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SLICK GOKU BABY
Jun 12, 2001


Everytime a major disaster rolls around some news agency takes it upon themselves to tell you how to survive a major disaster. You know the essential things like food, water, and flashlights.

How come, they never suggest you have a case of beer or a couple bottles of liquor in your disaster survival kit? It's unacceptably short-sighted of them!

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ChairmanMeow
Feb 19, 2008




what about toilet paper?

Kimmalah
Nov 14, 2005

Basically just a baby in a trenchcoat.

Don't forget the condoms so you don't get that flood of babies 9 months after the disaster

Edit: ESPECIALLY if you're including liquor in your bunker.

Yivgev
May 18, 2004

i brought my +1 ak-47



always bring one single grain of rice with you in a disaster

jarvis cocker
Dec 16, 2007

bounce, you got that nasty bounce
dont make my kitty pounce


Kimmalah posted:

Don't forget the condoms so you don't get that flood of babies 9 months after the disaster

Edit: ESPECIALLY if you're including liquor in your bunker.

just use the babies for food

10000 hilarious dead baby jokes.com

memento mori
May 4, 2008


Plastic bag, drawstring and a canister full of inert gas to fill it as it goes over your head.

Fried Watermelon
Dec 29, 2008



HAHA gently caress YOU OP WHY WOULD WE NEED CONDOMS OR LIQUOR,

guns and oats for life

Nation
May 8, 2003
Enjoy

If you are in an emergency situation I think I would not be thinking about getting liqoured up and instead would be sensible and not dehydrate myself you loving retard

devin2
Jul 30, 2013


that's cute what you're saying but in the event that society completely breaks down you should actually horde cigarettes and antibiotics, because they will become the new currency in our broken world

raid gas stations and vets when poo poo goes down, you will be a king in the new world

e: alcohol is easy to make, loving think you idiots

Ephemeron
May 10, 2012

From nothing came teeth.


memento mori posted:

Plastic bag, drawstring and a canister full of inert gas to fill it as it goes over your head.
Just fit the condom over your head. You did bring one, didn't you?

Salt Fish
Sep 11, 2003

fear itself


How come nobody ever suggests a gun and lots of ammunition? Seems like that could be useful...

Cucking Mama
Sep 27, 2013


@op: because beer won't help you survive disasters fuckwit

naem
May 29, 2011



Water-
http://www.buylifestraw.com/

Food-
http://www.mountainhouse.com/M/product/0080635.html

Fire-
http://www.industrialrev.com/swedish-fireknife.html

Gun-
http://www.budsgunshop.com/catalog/mobile/

Tarp-
http://m.homedepot.com/b/Paint-Tarp...ng/N-5yc1vZc5iu

Now find and befriend a stray dog congratulations

gggiiimmmppp
Feb 15, 2004

Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels
My flux capacity is off the chain


Every time a hurricane starts heading towards me I buy a big bottle of 151, enough to get hammered in the dark for a few nights if necessary. Seemes like common sense.

420DD Butts
Jul 26, 2008


why don't they ever tell you to pack your ipod? lol what kind of idiot makes these lists

Space Jam
Jul 22, 2008

You've done a man's job, sir.

Yivgev posted:

always bring one single grain of rice with you in a disaster

i dunno man i'm not usually that hungry after a disaster

pixelbaron
Mar 18, 2009



fleshlight

GrrrlSweatshirt
Jun 2, 2012



every disaster survival kit should contain an enormous sack of rocks. you never know when you may need a rock


Jetsetlemming posted:

Stupid cowardly assholes, the entire lot of you. Ganging up on a good person just because others do, or because she makes you feel bad, because she asks you to loving think about other people for once in your stupid worthless lives. Telling her to calm down because you're terrified of conflict, because you're scared that the big mean bullies will focus on you next and make trans jokes and call you a bitch. Amarantinesky didn't cause this. She didn't blow up. She wasn't even angry, not for a single post. I was the one that was upset, and so she was defending me. I'm touchy about my loving slaughtered ancestors tossed in mass graves except their ears to be turned in for a government bounty, loving sue me.
And now you're all either jumping on her and criticizing her, or spinelessly trying to change the topic and trying to ignore the problem of someone you loving cowards dared to call a friend getting thrown under a bus. You don't deserve a good thread, and you certainly don't deserve to avoid mockery and shunning for your own problems, you worthless pieces of poo poo. You college dropouts, you office worker drones, you unemployed still living at home man-children and teenagers. Amarantinesky and I have the best, happiest lives out of anyone in this thread. We're happy about ourselves and each other. We're engaged to be married and it's loving awesome. I'd say I hope the same for you sad fuckers, but I don't. I earned my happiness by working for it, not just trying to grab the crabs near the top of the bucket and dragging them down to my level. Yall can gently caress off.

Cucking Mama
Sep 27, 2013


otr tho hope theres no disaster

InterceptorV8
Mar 9, 2004

Would have been a shame to blow it up.

