Premier League's April Fools: David Moyes, Arsene Wenger, Jozy Altidore

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > Premier League's April Fools: David Moyes, Arsene Wenger, Jozy Altidore

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Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

irlZaphod posted:

Christ.

People said that if those players all gelled together they'd be a scary side. Thankfully they didn't, AVB got sacked and now they have a clueless guy in charge.

People should keep in mind that a lot of those players will have had a full season under their belts too, so they'll be more used to the league. I can see a lot of those players improving drastically under a better manager. If Spurs really do have Van Gaal lined up and exercise patience, it might be a case of wrongly predicting when Spurs become a scary side rather than if.

# ¿ Apr 3, 2014 15:22

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 01:29

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

T Fowl posted:

They're all Fernando Torres.

He was good once. He started off well and then got even better and then Liverpool broke him.

Gareth Bale started off as a joke too. Now he's a swole, stylish marketing juggernaut.

# ¿ Apr 3, 2014 15:34

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Duncan Sperguson posted:

Phwoar it's enough to make you want to rub your thighs vigorously.

Remember the sniggers when he said in his first Press Conference that his target was Champions League?

No. I thought it was a good target.

I'd still be worried about what Martinez can do beyond loans. Who were his best buys at Wigan?

# ¿ Apr 3, 2014 15:40

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

not not luvd posted:

If only he wasn't poo poo.

He was pretty good for a while. He's only looked bad this season as far as I know.

# ¿ Apr 3, 2014 16:00

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Good looking young goalie who doesn't need a helmet versus an average looking older chump with a fragile skull? There's no contest. Time for Cech to go to Italy.

# ¿ Apr 4, 2014 16:47

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Lukaku is a good friend of mine. We went to middle school together and stayed in touch when my family moved back to the States. He loving hates Mourinho and also thinks the fans are all racists. If it wasn't for Drogba encouraging him to stick through it, he'd have put in a transfer request hack in August.

He also always chooses female characters when playing video games. It's weird.

# ¿ Apr 4, 2014 16:53

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Total Meatlove posted:

Has this been posted yet?

That's awesome. Southampton surely are everyone's 2nd club.

# ¿ Apr 7, 2014 14:37

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Carragher's latest column for the Daily Mail had some details about working with Andy Carroll.

quote:

Unfortunately, though, Liverpool�s decision to pay �35million was a big mistake and it never did Andy any favours. He started well, with two goals against Manchester City on his first start, but it quickly became apparent he wasn�t the right fit for the club.

In training, he�d complain if the ball was not flung into the box � and I don�t mean from out wide. He wanted the ball to come in to him from close to the halfway line, but at Liverpool that was never going to happen.

There were other things. He found the intensity of playing three games every week difficult.

Before he might have been used to getting himself right for a match on a Saturday, then spending time socially with his mates � as we all did when we were young � but at Liverpool the training and professional demands are relentless.

He would very rarely complete a full week on the training field at Melwood and, eventually, that takes a toll. If you aren�t fully conditioned, you are susceptible to injuries and Andy suffered his fair share.Another major issue was the fact he lacked pace. He suits the way Sam Allardyce operates and is West Ham�s focal point but at Liverpool that would never have been the case. Andy may feel Brendan made the decision about him too quickly but it was the right call.

35,012,000 GBP.

# ¿ Apr 7, 2014 14:55

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

How often do people bring up Nottingham Forest's relegation under Clough?

# ¿ Apr 9, 2014 19:54

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Different fans have different views on the prospect of indirectly helping a rival, which undoubtedly depends in some part on whether your own team has something to play for.

You're welcome. I blow minds every day. :smuggo:

# ¿ Apr 10, 2014 16:01

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

What exactly do sports psychologists say to players in this situation where the title race is still so tight? Have any players' memoirs ever explored that problem? For example, how did Ferguson or Mourinho get players over the line?

# ¿ Apr 10, 2014 17:52

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Grimble posted:

Liverpool winning the league would be horrible.

I remember how smug all the Liverpool supporters I know were the last time, this will be worse.

You're old lmao

# ¿ Apr 10, 2014 17:53

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

CareyB posted:

Chelsea are gonna win the league

Mourinho has already played enough mind games for everyone to forget that Chelsea are still in the mix. The man is a puppetmaster.

# ¿ Apr 11, 2014 00:48

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

euroboy posted:

I believe he consistently wrote "Rogers" and not "Rodgers" so I think he may have tricked us

I believe Pissflaps is an immaculate speller, so that is not an argument he can make.

# ¿ Apr 11, 2014 15:16

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Hoops posted:

Suarez at Carrow Road, gonna gently caress them up super bad

Maybe it's not Norwich who suffers a Suarez curse. Maybe it's Hughton.

