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Yo OP, this is a great idea for a thread and I'm gonna post a detailed line-by-line critique of your story, but before I post it: In order to keep this thread from getting hellishly long, want me to link my critique as a Google Doc link as is common in other threads? This seems prudent for pieces ~3000 words or more. Or if you'd rather I slap a link up somewhere else, whatever suits.
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Jun 3, 2014 03:55
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Hello Coma! Sorry about the delay on this - intermittent internet access at the moment. I did complete a line by line for you, which you can read here. Overall: it's not bad. Confusing at points, needs to be about 10-20% shorter. Your characters and their plight rang true to me and you built up nicely to an ending that had a satisfying amount of creeping horror. In the end this story got a lot more right than it got wrong, and that's about all you can ask for in an early draft even if you're a good writer. If you've got any specific questions about aspects of the piece you struggled with, let me know!
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Jun 16, 2014 23:55
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You're very welcome! I liked that piece enough that when you do get a chance to tool around with it, I'm happy to give it another go. There's a real solid foundation to that story and it hits the right emotional mark. I've got a piece that yours reminded me of that I'll chuck up once I finish things up. You inspired me to go back and finish it and ditch my dumb old ending.
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Jun 18, 2014 08:26
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