Donald Sterling: Literal Owner Of Literal Slaves On A Literal Plantation

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > Donald Sterling: Literal Owner Of Literal Slaves On A Literal Plantation

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Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

Oops! I don't read well

Crazy Ted fucked around with this message at 00:29 on Apr 28, 2014

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 00:26

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 20:32

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

LARGE THE HEAD posted:

That's like getting Richard Pryor to speak out about women's rights.

Seeing how long he's been dead I would be highly impressed if this happened.

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 00:29

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

Here's how the investigation turns out:

STERLING: I call everybody. Every secretary is honey. I'm a flowery man. If you are having sex with a woman you are paying for, you always call her honey because you can't remember her name.

STERLING: When a girl seduces me and tells me all of these hot stories and dirty things and tells me how much she wants to suck on me and takes my shoes off and licks my feet and touches me. When I'm in a limousine and she takes [off] all her clothes. The limo driver said, "What is going on?" And she started sucking me on the way to Mr. Koon's house. And I thank her. I thank her for making me feel good.

SILVER: Sir, the question was "Is this your voice on the recording?"

STERLING: And she said, "Boy, you are going to have the best time that you ever had in your life. And then she just walked over to the bed. She lied there. Spread her legs out. And it was the most incredible sight. It was exciting, and it was stimulating.

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 04:48

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

chunkles posted:

Doc Rivers should quit his job in protest and come coach the Rockets. For, yknow, civil rights and poo poo.

Doc Rivers is the last person who should have acted shocked that Donald Sterling is a racist. He played for Sterling 20 years ago when Sterling basically treated Elgin Baylor like a house servant and injected himself into the basketball decisions more often. Hell it was known back then that Sterling was an unreconstructed bigot.

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 06:57

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

I don't know if you can really criticize the players on the Clippers too much for the black socks and inside-out warmups thing, because they probably felt like they had to do something, or else idiots were going to look at them as somehow being implicitly not offended by what Donald Sterling said in those recordings. At the same time, they likely knew that a boycott wasn't going to happen once they spoke with Doc Rivers, Kevin Johnson et. al and realized that NBA HQ has no choice but to conduct a formal investigation before deciding on any punishment for Sterling.

The other teams wearing black socks in "solidarity"? Yes this is dumb.

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 13:56

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

AsInHowe posted:

Fox Sports Live is airing the Sterling tapes, with the transcript appearing over a changing mix of photos showing Donald Sterling with black people.

Next they should do dramatic readings of Donald Sterling Sexytime Court Drama.

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 14:37

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

Adrian Wojnarowszczshefowski has a new article out this morning claiming that the ever-nebulous "inside sources" have told him that Magic Johnson and his partners with the Dodgers want to give the Adam Silver an out in this situation by giving Donald Sterling the chance to sell the team to them before the league has to do ugly things.

That is one hell of an impressive way to try to take advantage of a bad situation.

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 15:14

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

Lockback posted:

Am I mistaken, or wasn't there something about not owning two professional teams in the same market in either the MLB or the NBA charter. I thought Magic had to sell his Laker share due to that....

It's a thing in the NFL charter. The sale of Magic's Lakers share is probably more connected to the fact that he's wanted to own an NBA team for years.

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 15:19

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

Doltos posted:

Ah yes the classic storytale ending of where the evil team owner is paid a billion dollars

Could be worse: Frank McCourt got two billion dollars!

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 15:34

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

AsInHowe posted:

They should, it'd be hilarious.

Think we could get Bob Barker to play the part of Sterling?

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 15:40

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

And of course, Donald Trump just gave an interview in which he thinks Sterling was set up.

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 15:42

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

Lockback posted:

I get the impression Sterling just does not give a gently caress, so I wonder what kind of leverage they can put under him. This guy seems to only care about what his circle thinks, and they don't seem to be too put off by allegations of racism.

Threaten to poke out his eyes so he can no longer see those beautiful black bodies.

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 15:44

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

Declan MacManus posted:

If I was a rich dude who was also a racist I would not trust my minority girlfriend to not be recording me

She was half not black though so she was okay.

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 15:58

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

mynameisjohn posted:

ah yes I'm sure that arbitrarily fining someone a billion loving dollars would stand up in the court of law. this is a great idea.

