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> fail at giving up
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May 29, 2014 20:02
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 09:01 |
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> go left
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May 29, 2014 20:06
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> Give up only to vanish in the ethereal mists much like the actual Zybourne Clock project. Only to be mentioned in name occasionally on the forums in passing about how cool it could have been... > fail at giving up The game code precludes you from giving up. You feel reasonably confident you are within a complete text adventure game, containing mighty descriptions and wordy NPCs. To verify, you confirm that you are entering commands into a text-based console. > go left You exit the engine room by going left. You are standing in a darkened cathedral on an airship. The expansive walls and harsh shadows cast by the stained-glass windows are an affront to both the dimensions of the ship and reality itself. The place is empty except for a steam-priest mechanical construct, waiting resolutely in the confessional. There is a coin-operated fortune-telling machine here.
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May 29, 2014 20:11
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> Construct a machine to convince Al Borland to finish Ricky the Christmas Workshop Elf and stop being a lazy rear end in a top hat. Using the mechanical construct's parts as you disassemble it.
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May 29, 2014 20:13
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> Stick your finger in the coin return of the fortune teller machine.
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May 29, 2014 20:18
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>offer the priest 10 cogs for a hand-beezy
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May 29, 2014 20:20
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> offer the priest 10 cogs for a hand-beezy The steam-priest consults his book. "Nope, nothing in there about hand-beezys being a sin. As it turns out, I have no hands, so any -- ahem -- cranking you do will be on your own." While not nonplussed, you certainly aren't particularly plussed at this response. Ah well. Perhaps the next steam-priest you run into will have hands. > Construct a machine to convince Al Borland to finish Ricky the Christmas Workshop Elf and stop being a lazy rear end in a top hat. Using the mechanical construct's parts as you disassemble it. You stride into the confessional. The machine greets you with a raspy "Bless you, my child. How may I aid thee today?" Wasting no time, you begin expertly dissembling the construct. "Hey," it protests. "Stop that. Daisy, daisy..." The last cog comes apart in your fingers. You begin constructing, sweat running down your face and mingling with the oil from the contsruct's lifeblood. "What is that?" Bob is amazed. "Can it be?" Certainly, it is the heretofore hypothetical Al Borland machine. With a triumphant grin, you put on another pair of goggles and turn it on. After a minute of loud clanking and spluttering, the machine spits out a piece of paper containing the word 'Done.' There could be a useful clue in that, you think. You place the paper in your pocket. The Al Borland machine, technological marvel though it is, is too large to carry with you. So, you make Bob carry it. He whines a little, and he takes continual damage while holding it, but damned if you'll leave it behind. > Stick your finger in the coin return of the fortune teller machine. Still covered in oil and sweat, you race to the front of the cathedral and stick your finger into the coin return. A button and three steampennies fly out of the machine, hitting you in the elbow pads. "These things really pay for themselves," you smirk.
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May 29, 2014 20:25
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> trick the fortune-telling machine with a small, coin-shaped cog
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May 29, 2014 20:36
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> trick the fortune-telling machine with a small, coin-shaped cog There are so many to choose from! You feed a coin-shaped cog into the machine. "That's the oldest trick in the book," says the fortune. Your cog lands in the coin return. Not so easily defeated, you continue feeding any cog you have roughly the size of a coin into the machine. You receive the following fortunes: "Stop that." "Quit it." "I mean it." "Seriously." "What will it take to get you to stop?" "Alright fine." "You will have a long and prosperous life." "Your descendants will be as numerous as the stars in the sky (on a particularly cloudy night when you can only see four stars)." "Quit putting cogs into the machine." "No more cogs in the vending machine, please." "Goddamn it. What the gently caress." "The key you seek lies beneath the deck, in a secret compartment." "Once you get access to the tilde console, try 'xyzzy.'" "The cow level is a lie." "Evil will walk once more." "Strangers dwell among you." "Evil is watching you. Look for friends." "Keep your secrets to yourself. Trust no one." "We are watching you. You're not alone." "Evil is here! Find your salvation!" "Does nothing scare you?" "You are seriously disaffected." "There will be plenty of apples for you. No one will take away your precious apples." The machine runs out of paper spitting out a final fortune. The lights go dark in a final gesture of surrender to your barrage of coin-shaped cogs. "Whatever you do, don't" The rest of the final fortune is lost to the ages. You place all of the fortunes and returned cogs into your 'rucksack.'
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May 29, 2014 21:02
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Don't. Just don't do anything at all entirely, even stop that whole breathing thing you got going on. Its the only way to truly show the machines whos steamboss.
