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Karia
Mar 27, 2013


Okay, background information. I'm a sophomore in college, she's a freshman. Let's call her Q, because that's an underused letter. We met at the beginning of this school year, and started hanging out in mid-October. We joined the same housing group, and signed the lease for an off-campus apartment right before leaving for Christmas break. Over Christmas break, I visited her house and stayed with her for a few days. During that time, crush stuff started on my end, and has intensified since. We currently don't see each other very much due to absurd schedules (she's taking an extra class, I'm working over 20 hours per week on top of school) and a general lack of intersections (different class years, majors, housing locations, food sources.) Today, my best friend (who knows about the crush) told me that another person is planning on asking Q out on Valentine's Day.

We're good friends, and really enjoy spending time alone together when we do. A lot of our mutual friends apparently ship us (although they haven't done so around me.) She has stated to me that she chose to live with people she "couldn't see herself dating" (which includes me.) I'm taking this as a statement of disinterest. She doesn't know that I have a crush on her, and may or may not believe that I still like my previous crush, or that I'm generally not romantically inclined. It's unclear. It is possible (I cannot judge the likelihood) that Q will say yes when the other person asks her out, she may be getting lonely.

I honestly don't know if we would work out at all even if something did happen. Q is a far higher energy and more outgoing person than I am, but that seems to really balance out when we're alone together: I become more active, she becomes more sedate, and we meet somewhere in the middle. That being said, I get overwhelmed pretty easily when I'm with her and other people. I've also got some anxiety problems which probably wouldn't play out very well (I have a difficult time understanding why people like me, etc.) Add in the lack of time we've got, and it becomes somewhat difficult.

If we weren't living together next year, I'd probably take a shot. May fall apart, but it happens. As it is, though, it would be a bad idea. The plan that I've been operating on is to just say nothing, do nothing, and wait for summer vacation, where hopefully physical and emotional distance will remove feelings. I've played around with the idea of telling her about my crush, but I don't want to cause weird stuff now (I'd been thinking more right before summer.) But this other person planning to ask her out has put a hard stop. It makes me sad, I have a history of not handling jealousy very well, and I would feel really weird telling someone in a relationship that I've got a crush on them.

So. Should I continue with my default plan of "Just Suck It Up Because Don't poo poo Where You Eat"? Tell her now and get it over with? Actually seriously ask her out? Enact a convoluted sit-com-esque plan to make her fall in love with me? Take the time-honored E/N advice and loving sever just because gently caress it?

TEACH ME ABOUT LOVE E/N.



Answers to Questions All Y'All Will Probably Ask:

No, going to Q's house wasn't a romantic thing (which she had to convince her parents of.) We actually both went to another mutual friend's house for a few days first before going to N's. She would happily invite other people, it's just that most weren't able/willing to go to a different state for Christmas. It started because we're all from the West Coast, our school is on the East, and we may as well get together. As for me, this is just something I do.

Living together as apartment mates next year. Not roommates. Off-campus apartment, lease is signed. Much harder to switch around, and I really don't want to.

No, I don't have a lot of relationship experience, why do you ask? One short, not really very serious thing with cuddling at the beginning of last year, and the two mentioned crushes. That's it.

Since I know you're going to ask: my history of "not handling jealousy very well". My previous crush, on a scale of best friends-to-romantic partners, was pretty close to the best friends side. She had another best friend, who I've come to outright loath. Also largely due to the fact that he's a major rear end in a top hat, but jealousy is at least a lot of the reason that I went to zero-tolerance policy for his poo poo.

I didn't ask out my previous crush because she's gay. Kinda puts a damper on things. That was not the person I dated briefly.

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pathetic little tramp
Dec 12, 2005

HE IS GLISTEN


Karia posted:

A lot of our mutual friends apparently ship us (although they haven't done so around me.)

1. Don't hit on people you live with unless they are really overtly showing interest.
2. Oh God find new friends before it's too late.

