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Australia is a lovely country which you may or may not be unfortunate enough to find yourself in. If you count yourselves amongst the former prepare for it to get even loving worse, because guess what's happening this month? New senate motherfuckers. Hope you're ready for a hell of a clusterfuck because this poo poo's going to be insane, but more importantly, almost definitely awful. Let's start with a quick run over the current players in Australian politics. House of Representatives Liberal Party of Australia Seen here: Malcolm Turnbull's leadership ambitions The current group of terrible lovely idiots in government. In a coalition with the Nationals. Having never outgrown student politics, they're currently waging war against anyone outside of the demographics of old, rich, white men and would probably prefer it if you, yes you, just went away already, thanks. The Nationals I don't know who they are but these guys showed up first in Google Image Search so I think this is right. The other half of the terrible lovely idiots in government. No one but people way out in the country where the Liberals can't be arsed with running a candidate votes for them, and in return the Nationals do ?????? I think they've been steadily losing votes since forever and even the Liberals are starting to run people in seats that are usually National safe in an attempt to take them for themselves, so soon enough it'll be a situation. Australian Labor Party I don't remember how that song goes but you probably do so whatever just imagine I'm not lazy as poo poo. The former group of terrible lovely idiots in government. Labor went to the election with the strategy of trying to out-right-wing the Liberal Party and in doing so doomed millions to an even shittier life than we could have possibly imagined. Thanks guys. For something like two or three decades now people have been trying to change it from the inside to not be terrible garbage but it just seems to be getting worse so The Greens "The Socialist Workers Party of Germany = The Greens???" - austeaparty.com.au The Greens are basically the only people in government who give a rat's arse about anyone. Arguably the only left-wing party in Australia with any even vague power, their policies are all crazy leftist bullshit like redistribute everyone's money[citation needed], treat people with basic respect, and have a planet to live on in fifty years. Since they're on the whole good people, you can rest assured that fairly soon the Australian public will reject them for not firing asylum seekers into the Sun. Palmer United Party Australia's last hope. I'm going to level with you here: Palmer is totally insane and no one can have any idea what the gently caress he's on about at any one time. On the whole he's thus far had policies that are left of Labor, but that means less by the day, and he hasn't had to actually stick to any of his guns so uh who knows what the gently caress will happen. Katter's Australian Party He likes big hats and big guns. Uh honestly no idea, he was a threat to the Nationals at one point I think but now he's pretty much just on his own with his electorate in centralish Queensland I think, Palmer took a lot of wind out of his sails as the new crazy person in town I reckon. He doesn't think gays exist or something??? Also he very rarely turns up to parliament since everyone either ignores him entirely or are already giving bipartisan support to policies he'd vote for. Cathy McGowan Actual file name on my computer: "suck_shit_mirabella.jpg" One of two independents in the House of Representatives and the newcomer. I don't know much about her but she unseated Sophie Mirabella after an incredibly successful grassroots campaign in Indi so that's pretty tops. Andrew Wilkie Labor likes burning bridges early. The other independent in the House of Representatives and one of only two people (the other being The Greens' Adam Bandt) to vote against the indefinite detainment of children in the last parliament because he's not a total psychopath. A cool dude you should probably like. Senate Liberal Party of Australia No further comment. Senate Numbers: 27 The Nationals Oh hey I think I've found a picture of one of theaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Senate Numbers: 6 Australian Labor Party Senate Numbers: 25 The Greens Senate Numbers: 10 Palmer United Party The Honourable Brick with Eyes Senate Numbers: 3 Alright these guys are getting a second write-up because it's just so insane. Palmer bankrolled his way into two senators and Queenslanded his way into a third. Dio Wang and Brick with Eyes are likely to do whatever Palmer says, but his Tasmanian senator, Jacqui Lambie, is liable to go off on her own and do her own crazy thing, especially since she has tried to be preselected with virtually every party. This isn't the end of the Palmer insanity though because Australian Motoring Enthusiasts Party RIP Australian manufacturing. Senate Numbers: 1 After some crazy bullshit with senate voting tickets, Ricky Muir of the Victorian branch of the Australian Motoring Enthusiasts Party was elected to the federal senate. After this happened to an uppity Victorian, the main force of the party, based in Queensland, decided "gently caress that uppity Victorian, bet he thinks the Greens aren't poofs" and severed all ties between the national party and the Victorian one because Queensland. With nowhere left to go, Palmer swooped in and took him under his wing, making him essentially a fourth senate puppet for Clive Palmer and essentially giving him the balance of power. Democratic Labour Party Madigan is a blacksmith, thanks rudatron. Senate Numbers: 1 Tony Abbott allegedly used to be one of these. The only minor party that isn't a newcomer in the senate, they're Catholic socialists arguably more left-wing than the ALP in some areas, but far, far more right in others. They have a strong anti-abortion platform with a general opposition to neoliberalism. Liberal Democratic Party Senator David Leyonhjelm fending off a foreign mercernary through the power of the free market. Senate Numbers: 1 A bunch of crazy, dumb libertarians. Leyonhjelm used to be all down with the Liberal Party right up until Howard banned guns in Australia at which point he immediately