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nomadologique
Mar 9, 2011



okay i know a lot of you are pretty heinously inactive so i wanna lead a stretching session for everyone who's even semi serious about physical health and fitness.

we'll start pretty easy. you've probably been sitting in that ergo chair all day, but even modern technology and its lumbar support can't keep you from atrophying unless you TRY. so let's stretch those legs!



this post is called staff post i don't know why. feels good in your hamstrings and calves. you're probably gonna be struggling with this one, whining and wheezing, but don't push yourself too hard. we're just getting warmed up.

next is some kind of twist, i don't even care about the name of this. don't go crazy with this, this lime green lady is REALLY ADVANCED. just make sure to extend the twist through your entire spine, don't isolate it to your lower back. good for your inner organs.



okay, we're feeling pretty good now. let's try one of the better known poses: warrior 2. yeah, you feel really badass in this pose. make sure to look out over your extended fingers. imagine you're conquering medieval china. nobody has ever felt as good as you do now. you're gonna get laid in those shorts.



we'll move now into our resting pose, probably the best known pose of all, downward dog.



push down through your heels on this one you maggots. if your legs aren't vibrating like an old cadillac you're not doing it right. feel the burn. get that rear end in the air, rotate your hips up and present. this is the point where i'm touching your iliac crests with my calloused hands. you feel an underinvestigated commotion in your groin. keep going!



now this is probably my favorite pose. the camel. don't crunch your lower back! let it expand. you're gonna get some really crazy druggy like effects from this. you're probably not used to this inverted viewpoint. take in the wall, the floorboards, and any nearby rear end you can get your eyes on. stuff is probably starting to pulsate by now. let it go for one or two more respiratory cycles. ease out of it.

let's get into one of the restorative poses now.



this is the corpse pose. pretend you're dead. this is the most important pose you'll do all day. let go of everything. even your expectations for this session. let your body just be your body. you don't HAVE TO get done anything, you'll get done something. love yourself and let it go.

wow this was great. thank you so much everybody.

OMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

namaste.

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dad gay. so what
Feb 18, 2003



nomadologique posted:

okay i know a lot of you are pretty heinously inactive so i wanna lead a stretching session for everyone who's even semi serious about physical health and fitness.

we'll start pretty easy. you've probably been sitting in that ergo chair all day, but even modern technology and its lumbar support can't keep you from atrophying unless you TRY. so let's stretch those legs!



this post is called staff post i don't know why. feels good in your hamstrings and calves. you're probably gonna be struggling with this one, whining and wheezing, but don't push yourself too hard. we're just getting warmed up.

next is some kind of twist, i don't even care about the name of this. don't go crazy with this, this lime green lady is REALLY ADVANCED. just make sure to extend the twist through your entire spine, don't isolate it to your lower back. good for your inner organs.



okay, we're feeling pretty good now. let's try one of the better known poses: warrior 2. yeah, you feel really badass in this pose. make sure to look out over your extended fingers. imagine you're conquering medieval china. nobody has ever felt as good as you do now. you're gonna get laid in those shorts.



we'll move now into our resting pose, probably the best known pose of all, downward dog.



push down through your heels on this one you maggots. if your legs aren't vibrating like an old cadillac you're not doing it right. feel the burn. get that rear end in the air, rotate your hips up and present. this is the point where i'm touching your iliac crests with my calloused hands. you feel an underinvestigated commotion in your groin. keep going!



now this is probably my favorite pose. the camel. don't crunch your lower back! let it expand. you're gonna get some really crazy druggy like effects from this. you're probably not used to this inverted viewpoint. take in the wall, the floorboards, and any nearby rear end you can get your eyes on. stuff is probably starting to pulsate by now. let it go for one or two more respiratory cycles. ease out of it.

let's get into one of the restorative poses now.



this is the corpse pose. pretend you're dead. this is the most important pose you'll do all day. let go of everything. even your expectations for this session. let your body just be your body. you don't HAVE TO get done anything, you'll get done something. love yourself and let it go.

wow this was great. thank you so much everybody.

OMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

namaste.