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May 29, 2014 21:23
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> search for apples
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May 29, 2014 21:37
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Lord Byron III posted:> offer the priest 10 cogs for a hand-beezy 5'd
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May 29, 2014 21:43
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>pray to the steamgods
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May 29, 2014 21:44
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Whoever you do, don't FORGET ABOUT THE CAPTAIN. Any PUA worth his top hat and leather bracelets always gets the job done. >finish the job and tongue the captains synth hams.
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May 29, 2014 22:09
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> pray to the steamgods Reverently, you bow with a great flourish, sweeping off your hat. Cogs and gears fly in all directions. You get down on both knees and say a fervent prayer to the steamgods. Bob grunts from underneath the Al Borland machine. "What on earth was that for?" You chuckle at Bob's ignorance. "Only the steamgods, Bob. It's called respect. Some of us still have it, even in this age when chivalry has died." You shake your head in remembrance of chivalry. > search for apples You find only apple-shaped gears and cogs. You add them to your burgeoning 'rucksack.' You have found so many clues. > Don't. Just don't do anything at all entirely, even stop that whole breathing thing you got going on. Its the only way to truly show the machines whos steamboss. Obligingly, you don't. You black out after some time spent not breathing. [PROLOGUE complete] [PREFACE unlocked] Retroactivity A Zybourne Clock Adventure The airship is heading in to port. Perhaps the city of Tarmlyiye holds the answers I seek. The dead crew member. The cathedral. The hypothetical presence of Johnny 'Five Aces.' It's all starting to come together. I am a great steam detective. PREFACE You awaken on the deck of the airship. "You stopped breathing and passed out," explains Bob. The Captain is there, steering the ship. Other passengers mill about the deck, looking over the side. You overhear scattered parts of the conversations, indicating that landing is imminent. "Why aren't you carrying the Al Borland machine?" You complain to Bob. Heaving an irritated moan, he picks it up. You hear the crunching of some of his bones. "Much better," you say with satisfaction.
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May 29, 2014 22:16
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> get eaten by an airship grue
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May 29, 2014 22:25
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>pick Captain's pocket while he is steering the impractically large airship's wheel
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May 29, 2014 22:34
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>drop some negs on the captain
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May 29, 2014 22:35
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>offer to free bob of his burden if he can make you climax
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May 29, 2014 22:42
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Chard posted:>drop some negs on the captain
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May 29, 2014 22:43
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Chard posted:>drop some negs on the captain
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May 29, 2014 22:44
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> Notice testicular blood loss is becoming a real problem. Replace ballsack with fully functional gearsack.
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May 29, 2014 23:08
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> slit own throat
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May 29, 2014 23:19
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> shout "hail satan" as loud as possible
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May 29, 2014 23:19
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>send a steam hologram photo of your anus to Dr. Zyborne
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May 29, 2014 23:28
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> get eaten by an airship grue You turn out the lights and are eaten by a grue. It is dark. You are likely to -- oh, wait a minute. You have died. > slit own throat There isn't time. Also, you are dead. loading last checkpoint... You awaken on the deck of the airship. "You stopped breathing and passed out," explains Bob. The Captain is there, steering the ship. Other passengers mill about the deck, looking over the side. You overhear scattered parts of the conversations, indicating that landing is imminent. "Why aren't you carrying the Al Borland machine?" You complain to Bob. Heaving an irritated moan, he picks it up. You hear the crunching of some of his bones. "Much better," you say with satisfaction. > pick Captain's pocket while she is steering the impractically large airship's wheel > drop some negs on the captain The Captain is distracted by steering the airship, which she does using an impractically large number of dials, levers and (of course) enormous wheel. You easily pick her pockets, finding steam-Nicotine gum and a charred voodoo doll. You add both to your inventory. "Hoist the steam-rope, starboard side!" the Captain yells towards the crew. You use this great opportunity to sidle up to the captain and drop some harsh negs. "You ever let them get a word in edgewise? I really wouldn't have chosen those boots to go with that cog-necklace. Or those goggles. I guess you don't care that much about your outward appearance. Also, did you know that vaping is just as good as smoking but without the health risks?" You indicate your steam-vapor cigarette from the Prologue. > Notice testicular blood loss is becoming a real problem. Replace ballsack with fully functional gearsack. You notice the aforementioned. Using various cogs and the captain's charred voodoo doll, you make a fully functional gearsack, as far as you know. Either way, it's attached to your wing-wong. Also it makes comfortable ratcheting noises when you are aroused.
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May 29, 2014 23:57
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> Stealthily insert the arcane stone up your butt
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May 30, 2014 00:27
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Subsume self into a weedpunk universe instead
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May 30, 2014 00:28
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> ratchet noisily
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May 30, 2014 00:31
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> craft steam powered fedora > wear fedora > tip fedora at Captain
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May 30, 2014 01:27
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Captain Gordon posted:> craft steam powered fedora >ratchet noisily
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May 30, 2014 01:35
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>caress your voodoo balls and watch the Captain's reaction
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May 30, 2014 01:38
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> imagine 3 spheres
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May 30, 2014 01:45
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>Have Bob distract the captain while you attempt to replace the steering wheel with a fake wheel with your penis in the middle of it.
