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Richardanator
May 8, 2006

Mmmm.....

I dunno, it get's really itchy and hurts. But at least I'm more comfortable when I dry wipe and don't get dingle berries.

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Meh Im done
Dec 28, 2002
Yep.

I cut my ball sack and rear end in a top hat every time. I try to do it every 2-3 days.

Richardanator
May 8, 2006

Mmmm.....

how do you get in the grooves though!

slap me silly
Nov 1, 2009


nair

MMOs & Welfare
Jan 24, 2007

oh he's so pringles


yeah right that poo poo burns

JibbaJabberwocky
Aug 14, 2010



Richardanator posted:

dingle berries.

Dingleberries is all one word, you loving philistine.

ENSENDA CURES MAIL
Oct 30, 2011



my boyfriend rips my rear end hairs out with her teeth

naem
May 29, 2011



call me Jurassic cos I have a woolly mammoth

vyst
Aug 25, 2009

RIP Hilmoon. (Please don't give me back Hilmoon)

Soft kitty,
Warm kitty,
Little ball of fur.
Happy kitty,
Sleepy kitty,
Purr, purr, purr.

ENSENDA CURES MAIL posted:

my boyfriend rips my rear end hairs out with her teeth

I'm not pronoun shaming but wut

Richardanator
May 8, 2006

Mmmm.....

JibbaJabberwocky posted:

Dingleberries is all one word, you loving philistine.

Dictionary.com

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010



vyst posted:

I'm not pronoun shaming but wut
you're confused about the number of people involved perhaps

Richardanator
May 8, 2006

Mmmm.....

dingle(-dangle) definition

n.
the penis. (Usually objectionable.) : Come on, Billy. Shake your dingle and put it away.


ber·ry [ber-ee] Show IPA
noun, plural ber·ries.
1.
any small, usually stoneless, juicy fruit, irrespective of botanical structure, as the huckleberry, strawberry, or hackberry.

I'm talking about semen not poo poo clumps.

Ignatius M. Meen
May 26, 2011


i will never do this because i heard it makes it impossible to fart properly while sitting down. as in the gas can't escape because your rear end cheeks aren't kept apart by hair any more and it runs up and down the inside of your taint like an excited squirrel. can you confirm/deny?

Avocados
Jul 31, 2010

Imagine growing a flower


Farting feels a lot different after a butt shave. It feels like warm air sliding up your butt-crack or elsewhere. Also the sound is a lot different, as in, it's mostly silenced. Doing fart muffling chair techniques was made easier, not harder. (Though you have to get used to the new fart sounds and feel. Not all bald farts sound the same, sometimes they sound just like hairy farts.

Richardanator
May 8, 2006

Mmmm.....

IT doesn't do that, but if your butt is sweaty it will be squeky.

fivetwo
Jun 19, 2009


Richardanator posted:

I dunno, it get's really itchy and hurts. But at least I'm more comfortable when I dry wipe and don't get dingle berries.

may i gugssest

Avocados
Jul 31, 2010

Imagine growing a flower


It can get itchy and bumpy but after repeated shaves it's better. Initially clearing the forest causes the most irritation. Hardly any irritation if you're just doing "upkeep".

Avocados fucked around with this message at Mar 20, 2014 around 01:50

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010



Avocados posted:

Farting feels a lot different after a butt shave. It feels like warm air sliding up your butt-crack or elsewhere. Also the sound is a lot different, as in, it's mostly silenced. Doing fart muffling chair techniques was made easier, not harder. (Though you have to get used to the new fart sounds and feel. Not all bald farts sound the same, sometimes they sound just like hairy farts.
harvard medical school needs to do a large scale experiment to determine the difference in tonal qualities in shaved vs. unshaved farts. it is my dream to make this happen.

Mega64
May 23, 2008

i like goobbues


Our butts grow hair for a reason. God doesn't want His children shaving their buttholes.