# ¿ Apr 11, 2014 19:54

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

c0burn posted:

I'm loving bricking it lads

Would you brick it in the years before 1990? Try to remember what you were like back then.

# ¿ Apr 11, 2014 23:28

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

I wonder how Sturridge would have done if Liverpool accepted him as a makeweight to bring the Torres price down. I believe Chelsea offered that early on.

# ¿ Apr 14, 2014 19:30

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Are there any juicy rumors as to why Villa suspended Lambert's assistants?

# ¿ Apr 15, 2014 16:40

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

The Mirror reports that Culverhouse and Karsa were suspended because of bullying allegations. I wonder how bad it was.

# ¿ Apr 16, 2014 16:04

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

One game at a time, people!

Any team on their day can get a win. That's why the Premier League is The Best League in the World.

# ¿ Apr 17, 2014 14:32

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

I thought this forum was full of good people, but I was very wrong.

# ¿ Apr 17, 2014 15:49

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

euroboy posted:

Allegri to be the next Tottenham manager.

@m_christenson: Corriere dello Sport seem pretty confident Massimiliano Allegri will be the next #thfc manager: http://t.co/VVTpQJS3BV Via @tancredipalmeri

Edit: Lamela "injured" for the rest of the season too.

Man, I was hoping for Van Gaal. I don't want LVG going to Man-U.

# ¿ Apr 18, 2014 12:36

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Didn't Klopp just renew at Borussia Dortmund? I hope he doesn't go to Man-U.

# ¿ Apr 21, 2014 14:43

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

I'm sure Moyes can still get a job in the top flight. West Brom probably wishes they had someone like him right now.

# ¿ Apr 21, 2014 16:34

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Giving Manchester United sponsorship money will get you fired. People need to be aware of this.

http://jalopnik.com/5930224/did-600-million-man-u-soccer-jerseys-get-a-gm-executive-fired

Thirteenth Step posted:

Tbf I'd be quite happy if we lingered around mid-table for the best part of a decade.

I was being serious. You guys were humming along pretty well under Hodgson and under the early days with Clarke.

# ¿ Apr 21, 2014 16:38

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

FullLeatherJacket posted:

England Striker Danny Welbeck has also largely played on the wing

I'm somewhat amused by the fact that people haven't yet twigged on to the fact that the core problem United have had this season is still in creating anything in the middle of the park, and have instead assumed that two of the most prolific strikers in Premier League history are actually both poo poo (and also Danny Welbeck, who once was good for Sunderland, like five years ago)

I'm pretty sure many posters here have gone over Man-U's CM situation in great detail.

# ¿ Apr 21, 2014 16:50

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

# ¿ Apr 21, 2014 16:53

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

blue footed boobie posted:

So is Moyes being sacked or not? I can't take this suspense

From what the Twitter experts say, it looks like Man-U is passive-aggressively trying to make Moyes' situation as intolerable as possible without actually sacking him in an effort to avoid paying out on the 6 year contract they gave him.

# ¿ Apr 21, 2014 16:59

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,
And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

# ¿ Apr 21, 2014 19:16

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Oh, weep for Adonais! The quick Dreams,
The passion-winged Ministers of thought,
Who were his flocks, whom near the living streams
Of his young spirit he fed, and whom he taught
The love which was its music, wander not�
Wander no more, from kindling brain to brain,
But droop there, whence they sprung; and mourn their lot
Round the cold heart, where, after their sweet pain,

They ne'er will gather strength, or find a home again.

# ¿ Apr 21, 2014 19:24

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

O the valley in the summer where I and my John
Beside the deep river would walk on and on
While the flowers at our feet and the birds up above
Argued so sweetly on reciprocal love,
And I leaned on his shoulder; 'O Johnny, let's play':
But he frowned like thunder and he went away.

O that Friday near Christmas as I well recall
When we went to the Charity Matinee Ball,
The floor was so smooth and the band was so loud
And Johnny so handsome I felt so proud;
'Squeeze me tighter, dear Johnny, let's dance till it's day':
But he frowned like thunder and he went away.

Shall I ever forget at the Grand Opera
When music poured out of each wonderful star?
Diamonds and pearls they hung dazzling down
Over each silver and golden silk gown;
'O John I'm in heaven,' I whispered to say:
But he frowned like thunder and he went away.

O but he was fair as a garden in flower,
As slender and tall as the great Eiffel Tower,
When the waltz throbbed out on the long promenade
O his eyes and his smile they went straight to my heart;
'O marry me, Johnny, I'll love and obey':
But he frowned like thunder and he went away.

