Online dating

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Online dating

SHISHKABOB: Nov 30, 2012; Fun Shoe

I would really hate to be a girl and try online dating. My ex told me that she got called a slut and a tease and a bitch by some 55 year old guy when she tried it. I feel like half the girls are utterly blown away by the fact that I read their profile and asked them about something in it.

Girls you have my condolences.

# ? Jul 1, 2014 17:10

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 07:18

get me HQ!: Jul 28, 2010; Aziz... spark that shit nigga

when I meet a girl from online let me tell you my strategy (this also works in speed dating situations)

i say that she can earn a second date/kiss/whatever if she can beat me at Magic: the Gathering. I show up with two decks and tell her to pick one. Now one of the decks is real fast red aggro, anyone could win with it, the other is a not very good tribal deck. so if I like the girl I use NLP to get her to take the red deck and she beats me and usually that's enough for at least a kiss-close if not more.

# ? Jul 1, 2014 17:13

insaneway: Feb 10, 2014; I think when there's enough will and aggression, there's no shortage of talent either.
-Jurgen Klinsmann-

SHISHKABOB posted:

I would really hate to be a girl and try online dating. My ex told me that she got called a slut and a tease and a bitch by some 55 year old guy when she tried it. I feel like half the girls are utterly blown away by the fact that I read their profile and asked them about something in it.

Girls you have my condolences.

I met my girlfriend online

Granted it was on Craigslist which is kinda weird, but whatever.

# ? Jul 1, 2014 17:13

Libelous Slander: May 1, 2009; ... you're just creepy ...

ive been waiting for the okcupid thread to come back for so long

# ? Jul 1, 2014 17:15

SHISHKABOB: Nov 30, 2012; Fun Shoe

I've already met some really cool chicks who are totally chill and laid back, but jeez am I glad to be a dude

# ? Jul 1, 2014 17:15

get me HQ!: Jul 28, 2010; Aziz... spark that shit nigga

SHISHKABOB posted:

glad to be a dude

just in general, this

# ? Jul 1, 2014 17:16

SHISHKABOB: Nov 30, 2012; Fun Shoe

It's mostly because I'm weak and a coward and would not be able to face the challenges as well

# ? Jul 1, 2014 17:16

Brand New Malaysian Wife: Apr 5, 2007; I encourage children who are bullied to kill themselves. In fact, I get off to it. Pedophilia-snuff films are the best. More abused children need to kill themselves.

I met my current boyfriend on OKC and he turned out to be a goon. :confuoot:

# ? Jul 1, 2014 17:17

SHISHKABOB: Nov 30, 2012; Fun Shoe

GiantAmazonianOtter posted:

I met my current boyfriend on OKC and he turned out to be a goon.

That's wonderful I'm so happy for you.

# ? Jul 1, 2014 17:19

Momplestiltskin: Jan 15, 2014; Got any extra firstborns?

GiantAmazonianOtter posted:

I met my current boyfriend on OKC and he turned out to be a goon.

im sorry for your loss

# ? Jul 1, 2014 17:24

turdriver: May 31, 2014; by XyloJW

u never tell her what car you really drive and do a slow roll to amke sure a whale isnt standing at the corner

# ? Jul 1, 2014 17:52

wilderthanmild: Jun 21, 2010; Posting shit; Grimey Drawer

GiantAmazonianOtter posted:

I met my current boyfriend on OKC and he turned out to be a goon.

Goons are hilariously bad at online dating, so that makes your two goon relationship a crazy statistical anomaly.

wilderthanmild fucked around with this message at 17:57 on Jul 1, 2014

# ? Jul 1, 2014 17:52

The Human Crouton: Sep 20, 2002

thunderchief posted:

when I meet a girl from online let me tell you my strategy (this also works in speed dating situations)

i say that she can earn a second date/kiss/whatever if she can beat me at Magic: the Gathering. I show up with two decks and tell her to pick one. Now one of the decks is real fast red aggro, anyone could win with it, the other is a not very good tribal deck. so if I like the girl I use NLP to get her to take the red deck and she beats me and usually that's enough for at least a kiss-close if not more.

Going to try this.

# ? Jul 1, 2014 17:53

turdriver: May 31, 2014; by XyloJW

thunderchief posted:

when I meet a girl from online let me tell you my strategy (this also works in speed dating situations)

i say that she can earn a second date/kiss/whatever if she can beat me at Magic: the Gathering. I show up with two decks and tell her to pick one. Now one of the decks is real fast red aggro, anyone could win with it, the other is a not very good tribal deck. so if I like the girl I use NLP to get her to take the red deck and she beats me and usually that's enough for at least a kiss-close if not more.

what if u want to date beautiful girls not goony slobs?

