a doormat! Something about this guy just really got me upset though. I promise, I never yell at patrons usually. Maybe it's cause he was a troll?

Were you actually yelling, as in raising your voice? Because then you might need to work on not letting people get to you. But it doesn't sound like you were actually yelling.

Xenocides
Jan 14, 2008

They weren't just hull numbers, they were our home addresses. Now the old neighborhood is torn down and gone and all that is left are memories.


Because of you this brave soldier will probably not fight for our freedom. Shame on you.

EverymanGirl
Aug 7, 2011


jabby posted:

Were you actually yelling, as in raising your voice? Because then you might need to work on not letting people get to you. But it doesn't sound like you were actually yelling.

Sigh, no, unfortunately. I did raise my voice when I said that. I lost my temper. It was indeed a mistake, and I'll try to work on not letting people get me so angry.

jabby
Oct 27, 2010


EverymanGirl posted:

Sigh, no, unfortunately. I did raise my voice when I said that. I lost my temper. It was indeed a mistake, and I'll try to work on not letting people get me so angry.

So yeah, ideally you should never lose your temper with a customer. You obviously know that, but bear in mind that it happens all the time and the guy was clearly trying to rile you. So don't stress out about it, no harm done. It doesn't make you an rear end in a top hat, just human. And for the record interrupting people to make them get to the point is just good customer service.

Commoners
Apr 25, 2007

Sometimes you reach a stalemate. Sometimes you get magic horses.

I didn't see you call him a welfare queen once.

trickybiscuits
Jan 13, 2008


OP, if you feel the need to do something constructive, is there still some way to make a note on this person's account that they were verbally abusive and further calls from them should be handled a certain way? You might have raised your voice, but his behavior was really beyond the pale and anyone who behaves that way should come with a warning.

Beep Street
Aug 22, 2006

Chemotherapy and marijuana go together like apple pie and Chevrolet.

I love getting crazy calls in work. I might get one every month or so. The way to deal with it is a mixture of pretend politeness dripping in sarcasm. Sound firm and never apologise as it makes you weak.

Kandak Sayaqa
Sep 26, 2013


OP, you did just fine. Have a stiff drink, call him an rear end in a top hat, and forget about it?

Also, your caller was lying through his teeth. I don't know your nationality, but the last US troops left Iraq in December of 2011. The rest of the coalition forces were already gone by then.

Jeffrey
Dec 22, 2005
mildly retarded



I think you should suggest to your boss that you go after him in small claims court for the book fines.

EDIT: Also send him more emails.

Hand of the King
May 11, 2012


EverymanGirl posted:

Sigh, no, unfortunately. I did raise my voice when I said that. I lost my temper. It was indeed a mistake, and I'll try to work on not letting people get me so angry.

Well, you handled it unprofessionally. The first rule of customer service is keep your cool. The caller clearly sucks but had good points. You're not cut out for managerial positions if you can't handle nasty situations. That whole conversation sounds like it was bad from both ends, though.

Tortuga
Aug 27, 2011


It's pretty weird that you apologised to the caller for having severe anxiety, since that was none of their business. Waving that in front of someone who's been billed for money they don't owe is like a red rag to a bull.

Popular Thug Drink
Apr 25, 2013

PROUD SURVIVOR OF WINTER STORM SHERMAN.

JANUARY 28 2014 NEVER FORGET


You really should have just put the guy on hold. Come back a few minutes later, if he's still there ask him if he's ready to act like an adult, if not hang up. You work at a university, you don't have to put up with that customer service poo poo.

quote:

You shouldn't interrupt people while they are trying to express themselves to you. You're a manager and you're there to help people!

Nonsense. Counter clerks are there to get yelled at. Managers interrupt people to tell them when they're being unreasonable.

ShadowStalker
Apr 14, 2006


You let that go on for way too long, you should have just told him that if he can call back when he wants to be more reasonable and hung up.

EMcTrap
Dec 8, 2006


If you think this is likely to be a problem, not just at this job, but in future jobs (i.e., dealing with unpleasant people directly), you might consider practicing how to respond to that kind of thing.