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May 30, 2014 01:47
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Chard posted:>drop some negs on the captain
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May 30, 2014 03:43
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> Subsume self into a weedpunk universe instead You subsume yourself. You die. loading last checkpoint... You awaken on the deck of the airship. "You stopped breathing and passed out," explains Bob. The Captain is there, steering the ship. Other passengers mill about the deck, looking over the side. You overhear scattered parts of the conversations, indicating that landing is imminent. "Why aren't you carrying the Al Borland machine?" You complain to Bob. Heaving an irritated moan, he picks it up. You hear the crunching of some of his bones. "Much better," you say with satisfaction. > finish the job and tongue the captains synth hams. Deftly fingering the captain's synth hams, you insert your tongue in places man was never meant to tread. Airship mood update: Status change from "airborne" to "airborne and very, very worried." > offer to free bob of his burden if he can make you climax One climax later, you've successfully treated yourself to the best sexual experience this side of weedpunk and relieved Bob of his alimony-demanding ex-wife. By shooting her. All told, this is turning into an eventful Preface. > shout "hail satan" as loud as possible You shout "hail satan" with all the force you can muster. "Hoist Sabers?" the swordsmaster says with a hopeful glimmer. "No, hail satan!" You explain. This goes on for twenty minutes. > Stealthily insert the arcane stone up your butt >send a steam hologram photo of your anus to Dr. Zyborne You take the arcane stone from your 'rucksack.' Using the breathing technique your sensei taught you in Aikido college, you stealthily insert the arcane stone into your rear end to join the previously liberated ballsack. Your breathing technique requires constant, loud screaming. But, it seems to work well. Moments later, your gait is stiffer and your metaphorical damage has increased to the point where you may access the tilde (~) console. Using your steamphone, you take a steam-selfie (steamfie?) and text it to Dr. Zyborne. That rogue will masturbate to this for days, you think smugly. > ratchet noisily > craft steam powered fedora > wear fedora > tip fedora at Captain > ratchet noisily You ratchet noisily. You recall your old fedora, missing most of its gears thanks to your steamgod reverence. A steamy tear reaches your eye but mercifully evaporates. Already covered in gear and sweat, you need no excuse to build up a new steam fedora. This one, you proclaim, will have even more gears, cogs and stopwatches than the last. Sporting the new steam powered fedora, you pull the 'tip' lever. Cogs, gears and a pulley immediately surge into motion. Moments later, the hat falls off your head. "Must have mixed up the levers," you mumble. You re-don the fedora and tip it manually in the direction of the captain. Hopefully no one is looking. You ratchet noisily. > caress your voodoo balls and watch the Captain's reaction Gently tugging on your voodoo doll/ballsack causes a pleasant, tingly sensation. You look up to observe the captain, who appears immersed in matters of airship mobility. Frustrated, you ratchet noisily and look elsewhere. You note that the first mate has fallen to the ground and is moaning. "It's probably unrelated," you say to no one in particular. > imagine 3 spheres You occupy yourself with the idea of a new time metaphor. Suppose there are three spheres on the edge of an airplane wing. One rolls gently off the side while the scientist is looking in another direction, and when he glances back there are still three spheres. Time works the same way, provided you narrate it in the manner of Neil deGrasse Tyson. > Have Bob distract the captain while you attempt to replace the steering wheel with a fake wheel with your penis in the middle of it. "Distract the captain," you command Bob. The captain looks at you angrily, as you didn't even bother to look away. Bob begins an elaborate distraction routine involving juggling and a fire seal, using only his free hand. The captain stares unwaveringly at you. > drop some negs on the captain What harm could a few additional negs do? Hopefully plenty. You mosey up to the captain and ratchet up your balls. And your negs. "Y'know, that girl you have hoisting the yard arms is pretty hot. Could you introduct* me to her? Wait, you're probably not hot enough for her to be friends with you. I see you're still wearing the boots from earlier. They don't match your cogs and gears. What are you drinking? I bet nothing, since no one would buy you a drink." You're really proud of that last one, and drink a congratulatory self-toast from your steam-powered flask. *introduct is the steampunk version of introduce.
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May 30, 2014 04:50
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> Challenge the crew to a mince-off, with an entrance fee of 2.03 steambucks and a button. Swishiest sashay takes the entire pot.
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May 30, 2014 05:25
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~ xyzzy
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May 30, 2014 05:42
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>Post a link to the cellphone vid of Wett Butt sucking he own dick.
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May 30, 2014 05:43
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 09:01 |
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Derek Dominoe posted:~
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May 30, 2014 05:55
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