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Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.


THE PRESHOW STARTS AT 7:30 EST AND IS EXCLUSIVELY ON THE WWE NETWORK

SHOULD YOU WATCH THIS SHOW?



I think so! But others may disagree and think it’s a step down from WrestleMania. It is, but after that show, pretty much anything would be. On the Daniel Bryan Danielson Bryan scale, this event gets a lot of people chanting YES! but some people aren’t as enthusiastic.



Welcome to Extreme Rules, the one night where WWE goes extreme*! The fifth iteration of Extreme Rules is taking place in the IZOD Center, birthplace of Fandangoing and chanting random people’s names when things get boring. There are currently seven matches scheduled for the main card, with one BIG match scheduled for the preshow.

*doesn’t count TLC



THIS MATCH STARTS AT 7:30 EST. IT IS ONLY ON THE WWE NETWORK AND NOT ON YOUTUBE, YAHOO, ETC

Since turning heel earlier this month, Hornswoggle has found renewed life in 3.5MB and a massive rival in anthropomorphic bull El Torito. El Torito came up huge in the first match they had together, and Hornswoggle scaled the mountain to defeat Torito in their second match. Now they’ll have a rubber match to determine who the bigger man is in the first ever WeeLC match, a miniaturized version of at TLC match. Who will come out on top in the battle between these two titans?



The only question in this match will be will Rusev Camel Clutch one or both of these men? RIP Team Pacman, we hardly knew ye.



After defeating 13 other women at WrestleMania, AJ Lee got cocky when she put up her longest-reigning Diva’s Championship reign the next night on Raw against the debuting Paige. Even though Paige was intimidated and scared of the bright lights, she hit AJ with a Paige turner and picked up the win for a championship on her very first night. AJ went away to the CM Punk-Approved Sabbatical Zone and let her bodyguard Tamina pick up the slack in her stead. So this PPV match is sadly not Paige vs. AJ but instead Paige vs. a lady who can’t do a splash correctly.



At WrestleMania, the Real Americans exploded! After losing the preshow Tag Team Championship match, Swagger and Cesaro fought, with Swagger getting swung for good measure. Only about an hour later, Cesaro cemented his status by winning the very first Andre the Giant Battle Royale, bodyslamming the Big Show over the top rope in a WrestleMania 3 homage. The next night, Cesaro told Zeb Colter that he wasn’t a Colter guy, but instead the newest Paul Heyman guy. Cesaro and Swagger continued to have their issues, and RVD got involved when he beat Cesaro in the Intercontinental Championship Tournament and told Cesaro that he's worse off by having Heyman as a manager since he won't be paid on time. This is an elimination match, meaning that Jack Swagger will lose first and it will be funny.



I’ve got some bad news for you. Wade Barrett is going to win the Intercontinental Championship and accordingly booked like poo poo. Congrats, Bad News!



He’s got the whole world in his hands… he’s got the whole wide world in his hands… and how he’s got the little bitty babies in his hands. Since losing to John Cena at WrestleMania, Bray Wyatt has now taken over the WWE Universe and he kidnapped an entire children’s choir so that they could sing to John Cena. Cena has responded in kind by photoshopping members of the Wyatt Family’s heads onto babies and old ladies and also moping about how the WWE Universe has turned on him. This match will take place inside a steel cage, and unfortunately it will not be surrounded by small children in sheep masks. Can you imagine how great it would be if that actually happened, though?



Two years ago, Daniel Bryan ran afoul of Kane while feuding with CM Punk. They had a one-on-one match at SummerSlam, and the month after, went into anger management and formed a friendship-based tag team that had one of the longest WWE Tag Team Championships in history. Eventually, they parted ways amicably, as Bryan went onto bigger and better things and the WWE Championship and Kane took off his mask in favor of a suit as social media went wild for the #BringBackKanesMask campaign. Those people got their wish this month, as Kane put back on the mask and “reawakened the monster” (like a dick) and attacked his former best friend after he finally conquered the Authority and beat all three members of Evolution en route to the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. A newly remasked Kane Tombstone Piledrove Bryan three times, on the floor, on the steel steps, and on a table, putting Bryan on a stretcher and in a neck brace. He also tried to drag both Bryan and his wife Brie Bella to Hell, through the ring, and while he was unsuccessful, the message was clear: Kane’s an rear end in a top hat again. In this battle of Team Hell No, who will come out on top?