left, so it really shows what a hosed up lovely idiot he is. Dude literally got in because we New South Welshmen are so loving dumb that we saw the word "Liberal" as the first box on the ballot paper and went "huh that's probably Tony's team isn't it" and ticked and left. Family First This has nothing to do with Family First but it is funnier. Senate Numbers: 1 Bunch of religious jerks who generally put spreading Christianity and sucking the fun and life out of existence before families. Tony will probably give them whatever they want since they're essentially the Liberal Party without a façade of being areligious. Nick Xenophon Honestly I'm very over writing these and I don't have any more good jokes, go home. Senate Numbers: 1 Nick Xenophon is the only independent member of the Australian senate and occasionally has good ideas but being Australian is one hell of a curse so he usually has some really poo poo ones to balance it out. Australian Sports Party In memoriam. Senate Numbers: 0 Hey Pissweak that's a lot of parties and that's great but that doesn't mean poo poo to me like that tell me how the senate will actually come out. Maybe I was about to dickhead, Jesus christ calm down. In order to pass legislation a party needs thirty nine votes in favour of it. Our senate has seventy six positions, essentially making it a "50% + 1" kind of situation. The Liberal Party and The Nationals are going to combine their numbers because of their coalition, so their totals will come out as thirty three together, meaning that in order to pass legislation they need to get six more votes on their side. Assuming Labor stand for anything (a big assumption), they will probably vote against most Coalition legislation with their twenty five senators. The Greens, being a far more consistently not poo poo group of people, will then probably add their ten senators to the mix, bringing the opposition total to thirty five senators. Bob Day of Family First and David Leyonhjelm of the Liberal Democratic Party have organised some god-bothering libertarian voting-bloc match made in hell that will just do whatever the Coalition wants to, bring the Coalition essentially to thirty five seats and leaving the government and opposition with the same number of seats. This leaves the wild cards in the Democratic Labour Party's John Madigan, Palmer's aforementioned voting bloc of his three senators and Ricky Muir, and Nick Xenophon. John Madigan is likely to go with the Coalition on social issues, but against them on economic ones, so he's decided on a case by case basis. Xenophon occasionally gets things really lovely and wrong, but is generally left-aligned and not out to slash and burn the country so he can probably be comfortably slotted with Green-Labor most of the time, putting them at thirty six and only needing three more senators. This leaves the Palmer-Muir voting bloc and where things start to go to poo poo. Theoretically at the start of the wildcard point, Palmer had everything in the bag for controlling the Australian government, but there are two major problems: Ricky Muir standing by him, and Jacqui Lambie standing by him. Of the two, the one I think more likely to jump ship is Lambie, if only because now that she's elected and everything has started, she no longer has any need to stand by him, and if she were to go off on her own, she'd almost definitely pop off to the Liberals, bringing them up to thirty six as well. This still leaves Palmer with deciding power, but only if Muir doesn't abandon him, and if he does I don't even know who he'd vote with, probably the Coalition though, putting them at thirty seven. So at this point it's thirty seven to thirty six in favour of the Coalition, and three senators to decide. Palmer can either use his two senators left to just side with the Coalition and give them the victory or go with Greens-Labor-probable-Xenophon to bring it to thirty eight to thirty seven in favour of the opposition and leave it up to Madigan to decide whether to block the legislation or to go for the perfect tie. Repeat ad infinitum. Whoa mate calm down not all of us are faux-intelligentsia left-wing dickheads that's a lot of words. Fine here's your loving friendlyjordies video. World is fukt. What happened last month?
AusPol Links There's an IRC where you can talk to nerds on the Internet about how poo poo the government is in real time. #auspol on SynIRC if you're not a loving animal and use a client and here's a Mibbit link if you are. AusPol Wiki - A wiki that attempts to educate as well as opinionate. I try to archive anything I come across in here and elsewhere online for later reference. Includes such favourites as:
100+ days in Government - A categorised version of Tony's Mandate which works better as a shareable link South Australian Young Greens Social Group - A Facebook group that (forums user) Kim Jong ill and NuclearSpy have set up which helps keep Adelgoons (and non-goons) up to date with events etc. Here's Sulla's (rip) dumb link archiver and verb conjugator for jerks. Thanks NuclearSpy. Seagull fucked around with this message at 13:25 on Jul 3, 2014 |
# ? Jun 30, 2014 13:11 |
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# ? Apr 25, 2024 16:24 |
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Gonna put good posts here I guess.Freudian Slip posted:OK - firstly could you twitter folk please re-tweet our tweet (the one with a link to the university of Sydney). It's the results that we are talking about on the Medicare co-payments Cleretic posted:Alright, giving this a quick one while my internet's busy making GBS threads itself for unknown reasons. It was a bit overly conversational, and given the points being made I thought the question-answer format didn't entirely work, but I've tried to keep it close to the original. Hopefully this works for you. Gough Suppressant posted:Negligent is Lawful Evil. Freudian Slip posted:Hey all, Chicken Parmigiana posted:This is a little embarrassing. We have two infographics now. Good morning everyone. Chicken Parmigiana posted:Somehow I found the time to make another handy and informative cartoon. Seagull fucked around with this message at 14:52 on Jul 16, 2014 |
# ? Jun 30, 2014 13:11 |
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Request change of Andrew Wilkie image.
