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Gen. Ripper
Jan 12, 2013


Kids believe dumb stuff. We were all kids once. Therefore, we believed some pretty dumb poo poo at points in our lives. This thread is where we catalog them, and maybe laugh at some crazy poo poo.

I've only got one really weird one. You see that title up there? You're probably wondering what the hell it's referring to. Well, around the time I finished reading Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone in 2nd grade, a Muslim girl joined the class, and frequently wore a headscarf. At the end of Philosopher's Stone, it's revealed Voldemort's face is lurking under Quirrell's turban.

You can probably see where this is going, but yes, I was seriously worried Voldemort was lurking under the girl's headscarf.

Also I thought Japanese people couldn't read since they didn't use the Latin alphabet.

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banned from Starbucks
Jul 18, 2004




I thought ballpits were filled with water and the balls floated on top.

Lord Lambeth
Dec 7, 2011


When I was a kid I thought a racist was someone who ran really really fast.

Lucha Luch
Feb 25, 2007

Mr. Squeakers coming off the top rope!

zVxTeflon posted:

I thought ballpits were filled with water and the balls floated on top.

That's weird, I thought the same thing.. and even after going in the ballpit I rationalized that there was just a large layer of balls over the water. This was actually commonly accepted fact among kids I knew. What the hell?

ToxicSlurpee
Nov 5, 2003

-=SEND HELP=-


Pillbug
When I was really little we had this TV that had the brand name and model number on a little panel beside all the buttons. I, like all children confronted with TVs, pushed all the buttons to see what they did. When I pushed on the panel thing that was shaped like a bigger button a commercial came on. I did it again later and a commercial came on. For like a month I believed that the button made commercials come on but only worked sometimes.

Granted later I realized I just happened to push on it twice right as a commercial was coming on and it wasn't actually a button and did nothing but, whatever, I was a rather stupid four year old.

Sponge Baathist
Jan 30, 2010

by FactsAreUseless
all the emergency and utility vehicle sounds came from Jimmy's living room cross the street.

CommanderApaul
Aug 30, 2003

It's amazing their hands can support such awesome.
I freaked out in Kindergarten when we had a school-wide activity to launch balloons in the air with a pre-filled out postcard attached to see where our card landed. Because I thought I was going up in the balloon and I was scared the people who found me wouldn't mail me back to my parents.

The Monkey Man
Jun 10, 2012

HERD U WERE TALKIN SHIT
I thought that Martin Luther King freed the slaves for a while as a kid.

Women's Rights?
Nov 16, 2005

Ain't give a damn

The Monkey Man posted:

I thought that Martin Luther King freed the slaves for a while as a kid.

I was VERY disappointed to find out that president reagan didn't bring the monkey with him to the white house. I thought he had it, since my folks (who weren't reagan fans) kept snidely referring to him as President Bonzo

GenericOverusedName
Nov 24, 2009

KUVA TEAM EPIC
My parents tried to explain things to me but that didn't mean that I understood them. So I thought everybody had tiny pairs of blue jeans in their bodies and the continents all were on top of dinner plates.

Pierson
Oct 31, 2004



College Slice
I thought the 'D' in the Disney logo was some kind of hosed-up swoosh and not a letter at all.

Push El Burrito
May 9, 2006

Soiled Meat
I thought my father would come home.

Oxyclean
Sep 23, 2007


Pierson posted:

I thought the 'D' in the Disney logo was some kind of hosed-up swoosh and not a letter at all.

For me it was a store called The Bay - the signage had a fancy B as a kid I thought the 'B' some weird bow or ribbon or an M? I'm pretty sure I knew the store was called "The Bay" - but I never made sense of the sign outside the store for the longest time.

yaffle
Sep 15, 2002

Flapdoodle
When I was four I hid under the kitchen table and had hysterics when it was time for school - turns out we had been learning about Easter at school (church of England Primary school) and we were going to church that day, and I thought the whole class was going to be crucified.

