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BARONS CYBER SKULL
Jun 19, 2004



Welcome to The New Games.txt 2, the 5th Gamers.txt thread.

A more free and open Games.txt where you can talk about the bad quotes people are posting

Here are the new rules:

ONE: Keep the Helldumpy stuff to a minimum. If you're going to quote some sperging goonlord, just leave it unattributed.

TWO: Put your quotes, in quotes. So people don't think it's you spewing this awful, retarded junk! We wouldn't want that would we?

THREE: Adam Bowen is hilarious and an idiot.




A free form poem called "Don't piss off a PC gamer", inspired by the following image:

quote:

Nice post fuckbucket, how does it feel to be a blithering thundercunt unable to realise that the people who buy high end PCs drive the tech that goes into your lovely consoles? Maybe you should take your loving diaper off and get the dick shaped pacifier out of you mouth before you post again. Twatmonger.


quote:

it's damaging to nintendo reputation and reputation is everything in japan im an expert trust me they will not tolerate gaijin failings



A MESSAGE FROM OUR OVERLORD WILL FOLLOW. HERE'S HIS PREVIOUS ONE IN CASE HE MISSES THE SECOND POST:

Kewpuh posted:

Couple things I want to point out before we get started. We're going to try this again without the example rule. I understand the point of that rule before because we had a problem with this thread and people getting into arguments over silly things and it generated a ton of reports we didn't want to see. While this worked, it also killed a lot of potential conversation because not everyone has time to go out and scour the internet for crazy poo poo people post about games. Killing the potential for conversation on a forum is obviously not a good thing so feel free to discuss the craziness, post and laugh, have a good time.

One very important thing though. Don't report people in this thread unless they are breaking very major rules like helldumping or NWS poo poo or spamming Goatse or whatever. If some dumbass slapfight happens, work it out. We're not holding your hands anymore and coming to the rescue because someone called you a homo because you said it was mean to point out that some guy cried about the ending to Metal Gear Solid 4. If you generate a bullshit report, I'm gonna post it here and you're gonna look like a loving crybaby.

Enjoy.

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ShadowMar
Mar 2, 2010

No need for bombs, when hate will do.


quote:

Thanks for the entertainment guys but I've got a date tonight and torn ACL or not I'm not going to miss it. I value women primarily for their physical attributes and the one I'm going out with tonight is extremely valuable by that measure. She'll probably have to do most of the work and receive only 77% of the payoff, but that's the world we live in and I'd like to keep it that way. 

I'm talking about sex btw, which I have and you don't, but feel free to picture my shirtless body running up and down the beach while you jack yourselves to sleep with tears tonight. 

Tracula
Mar 26, 2010

PLEASE LEAVE


I feel like starting this off right once again with some gamedev.txt and "bob's game" (that's how he puts it, no capital letters.) https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/bobsgame/bobs-game His ten year long saga of insanity has culminated in second kickstarter which, scarily enough, looks like it has a chance this time.

http://bobsgame.com/ His offical blog and at this point it's either one absolutely massive and insane troll or he's actually that nuts. Either way, he needs SERIOUS help.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob%27s_Game And a bit of backstory about him on Wikipedia.

DrManiac
Feb 29, 2012


I wonder if Adam Bowen will be dumb enough to post in the new thread.

BattleCake
Mar 12, 2012



DrManiac posted:

I wonder if Adam Bowen will be dumb enough to post in the new thread.

Search your heart. You know the answer.

Sobatchja Morda
Sep 21, 2009


DrManiac posted:

I wonder if Adam Bowen will be dumb enough to post in the new thread.

Not tonight he won't, he'll be running rolling down a beach with his hot and totally female date!

SunAndSpring
Dec 4, 2013

If you want to learn what you got for Christmas, go ask your mum.




Me and my gang IRL laughing at Adam Bowen.

Alain Post
Oct 7, 2007

unban longavs


Folks, it's been a hell of a thread. Let's look forward to the next 50 pages of sourcing your quotes. God bless.

OwlFancier
Aug 22, 2013
I had an obnoxious title. It's gone now. I should probably re-evaluate my life choices.