# ? Jul 1, 2014 17:56

Shadow: Jun 25, 2002

The questionnaires on OKCupid have both helped and ruined online dating for me. They help in that I am able to confirm that the person I'm about to email isn't a complete sociopath based on some of the answers (confirm, meaning, have a decent idea unless she's outright lying). On the other hand, I end up excluding many women who otherwise may actually be great fits with me due to thinking "They should hear both sides" on the "Should Creationism be taught in schools?"

Or the other one:

Which is worse: starving animals or children?
- Animals

That poo poo blows my mind and I immediately go back to the search results. Anyone who thinks a starving loving animal is more upsetting than a starving loving child is just not someone I'm gonna mix well with.

Edit:

To be ontopic. I believe it's both great and terrifying to be a female on a dating site. On the one hand, it's ultimately her choice who she want to meet with since they hold all the cards (as long as they aren't hideous... and even then). However, it's also overwhelming since they typically get emailed numerous times per day and many of which are some of the dumbest emails you've ever seen. Or dick pics. They get a lot of dick pics.

And like the OP said, if they don't reply they're a whore. If they do reply and say they aren't interested, they're a bitch/whore/oval office/slut/etc. YOU JUST WANT SOME MEATHEAD WHO WILL TREAT YOU LIKE poo poo. GIRLS SAY THEY WANT A NICE GUY BUT THEY DON'T.

Yeah, winner. You sound really nice.

(I've done some social experiments in the past...)

Shadow fucked around with this message at 18:20 on Jul 1, 2014

# ? Jul 1, 2014 18:14

Cnut the Great: Mar 30, 2014

Shadow posted:

On the other hand, I end up excluding many women who otherwise may actually be great fits with me due to thinking "They should hear both sides" on the "Should Creationism be taught in schools?"

i don't think the women who answered that question differently would be great fits for you, because intelligent people generally don't get along well with morons

# ? Jul 1, 2014 18:40

Chuck Tanner: Nov 10, 2012; by Lowtax

thunderchief posted:

when I meet a girl from online let me tell you my strategy (this also works in speed dating situations)

i say that she can earn a second date/kiss/whatever if she can beat me at Magic: the Gathering. I show up with two decks and tell her to pick one. Now one of the decks is real fast red aggro, anyone could win with it, the other is a not very good tribal deck. so if I like the girl I use NLP to get her to take the red deck and she beats me and usually that's enough for at least a kiss-close if not more.

can confirm this works every time

# ? Jul 1, 2014 18:43

Hustle Hound: Oct 21, 2012; all is known

SHISHKABOB posted:

I would really hate to be a girl and try online dating. My ex told me that she got called a slut and a tease and a bitch by some 55 year old guy when she tried it. I feel like half the girls are utterly blown away by the fact that I read their profile and asked them about something in it.

Girls you have my condolences.

you shouldve read the okcupid thread here, it was really not good.

# ? Jul 1, 2014 18:44

Michaellaneous: Oct 30, 2013

i thought onlinedating is ask somebody asl in omegle?

# ? Jul 1, 2014 18:46

CRIP EATIN BREAD: Jun 24, 2002; Hey stop worrying bout my acting bitch, and worry about your WACK ass music. In the mean time... Eat a hot bowl of Dicks! Ice T; Soiled Meat

i did a post about how i automated a plenty of fish account its around somewhere

# ? Jul 1, 2014 18:47

Shadow: Jun 25, 2002

Benedick Cuckold posted:

i don't think the women who answered that question differently would be great fits for you, because intelligent people generally don't get along well with morons

does this mean you and i will never be?

# ? Jul 1, 2014 18:55

Priapus: Feb 17, 2007; I AM LITERALLY AND I MEAN LITERALLY A STUPID NAIVE SHELTERED IGNORANT DENSE AS FUCK WASTE OF SPACE. PLEASE IGNORE ANYTHING I SAY AS THEY ARE THE RAMBLINGS OF A DELUSIONAL FUCKWAD PS MY DICK IS VERY SMALL AND I PROBABLY HAVE NEVER USED IT im so very retarded

the quality of online dating chicks is way better than when it first started unfortunately the men haven't kept pace, sorry ladies.

# ? Jul 1, 2014 19:33

Tezzeract: Dec 25, 2007; Think I took a wrong turn...

Shadow posted:

The questionnaires on OKCupid have both helped and ruined online dating for me. They help in that I am able to confirm that the person I'm about to email isn't a complete sociopath based on some of the answers (confirm, meaning, have a decent idea unless she's outright lying). On the other hand, I end up excluding many women who otherwise may actually be great fits with me due to thinking "They should hear both sides" on the "Should Creationism be taught in schools?"