It should be noted that Sterling sued David Stern (shortly after he became commissioner) to get out of $25 million in relocation fines for moving the Clippers from San Diego to Los Angeles, and the league blinked.

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 17:22

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

sportsgenius86 posted:

Fine him $2 million and use the money to start a scholarship endowment for black students. Knowing that his money is forever funding their education is the best revenge for that piece of poo poo.

You type this up like he's going to care. The league's main objective at this point is going to be to make him go away; they don't care how.

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 17:25

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

mynameisjohn posted:

Baron talks about playing under Sterling

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dt45cHbudv4

e: haha libertarians are spinning this saga into saying that "the market corrects for bigotry" because the Clippers are losing sponsors.

STERLING: I call everybody. Every secretary is honey. I'm a flowery man. If you are having sex with a woman you are paying for, you always call her honey because you can't remember her name.

STERLING: When a girl seduces me and tells me all of these hot stories and dirty things and tells me how much she wants to suck on me and takes my shoes off and licks my feet and touches me. When I'm in a limousine and she takes [off] all her clothes. The limo driver said, "What is going on?" And she started sucking me on the way to Mr. Koon's house. And I thank her. I thank her for making me feel good.

ADAM SMITH: Sir, the question was "Do you understand that your open bigotry is causing the Invisible Hand of the Free Market to move money away from your professional basketballing organization?"

STERLING: And she said, "Boy, you are going to have the best time that you ever had in your life. And then she just walked over to the bed. She lied there. Spread her legs out. And it was the most incredible sight. It was exciting, and it was stimulating.

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 17:52

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

soggybagel posted:

Pretty sure he can retreat in to his house and never talk to anyone again if he wanted. He's got the money.

Or, judging by his court testimony, he'll just retreat to his house and throw the greatest drug-fueled orgies since Caligula.

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 18:00

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

Rocks posted:

They're gonna make an announcement tomorrow, whatever that means

It means they're gonna make an announcement you big dummy!

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 18:08

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

AsInHowe posted:

http://www.sbnation.com/nba/2014/4/28/5660950/donald-sterling-girlfriend-recordings

Donald Sterling's ex-girlfriend reportedly has more than 100 hours of recordings

Keep leaking those recordings out, "V. Stiviano"!

It's Christmas in April!

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 18:41

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

The Asian Oprah posted:

Since we're on to classic tragedies of dysfunctional power families, has it been brought up that Donald Sterling's son 32 year old son (who was apparently a half-way decent kid aside from shooting someone in the back when he was 17ish) died alone in an expensive condo of a drug overdose a lil over year ago? It's almost completely irrelevant except insofar as Donald Sterling is a terrible person in almost every facet of his life including parenting.

http://deadspin.com/5972561/in-1988-donald-sterling-allegedly-told-his-son-to-get-naked-in-front-of-an-agent-then-spanked-him

I don't ever want this story or this thread to end.

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 18:46

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

Marketing New Brain posted:

I'm actually a little surprised the players aren't just sitting out until Sterling is removed from any relevant position (I'm aware it will take longer than that to force him to sell).

Because they already talked about this with Coach Rivers and Kevin Johnson and quickly decided it was a no-go? NBA players don't compete in the playoffs for the honor of the team owner, and none of these guys wanted to throw away the chance at a dream they've been working toward since they were small children because their owner was a cock; they decided they're in it for themselves.

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 20:04

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

Tombstone posted:

Except for the All-Star game clips, he is always wearing a red jacket that only says Griffin on it. I could see them not using clips of him in a Clippers uniform, but they aren't going to drop the players themselves from contracts.

They will be digitally altered so he's playing for the CLAPPERS

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 20:06

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

Doltos posted:

It's times like this that I wish my owner was a terrible racist and also recorded himself frequently

Become a fan of an Eastern European soccer team.

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 20:13

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

Declan MacManus posted:

Dolan records himself plenty, have you not seen the CDs available in the shop at MSG

Okay now dub the Donald Sterling audio recordings over that smooth James Dolan jazz and you've got a winner.

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 20:14

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

AsInHowe posted:

I think we've got the backing track to Donald Sterling's Adult Storytime. Someone alert Olbermann.

Before I was thinking you could get Bob Barker to do voice work on those court transcripts. I'll regroup and say that I'll bet just about anything that you could get William Shatner to do it.