Karia
Mar 27, 2013


pathetic little tramp posted:

1. Don't hit on people you live with unless they are really overtly showing interest.
2. Oh God find new friends before it's too late.

1. I agree. Hence, why I don't just say screw it and ask her out.
2. I should perhaps rephrase this: a lot of our friends think that we would make a good couple. A few of them might actually be under the impression that we are dating. None of them are trying to match us up (that's, uh, pretty much how my prior relationship started. Yeah, found new friends) or (god forbid) writing fan-fiction.

aslan
Mar 27, 2012


You don't hit on people you live with or are going to live with. If they're not interested, it'll probably make them feel uncomfortable, and nobody deserves to feel uncomfortable in their home.

Either suck it up, continue ignoring it, and try to move on, or find somewhere else to live before you make a move.

squeegee
Jul 22, 2001

Bright as the sun.

I'm gonna take a wild guess here and suggest that one or more of you are theater kids.

hypersober
Mar 27, 2006
...

Karia posted:


I have a history of not handling jealousy very well, and I would feel really weird telling someone in a relationship that I've got a crush on them.


Are you sure you can't get out of the lease? You're probably going to be awkward as gently caress when Q brings her boyfriend over.

Tortuga
Aug 27, 2011


Karia posted:

Answers to Questions All Y'All Will Probably Ask:



What does ship mean? Like drawing pictures of you two together?

Volume
May 2, 2008


You do not want to move in with some one you are crushing on. I feel that needs repeating. You do not want to move in with some one you are crushing on.

squeegee
Jul 22, 2001

Bright as the sun.

Tortuga posted:

What does ship mean? Like drawing pictures of you two together?

It means that the OP and his friends are an incestuous circle of anime people and fan-fiction writers and don't realize that this is not normal terminology that the public at large will understand.

aslan
Mar 27, 2012


Tortuga posted:

What does ship mean? Like drawing pictures of you two together?

Writing fan fiction about them doin' it.

Wojtek
Oct 17, 2008


squeegee posted:

It means that the OP and his friends are an incestuous circle of anime people and fan-fiction writers and don't realize that this is not normal terminology that the public at large will understand.
Well this just got a lot more interesting

Tortuga
Aug 27, 2011


aslan posted:

Writing fan fiction about them doin' it.

That sounds like the sort of thing that should require consent.

Karia posted:

Q is a far higher energy person than I am

Would you say you tend to store your energy rather than use it?

Parity warning
Nov 1, 2009


Asking someone out on Valentine's day seems to be leaving it a little late.

I'm confused by your wording, are you actually moving in the same apartment or just the same complex? Because if it's the latter you're freaking out for no reason and if it's the former you're a loving idiot.

Karia
Mar 27, 2013


First. Wow, I came across as whiny. Mostly wanted a place to bitch, I guess, and people to tell me to get the gently caress over it. Mission accomplished! Thanks, all!

squeegee posted:

It means that the OP and his friends are an incestuous circle of anime people and fan-fiction writers and don't realize that this is not normal terminology that the public at large will understand.

... Okay, bad term, my apologies. I will not use it again. While the image is hilarious (and insanely creepy), no, they are not writing fanfiction about us "doing it". Yes, we use that as standard terminology, and I have no goddamn idea why, considering that none of us watch anime regularly. Anyway, from what I can gather, several people think that we would be good in a relationship together. End of story. Now, if you want to talk about my last relationships, then I've got some stories for you. There was a goddamn conspiracy to get the two of us together. No longer in that social group.

Third, an explanation of my housing situation. We have two, connected apartments, three people downstairs, two upstairs. This can't be rented as a single apartment due to a weird bylaw that says you can't have more than three unrelated people in an apartment or it's a brothel (enacted I believe during WWII to counteract STD's, and actually enforced by the city .) I'm one of the upstairs, Q is downstairs. I am very, very hesitant to bail. Other than this stupid poo poo, everything is great about the arrangements: my best friend is upstairs with me, everyone else is good, the place is really nice, decent price. Housing selection for my school has closed applications to their lottery. My only other choice would be to find another place off campus. I don't know anyone else doing that.

