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pacmania90
May 31, 2010

Man Terrified To Realize He Could Easily Go On Like This

The Onion posted:

FARMINGTON, NM—Despite being deeply dissatisfied with nearly every aspect of his life, local man Paul Gallardo told reporters Thursday that he was terrified to realize he could very easily continue to exist in such an unhappy state and probably would do so indefinitely.

Gallardo, a part-time file clerk who is unmarried and has few meaningful relationships of any kind, stated that although his personal and professional circumstances were an ongoing source of distress, he feared they would never be sufficiently unbearable to compel him to remedy his situation. According to Gallardo, after more than four decades of living with his painful but entirely manageable loneliness, he was unlikely to ever improve himself, a fact he said has filled him with dread.

“I’ve always been miserable, but I guess I haven’t been quite miserable enough to do anything about it,” said Gallardo, 44, who added that while his daily life is consistently unpleasant, he has never felt the need to abuse alcohol or drugs to numb his emotional anguish. “I still go to my awful job, still pay my rent, still eat a whole frozen pizza pretty much every night. I hate every minute of it, but it’s not making me panic or reassess my life or anything. I kind of wish it did, though.”

“And that’s what’s so scary,” continued Gallardo. “I’m sad, really sad, but I’m also pretty comfortable with everything. God, I hate to say it, but I could see myself doing this for years.”

Gallardo told reporters that he is continually disappointed with the increasingly overweight and unambitious individual he sees in the mirror each day, but he expressed his deep-seated worry that there may never come a day when he is so overwhelmed with disgust at his own reflection that he vows to change himself at any cost. Instead, the man who cannot remember the last weekend he did not spend alone in his apartment said he was alarmed to discover that it would “not be much of a problem at all” to pass the rest of his time on earth in the same state of moderate dejection he has felt for decades.

“If there hasn’t been a wake-up call by now, it’s hard to imagine there’s ever going to be one,” said Gallardo, who claimed to be deeply dismayed by his complacency at sitting on his couch and aimlessly poking around the internet until he falls asleep each night. “There’s no pressure building up inside me, and I’m okay with that.”

“I’m 100 percent okay with that,” Gallardo added. “Jesus Christ.”

Gallardo told reporters that as long as he could continue completing day-to-day activities such as doing laundry and grocery shopping, he would be perfectly capable of putting one foot in front of the other until he died—almost certainly alone—in about 40 years, a realization a frightened Gallardo said would nevertheless fail to alter his debilitating behavior in the slightest.

“Some people take stock of their lives and finally say ‘enough is enough,’” Gallardo said. “I can’t do that. I’m pretty sure I won’t ever do that. I think it’s safe to say I’ll keep putting up with myself year after year and simply never reach a breaking point. Jeez, that’s awful. What am I going to do about this?”

“Forget it,” added Gallardo, shaking his head. “I already know the answer to that.”

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i am he
Feb 4, 2014

what the gently caress is this poo poo thread

Fireless Phoenix
May 4, 2012

by Lowtax

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy
Ban

Medium Cool
Dec 27, 2006

Yr sister is a beauty when she's naked
Grimey Drawer
stay safe poverty ghost

roger wilco
Jun 22, 2012
stay safe poverty ghost

Phil Niekro
Jun 4, 2005

stay safe poverty ghost

Moola
Aug 16, 2006
gently caress

stay safe poverty ghost

anything576
Sep 26, 2010
stay safe poverty ghost

Sheng-Ji Yang
Mar 5, 2014


stay safe poverty ghost

Chuck Tanner
Nov 10, 2012

by Lowtax
stay safe pottery ghost

Code Jockey
Jan 24, 2006

69420 basic bytes free
stay safe poverty ghost

OlmanRiver
Mar 30, 2011
stay safe poverty ghost

stimulated emission
Apr 25, 2011

D-D-D-D-D-D-DEEPER
stay safe poverty ghost

Luvcow
Jul 1, 2007

One day nearer spring
stay safe poverty ghost
:argh:

ilikedirt
Oct 15, 2004

king of posting
nigga im already broke

Lt. Dans Legs
Jul 3, 2008
i already wished poverty ghost safety before. he's a good guy but he won't get any special treatment from me.

JakeP
Apr 27, 2003

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Lipstick Apathy

Medium Cool posted:

stay safe poverty ghost

Flops
Mar 28, 2010

Look at all these lovely posts!
God dammit, stay safe poverty ghost!

Libelous Slander
May 1, 2009

... you're just creepy ...
Stay safe poverty ghost

Depressing Drawers
Dec 17, 2004
UR ALREADY DED
stay safe poverty ghost

Doublestep
Sep 8, 2013

Keep on keeping on!
stay safe poverty ghost

Doctor Butts
May 21, 2002

stay safe pottery ghost

Kakarot
Jul 20, 2013

by zen death robot
Buglord

i am he posted:

what the gently caress is this poo poo thread

pacmania90 does it again

Wang Flotilla
Oct 13, 2007

God damn these electric sex pants

Was going to just quote someone saying "stay safe poverty ghost" but I wasn't sure if that would count so...

Stay safe poverty ghost

Tom Sellout
May 27, 2011

$240 million of Johnny Walker Blue and Throatzilla's services.
not taking paranormal handouts tyvm

The Aardvark
Aug 19, 2013


stay safe poverty ghost

Blood Boils
Dec 27, 2006

Its not an S, on my planet it means QUIPS
stay ghost safe poverty

SparkPeople
Nov 10, 2012
stay safe pottery ghost

vyst
Aug 25, 2009



gently caress the poverty ghost. Bring that poo poo bitch you stupid white motherfucker

Jerry Mumphrey
Mar 11, 2004

by zen death robot

(and can't post for 4 years!)

N.O. E.S.C.A.P.E.

Ill Peripheral
Jun 29, 2008
stay safe poverty ghost

Stevie Lee
Oct 8, 2007
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lAqNqFXvQWY&t=14s

Dewgy
Nov 10, 2005

~🚚special delivery~📦
say "staff", ploppity goat!

unlimited shrimp
Aug 30, 2008
stay safe poverty ghost

Buddha.
Sep 24, 2007

"Have compassion for all beings, rich and poor alike; each has their suffering. Some suffer too much, others too little."
College Slice
Poverty ghost = homeless person

Pafet
Nov 8, 2005
STUPID
DICK
Stay safe poverty ghost
I was really down until you came along, darn op

Stevie Lee
Oct 8, 2007

father please protect me

from brokeness

and bitch rear end n.....

plehsistential
Jan 29, 2012

death to all avatar havers
get hosed, poverty ghost

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Fireless Phoenix
May 4, 2012

by Lowtax

plehsistential posted:

get hosed, poverty ghost

wow rude

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