Tracula posted:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob%27s_Game And a bit of backstory about him on Wikipedia.

The funniest part is the 'see also' section which links only to Derek Smart.

ShadowMar
Mar 2, 2010

No need for bombs, when hate will do.




This is a really obvious joke post (I hope) but I'm laughing nonetheless.

Doc Neutral
Jan 31, 2014


Fag Boy Jim posted:

Folks, it's been a hell of a thread. Let's look forward to the next 50 pages of sourcing your quotes. God bless.

Don't you mean Bowen bless, peace and blessings upon him.


Tracula posted:

I feel like starting this off right once again with some gamedev.txt and "bob's game" (that's how he puts it, no capital letters.) https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/bobsgame/bobs-game His ten year long saga of insanity has culminated in second kickstarter which, scarily enough, looks like it has a chance this time.

http://bobsgame.com/ His offical blog and at this point it's either one absolutely massive and insane troll or he's actually that nuts. Either way, he needs SERIOUS help.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob%27s_Game And a bit of backstory about him on Wikipedia.

Now that's just sad, laughing at sperglords is one thing but this guy seems to have some serious loving issues and he needs help ASAP, or maybe he's some massive troll(I'd hope so but I doubt it).

Suspicious Dish
Sep 24, 2011



Gaming Journalism.txt



(http://kotaku.com/dragon-ball-z-cha...nked-1567178386)

Penakoto
Aug 21, 2013




Patriciahernadez.txt.

Between her "I write really bad and dumb articles that rarely have to do with videogames" and Ben Kuchera's "I have a lot of really terrible opinions about videogames," it's hard to pick who's a worse gaming journalist.

I'd throw in Adam "Crybaby has-been" Sessler as a contender, but he very recently rage-quit the industry, for real this time.

SpazmasterX
Jul 13, 2006

Wrong about everything XIV related
~fartz~


Penakoto posted:

I'd throw in Adam "Crybaby has-been" Sessler as a contender, but he very recently rage-quit the industry, for real this time.

I'd ragequit too if I suddenly found myself in an industry where credibility is a fireable offense.

ShadowMar
Mar 2, 2010

No need for bombs, when hate will do.


Penakoto posted:

Patriciahernadez.txt.

Between her "I write really bad and dumb articles that rarely have to do with videogames" and Ben Kuchera's "I have a lot of really terrible opinions about videogames," it's hard to pick who's a worse gaming journalist.

I'd throw in Adam "Crybaby has-been" Sessler as a contender, but he very recently rage-quit the industry, for real this time.

Brian "Stop Censoring My Anime surprise sex Games" Ashcraft.

http://kotaku.com/5506016/why-is-cn...g-about-rapelay

Tracula
Mar 26, 2010

PLEASE LEAVE


SpazmasterX posted:

I'd ragequit too if I suddenly found myself in an industry where credibility is a fireable offense.

Yeah, Sessler seems like a pretty decent guy to me and he's been doing this poo poo for what, 20 years? I'd have blown my brains out after two probably.

FilthyImp
Sep 30, 2002


Penakoto posted:

I'd throw in Adam "Crybaby has-been" Sessler as a contender, but he very recently rage-quit the industry, for real this time.
Sessler became a nerdrage singularity when he didn't get a devkit PS4 or whatever.

You know, that time his wife had to jump on his Twitter to say "can't we all just get along?!" Or was it more "oh god, internet. You're KILLING him. Why won't you stop?!?"

FilthyImp fucked around with this message at Apr 25, 2014 around 03:12

Pomp
Oct 9, 2012

I'll suck you dry.

Jesus christ, you used to be alright Adam. What happened?

edit: I mean Sessler.

Suspicious Dish
Sep 24, 2011



Uh oh, do I sense a story here?

Adam Bowen
Jan 6, 2003

Get them to play Mario Kart and notice that they will pick one of the princesses every single time.