Tortuga posted:

Would you say you tend to store your energy rather than use it?

In centrifuges. Far more efficient than batteries for long term storage.

But seriously, no, people just wear me out.

aslan posted:

You don't hit on people you live with or are going to live with. If they're not interested, it'll probably make them feel uncomfortable, and nobody deserves to feel uncomfortable in their home.

I have no intention of hitting on her. I am not going to ask her out. Thank you for stating it so bluntly, though.

Volume posted:

You do not want to move in with some one you are crushing on. I feel that needs repeating. You do not want to move in with some one you are crushing on.

I don't want to have this crush to begin with. What I want is to be able to get over this poo poo, ideally while disrupting my friendship with her as little as possible (although that is almost certainly impossible.) I know it's a stupid idea to live with someone I have a crush on. The housing happened before the crush.

Okay, let's refine my question a bit: I want to get over this crush. I understand that it will probably take time and separation from her, and that I probably can't wait for summer, which was my original plan. Would it be better to tell her why I am trying to not spend as much time around her, or not?


EDIT: I just want to stress this: I did not decide to live with someone that I had a crush on. I made housing arrangements, and then developed a crush later. Same result, but I wasn't quite that goddamn stupid.

Parity warning
Nov 1, 2009


quote:

I have a history of not handling jealousy very well,
Like really it'll be such a disaster if you live with her haha

Oops quote not edit.

Beep Street
Aug 22, 2006

Chemotherapy and marijuana go together like apple pie and Chevrolet.

Do not tell her you're avoiding her because you have a crush. That would make her feel very awkward.

Volume
May 2, 2008


Karia posted:


I don't want to have this crush to begin with. What I want is to be able to get over this poo poo, ideally while disrupting my friendship with her as little as possible (although that is almost certainly impossible.)

I am going to give you the best advice I have ever received in regards to situations like this. This comes from a friend and has helped me get over ex's crushes, porn stars, what have you.

Imagine your crush on a hot sweaty muggy day. Like sweating out of every pore kind of day. Imagine on this hot muggy day that they are on the toilet taking a massive poo poo. Like a day-after-drinking-and-all-you-can-eat-taco-bar kind of poo poo.

Imagine the smell, the faces she'll make, the horrible sounds. Now imagine her wiping her sweaty poo poo stained rear end. Imagine every bit of corn stuck on the paper. Imagine a clump of dingle berry stuck on one of her rear end hairs.


You're welcome.

who is spain
Oct 28, 2010


Karia posted:

Enact a convoluted sit-com-esque plan to make her fall in love with me?

I don't see any way that this could go wrong!

Tortuga
Aug 27, 2011


Volume posted:

Imagine your crush on a hot sweaty muggy day. Like sweating out of every pore kind of day. Imagine on this hot muggy day that they are on the toilet taking a massive poo poo. Like a day-after-drinking-and-all-you-can-eat-taco-bar kind of poo poo.

Imagine the smell, the faces she'll make, the horrible sounds. Now imagine her wiping her sweaty poo poo stained rear end. Imagine every bit of corn stuck on the paper. Imagine a clump of dingle berry stuck on one of her rear end hairs.


You're welcome.

Nice shipping. Hot.

Unicorncupcake
Sep 13, 2011



Karia posted:

This can't be rented as a single apartment due to a weird bylaw that says you can't have more than three unrelated people in an apartment or it's a brothel

You go to William and Mary, don't you? If so, stop being such a TWAMP, join the Quidditch team, meet some other people, and ask a nice Italian Composition and Neuroscience duel major out for a study date at the library. If you go to some other college do whatever it is that normal awkward people do at your college, ultimate frisbee and binge drinking or whatever.