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 13:18 |
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Way to steal my nationals joke. nice op
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 13:20 |
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I, hambeet, heartily endorse this event or product
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 13:22 |
Australia is beyond parody at this point. That's all I've got, really.
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 13:25 |
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Ricky Muir was on 7:30 tonight, I think. Wonder how that went.
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 13:28 |
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Probably as well as his last interview.
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 13:29 |
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 13:31 |
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Milky Moor posted:Australia is beyond parody at this point. Just imagine how all kinds of hosed up the Election 16 campaign is gonna be Wonderful OP Pissweak
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 13:31 |
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PaletteSwappedNinja posted:Ricky Muir was on 7:30 tonight, I think. Wonder how that went. No he wasn't, some woman came to the door and said he wasn't home.
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 13:31 |
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You have a senator called lionhat? That's awesome, make him king or something.
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 13:42 |
Richard Di Natale just owned everybody real hard on that show.
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 13:45 |
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May need an update to the OP if the Cory Bernardi to Family First rumours / speculation are true. Which is frightening as the man may have actual power.
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 13:45 |
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I hope you are all watching "The Roast" on every night on ABC 2 at 8.10pm. It is the best intentional political comedy show, unlike all the completely unintentional comedies like QandA. EDIT: Recap episodes every friday: eg. http://iview.abc.net.au/programs/roast/LE1359H060S00 hooman fucked around with this message at 13:53 on Jun 30, 2014 |
# ? Jun 30, 2014 13:48 |
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MiniSune posted:May need an update to the OP if the Cory Bernardi to Family First rumours / speculation are true. Which is frightening as the man may have actual power. Has this been published anywhere?
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 13:51 |
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Ground floor motherfuckers. Let's abuse some god drat asylum seekers up in here!
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 13:51 |
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Mr Chips posted:If anyone has an OCAU forums reg and wants to contribute to some libertarian nitwit having a meltdown, here's your chance: http://forums.overclockers.com.au/showthread.php?t=1129064 quote:
As someone who received the uni's "oh god, we need qualified physicists to teach high school" scholarship from a NSW sandstone university, makes this post extra special. There were around half a dozen physicists in the cohort, and I decided to not pursue the profession. Yeah totally intense competition... gently caress you for bringing up OCAU, btw. I don't typically read this poo poo, but when someone makes the effort to point it out... well...
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 13:52 |
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Wait, are there seriously scholarships for physicists to take up teaching? Because holy gently caress that would be amazing.
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 13:54 |
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hooman posted:Wait, are there seriously scholarships for physicists to take up teaching? Oh yeah, there are scholarships for pretty much all of science teaching these days in NSW, since most everyone who knows anything is jumping ship for other countries.
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 13:58 |
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Jumpingmanjim posted:Has this been published anywhere? https://newmatilda.com/2014/06/24/simon-sheikhs-bold-senate-predictions-2014-youre-gunna-wanna-read-number-1
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 14:00 |
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hooman posted:Wait, are there seriously scholarships for physicists to take up teaching? South Australia's ed dept ran a program for scientists to transfer into teaching. Part of the selection process for a M. Ed scholarship for scientists was to come up with a lesson plan. Y'know, something you'd expect them to learn when they're actually in the loving program, not beforehand. Another part of the selection process was assessing their scientific knowledge, which was done by department staff with no actual scientific expertise. Sorry Tokakmak. Mr Chips fucked around with this message at 14:05 on Jun 30, 2014 |
# ? Jun 30, 2014 14:03 |
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I got 12k, but it was only open to people who did their science undergrad at the same uni. Alsoquote:Haha. No. Wrong. ~10,000 students did physics last year in NSW alone. *me sitting at home on DSP* I'm actually allergic to money, I'm one of those people who prefer a downshifting lifestyle. I don't spend much, have much, but it means I can spend more time on my own pursuits, play games, play with bird.