So there was this project called Misandry in video games, meant as a response to Sarkeesian and her documentary obviously. There's an article about it at http://www.gamefront.com/misandry-i...row-the-f-k-up/

The comments are about what you'd expect.


quote:

Anonymous

On June 15, 2012 at 3:13 pm

Why does society expect males just to “grow up?” Are they not allowed to feel offended too?

quote:

Anon

On June 15, 2012 at 3:05 pm

Why is it when Woman complain about how they are potrayed its some noble cause and when Men do the same exact thing they are whiny children?

quote:

Cis Straigh Middle Class Heterosexual White Male

On June 15, 2012 at 3:21 pm

Yeah, because women’s social problems are more prominent than men’s, they’re the only problems that should be focused on! Men shouldn’t have anything to complain about! Just like how since women in America have it better than women in Saudi Arabia, the misogyny there is the only misogyny that matters!

quote:

xxXSephiWRAth420Xxx[CopKilla4lyfe]

On June 15, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Huh. Did not know about this, but I actually clapped out loud when I read this. I’m glad someone is taking a stand against the way men are portrayed in video games. I’ll throw some dosh their way.


And so on. They are mostly anonymous cowards, but Cis Straigh Middle Class Heterosexual White Male and xxXSephiWRAth420Xxx[CopKilla4lyfe] are true heroes who are willing to put their usernames on the line and say "Enough!" to the rampant misandry in the gaming industry.


I'm quoting this because of the term "man battery"

quote:

Jim Murrling

On June 15, 2012 at 3:53 pm

“Hahaha! With this, I will surely get approving nods from all of those feminist women I hang out with! Come to me, delicious female attention, feed my man battery!”

-Jim Sterling


quote:

Oliver

On June 15, 2012 at 3:46 pm

I think you meant man the up. Thats right your a man so shut up and serve women and if they want it you give it to them you disgusting misogynist.

I have no loving clue which side Oliver is on. I think he's suggesting that males be used as sexual slaves?

Adam Bowen fucked around with this message at Apr 25, 2014 around 04:01

Hashy
Nov 20, 2005


like everyone that send gamers into blind frothing rages for having good opinions, adam sessler rules

Adam Bowen
Jan 6, 2003

Get them to play Mario Kart and notice that they will pick one of the princesses every single time.


quote:

Equality.

On June 15, 2012 at 4:51 pm

How are the women the minority if they have $144,000 and the men have $1000? Maybe you should step back and look at the situation.

There is no one in this world more oppressed than white males. Just think about that for a second. EVERYONE on this planet is considered a minority, a victim. Someone who has been wronged and is owed something. From who? Whites, or men.

Growing up as a white male my entire life all of my teachers, the media, movies have all told me the same thing. I’m a horrible person, I hurt everyone and everything, I have nothing to be proud of and everything to be ashamed of. When I’ve been wronged because of the color of my skin, or the in my pants I am laughed at. Nobody gives a , Because I am not entitled to sympathy, as women and minorities are.

I have no special privilege. I did not come into this world with a $1,000,000 savings account. I received no special treatment. THERE IS NO WHITE PRIVILEGE. THERE IS NO MALE PRIVILEGE.

All issues and offenses should be looked into equally and not rejected because of bias.
Liberal male reporting in btw.

Gamers.txt V: There is no one in this world more oppressed than white males

or

Gamers.txt V: or the in my pants I am laughed at

Pomp
Oct 9, 2012

I'll suck you dry.

quote:

I have no loving clue which said Oliver is on. I think he's suggesting that males be used as sexual slaves?

Don't kinkshame

roboblart
Sep 10, 2012


Pomp posted:

Jesus christ, you used to be alright Adam. What happened?

edit: I mean Sessler.

The Adam Sessler you know and love was captured and replaced with a shapeshifting reptilian whose sole purpose is to promote an agenda on the internet. Find out more on tonight's episode of Conspiracy Theory with Jesse Ventura.

Lizard Wizard
Dec 25, 2004

SEASON'S EATINGS

But seriously, what happened to Adam Sessler? Some of us aren't already up to date, y'know.