Ootrek
Oct 21, 2012

i'm capten kurk


Honestly, after much [smart word for thinking, such as postulating or ruminating], I agree.

dad gay. so what
Feb 18, 2003



Ootrek posted:

Honestly, after much [smart word for thinking, such as postulating or ruminating], I agree.

namaste

mabels big day
Feb 25, 2012



this was not the kind of stretching I was hoping for.

man thats gross
Sep 4, 2004


stretching? the gently caress do i look like, some kinda pansy enjoyable human being?





oh sweet jesus my back oh gently caress i shouldnta tried to comb my hair by myself oh lord

azreal
Sep 2, 2011



nomadologique
Mar 9, 2011



lot of negative vibes itt.

amityville anus
Jan 30, 2010


attachmentid=666

Joust
Dec 7, 2007
No Ledges.

What is that man not doing to his anus?!?

nomadologique
Mar 9, 2011



note for camel pose: get your dick out.

dad gay. so what
Feb 18, 2003



nomadologique posted:

note for camel pose: get your dick out.

gently caress you rear end in a top hat

Christmas Miracle
Dec 25, 2012
STEAL ALL THE FARM

expected goatse

Boner Medicine
Feb 1, 2014


I'm so limber

E Equals MC Hammer
Jun 9, 2008

What if im straight?

If you see me post about spaceships or bitcoins in gbs please report me.

Christmas Miracle posted:

expected goatse

Stoic Commie
Aug 29, 2005

G's up
Hoes down


i'm doing them guys i'm doing them



getting fit ironically

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN
Apr 27, 2010

I put up my thumb... and it blotted out the planet Earth.



Stretching is for pussies.

nomadologique
Mar 9, 2011



if you stretch you get pussy so yes.

gggiiimmmppp
Feb 15, 2004

Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels
My flux capacity is off the chain


Christmas Miracle posted:

expected goatse

ethanol
Jul 13, 2007

Eleven thousand dead birds
fly towards nothing because
they are dead
and cannot fly


you post this a lot

Pumpy Muffinz
Aug 11, 2008

Banned?

ethanol posted:

you post this a lot

cock hero flux
Apr 17, 2011
Tell me to shut the fuck up.

*horrifying crunch sound*

Sorry Corals
Jan 2, 2010



nailed it.

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010



nomadologique posted:



this is the corpse pose. pretend you're dead. this is the most important pose you'll do all day. let go of everything. even your expectations for this session. let your body just be your body. you don't HAVE TO get done anything, you'll get done something. love yourself and let it go.

wow this was great. thank you so much everybody.

OMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

namaste.
wanna put the OP in the corpse pose

Hwbrgdtse
Nov 23, 2013
Probation
Can't post for 12 days!


ethanol posted:

you post this a lot

as well he should, it's magical

Sauska
Sep 12, 2012



Should you stretch before or after you take a painkiller

Gobblecoque
Sep 6, 2011


amityville anus
Jan 30, 2010


Sauska posted:

Should you stretch before or after you take a painkiller

if u can stay awake you'll stretch foreeeeeeeerrrrrr

Splurgerwitzl
Oct 18, 2009

Hey guys :3
I picked splurgerwitzl as my name because it sounds silly and funny


Sorry but I can't fully extend my arm because of the crippling tendonosis that causes me to walk around like a limp-wristed fag. I'll have to refrain from the stretching.

Bloody Hedgehog
Dec 12, 2003

Gotta' nuke something.


Stretch? When I could be getting my burg' on at the house that Dave built?

Those Baconators don't eat themselves, smart guy.

Armchair Calvinist
Jan 10, 2005

I need to somehow get a hold of a multimeter so I can pin out my headlight wiring and install a brighter front end. But I also need to finish the Thieves Guild quest line so I can restore order and honor to the underworld of Riften.

azreal
Sep 2, 2011




lol

Blast of Confetti
Apr 21, 2008



post this in a thread that isnt poo poo so i can 5 it

Iron Prince
Aug 28, 2005

count hundreds on the table twenties on the floor


dad gay. so what posted:

gently caress you rear end in a top hat

Highly Unnecessary
Dec 24, 2009



how about i just do my kegels and we call it a night

mailorder bees!
Nov 4, 2011

RIGY'S LUNCH


Help I can't reach my toes. I need a push or something.

circ dick soleil
Sep 26, 2012


Κεεπ
ιτ
ρεαλ


Christmas Miracle posted:

expected goatse

http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...hreadid=3612496

Val
Jul 11, 2003



you should feel good for trying to do something good for people but dont expect them to do any of it tho

Jack the Stripper
Feb 9, 2014

Your local cheese loving, wooden shoes wearing drug addict.


I was expecting better looking women.

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Crankit
Feb 7, 2011

HE WATCHES


came for goatse, voted 1, left disappointed

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