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Why did Daniel Bryan have to die?
For our sins
Weak-rear end stack of dimes neck wouldn't stand a chance against Batista
To go live and become a farm upstate
Part of The Demon Kane's twenty-year plan to defeat The Undertaker
HHH organized it in his master plan to ruin his heat
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  • Locked thread
Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.


LAST WEEK ON RAW:
  • The show opens up with a 20-man battle royal for Dean Ambrose’s United States Championship. Ambrose and Sheamus are the final two, and Sheamus Brogue Kicks and eliminates Dean to become the new US Champion.
  • Daniel Bryan and Brie Bella are backstage and scared of Kane still. Stephanie McMahon comes in to tell Bryan that Kane is still angry. She leaves, but KANE’S MASK IS ON THE BACK OF THE DOOR???
  • Paul Heyman’s client Brock Lesnar conquered the Undertaker’s undefeated Streak at WrestleMania. Rob Van Dam beats Cesaro when Cesaro doesn’t stop punching RVD in the face. Good finish imo
  • Bray Wyatt and the Family come out to cut a promo. Bray doesn’t follow up on the goddamn voice modulated kid, which is disappointing. He then cuts a promo saying that he is for the WWE universe and everything he does is for them. Posters wonder if he’s turning face (he’s not).
  • Ryback defeats Cody Rhodes after Cody is distracted by Goldust on the outside.
  • Brie and Bryan are still backstage when the lights go out. KANE’S MASK IS ON THE LAMP???
  • Los Matadores and El Torito celebrate Cinco de Mayo! 3MB comes out to interrupt and tells the Matadores to speak English. The two stables brawl and Torito breaks a sombrero over Hornswoggle’s head.
  • Rusev, now without a first name and residing in Russia, defeats Black Guy #4, Kofi Kingston with the Putin Annex of Crimea.
  • WWE World Heavyweight Champion Daniel Bryan faces off with Alberto Del Rio. A good match ends with a La Yestica into Yes Lock with Del Rio tapping. The Demon Kane’s fire goes off and Zack Ryder and Eve Brie and Bryan run backstage to their car. It doesn’t work and then Zack Ryder tries to change the tire for 20 minutes Daniel Bryan fixes it in 30 seconds. Suddenly Kane shows up and tries to take Eve Brie away from Ryder Bryan. Zack Ryder is then chokeslammed through the stage Daniel Bryan drives away with The Demon Kane still on the car, which knocks him out. Zack Ryder loses his United States Championship and is laughed at by everybody. Daniel Bryan then drives out of the arena.
  • In an Extreme Rules rematch, Bad News Barrett retains his IC Title with a Bad News Bullhammer.
  • There’s a techno remix of Mr. T’s HoF speech for Mother’s Day.
  • Adam Rose debuts, taking out Jack Swagger, dancing with the Rosebuds, and making fun of Zeb Colter.
  • Shield vs. Wyatts IV ends with Evolution interference distracting Roman Reigns long enough for Bray Wyatt to hit the Sister Abigail. After the match, Evolution attacks Shield and leaves them lying to end the show.



WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH RAW TONIGHT:

1. The Zack Ryder Daniel Bryan-The Demon Kane feud continues!
Why you should care: After defeating The Demon Kane at Extreme Rules, The Demon Kane is still out for revenge on former friend Daniel Bryan. Please go back to being friends, anyway.

2. Bray Wyatt will give a promo!
Why you should care: It will be a good promo. He will talks good.

3. The Shield! The Shield!
Why you should care: Still fighting with Evolution, they'll fight towards another good match. It will also be good!

4. John Cena!
Why you should care: John Cena

5. Hey, that New Japan/RoH show this weekend!
Why you should care: That's going to be a fun card!

STREAMS FOR TONIGHT:

http://bigevents.tv
http://thefirstrow.eu

In addition, WrasslorMonkey made a cool application that makes streams look great. Follow these instructions!

WrasslorMonkey posted:

And here's the bookmarklet that removes the extra junk from streams since it seemed to work out well for folks last time (open the page and drag the link to your bookmarks bar then click it while on a stream page).

All this and more, live on Monday Night Raw!

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Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.
Titus O'Neil's Titantron will play throughout the entirety of Raw.

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.
Good ol' GREENVILLE, South Carolina.

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.
Roman Reigns is basically the coolest person alive.

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.
Put Orton's dumb head through a dumb windshield.

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.
Three hours of Shield attacking Evolution in random backstage locales

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.
Why do they make Dutch wear self-tanner on his face

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.
Thank god for Adam Rose he saved us from an RVD match

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.
Best RVD match in years.

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.
Wow, Alicia is racist against whites

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.
BREAK HER FUCKIN BACK RODDY

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.

fatherdog posted:

Diamond Dallas Paige

Bang :wiggle:

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.

Sweeney Tom posted:

Next Monday's May 19 :stare:

MAY NINETEENTH

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.
goddang i'm real bummed out right now

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.
Doesn't give enough of a poo poo about Greensboro to say their name

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.
With the way this Raw is going, Erick Rowan is going to become the new leader of the Wyatts.

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.

sticklefifer posted:

Dolph Ziggler just killed himself live on the App.

Please, please turn off the App if this will affect you.

Nobody saw it.

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.
THE SHIELD

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.
New Batista vs. Old Batista

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.

GAYMIEN SANDOW posted:

Tonight on Raw: A woman gets beaten up because someone didn't like her present.

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.

GAYMIEN SANDOW posted:

I remember when I was 5 and it was my birthday and a kid bought me a Ninja Turtle toy but I already had it so I said I hated it and the kid seemed really sad and I still feel bad about it.

If you ask me, it's that kid's fault and we should all laugh at him.

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.
Rybaxel just spontaneously burst into flames on the app. Also they said that the hats they were wearing were dumb before they were immolated.

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.
Daniel Bryan fell.

Down a flight of stars.

Into a doorknob.

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.
But where did Kane go?

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.

Banjo posted:

If this were Universe Mode in WWE 2K14, this would be the point where I stick John Cena inside the Elimination Chamber for the vacated title, and watch him do what he does best!

Banjo posted:

CENA... loses...

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.
this show is awful

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.

ayn rand hand job posted:

A college educated man.

College educated? hahahahahahahahahahaha

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.

Bard Maddox posted:

College educated? hahahahahahahahahahaha

HE WENT TO COLLEGE?!!

HA

HAHAHA

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.

Bard Maddox posted:

HE WENT TO COLLEGE?!!

HA

HAHAHA

ha ha hahaha

ahahahahahaha

COLLEGE

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.

Writer Cath posted:

Have you ever seen Vince and JTG in the same place at the same time?

#askquestions.

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.
I liked when Roman Reigns made a face for a person taking a photo even though he's supposed to be super tough and angry.

I like Roman Reigns.

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.
Bray's got the whole world in his rear end.

Because he's fat.

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.
Roman Reigns and the Shield are still the coolest.

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.
Here's the Shield they are my favorites.

Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.
And it still ends with the Shield beating up Ryback. Never change.

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Bard Maddox
Feb 15, 2012

I'm just a sick guy, I'm really just a dirty guy.

SamuraiFoochs posted:

Get in line buddy

Here's my mousepad motherufcker!!

  • Locked thread