On the plus side usually living with someone destroys any illusions you have about their kindness, cleanliness, thoughtfulness, and attractiveness. Once you see a hungover girl in her stained yoga pant scratching her rear end and then taking a bite out of a week old slice of pizza that you paid for because she blew all her money on stupid poo poo, all those romantic notions will die a sad and pathetic little death. Whatever you do, don't, for gently caress's sake, tell her or ask her out. She is not interested in you and it will make your next year excruciatingly awkward for everyone involved. Crushes are easily replaced if you don't dwell on it. You have like 6 months, go meet some people that do want to date you.

Synonamess Botch
Jun 5, 2006

dicks are for my cat


You don't have crushes on people after high school. You like someone then you ask them out and then you date or you don't. And you don't do that poo poo with people you're living with, also, regardless. HTH

NeilPerry
May 2, 2010


Volume posted:

You do not want to move in with some one you are crushing on. I feel that needs repeating. You do not want to move in with some one you are crushing on.

I did this. It solved the whole problem. I was barely romantically interested in her after the first month or two. Your mileage may vary very wildly though.

Foyes36
Oct 23, 2005

Food fight!

Synonamess Botch posted:

You don't have crushes on people after high school. You like someone then you ask them out and then you date or you don't. And you don't do that poo poo with people you're living with, also, regardless. HTH

Yeah, I was getting some serious high school vibes from that OP.

Dude, if you like a girl, ask her on a date. If she says no, move on. Also, wtf is this 'gonna ask her out on Valentine's' bullshit? Who does that?

Wezlar
May 13, 2005


Just stop being a pussy and ask her out. And then if she says no don't be a weirdo about it.

oneliquidninja
Jan 6, 2007

I swear I wrote something funny here.


I say don't ask her out but let her know how you feel and that you respect her boundaries. Because she's right, dating a roommate is a dumb idea.

Hopefully she'll take it as a compliment rather than getting weird about it and you'll stop obsessing once it's out in the open.

Foyes36
Oct 23, 2005

Food fight!

oneliquidninja posted:

I say don't ask her out but let her know how you feel and that you respect her boundaries. Because she's right, dating a roommate is a dumb idea.

Yeah, it's never a great idea to date a roommate, or for that matter a co-worker.

OP, it seems like you don't have a lot of experience with relationships. Try finding a different girl to have a crush on - there are a lot of them out there!

Karia
Mar 27, 2013


Volume posted:

You're welcome.

This is... actually somewhat helpful. Welp, that was an image I didn't need. Thank you very much.

Synonamess Botch posted:

You don't have crushes on people after high school. You like someone then you ask them out and then you date or you don't. And you don't do that poo poo with people you're living with, also, regardless.

My issue, honestly, is that I didn't have crushes in highschool. Mental disorder through much of it, so it was just never on my mind. I get to go through that poo poo now. Fun fun fun!

Unicorncupcake posted:

You go to William and Mary, don't you? If so, stop being such a TWAMP, join the Quidditch team, meet some other people, and ask a nice Italian Composition and Neuroscience duel major out for a study date at the library. If you go to some other college do whatever it is that normal awkward people do at your college, ultimate frisbee and binge drinking or whatever.

Nope. Even worse: a tech school. Normal awkward people at my school never see the light of day. I'm considered socially well-adjusted. Not saying we all fall into the stereotypes, but we've got a hell of a lot utter nerds.

who is spain posted:

I don't see any way that this could go wrong!

Do you know the hotline number for pirates? I need to organize a kidnapping. They'll hold her ransom for contract machining work. The other guy who wants to ask her out will stand by shocked as I rough parts using trochoidal tool paths and use automated probing cycles. This plan is flawless.

Parity warning posted:

Asking someone out on Valentine's day seems to be leaving it a little late.

Dude wants to be romantic, I guess. Remember: tech school. I can respect that he's trying, at least. Evidently he doesn't know her that well... Not going to raise his chances with her. I think they actually just met this term (they've got a class together.) So, eh.