Smarmy Coworker
May 10, 2008

by XyloJW


Penakoto posted:

I'd throw in Adam "Crybaby has-been" Sessler as a contender, but he very recently rage-quit the industry, for real this time.

sessler is good sorry

Smarmy Coworker
May 10, 2008

by XyloJW


Lizard Wizard posted:

But seriously, what happened to Adam Sessler? Some of us aren't already up to date, y'know.

cocaine addiction did him in

FilthyImp
Sep 30, 2002


Lizard Wizard posted:

But seriously, what happened to Adam Sessler? Some of us aren't already up to date, y'know.

http://m.neogaf.com/showthread.php?t=704845&page=1

Either he freaked hard because the PS4 was limiting capture cards ( keeping Rev4, his employer at the time, wondering how they were gonna cap games footage), or he flipped his lid because he wasn't invited to some press event OR he really really wanted a devkit console which would let him run unsigned code, keeping him knee-deep in sweet Japansu imports.

Whatever the reason, the meltdown was utterly amazing.

Underwhelmed
Mar 7, 2004



FilthyImp posted:

http://m.neogaf.com/showthread.php?t=704845&page=1

Either he freaked hard because the PS4 was limiting capture cards ( keeping Rev4, his employer at the time, wondering how they were gonna cap games footage), or he flipped his lid because he wasn't invited to some press event OR he really really wanted a devkit console which would let him run unsigned code, keeping him knee-deep in sweet Japansu imports.

Whatever the reason, the meltdown was utterly amazing.

I didn't follow it from start to finish at the time because the only thing more pointless than games journalism is journalism about games journalism, but the crux of the issue seemed to be that no dev kits and or early copies were being provided for some reviewers/journalists, Thus leaving them with only promotional materials and controlled press events if they wanted to cover said game before launch.

Maybe someone else knows more about it.

Mr. Maltose
Feb 16, 2011

If you ever need the Defenders drawn as ponies or the cast of Doctor Who, I know where to hook you up.

Please don't want those things.


Underwhelmed posted:

I didn't follow it from start to finish at the time because the only thing more pointless than games journalism is journalism about games journalism, but the crux of the issue seemed to be that no dev kits and or early copies were being provided for reviewers/journalists, Thus leaving them with only promotional materials and controlled press events if they wanted to cover said game before launch.

Maybe someone else knows more about it.

That would be something that would set Adam Sessler afire, alright.

Broseph Brostar
Jan 1, 2009

OH MY GOD!


Which female PS3 video game character would make the most ideal wife?

OP posted:

Please consider that
You'll be married to her the rest of your life.
She'll be raising or help raise your children.
She'll be meeting your parents and you'll be meeting hers.
She'll be meeting your circle of friends and you'll be meeting hers.
She'll be working at the job she has in the video game.
Her hobbies, clothing style, and mannerisms will be the ones she has in the video game.

quote:

Does it have to be PS3 exclusive? If not, Lara Croft from Tomb Raider.

1. I don't mind being married to her for the rest of my life.
2. I'm not having children. Either she is getting her tubes tied, or I am getting a vasectomy.
3. Well, her parents are dead, so I lucked out there. I doubt she will have a problem with my own.
4. My circle of friends is very limited. Not much to meet. And her circle of friends are either dead or she is no longer in contact with them.
5. Cool. She can be an archeologist all she wants.
6. Also cool. Don't mind her mannerisms, clothing and hobbies one bit.

quote:

I love these so much just for the sake of entertainment! XD

Anyways, since Tales Of Symphonia Chronicles came out recently for PS3, Colette Brunel is the best wife.
No buts, no doubts, no exceptions.

BUT, I ship her so much with Lloyd that I wouldn't marry her (if her friends are real then Lloyd is real by that logic).

Other than her, that's a good question.

I'm going to think about that for a bit.

eh, these aren't too creepy for gamefaqs

quote:

Ellie from The Last of Us. Once she grows up a bit more.