Calico Heart
Mar 22, 2012

"wich the worst part was what troll face did to sonic's corpse after words wich was rape it. at that point i looked away"



I used to think I'd be somebody

Oh also when I was a kid my dad tried to explain the cool sci-fi concept of multiple universes to me and my brain went WOAH HE MEANS CARTOONS ARE REAL.

Flakey
Apr 30, 2009

There's no need to speak. You must only concentrate and recall all your past life. When a man thinks of the past, he becomes kinder.
I used to think elevators staid still and the buildings moved around them.

biosterous
Feb 23, 2013




I thought that if I closed my eyes and concentrated real hard I could get my mind into someone else's body. Also thought that if I tried even harder I could get into people in the past. Usually tried for King David.

Rollersnake
May 9, 2005

Please, please don't let me end up in a threesome with the lunch lady and a gay pirate. That would hit a little too close to home.
Unlockable Ben
When I was very young, I thought most music was made on keyboards just like my little Casio keyboard. While this was the '80s and I was at least sort of right, I think I was just baffled by how you could make music come out of anything that didn't have keys.

Also, cats peed out of the tips of their tails.

That DICK!
Sep 28, 2010

I thought Barney was the polite word for fart

AdorableStar
Jul 13, 2013

:patriot:


I thought women pissed out of their asses.

Astrofig
Oct 26, 2009
Young me apparently didn't understand the concept of lipstick---some goth girl walked by our house and I ran and hid in fear of whatever disease she must have that turned her mouth black.

MyFaceBeHi
Apr 9, 2008

I was popular, once.
I thought my uncle was playing hide the banana in my mouth.

OilSlick
Dec 29, 2005

Population: Buscuit
- I used to believe my toybox contained every toy in the world. It was simply a matter of looking for it. I spent a lot of time digging in that thing looking for a Sesame Street Speak-and-Spell

- I used to think that girls were not allowed to play hockey. I was not being sexist, I simply had never seen a female hockey player at the time, and assumed there must have been some kind of rule against it.

- I believed that cemeteries had everyone's grave already in it and you were put there when you died. I wanted to go visit the local cemetery so I could see my grave and see when I would die

- Before the birds and the bees were explained to me, I used to think sex was performed through the breasts. Like they just fused together or something. I really have no idea why I thought that. Oddly, I did imagine it involving the transmission of a viscous white fluid, despite not knowing about the existence of semen at the time.

- When I was 5 I was at a playground with my next door neighbors and they told me that a spider that we found was poisonous. We then played "avoid the spider" by running around the playground. They thought it was a game, but I seriously thought I was going to die. We eventually dropped a pile of gravel on it.

Less Is Definitely
Jan 10, 2012
While bathing, I was afraid the water would soften up my bellybutton, it would dissolve and all my innards would flush out through the hole in my belly.

Krypt-OOO-Nite!!
Oct 25, 2010
^ I used to think if I touched my belly button it might come loose and I'd bleed to death. I have no loving idea why.

Count me in as one of the kids that thought their was water in the ball pit .
I was sure if you got to the bottom of balls there was water underneath.
So I used to try to dive underneath the balls to get to the water.

Also I used to thinking I got shampoo in my eyes I would go blind.

I was an idiot.

Krypt-OOO-Nite!! has a new favorite as of 15:18 on Jun 14, 2014

Krypt-OOO-Nite!!
Oct 25, 2010
Quote isn't edit

54 40 or fuck
Jan 4, 2012

No Yanda's allowed
I used to think the penis was like, where the belly button is but more to the side, and looked exactly like a hot dog and always stuck out.
I asked my 6 year old nephew where he thought babies come from, he said that when girls are little, the doctor cuts a girls arm open, puts a tiny baby inside, and the baby stays inside her and grows and eventually moves into the stomach when the woman is ready to have a baby.

The Shame Boy
Jan 27, 2014

Dead weight, just like this post.



When kids in cartoons asked their parents where babies come from they would give eachother silly looks and have to come up with an excuse.