Welp, all. Thanks for your advice. Actually making me feel better about this poo poo. I'll work on growing up and dealing with feelings like a normal human being. Thanks for the kick in the rear end.

(Now start the betting pool on how long it'll be before I'm back asking how to tell if a girl likes me.)

Omnicarus
Jan 16, 2006



Whip it out. If you're up to her specs she'll swoon, if not you'll have your answer.

Queen Gnome
Jul 30, 2006

Her Lawnliness


Volume posted:

I am going to give you the best advice I have ever received in regards to situations like this. This comes from a friend and has helped me get over ex's crushes, porn stars, what have you.

Imagine your crush on a hot sweaty muggy day. Like sweating out of every pore kind of day. Imagine on this hot muggy day that they are on the toilet taking a massive poo poo. Like a day-after-drinking-and-all-you-can-eat-taco-bar kind of poo poo.

Imagine the smell, the faces she'll make, the horrible sounds. Now imagine her wiping her sweaty poo poo stained rear end. Imagine every bit of corn stuck on the paper. Imagine a clump of dingle berry stuck on one of her rear end hairs.


You're welcome.

Whelp. Thanks for that. You may have just cured me forever.

Thundercracker
Jun 25, 2004

Proudly serving the Ruinous Powers since as a veteran of the long war.


Karia posted:

Would it be better to tell her why I am trying to not spend as much time around her, or not?..... but I wasn't quite that goddamn stupid.

If you have to seriously ask this question, you are absolutely as stupid as everyone thinks you are.

Synonamess Botch
Jun 5, 2006

dicks are for my cat


I found out a girl liked me by making crude sexual innuendos at her and she rolled with it. So there's always that.

rocket_man38
Jan 23, 2006


My new roommate is a model,and honestly, I just see her as a roommate, it's better to distance yourself. It's not worth the risk when it comes to financial/living situations.

FluffieDuckie
May 11, 2005


I remember being a teenager. Start being an adult and this will resolve itself.


Or use that pooping thing - that was great.

rawdog pozfail
Jan 2, 2006

by Ralp


Follow your heart, op.

Fiki
Dec 5, 2006
You mean Gumbercules? I love that guy!

Omnicarus posted:

up to her specs

I hope this was a play on the fact that OP goes to a "tech school"

Fisticuffs
Aug 9, 2007

Okay you a goon but what's a goon to a goblin?

Volume posted:

I am going to give you the best advice I have ever received in regards to situations like this. This comes from a friend and has helped me get over ex's crushes, porn stars, what have you.

Imagine your crush on a hot sweaty muggy day. Like sweating out of every pore kind of day. Imagine on this hot muggy day that they are on the toilet taking a massive poo poo. Like a day-after-drinking-and-all-you-can-eat-taco-bar kind of poo poo.

Imagine the smell, the faces she'll make, the horrible sounds. Now imagine her wiping her sweaty poo poo stained rear end. Imagine every bit of corn stuck on the paper. Imagine a clump of dingle berry stuck on one of her rear end hairs.


You're welcome.

Doesn't deter me I've dated vegetarians

Parity warning
Nov 1, 2009


Pfirti86 posted:

Also, wtf is this 'gonna ask her out on Valentine's' bullshit? Who does that?

Uhh a man much more alpha than OP, who best step the gently caress off. That territory has been nearly marked bro.

Scrub-Niggurath
Nov 27, 2007



Ffuck herr

who is spain
Oct 28, 2010


Wezlar posted:

Just stop being a pussy and ask her out. And then if she says no don't be a weirdo about it.

I agree with this

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Horrible Smutbeast
Sep 2, 2011


Karia posted:

There was a goddamn conspiracy to get the two of us together. No longer in that social group.

You know and are friends with lovely people. Even your curent friend's group is creepy as hell (who the hell "ships" their friends together?)

Go outside more instead of sitting indoors and watching your Sherlock/Dr. Who/Hannibal/Supernatural poo poo.

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