I work for a shelter, and part of my job answering the hotline; sometimes, I get to deal with people who are angry at the world, and looking for a target. Over the last 10+ years, my co-workers and I have been screamed at, cursed at, threatened, and so on.

I have a set of scripts and responses I use when callers turn hostile (legitimate callers-- not people calling to masturbate), and when I first started working here, I practiced them in the mirror, recorded myself, etc. I felt like an idiot, but it helped me do my job better.

Captain Awkward has some great posts about scripts and keeping calm when other people mess with you.

XenoMac
Nov 29, 2012

Pineapples and kerosene make Jack feel kind of strange.


OP, as a dedicated phone jockey who gets yelled at all day long for any number of reasons, you did absolutely nothing wrong. You could have cut him off and hung up on him as soon as he started accusing you of anything or dispensing insults towards you. It's not your job to take that kind of abuse, and frankly the fact that you only raised your voice and didn't go into a full on screaming match with the guy is pretty amazing.

If you have to talk to this douchenozzle again and he tries this again, just hang up, he's not worth the time or effort.

Arakan
May 10, 2008

After some persuasion, Fluttershy finally opens up, and Twilight's more than happy to oblige in doing her best performance as a nice, obedient wolf-puppy.

EverymanGirl posted:

(caller): Hello, I'd like to speak to a manager.

(me) Yes, I'm a manager. How can I help you?

(caller): Oh...yes, well I got a very rude email from the library today saying I owe $130 for billed books I KNOW I returned. I called about this in December to let them know that I would NOT be paying for these books. And it is very rude for them to send me this notice when I told them that I would NOT be paying for these books. And how DARE you send this email to me. Blah Blah Blah...

(me): Yes, well the emails are automated. After a book has an overdue status of so long, an email gets sent...

(caller): Don't you DARE interrupt me! I'm an army officer, and I'm going to Iraq for 10 months. I'm fighting for your freedom, AND I am a customer. You need to respect me!

This is the part where you hangup next time.

clammy
Nov 25, 2004




Personally the second I heard "Army Officer" I would have laughed, set the phone down, and went and ate a candy bar, jerked off in the bathroom, and/or any of a multitude of other things that would have been more appropriate and useful than talking on the phone with that douchebag. You probably were talking to a person who was neither an officer nor a doctor. Probably just having a bad day and looking to verbally bully someone. People do that to blow off steam sometimes.

Then again, I imagine you could get a pretty funny conversation out of someone if you just kept heaping on the ailments, like start off with "I'm sorry, my anxiety is acting up..." and then "oh dear now my depression is setting in. Everything just seems so bleak." "Oh god, now I'm hearing voices. Bear with me sir, just a moment. No, not you; him."

clammy fucked around with this message at Feb 13, 2014 around 02:10

HelloIAmYourHeart
Dec 29, 2008

Send us signals in the glow
of night windows


trickybiscuits posted:

OP, if you feel the need to do something constructive, is there still some way to make a note on this person's account that they were verbally abusive and further calls from them should be handled a certain way? You might have raised your voice, but his behavior was really beyond the pale and anyone who behaves that way should come with a warning.

He never did identify himself so that isn't actually possible.

I do billing stuff for a doctor's office and I get people calling about their bills all the time. I generally just let them run their mouths, because who loving cares. They can't really do anything to you. Afterwards I'll write stuff in the notes like "patient is difficult to speak with on phone, does not understand insurance benefits. do not engage, direct him to his insurance company" or "patient is verbally abusive and belligerent, don't even bother to argue". They'll never be satisfied.

slap me silly
Nov 1, 2009

Prettier than most anime

You didn't "handle it fine". You acted very unprofessional. It's not anything to feel bad about, though. You got blindsided with something you weren't expecting and didn't have the experience to handle. There's nothing you should do about it now as far as this guy goes, but you should plan to do better next time.