Hell yeah, here’s the good poo poo right here. In their first year and a half in WWE, The Shield has consistently been the best part of the show, having great six-man tags all the time and being great characters. Over the last few months, they’ve had their troubles within themselves, infighting and looking like there was a split in the near future, but they got past that because they’re awesome. They’ve recently had their issues with the Authority after being their loyal bodyguards for several months. They destroyed Kane and the New Age Outlaws in roughly three minutes at WrestleMania, and eventually moved onto way bigger fish as the great faction Evolution reformed to first take out Daniel Bryan, a task in which they failed. Now they’ve come to take out the Shield so they can get back to burying Daniel Bryan six feet deep. This match will be good as hell, and it’s anyone’s guess as to who will win the match. But it’ll be a good one, that’s for sure.

----
Be sure to make your picks in the WH2KPSP Prediction Game! You’ll lose. You can also make your picks on Fourdown as well!

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NickRoweFillea
Sep 27, 2012

please watch NJPW and avoid stupid shit like Willow

jhon census

BigRed0427
Mar 22, 2007

Remember to believe in magic...or I'll kill you.


Why does Barret need the cape that makes him look like a villain on Xena?

TL
Jan 16, 2006

Yeah, it is. Isn't it?

Bowties are cool.

Guys, I'm going to Extreme Rules tonight. I can't wait. Wrestling is awesome.

Thauros
Jan 29, 2003

KONNICHIWA NIHONJIN!!!


Only thing I really care about is the main event, but that match should rule.

Edit: Well, tbf I'd also like to see Cesaro continue to be booked respectably and elimination matches are usually cool.

Thauros fucked around with this message at May 4, 2014 around 18:15

Asmodai_00
Nov 26, 2007



BigRed0427 posted:

Why does Barret need the cape that makes him look like a villain on Xena?

because it owns

TL
Jan 16, 2006

Yeah, it is. Isn't it?

Bowties are cool.

Asmodai_00 posted:

because it owns

It does, but the black coat with the rose in the lapel was baller as hell and much cooler IMO.

sunsweet
Nov 13, 2012

That's right, big man, two can play the sass game!


Don't forget that the results were leaked days ago, on noted credible source Wikipedia:

Asmodai_00
Nov 26, 2007



Bullshit, Rusev is not winning.

Ktik
Jul 10, 2004



Asmodai_00 posted:

Bullshit, Rusev is not winning.

Of course he is! He's main eventing, he has to win!

Asmodai_00
Nov 26, 2007



Ktik posted:

Of course he is! He's main eventing, he has to win!

You're wrong, this is the start of the Xavier Woods push.

KitsonGT
Oct 5, 2004

Remember: if the balloon pops, the noise makes the angels cry.


sunsweet posted:

Don't forget that the results were leaked days ago, on noted credible source Wikipedia:



But what about the WeeLC Match?!?

oatgan
Jan 15, 2009

Then
Now
Forever


this card is weak

Chinston Wurchill
Jun 27, 2010

It's not that kind of test.

I think the show looks decent, but that's offset by only paying $10 (plus $5) for it, along with all the other stuff I watch on the Network. They're running an Extreme Rules-a-thon on the Network and I just caught 2011 and 2012. Forgot how awesome that Lesnar/Cena match was until the unfortunate ending.

NickRoweFillea
Sep 27, 2012

please watch NJPW and avoid stupid shit like Willow

oatgan posted:

this card is weak

this is true, but because the Network i will still be watching

achillesforever6
Apr 23, 2012

Everyone talks about how awesome Achilles is, but did he ever made the god of war his bitch?


Sadly Diomedesforever6 just doesn't ring as well as Achillesforever6

oatgan posted:

this card is weak
I hope the DolphinFan who spoils the card gets burned again even though card is pretty predictable

Chinston Wurchill
Jun 27, 2010

It's not that kind of test.

So do will we know what will have to be retrieved from the ceiling for the WeeLC match?

Is it their dignity?

oatgan
Jan 15, 2009

Then
Now
Forever


NickRoweFillea posted:

this is true, but because the Network i will still be watching

yeah that's the only reason I'm tuning in tonight

achillesforever6 posted:

I hope the DolphinFan who spoils the card gets burned again even though card is pretty predictable

his twitter meltdown was the real best part about wrestlemania

cheesetriangles
Jan 5, 2011



WeeLC match is the true main event.

NickRoweFillea
Sep 27, 2012

please watch NJPW and avoid stupid shit like Willow

cheesetriangles posted:

WeeLC match is the true main event.

Sincerely hope they let Mascarita Dorada high fly

NickRoweFillea
Sep 27, 2012

please watch NJPW and avoid stupid shit like Willow

http://i.4cdn.org/f/JOHNCENA.swf

Please turn your speakers down and watch this because this is what happens when Cena wins tonight

Dimebags Brain
Feb 18, 2013


So I compltely missed Evolution when they did it the first time so I'm hoping that this match goes exactly the same as Wrestlemania and the team that has two part timers and a dude who has been around forever get squashed in three minutes by the cool new dudes.