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 20:18

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

The Asian Oprah posted:

It's a confused way of stating it but I figure "it's bullshit that this bullshit wasn't a big deal already" is probably a legitimate way to feel.

But it's Kareem so you know he had to write it like an autist.

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 20:26

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

The Asian Oprah posted:

Bet he wishes he'd practiced public speaking instead of that lame ol' skyhook

Dude so weird he had to change his name to feel comfortable in his own skin

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 20:37

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

Declan MacManus posted:

gook

Now who's the racist in here?

# ¿ Apr 28, 2014 20:50

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

Niwrad posted:

How has no one posted this today? The woman who is releasing the tapes.

I think I've seen this look on the runway in Paris during Fashion Week.

# ¿ Apr 29, 2014 05:49

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

Ever wonder what Ron World Peace has to say about the situation? Well here you go:

quote:

NBA player Metta World Peace weighed in on the Donald Sterling outcry on Fox News Monday, telling Greta Van Susteren that he believes racism is a �mental health issue� and Sterling can be �healed,� so he should seek treatment and get help immediately.

World Peace argued that the Clippers should just proceed as normal and �go out and win the championship� instead of grinding things to a halt until Sterling goes. He advised that no one should be going after Sterling�s hate with more hate.

World Peace said, �Just let him go get help and, you know, become un-racist.� Van Susteren asked, �You think he can heal his way out of racism?� World Peace responed, �Anybody can heal themselves if they really want to.�

He also disagreed with calls to boycott the Clippers because of what Sterling said, professing that he will continue to support the team during this �very uncomfortable situation.�

# ¿ Apr 29, 2014 05:57

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

Mornacale posted:

Hey, Metta, maybe anybody can heal themselves if they really want to but I have some bad news for you.

Also it's more likely if they're younger than 81.

# ¿ Apr 29, 2014 06:07

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

Kenny Smith things that the government can take away your business if you are a racist. Kenny Smith is dumb. The government can fine the poo poo out of you, but they cannot take away your business.

The NBA's Sterlingapalooza press conference is tomorrow at 2:00 PM EST.

# ¿ Apr 29, 2014 06:32

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

Adam Silver is a cold-rear end motherfucker who will cut a bitch and then look at you with his nerdy gaze

# ¿ Apr 29, 2014 19:20

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

Doltos posted:

This is how it starts, when a boy becomes a man. But unchecked, that man can become a tyrant, and the whole world will cry.

And Adam Silver's dong grew three inches that day.

# ¿ Apr 29, 2014 19:22

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

*Adam Silver walks into meeting with Donald Sterling and his lawyer*

STERLING - HELLO I ADAM SILVER AND I AM AT THIS CONFLAGRATION TO ASK YOU ONE QUESTION: ARE YOU FEELING LUCKY?

*Silver's ears wiggle and his pocket protector lights up*

STERLING - So she said, "Boy, you are going to have the best time that you ever had in your life. And then she just walked over to the bed. She lied there. Spread her legs out. And it was the most incredible sight. It was exciting, and it was stimulating

# ¿ Apr 29, 2014 19:26

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

keevo posted:

What does the lifetime ban mean?

He is banned. For life. From drinking Pepsi.

# ¿ Apr 29, 2014 19:28

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

Dexo posted:

Hahaha His voice started breaking again.

Conflict makes Adam Silver horny.

# ¿ Apr 29, 2014 19:29

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

AsInHowe posted:

@MagicJohnson 26s
Commissioner Silver showed great leadership in banning LA Clippers owner Donald Sterling for life.

Now sell me the team!!!

# ¿ Apr 29, 2014 19:30

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

Tatum Girlparts posted:

"Ok guys apparently we need a rule, don't be cartoonishly racist?"

"Clarification: can we still have coke-fueled orgies, or did Sterling ruin that too?"

# ¿ Apr 29, 2014 19:31

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# ¿ Apr 28, 2024 20:32

Crazy Ted: Jul 29, 2003

Watch it turns out Magic and the Guggenheim Partners paid Viviano to make the recordings and then put them out in public.

Magic Johnson: the Master of Puppets

# ¿ Apr 29, 2014 19:42

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > Donald Sterling: Literal Owner Of Literal Slaves On A Literal Plantation

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