"Well I won't respect you if you don't respect me!" This is where you lost it. Once you knew you couldn't keep your cool, you should have put him on hold for a supervisor. Or just hung up - better that than lose your temper for no good reason. Good luck going forward! Assholes suck.

EXTREME INSERTION
Jun 4, 2011

oh yeah


Don't give out personal information to strange people yelling at you over the phone.

This likely had nothing to do with you. The person is either a butt head or was having a very bad day and took it out on you. You do need to learn how to cope with these situations though because I guarantee you it's taking up space in your head and wasting your time and just feeding into your anxiety

Wangsbig
May 27, 2007



quote:

(caller): If you have severe anxiety you should not be working there. You are not managerial material. If you are a manager, you need to be able to handle stressful situations. You need to go on medication.

dude's right OP

Earwicker
Jan 6, 2003



I wouldn't say you are an rear end in a top hat but I do think you need to learn when engaging with someone is pointless and just going to make things worse and make you feel terrible. With someone like this there's no magic combination of words anyone can put together to make them stop their ranting, you just have to hang up and walk away.

Also I think you need to learn not to take someone's words to heart if they aren't someone who's opinion you care about or trust... I mean it seems like you kind of let the guy right into your head. But that of course takes a lot longer.

Earwicker fucked around with this message at Feb 13, 2014 around 05:51

Anne Whateley
Feb 11, 2007


UnnaturalSELECTION posted:

The person is either a butt head or was having a very bad day and took it out on you.
The guy was probably having a bad day because the library was trying to charge him $130 for their multiple fuckups.

He was being a jerk and a weird liar, but you didn't handle it professionally. You shouldn't be in a customer service position if you can't deal with upset customers. Next time something like this starts happening, transfer the call to someone else. You can't just hang up and keep trying to bill him.

(I think it's really likely it actually is the library's repeated fuckup. I can't tell you how many times I've returned books, whoever was working didn't check them in, and I got nasty letters about books that were sitting on the library's shelves. This is a really common failure mode in my experience.)

Anne Whateley fucked around with this message at Feb 13, 2014 around 05:58

TMMadman
Sep 9, 2003

Every thousand generations, a perfect child is born, a Goulden Child. He has come to rescue us.

Earwicker posted:

I wouldn't say you are an rear end in a top hat but I do think you need to learn when engaging with someone is pointless and just going to make things worse and make you feel terrible. With someone like this there's no magic combination of words anyone can put together to make them stop their ranting, you just have to hang up and walk away.

Yeah, on the phone it's easy. Anytime someone is just being belligerent, spiteful and unhelpful when trying to get a complaint resolved, just say the following phrase, 'Thank you for the information. Have a nice day.' and then hang up. Or if you want to be petty and spiteful yourself say, 'Please hold' (don't give them a choice), then put them on hold and hang up on them a few minutes later. Blame it on the phone system if they call back.

I actually had a face I would do when I was jockeying a register in my early 20s and someone decided to just go off on me for no real reason. I would stare vacantly at a spot just past their ear and let my jaw start to go slack. As soon as the person actually looked at me, they would see I was completely checked out and would usually just trail off and leave. The best times happened when the person was watching me as my face changed and I could see them register it as they realized that they were being an rear end in a top hat before they muttered a hastily apology and left.

edit - The worst thing to ever happen to customer service is the 'Customer is always right' concept. It led to the whole idea that even if the customer is being a belligerent rear end, that the customer service rep just has to bend over and take it up the rear end. I'd like to see a little more Golden Rule based customer service and let the reps treat the customer like they are being treated. It probably would lead to more complaints, but I bet job satisfaction would skyrocket.

TMMadman fucked around with this message at Feb 13, 2014 around 06:13

teardrop
Dec 20, 2004



Tons of people laugh when they get nervous, call it laughter not "anxiety noise" because it makes you sound neurotic. If it makes someone mad, so what, they wouldn't be making you nervous if they acted like a mature adult and they deserve to get laughed at.

