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Robotnik Nudes
Jul 8, 2013


He has weird dreams, sleep talks. I just bought some new clothes including a real bright green hoodie and when I got back he was already in bed. He wouldn't recognize my form. Should I go in and stand by his head and say things to gently caress with his head and dreams? if so, what sorts of things?

I am drunk so this seems like a marvelous idea, but I'm sure if it isn't, I can count on goons not to encourage my idiocy!

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cuckold cleanup
Sep 27, 2013



no you should let him sleep dipshit

Robotnik Nudes
Jul 8, 2013


glandmine posted:

no you should let him sleep dipshit

Counterpoint: he oversleeps and has no job and it would be funny.

cuckold cleanup
Sep 27, 2013



sounds like he lives a charmed life and you don't tbh. don't hate. let life wizard reap the spoils

plaguedoctor
Jun 26, 2008

I CAN DUMP MY GIRLFRIEND CAUSE SHE'S LIKE A WHORE, RIGHT GUYS? RIGHT???

Does he have a gun? I've heard guns and hoodies don't mix, but my sources may be wrong.

Robotnik Nudes
Jul 8, 2013


plaguedoctor posted:

Does he have a gun? I've heard guns and hoodies don't mix, but my sources may be wrong.

He does not have a gun. If he wakes up and hits me I am willing to accept that as a price I pay for being a dick.

glandmine posted:

sounds like he lives a charmed life and you don't tbh. don't hate. let life wizard reap the spoils

I love my room mate and I think he would appreciate the hella chuckle.

Nanomashoes
Aug 18, 2012



masturbate real quiet but real hard

Kyrie eleison
Jan 26, 2013



Robotnik Nudes posted:

I love my room mate and I think he would appreciate the hella chuckle.

go up to him and whisper 'i love you, [name]' over and over into his ear and then cuddle with him and if he wakes up kiss him.

Robotnik Nudes
Jul 8, 2013


Nanomashoes posted:

masturbate real quiet but real hard

I don't want to cross any sexual boundaries.

Robotnik Nudes
Jul 8, 2013


Kyrie eleison posted:

go up to him and whisper 'i love you, [name]' over and over into his ear and then cuddle with him and if he wakes up kiss him.

I will not live out your manga comics for you.

Salt Fish
Sep 11, 2003

fear itself


Wuss out and then show him this thread. Then, after he reads it whisper "i love you" and kiss him.

plain blue jacket
Jan 13, 2014


Get into bed with him

Kyrie eleison
Jan 26, 2013



put your own hand in a bucket of warm water and then go to bed and then pee yourself and wake up the next morning and be all indignant and accusative of him

Robotnik Nudes
Jul 8, 2013


I really thought goons could come up with something more psychologically abusive than yaoi fantasies and pee pee.

I now realize I was the dummy.

Joust
Dec 7, 2007
No Ledges.

^^ NOPE!

Put his hand in warm water and then piss on him.

Salt Fish
Sep 11, 2003

fear itself


Robotnik Nudes posted:

I really thought goons could come up with something more psychologically abusive than yaoi fantasies and pee pee.

I now realize I was the dummy.

well okay but you're the one who got drunk and then was suddenly inspired to gently caress [with] your roommate while he sleeps.

Robotnik Nudes
Jul 8, 2013


I'm showing him this thread in the mooring anyways so you guys should try to look imaginative for him at least.

Salt Fish
Sep 11, 2003

fear itself


I bet its so toasty warm in the covers with him right now

Radio Help
Mar 22, 2007

ChipChip? 


stand at the foot of his bed and confidently say "dude, you're late." just about the worst thing you can tell a half-asleep person

Xaris
Jul 25, 2006
GTVA Celois

I dunno, I think waking up to a facefull of cum is pretty psychologically abusive???? Goons are doing a p. good job.

The only thing more abusive would be to stand there trying to literally goatse him when he wakes up he stares deep into the anal abyss. And it stares back.

Robotnik Nudes
Jul 8, 2013


Radio Help posted:

stand at the foot of his bed and confidently say "dude, you're late." just about the worst thing you can tell a half-asleep person

Thank you.

Radio Help
Mar 22, 2007

ChipChip? 



any time

Kyrie eleison
Jan 26, 2013



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66TuSJo4dZM

Radio Help
Mar 22, 2007

ChipChip? 


or put your dick in his general area, I dunno what new gbs thinks is funny nowadays

Give Pat a Job
Apr 8, 2003

Everything is for the best in this best of all possible worlds.

Whatever you end up doing, I hope your roommate punches you in the balls so hard you die. Or maybe you can not be a half-drunken twat and leave him be.