10-4 come and exchange loads with me good buddy

Nation posted:

If you are in an emergency situation I think I would not be thinking about getting liqoured up and instead would be sensible and not dehydrate myself you loving retard

Booze is good for things, not just drinking.

Xaris
Jul 25, 2006
GTVA Celois

KQED/NPR is doing their annoying rear end pledge drive and they keep advertising some earthquake survival kit backpack that acts as a port-o-potty and a solar power cellphone charger because that'll work great when cell phone towers are out of power as well

really they should just give you a shitton of morphine so you can OD and kill yourself because you're all hosed anyways

naem
May 29, 2011



Vinager based condiments like mustard don't need refrigeration so have a bunch to make your food tastier when you're eating the same rice and beans emergency food every day. Buy some cheap candy like those mints they have at pizza hut, they keep your spirits up surprisingly well.

Being bored and going stir crazy is a real problem in a no electricity emergency where you sit in the dark in your house a for a couple weeks, have some board games and decks of cards handy.

Also a quality metal dog crate will hold your kidnapped sex slave in place well- make sure it has a thick gage wire and removable tray bottom for easily cleaning. Start checking your neighbors out now for likely candidates.

I own a hand crank radio/flashlight/phone charger that comes in real handy, a good buy!

Remember not to cut too deeply when field dressing a kill. A "Y" shaped incision beneath the breast bone through the muscles of the abdominal wall to reveal the internal organs but do not cut the intestines or else you contaminate the meat. The human body is easiest cleaned hung feet up by the rafters and remember that your newest slaves will be stronger for stringing up any used up gimps you've bored of with the added bonus of showing what lies in store for all who oppose your iron will of you, Karlack the blood god.

All shall love me and despair

It puts the lotion on teh skin

amityville anus
Jan 30, 2010


who carries a bunch of poo poo when all the answers are in The Holy Fuckin Bible

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

fantastic


a vial of preserved hiv so the world can always have aids

hofnar
Dec 27, 2008

brace for impact


Nation posted:

If you are in an emergency situation I think I would not be thinking about getting liqoured up and instead would be sensible and not dehydrate myself you loving retard

Check out this loving guy

Fargo Fukes
Jul 26, 2007
Highly qualified lurker.

All the drugs you were too drat boring to do in regular life.

Chonchon
Dec 15, 2013



gary oldmans diary posted:

a vial of preserved hiv so the world can always have aids


lol look at this guy HIV dies very quickly outside the body and becomes non-infectious everyone knows this god

what you need is some hiv in your penis

SirDan3k
Jan 6, 2001

Trust me, you are taking this a lot more seriously then I am.


Fleshlight.


What you gonna do if you are stranded without pussy for three days huh? That poo poo will drive you insane.

ForeverSmug
Oct 9, 2012



a single bullet and a gun

happyhippy
Feb 21, 2005


An immigrant so you won't get shot first so have a chance to escape.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

fantastic


Chonchon posted:

lol look at this guy HIV dies very quickly outside the body and becomes non-infectious everyone knows this god

what you need is some hiv in your penis
what do you think preserved means you turdbrain

Tunahead
Mar 26, 2010


The thread title tells me all I need to know about what's happening here. The OP is crowdsourcing a Cracked article. He is a degenerate and should be discouraged from pursuing this perverse course of action. Was it too challenging to just steal jokes from multiple online sources like Cracked writers normally do? For fucks sake, OP. This is just shameful.

ForeverSmug
Oct 9, 2012



cant you just put the aids in a preserved penis? that would probably work

SirDan3k
Jan 6, 2001

Trust me, you are taking this a lot more seriously then I am.


AIDS live in butts stupid.

Yivgev
May 18, 2004

i brought my +1 ak-47



i'm sure glad i have my five gallon jug of horse cum here in the nightmare future

roboshit
Apr 4, 2009

by XyloJW


game of thrones seasons 1-3 and a fleshlight

Frostwerks
Sep 24, 2007


The few times i've entertained the making of something so allergenic to pussy, I've always considered a flask of hard liquor w/ wax seal (so that I can kinda try to convince a cop that no, it was in my trunk I wasn't drinking it and b, it has a wax seal on it so how could I possibly have been drinking it and why don't you breathalyze me you rear end in a top hat, you wanna fight) and a matchholder filled with high-grade marijuana and a one hitter in it.

Frostwerks
Sep 24, 2007


Nation posted:

If you are in an emergency situation I think I would not be thinking about getting liqoured up and instead would be sensible and not dehydrate myself you loving retard

it's not for getting hosed up you loving gently caress, it's for calming my goddamned dts.

Nation
May 8, 2003
Enjoy

The booze is for lubricating any man on man action after a couple of months (days) have set in.

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Kleen_TheRowdyDog
Feb 17, 2014


The way I look at it is if something really seriously bad goes down, no "survival kit" that I can put together is going to keep me alive longer than like a couple days anyway. So i just don't have one.

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