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 14:05 |
Tokamak posted:Physics is being canned because it is irrelevant in the 21st century Australian economy. We to give our children the skills they need to become lawyers and real estate agents. I never studied physics and turned out ok. but I fundamentally disagree with his point - physics contributes to a greater understanding of the world around us. Not sure really what appreciable gain conveyancers add to society. Also, I posted this in the last thread but it's interesting still so I'm re-posting it, gently caress you dad http://www.theguardian.com/environment/2014/jun/30/extreme-weather-official-advice-rewritten-to-remove-climate-change-link posted:
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 14:07 |
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^^^ Of course Abbott believes in climate change and making an effort to curb our impact on the environment. His conversion was genuine and not a politician selling his conscious for some votes (from the man who was willing to do almost anything for PM). His party isn't totally full of climate sceptics, including the guy who would be the Science minister (if his cabinet position wasn't axed lol). Sir Shion posted:I never studied physics and turned out ok. but I fundamentally disagree with his point - physics contributes to a great dunderstanding of the universe. Not sure really what appreciable gain conveyancers add to society. Good, you aren't a fuckwit unlike most other posters on other Australian forums, such as OCAU. Tokamak fucked around with this message at 14:15 on Jun 30, 2014 |
# ? Jun 30, 2014 14:10 |
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Sir Shion posted:I never studied physics and turned out ok. but I fundamentally disagree with his point - physics contributes to a greater understanding of the world around us. Not sure really what appreciable gain Uh excuse me but we solved all of science in the late 1800s, let me tell you about this aether.
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 14:11 |
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This post may or may not have been on water and an operational matter. If it was important I would have brought it up, but I'm just here not bringing it up because
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 14:14 |
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Mr Chips posted:Sorry Tokakmak. Eh, close enough. You'd make a good Physics high school teacher. Hey, don't make fun of me... I'm on the verge man, I'm on the verge... VVV Tokamak fucked around with this message at 14:20 on Jun 30, 2014 |
# ? Jun 30, 2014 14:16 |
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In other news: abolition of the DSP causes thousands of NEETs to join ISIS
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 14:17 |
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Tokamak posted:Eh, close enough. You'd make a good Physics high school teacher. Nah, I never did physics beyond first year. Based on my attempts at tutoring high school students, I support having specialist 11-12 science teachers with at least 3rd year science, preferably honours or higher. That extra depth gives them a better foundation to explain the principles and answer students' questions properly.
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 14:24 |
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Mr. Chips, I hope your not posting on OCAU under 'chips' and responding to an obvious troll/lobotomy poster 'eightyeight' "I have an Economics degree!!!!" says every 70 IQ bottom feeding internet poster ever.
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 14:26 |
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"dunderstanding"
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 14:33 |
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have you found the derail that occurred when this gem was posted: 'australia is the most entitled country on the face of the earth'. I posted OECD stats showing we're 21st for social spending and 29th for education spending, and got told that didn't matter because the level of handouts here was 'beyond belief' I've gotten a bit bored with it now, to be honest.
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 14:33 |
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The National is a good band and shouldn't represent the heap of poo poo that is The Nationals. That's all I have to say because thinking about Australian politics makes me look longingly at the noose I keep besides my desk for ironic purposes.
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 14:36 |
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I'm revoking your Internet for one week for posting on a politics sub-forum on an Australian technology website/forum. Also you have more posts on there than here... I know its an older account, but that's shameful.
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 14:38 |
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The liberal party wants to strip the mentally ill of welfare benefits because it's super, duper easy to find employment which is in sync with the ebb and flow of psychic distress. People under the age of 30 will need to fend for themselves and subsist on food stamps if they cannot find employment. The LNP wants to send people back where the came from if they a have a < 50% chance of being tortured to death once they return. The LNP is aggressively implementing a broad policy of climate change denial. Seriously. The above is not the theoretical ravings of a minor party. It's the policy of our government. I want to loving die
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 15:02 |
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Well hurry up and die if you don't pay taxes mate. Welcome to the future.
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 15:15 |
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i got banned posted:Well hurry up and die if you don't pay taxes mate. Welcome to the future. Don't even joke about poo poo poo poo man!!!!! Fuuuuuuuuck!! AAAAAAHhhhhhh!!
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 15:16 |
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This is a good-rear end gif
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 15:20 |
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# ? Apr 25, 2024 16:24 |
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Amethyst posted:The liberal party wants to strip the mentally ill of welfare benefits because it's super, duper easy to find employment which is in sync with the ebb and flow of psychic distress. People under the age of 30 will need to fend for themselves and subsist on food stamps if they cannot find employment. The LNP wants to send people back where the came from if they a have a < 50% chance of being tortured to death once they return. The LNP is aggressively implementing a broad policy of climate change denial. Got a mental illness? Because soon you'll be assisted too!
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# ? Jun 30, 2014 15:30 |