Radio Help
Mar 22, 2007

ChipChip? 


PYF sjw surprise sex analogy crosspost incoming...

cuckold cleanup
Sep 27, 2013



you should write your roommate a letter and leave it on his pillow. just let it all out into that letter and leave it for him to read I think op. this is what a wasted adult would do

Robotnik Nudes
Jul 8, 2013


glandmine posted:

you should write your roommate a letter and leave it on his pillow. just let it all out into that letter and leave it for him to read I think op. this is what a wasted adult would do

I'm going for funhy/transgressive, not cathartic/transgressive

Kyrie eleison
Jan 26, 2013



start telling him a soothing story like a lullaby, but then make the story take a really dark and horrible turn so he goes into a nightmare, but then give it a really happy ending.

Radio Help
Mar 22, 2007

ChipChip? 


change the ringtone on his alarm to Jumper by third eye blind

Robotnik Nudes
Jul 8, 2013


Kyrie eleison posted:

start telling him a soothing story like a lullaby, but then make the story take a really dark and horrible turn so he goes into a nightmare, but then give it a really happy ending.

thank you.

Matoi Ryuko
Jan 6, 2004



Light a bunch of incense and then run in screaming "FIRE!!! FIRE!!!"

Radio Help
Mar 22, 2007

ChipChip? 


open up Magical Mystery Tour in VLC and then adjust the playback speed so it plays at 25% speed and play it at really really low volume

Robotnik Nudes
Jul 8, 2013


Radio Help posted:

open up Magical Mystery Tour in VLC and then adjust the playback speed so it plays at 25% speed and play it at really really low volume

thank you

plaguedoctor
Jun 26, 2008

I CAN DUMP MY GIRLFRIEND CAUSE SHE'S LIKE A WHORE, RIGHT GUYS? RIGHT???

Radio Help posted:

stand at the foot of his bed and confidently say "dude, you're late." just about the worst thing you can tell a half-asleep person

Expanding on this:

Go to Ikea and do some shopping. Redecorate his room to look like his college dorm (assuming you are out of college). Or hell, his high school bedroom.

Then pound on the door really loud saying that his professor is outside and wanting to have a "serious talk" with him about how he is a week late with his graduation thesis.

Basically, make that very common and very distressing nightmare that many people have come to life.

Robotnik Nudes
Jul 8, 2013


plaguedoctor posted:

Expanding on this:

Go to Ikea and do some shopping. Redecorate his room to look like his college dorm (assuming you are out of college). Or hell, his high school bedroom.

Then pound on the door really loud saying that his professor is outside and wanting to have a "serious talk" with him about how he is a week late with his graduation thesis.

Basically, make that very common and very distressing nightmare that many people have come to life.

This is a good idea for a wealthy prankster with access to information I don't have access to.

Radio Help
Mar 22, 2007

ChipChip? 


move his cell phone to the other side of his bed.

doesn't seem like much but that poo poo would confuse the gently caress out of me when I wake up

Afro Doug
Aug 10, 2007

im real gay

i think you both should study hard and become doctors with hot wives and cool cars

Radio Help
Mar 22, 2007

ChipChip? 


plaguedoctor posted:

Expanding on this:

Go to Ikea and do some shopping. Redecorate his room to look like his college dorm (assuming you are out of college). Or hell, his high school bedroom.

Then pound on the door really loud saying that his professor is outside and wanting to have a "serious talk" with him about how he is a week late with his graduation thesis.

Basically, make that very common and very distressing nightmare that many people have come to life.


you have some tame-rear end nightmares man

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plaguedoctor
Jun 26, 2008

I CAN DUMP MY GIRLFRIEND CAUSE SHE'S LIKE A WHORE, RIGHT GUYS? RIGHT???

e: ^^^ The scary ones are too weird for words. The "holy poo poo I forgot to take my test/I forgot my report!" type ones are pretty universally common and still pretty freaky.

Robotnik Nudes posted:

This is a good idea for a wealthy prankster with access to information I don't have access to.

Take out a bank loan. Put your house as collateral, or if you are in a cool country, go into some kind of debt-slavery servitude thing.

Use that money to hire a private investigator to go over records of your roommate. If necessary, hire a prostitute to go out with him and start a fledgeling relationship just for intel. Find out what his childhood hobbies were. Get in contact with his mother and find out how his room was decorated.

THEN go to Ikea and start shopping.

Also, use any left over money to hire his old grumpy professor and/or dean to make an appearance.

When creditors come calling, just skip town to Honduras and pay officials there $10,000 to fake your death. Then start over with a new identity somewhere in the Andes.

Totally worth it.

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