Or the other one:

Which is worse: starving animals or children?
- Animals

That poo poo blows my mind and I immediately go back to the search results. Anyone who thinks a starving loving animal is more upsetting than a starving loving child is just not someone I'm gonna mix well with.

I'm pretty it's worse to have starving animals than children. Who doesn't love kids?

# ? Jul 1, 2014 20:06

Shadow: Jun 25, 2002

Tezzeract posted:

I'm pretty it's worse to have starving animals than children. Who doesn't love kids?

Maybe I didn't phrase it correctly. The question was asking which reality is worse. Animals starving, or children starving. I simply find it insane that people would think that animals starving is a harsher reality than human children.

# ? Jul 1, 2014 20:17

verily carefree: Apr 5, 2014

Tezzeract posted:

I'm pretty it's worse to have starving animals than children. Who doesn't love kids?

starving animals = bad

children = good

# ? Jul 1, 2014 20:29

a creepy colon: Oct 28, 2004; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Starve all children

# ? Jul 1, 2014 20:31

Libelous Slander: May 1, 2009; ... you're just creepy ...

okcupid polls are terrible because they never have a goku option

# ? Jul 1, 2014 20:32

Anachronist: Feb 13, 2009

Shadow posted:

Maybe I didn't phrase it correctly. The question was asking which reality is worse. Animals starving, or children starving. I simply find it insane that people would think that animals starving is a harsher reality than human children.

The question is abused animals versus starving children I'm pretty sure. Which doesn't make people any less wrong, but there's at least room to almost see the other side's point.

# ? Jul 1, 2014 20:34

Shadow: Jun 25, 2002

Anachronist posted:

The question is abused animals versus starving children I'm pretty sure. Which doesn't make people any less wrong, but there's at least room to almost see the other side's point.

Ah, got it. And yeah, I agree. Abusing animals is a bad thing. Children starving is a worse thing. It's kind of insane to not agree with that.

# ? Jul 1, 2014 20:44

College Ruled: Apr 25, 2012; "It seems another associate has taken my friendly attitude as to insinuate desires that would exist outside the bounds of professional courtesy."

Courtesy of: 01001100 01001100 01001010 01001011 01010011 01101001 01001100 01101011

CRIP EATIN BREAD posted:

i did a post about how i automated a plenty of fish account its around somewhere

This sounds like a cool summer project. What did you use?

# ? Jul 1, 2014 20:48

Mega64: May 23, 2008; I took the octopath less travelered,

And it made one-eighth the difference.

I can see people preferring starving children. At least seeing starving children can be funny, which is why people always photoshop that pic of the starving African child.

Starving animals usually isn't funny, though I guess it depends on the animal. If you choose animals whose starving is hilarious, like a sloth, then people would probably say starving children are worse, because who wouldn't laugh at a starving sloth?

# ? Jul 1, 2014 20:56

CRIP EATIN BREAD: Jun 24, 2002; Hey stop worrying bout my acting bitch, and worry about your WACK ass music. In the mean time... Eat a hot bowl of Dicks! Ice T; Soiled Meat

College Ruled posted:

This sounds like a cool summer project. What did you use?

found the post

quote:

Sup, CRIP EATIN BREAD here, and I have some tips that will help you get some curvy gamer girls or even someone stupid enough to actually meet you.

i'm not actually going to give away my script because I don't want everyone in the world who can copy/paste it do it, and plus it was a fun exercise.

the success rate is surprising, this was more of a social experiment because a buddy of mine told me he hosed 6 girls in 6 days from this site, and the pictures he texted me of their naked bodies were pretty good. i figured i'd yos it up and bit and automate the boring stuff.

What you'll need:

A computer

Access to the internet

Some sort of scripting language (bash supremacy)

curl or wget

A text editor (vim)

A plentyoffish.com account

The ability to string together some words with periods separating thoughts.

alright, so here we go, what you need to do is to create an account for plentyoffish.com, and probably fill in some forms. just post poo poo and try to get a picture of yourself where you dont have cheeto dust all over your face and your guts not hanging out. got it? good. now we get to the fun part, the scripting.

first step, you need to get the cookies for PoF stored locally on your machine in the netscape cookie.txt format. unfortunately chrome uses a different format, so I used this cookie.txt export extension. it makes a button in chrome that formats your cookies for you. copy and paste that poo poo in a file, you'll need it.

now figure out pof's url format for searching, it's very simple, because they put everything in the url parameters, and there's no captchas on the site.