Cabbit
Jul 19, 2001

Shines like Gold.


NickRoweFillea posted:

this is true, but because the Network i will still be watching

Completely unrelated to this PPV (which is gonna own), is TNA really dragging Jeff's Willow the Wisp gimmick out of mothballs?

cheesetriangles
Jan 5, 2011



Extreme Rules 2012 was really bad.

Mr. Carlisle
Jul 14, 2007



oatgan posted:

this card is weak

Aren't the ones that look weak on paper usually the ones that turn out alright and vice versa

also I think I just used the phrase vice versa for the first time and now I'm old

TheEggsBenedict
Jan 4, 2013

Then i hears a rumbles and roman jizzed all over my ass and I plopped down on the bed.


cheesetriangles posted:

Extreme Rules 2012 was really bad.
did they ever explain why cena went over lesnar?

Mr. Carlisle posted:

Aren't the ones that look weak on paper usually the ones that turn out alright and vice versa

also I think I just used the phrase vice versa for the first time and now I'm old
Battleground and Night of Champions from last year says otherwise.

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.


cheesetriangles posted:

Extreme Rules 2012 was really bad.

You're delusional.

Fiveace Attorney
Dec 12, 2006

I ain't his friend! If you were to ask me if I was his friend, I would say "NO" to you!


cheesetriangles posted:

Extreme Rules 2012 was really bad.
Wow. You are really wrong

Ribsauce
Jul 29, 2006

Blacks in the back.


I am not even lying when I say this.

The WeeLC match is my second most anticipated match behind Evolution vs Shield. I am 100% serious

Mr. Carlisle
Jul 14, 2007



If they have mini versions of the objects it'll be great

NickRoweFillea
Sep 27, 2012

please watch NJPW and avoid stupid shit like Willow

Cabbit posted:

Completely unrelated to this PPV (which is gonna own), is TNA really dragging Jeff's Willow the Wisp gimmick out of mothballs?

maybe. i only watch TNA to shitpost in the threads

MotU
Mar 6, 2007

Wheee!


Gonna go see this live tonight. Only my 2nd show (and PPV) ever. Even if the card is weakish, real excited to be there

Valeyard
Mar 30, 2012


due to the archaic modship I cant tell you what happened last night but lemme say that the weelc match is probably going to spawn its own thread later, just wait

MotU posted:

Gonna go see this live tonight. Only my 2nd show (and PPV) ever. Even if the card is weakish, real excited to be there

thats the spirit just enjoy it, im looking forward to the card and im 5000 miles away and going to be up all night to awtch it. you are gonna have fun

Vertical Lime
Dec 11, 2004

Hail To The King

oatgan posted:

this card is weak

more like extreme sucks right

Asmodai_00
Nov 26, 2007



NickRoweFillea posted:

http://i.4cdn.org/f/JOHNCENA.swf

Please turn your speakers down and watch this because this is what happens when Cena wins tonight

Ribsauce
Jul 29, 2006

Blacks in the back.


Mr. Carlisle posted:

If they have mini versions of the objects it'll be great

My excitement is based on this assumption, 3 foot ladders, those little kid chairs, and tiny tables kids use in a playhouse is what I envision.

kidcoelacanth
Sep 23, 2009






I'm ready.

kidcoelacanth fucked around with this message at May 4, 2014 around 19:32

Do not even ask
Apr 8, 2008

I'll be busting the moves and I'll be busting the rhymes, we'll be busting up laughing 'cause it's
PARTY TIME!


Outside of the Rusev squash and the divas match, I like the card. Hopefully old-rear end RVD doesn't poo poo up the ring in his match, but he probably will.

MJBuddy
Sep 22, 2008

Now I do not know whether I was then a head coach dreaming I was a Saints fan, or whether I am now a Saints fan, dreaming I am a head coach.

Ribsauce posted:

I am not even lying when I say this.

The WeeLC match is my second most anticipated match behind Evolution vs Shield. I am 100% serious

I'm legitimately interested in their tiny stepladders and fisher price chairs.

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triplexpac
Mar 24, 2007

One day in your memoirs, you'll describe me as inscrutable.

So I guess the six man will be going on last? Kind of a bummer that Daniel doesn't have a hot enough match to main event his first PPV as champ, but ah well.

So... are the matches on this card hardcore matches? It is Extreme Rules after all

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