O last night I dreamed of you, Johnny, my lover,
You'd the sun on one arm and the moon on the other,
The sea it was blue and the grass it was green,
Every star rattled a round tambourine;
Ten thousand miles deep in a pit there I lay:
But you frowned like thunder and you went away.

# ¿ Apr 21, 2014 19:37

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

�It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.�

�The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quite alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature. As longs as this exists, and it certainly always will, I know that then there will always be comfort for every sorrow, whatever the circumstances may be. And I firmly believe that nature brings solace in all troubles.

�Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.�

# ¿ Apr 21, 2014 19:47

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Total Meatlove posted:

He's their reserve coach and has a better trophy cabinet than most.

He's now the reserves coach? I thought he just coached the U-19s.

# ¿ Apr 21, 2014 22:24

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Giggs is the Van Wilder of Man-U.

# ¿ Apr 21, 2014 22:34

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

chuggo is BACK posted:

He definitely has lol

I wonder if Giggs will encourage all of his young players to get married early!!!

# ¿ Apr 21, 2014 22:39

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

irlZaphod posted:

I think Moyes just needed a bit more...Fergie time.

It's alright, they have Taff.

So the club's marketing head will melt down and resign and we find out some private benefactor has been holding the club aloft with massive donations out-of-pocket?

# ¿ Apr 21, 2014 22:46

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

tbp posted:

To be honest I do think Liverpool will win it but it's not as easy a stroll as some have suggested

I will not stop worrying until the end of the Newcastle game.

I wonder if the trophy will be in a helicopter floating around on the last day.

# ¿ Apr 21, 2014 23:18

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Did Moyes do a "it's not my fault, it's the players," speech like Hodgson and Dalglish both pulled? I hate it when managers do that.

# ¿ Apr 22, 2014 00:03

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

# ¿ Apr 22, 2014 13:48

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# ¿ Apr 29, 2024 01:29

Eric Cantonese: Dec 21, 2004; You should hear my accent.

http://www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/sport/football/premierleague/article4069309.ece

quote:

At the Manchester United training ground in recent months, some of the long-serving staff would come in and ask, with lips curled, �Are Everton in today?� It was a coded way of asking if the boss was in his office. David Moyes never did escape the disparaging label that he was an overpromoted Everton manager out of his depth from the day he walked, with trepidation, into Old Trafford.

�Are Everton in today?� It is an easy, sneering insult given that Moyes came from Goodison Park with ten staff, from assistants to scouts, analysts and soon added a �27 million midfielder.

[...]

Ferdinand was written off months ago but ended up not just in the starting XI but one of the first names on the teamsheet. Players such as Shinji Kagawa and Javier Hern�ndez were shunted in and out, not knowing if they were part of first-team plans or outcasts. Line-ups were frequently changed, confusing the players. Players used to Ferguson�s inspiring talks found that, as results dipped, their spirit was being sapped by Moyes�s dourness.

Moyes lost Robin van Persie a long time ago and other senior players also began to lose the faith. Nemanja Vidic did not even bother asking United to make a counter-offer to his deal at Inter Milan. He just wanted to get away. Ryan Giggs kept his distance as the regime unravelled. The news that Danny Welbeck was agitating for a move left no doubt that the dressing-room unrest was spiralling dangerously out of control.

Woodward, the vice-chairman, must have picked up the rising volume of dissent. There was no way that the Glazers could give Moyes another �200 million to spend this summer.

They could not risk fresh humiliations that have come one after another, like punches; an unwanted list of records which will be capped by the ultimate embarrassment if Liverpool win the title.

It was the wretched defeat away to Olympiacos in late February, and the rumblings of player discontent at that time, which convinced me that there was no way back.

This sacking has felt inevitable. Humiliation would only have deepened for everyone if Moyes had turned up to training, or headed off on more pointless scouting trips. He was in Porto last week, planning a summer overhaul but he must have known then that the job was slipping away from him. He never had much grip on it in the first place.

The job was too much for him. He will be back in management soon enough, hopefully rebuilding that reputation, but failure on this scale must leave deep scars.

Moyes�s coaching staff

Steve Round (assistant manager): A member of Steve McClaren�s coaching team at Middlesbrough and then England, had been Moyes�s assistant at Everton since 2008

Phil Neville (first-team coach): A member of United�s famous Class of �92 and Moyes�s longstanding captain at Everton. Still working through his coaching badges with some questioning whether the job came too soon

Jimmy Lumsden (coach): Moyes�s long-term mentor dating back to their time together at Preston North End. Has kept a low profile since pitching up at United

Chris Woods (goalkeeping coach): Former England goalkeeper is credited with improving De Gea�s handling from aerial balls

What a cesspool.

# ¿ Apr 22, 2014 15:18

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > Premier League's April Fools: David Moyes, Arsene Wenger, Jozy Altidore

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