When i tried to do the same thing with my mom, she just straight up told me there wasa special hole on a lady where the baby comes out.


I was like "oh okay" but in my head i imagind like a rabbit hole in an old Bugs Bunny cartoon, so for the longest time i thought ladies had just a blank space between their legs whre babies just kind of spawned.

AKA Pseudonym
May 16, 2004

A dashing and sophisticated young man
Doctor Rope
I thought drugs just tasted really, really good. People got addicted because they just got hooked on the awesome flavor.

Parasol Prophet
Aug 31, 2012

We Are Best Friends Now.
In first grade we had someone come to our class to talk about health. She (with accompanying chalkboard drawing) said that if you ate too much fat, cholesterol and plaque would build up in your veins and arteries and if there was a lot in there they might get blocked or even burst. She also suggested that we drink 2% milk because whole milk had more fat in it.

Being a totally smart kid, I put two and two together and decided that if you drank too much whole milk your arteries would literally explode.

Falukorv
Jun 23, 2013

A funny little mouse!
I thought raw tomatoes caused nosebleeds, as one of the first times i ate one (one of my earliest memories too) i coincidentally had a nose bleed, and thought the red funnylooking tomato caused it. I had an aversion against tomatoes until i was like 12 years old.

Also, my early childhood was spent in Portugal where you sometimes find indoor centipedes. They are scary enough on their own (but mostly harmless), but then my grandmother taught me, incorrectly, that they can crawl into your ear and bite your brain in your sleep. Thanks Grandma!

Falukorv has a new favorite as of 01:01 on Jun 15, 2014

Chicken Biscuits
Oct 17, 2008
I used to think that the actors inside my VHS tapes were acting out the movie live, and every time I would rewind, they would do it all over again. I used to wonder if they got tired of me.

I also had no idea why my leg would go to sleep when I sat weird, and I thought it would only go numb a certain number of times in my lifetime before it would just... fall off? Die? I don't know. So I was much more careful about how I sat for awhile.

Benne
Sep 2, 2011

STOP DOING HEROIN
For the longest time I thought the Washington Redskins were actually in the State of Washington.

Parts Kit
Jun 9, 2006

durr
i have a hole in my head
durr

Pierson posted:

I thought the 'D' in the Disney logo was some kind of hosed-up swoosh and not a letter at all.
I always saw it as a backwards stupidly fancy 'G' and never asked so it was a very long time before I realized it was really a stupidly fancy D.

OilSlick
Dec 29, 2005

Population: Buscuit
I used to think it was possible to literally flush yourself down the toilet but then I'm pretty sure every little kid thinks this at one point

shock.wav
May 25, 2009
When I sat in the passenger seat and watched the cars in front of us, I established that a flashing light on the left hand side of the car meant "I'm going left", right hand side meant "I'm going right". And two red lights on either side meant "I'm going straight forward!"

They were the brake lights

buglord
Jul 31, 2010

Cheating at a raffle? I sentence you to 1 year in jail! No! Two years! Three! Four! Five years! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Buglord
Eating Gushers would make your head turn into a fruit (like in the commercials). I never ate Gushers when students would bring them for the class in Kindergarten.

All on Black
Dec 14, 2007

She's not "that Mexican", Mom, she's MY Mexican. And she's...Colombian or something.
I believed that everyone on the radio, including women, was bald. Singers, DJs, everyone. I'm not sure where this came from. Maybe I saw a Sinead O'Connor video and my mind just went from there? We'll never know.

Elfface
Nov 14, 2010

Da-na-na-na-na-na-na
IRON JONAH
I thought babies came out of the anus. One hole for solids, the other for liquids. Babies = solid, ergo...

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SurreptitiousMuffin
Mar 21, 2010

OilSlick posted:

I used to think it was possible to literally flush yourself down the toilet but then I'm pretty sure every little kid thinks this at one point

No man, you've got it backwards. There's a snake that lives in there: you can hear him hissing when you flush. That's why you gotta press the button then peg it the gently caress out of there before the toilet snake eats you.

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