Don't use a medical diagnosis as a crutch, don't tell anyone who doesn't need to know except a close friend, and avoid apologizing in general: it sounds like a guilty conscience. Say "I understand how frustrating that must be," instead.

Apogee15
Jun 16, 2013


You weren't rude or anything, but telling him you have anxiety was a big mistake.


All that does is give the caller more ammo with which to attack you. When people call, and there is literally nothing you can do to help them, you need to take control of the call and let them know that if there isn't anything you can do to fix/help them that you will end the call. They'll yell at you more, and then you hang up. (or they calm down and let you help them)


Never give a caller anything they can use as ammo against you, regardless about whether it's true or not. Because if they are calling to rant and bitch, you can bet that they will take that ammo and throw it in your face.

Cuckoo
Apr 27, 2007

Look at this stuff
Isn't it neat


For the most part you didn't do anything wrong, and I know personally how horrible anxiety can get. When you were at the point of losing your temper though, you should've just hung up on him. Also agreeing with others that it's a terrible idea to tell douchelords about conditions such as anxiety because all it does is give them ammo. If someone is calling and ranting like that, there's no way in hell they will have an ounce of understanding or sympathy for your problems.

It's not your fault you got stuck on the line with a crazy rear end in a top hat, but remember that you don't have to tolerate that kind of bullshit and could've ended it with "I apologize sir, the e-mail was automated. Thank you! (he continues ranting) I'm so sorry sir. Thank you, goodbye."

If if you're ever in a situation like that again and the dickhead immediately calls back, keep an eye on your phone for the number and have the meanest manager in your department pick up the phone for you. The only time one has to really put up with that level of poo poo is in a bad retail job when the customer is in person screaming in your face, and even then upper management can often swoop in and diffuse the situation.

ThePriceJustWentUp
Dec 20, 2013


He wasn't harping on your anxiety because he hated you as a person, you being someone over the phone that he's never met before. He felt like you were evading responsibility for the automated email instead of addressing the issue. Why should anyone care if you have anxiety or not anyway, you're there to represent an organization and respond to people in a professional manner and not take things so personally. If you can't do that, things like this are going to keep happening. Yes he was an rear end in a top hat, but you're supposed to keep it professional. He sees you as the face of an organization, not some anxious girl to pick on.

massive spider
Dec 6, 2006

sets off a "weirdly specific fetish artwork" vibe

Telling him you have anxiety was the wrong move, its the human move seeing as you're essentially asking for empathy and a non-douchebag might have understood, but working in customer service you should never let it get personal ever. If a customer tries to take it personal you need a script of evasions along the lines of *beep boop does not compute what can I do to fulfill your request?* and if the answer is nothing you hang up.

massive spider fucked around with this message at Feb 13, 2014 around 09:47

jabby
Oct 27, 2010


Anne Whateley posted:

You can't just hang up and keep trying to bill him.

Yes you can. As soon as someone starts yelling or abusing you hanging up is often the best option. If your supervisor is at all reasonable they will agree.

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JaucheCharly
Aug 20, 2011

I'll shoot the moon.

First, don't argue with idiots. They can't do anything to you if you stay formal. Going by the book is there to protect you (and also to cause great harm to assholes if you know how to use it right)

Second, let them rant all they want after you picked up what the core issue is, just don't listen and do something else meanwhile. I like reading newspapers.

Third, once they're done letting off all that poo poo, give them the wall. And I mean icecold and machinelike. Most people will instantly despair if you don't pick up on their irritation and act like they just talked to you completely normal. We're only in this job because nobody invented a machine yet that would do our job.

Fourth, enjoy the pain you just caused and stay friendly and relaxed. Tears are delicious, and best enjoyed cold.

Fifth, every good deed is (almost every time) punished instantly. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't help people, but you have to be very careful what you do.

That pretty much sums up anything you need to know about working at a helpdesk or any other callcenterb job. That anxiety sound, just act as if it's not there, people will only use it to get to you to hurt you, so ignore it.

JaucheCharly fucked around with this message at Feb 13, 2014 around 14:49

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