1. Her parents are dead. Thank god, because I wish my real-life in-laws were.

2. She's drat smart and witty for her age, and I admire that.

3. She's got that **** off attitude, and has guts.

4. I see her maturing a lot, and becoming a drat good mother to make up for the lack of having one growing up.

5. She has no friends, so dodged another bullet.

Feel free to flame, or say "ew" or "ugh" or whatever. I don't really give a rat's rear end


quote:

Guys guys guys,

Most of these suggestions are not realistic. Take Bayonetta for example, she has guns on her heels, there is noway in hell she's walking around in public like that. c'mon people (unless she's in Texas or something) And with demon angels and what not after her, I'm sure you wouldn't want to be caught in the middle of that.
Seriously guys, where are all the realistic waifus from video games?

Liquid Penguins
Feb 18, 2006

sproink~


I would marry kevin butler. I'm kinda shy and he seems like he could get poo poo done. He also seems fairly outgoing. Too bad gay marriage is illegal

Tracula
Mar 26, 2010

PLEASE LEAVE


Surprised I've not heard more about Gamejamgate 2014 (gamegate? Jamgate?). tl;dr of the situation is that the corporate marketing overlords were trying to force ~drama~ and you literally were not allowed to drink anything besides Dew on camera as well. Oh and of course a good dose of sexism because it wouldn't be vidja gamz without it.

http://www.eurogamer.net/articles/2...t-up-with-its-s

Edit: And here's a loving pretentious and hilariously over-written account of what happened:
http://indiestatik.com/2014/03/31/m...nsive-game-jam/

Tracula fucked around with this message at Apr 25, 2014 around 05:43

Chaltab
Feb 16, 2011

So shocked someone got me an avatar!


Broseph Brostar posted:

Seriously guys, where are all the realistic waifus from video games?

quote:

Tali from Mass Effect. Yeah, sure, she's not human, but she was a sweety.

All time though, I'd have to go with Tifa from FF7. Big heart, big in character, big boobs, big everything!
I definitely read that 'sweaty' at first. Thanks a lot, Thunderattacks.

quote:

Ellie of course.

No, there isn't actually a concrete age rule for marriage where I live. Why do you ask?

RottenK
Feb 17, 2011


Adam Bowen posted:

Misandry in video games, meant as a response to Sarkeesian and her documentary obviously.?

My favorite thing about Tropes vs Men (I think that's the "official" name of that project) is that it was a scam.

BattleCake
Mar 12, 2012



RottenK posted:

My favorite thing about Tropes vs Men (I think that's the "official" name of that project) is that it was a scam.


Don't forget that critics of Tropes vs Women often claim that it's a huge money making scam, despite the fact that she has so far released 4 videos of at least 20 minutes each. Admittedly her release schedule is pretty slow (possibly she's working on releasing several at once or there's something else causing delays, I have no idea) but at least she has something to show for it.

Mordaedil
Oct 25, 2007

Yup, that's a skjold all right.

They also seem to think her increased budget mans she ought to produce videos at a faster pace somehow. I do agree that she ought to aquire her own game footage with that budget though, it's not really in her favor to reuse footage of other peoples let's plays and stuff to make her argument.

BattleCake
Mar 12, 2012



Mordaedil posted:

They also seem to think her increased budget mans she ought to produce videos at a faster pace somehow. I do agree that she ought to aquire her own game footage with that budget though, it's not really in her favor to reuse footage of other peoples let's plays and stuff to make her argument.

Considering how much she planned to increase the scope of the project, if anything it would take her longer to create each video.

I do have to agree with the footage thing though, seems a bit weird that she wouldn't just record her own video.

YourHeadaSplode414
Oct 4, 2013



Broseph Brostar posted:

Seriously guys, where are all the realistic waifus from video games?

quote:

Neptune by far. I would only ask her to use her Purple Heart form if I need her to bail me out of trouble, because I like her personality and appearance much much more in her normal state.

quote:

quote:

Way to copy me
Yeah, but you actually said one of the reasons you like her is that she has two bodies. I would prefer it if Neptune never transformed, so that at least makes us different.

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Mordaedil
Oct 25, 2007

Yup, that's a skjold all right.


I'm fairly certain this series even make fun of people like this.

 
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