It looks sorta like this:

http://www.pof.com/basicsearch.aspx?iama=m&minage=23&maxage=31&z_code=99999&seekinga=fðnicity=4&sorting=0&miles=8&country=1&imagesetting=1&page=2&count=500

change minage, maxage and z_code to the age range you want and zip code you want, and you can gently caress with the other paramaters to find other poo poo. whatever, the fact you like old ladies who are of middle eastern descent is not the focus of this post. what you'll do is do a for loop in your scripting language to get all the profiles.

basically this:
code:
    for i in {1..25}
    do
        curl --cookie PATH_TO_COOKIES_DOT_TEE_EX_TEE "http://www.pof.com/basicsearch.aspx?page={$i}"
    done
    
you've just done a search through 25 pages. now use sed or grep or whatever to get all the viewprofile links. its pretty simple, your regex will look something like /viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=[1-9]* and extract all of them.

now you have all your potential targets, just append that url to the base url. simply pass these urls back into the curl script, which can be automated if you're not terrible with sed or grep or whatever. if you are, get t he gently caress out of yospos. make sure to pass your cookie file again!

now you can simply spam all of them with a message by passing the form data. the thing is you need to get all the inputs from the form, whichi s really easy to parse. then fill in the "message" form item. make up a message, i used something along the lines of:

"hey ive never used dating sites before, so i dont know how this goes, blah blah blah blah"

use proper sentences and poo poo, chicks love that poo poo. try to play off the fact that you're not a creepy dude who just wrote a script to automate online dating. spam the same message to everyone.

for better effectiveness, you can have y our script output all the people you've already messaged so you don't duplicate messages, and run it as a cron job. now every girl that signs up will get your message automatically. the ones who just signed up are not as battle-hardened so you're more likely to get a response.

now all you gotta do is just wade through the responses and and set your poo poo up. this has a ridiculous success rate for something so stupid.

# ? Jul 1, 2014 20:58

Al Borland: Oct 29, 2006; by XyloJW

OP if an old grizzly cop can meet young attractive women to have rough and violent sex with online. Then dump their butchered up bodies into suitcases he stores in his freezer. The odds for you finding a girl are pretty good.

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/cops-suspect-in-wis-suitcase-murders-met-victims-online/

# ? Jul 1, 2014 21:01

SpeedGem: Sep 19, 2012; by Ralp

I once went on a blind date with a woman on her period. Everything was terrible, the movie, the dinner, everything.

I asked her why she wanted to go out. She told me it was to escape a mundane existence.

Was cool.

# ? Jul 1, 2014 21:03

Schnedwob: Feb 28, 2014; my legs are okay

Al Borland posted:

OP if an old grizzly cop can meet young attractive women to have rough and violent sex with online. Then dump their butchered up bodies into suitcases he stores in his freezer. The odds for you finding a girl are pretty good.

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/cops-suspect-in-wis-suitcase-murders-met-victims-online/

yeah, but wisconsin

# ? Jul 1, 2014 21:06

Al Borland: Oct 29, 2006; by XyloJW

Schnedwob posted:

yeah, but wisconsin

The women were coming from other states though.

Unless you're saying Wisconsin men are just poon magnets. In which case I agree we are.

# ? Jul 1, 2014 21:07

Fagmaster: Aug 21, 2004

online dating? more like rejected broken people repository

# ? Jul 1, 2014 21:10

Trixie Hardcore: Jul 1, 2006; Placeholder.

Hey OP, you look good in your pic, I am looking for a friend maybe more too. Anyway I want to stick my dick so far down your throat that you pass out from lack of air then I will sodomize & rob you, wanna meet Thursday? You have a Denny's near your house? IHOP is cool too. Hope to hear from you soon xoxo

# ? Jul 1, 2014 21:13

SpeedGem: Sep 19, 2012; by Ralp

Fagmaster posted:

online dating? more like rejected broken people repository

You never know, you might end up with one who just wants to throw cards in a hat for a few hours.

# ? Jul 1, 2014 21:14

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 07:18

Al Borland: Oct 29, 2006; by XyloJW

Trixie Hardcore posted:

Hey OP, you look good in your pic, I am looking for a friend maybe more too. Anyway I want to stick my dick so far down your throat that you pass out from lack of air then I will sodomize & rob you, wanna meet Thursday? You have a Denny's near your house? IHOP is cool too. Hope to hear from you soon xoxo

A girl I know told me she would find men with fetishes that looked like they made good money have sex with them, tie them up, take pictures, then blackmail them.

:gonk:

I wouldn't doubt the sincerity of this either.

# ? Jul 1, 2014 21:16

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