Bundle of Keys
Jul 3, 2007


How does it feel getting poo poo all over your butt cheeks OP?

Disco Infiva
Oct 14, 2013


How do you people even shave down below?

Please post at least five paragraphs with pictures and diagrams, tia.

Redonionking
Mar 13, 2001

I AM A BRILLIANT HAMOLOGIST

I shaved my balls once in high school, and that was enough. Then I learned how to be a man and not give a gently caress what anyone thinks of my rear end in a top hat.

Subliminal Sauce
Apr 6, 2010

Spreading freedom and spreading it thick; that's just a thing us right-wing nutjobs do!

Shaved don't mean poo poo without anal bleach. Waht about my needs!!!?

Avocados
Jul 31, 2010

Imagine growing a flower


Disco Infiva posted:

How do you people even shave down below?

Please post at least five paragraphs with pictures and diagrams, tia.

Like you'd expect. Hop in the shower, apply some shavin cream, and get to work.

e: or maybe works better.

vyst
Aug 25, 2009

RIP Hilmoon. (Please don't give me back Hilmoon)

Soft kitty,
Warm kitty,
Little ball of fur.
Happy kitty,
Sleepy kitty,
Purr, purr, purr.

I don't shave the balls it's like my crotch has a goatee

you rock
Sep 12, 2010

You wanna fuck with this shit I fuckin dare you. You fuck wit the hedge you get the spines


Disco Infiva posted:

How do you people even shave down below?

Please post at least five paragraphs with pictures and diagrams, tia.

i squat and use a lighter to singe my poo poo. hurts the first few times but you get used to it

Frostwerks
Sep 24, 2007


Mega64 posted:

Our butts grow hair for a reason. God doesn't want His children shaving their buttholes.

our dicks have foreskins for a reason. god doesn't want his children snipping their turtlenecks.

Iseeyouseemeseeyou
Jan 3, 2011


yeah op i just take a playbook from cancer people and take a dose of chemo so all my hair falls out

Kombotron
Aug 11, 2011


ENSENDA CURES MAIL posted:

my boyfriend rips my rear end hairs out with her teeth

Digital Fingers
Sep 2, 2012

I hate gay furry porn


i don't know about this rear end shaving stuff but i think more guys should shave their armpits- cuts down on the amount you sweat and b.o clings to hair so it's two birds with one stone

CountButtula
Jan 5, 2014


Do shaved men ever get manqueefs?

SpaceGoatFarts
Jan 5, 2010


quote:

Don't Shave That Hair!!!
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble making GBS threads.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my rear end-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my rear end of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My rear end was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.

I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic poo poo- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky poo poo/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-drat, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my rear end off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering poo poo/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my rear end cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own poo poo blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my rear end at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for rear end-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your rear end having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR rear end-HAIR!

slap me silly
Nov 1, 2009


That guy is completely wrong though.

Iseeyouseemeseeyou
Jan 3, 2011


slap me silly posted:

That guy is completely wrong though.

you're uh completely wrong



BigBoss
Jan 26, 2012


girls most def. should do this

nutranurse
Oct 22, 2012

Unlikeliest of Slash Fics

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN
Apr 27, 2010

I put up my thumb... and it blotted out the planet Earth.



I had this tab on my browser and a girl from the office came up and saw it and gave me a funny look.

Digital Fingers
Sep 2, 2012

I hate gay furry porn


GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

I had this tab on my browser and a girl from the office came up and saw it and gave me a funny look.

she now thinks you have a flawlessly smooth rear end

it was the look of lust you're going to get laid big time

Parallax Scroll
Nov 13, 2009

spiderman

Frostwerks posted:

our dicks have foreskins for a reason. god doesn't want his children snipping their turtlenecks.

no, god said we should do that one

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ColoradoCleric
Dec 26, 2012


Shave everything but the small of your back and your crack. That hair is meant to dissapate sweat and preventing your add cheeks from gluing together

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