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4outof5
Nov 10, 2003

Sleepwalking

I tried to fart but pushed too hard and accidentally Sarted

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jBrereton
May 29, 2013



Get an existential tissue.

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010



no stop

SirEvelynTremble
Dec 25, 2013

FORGIVE THINE ENEMIES

BUT KILL ALL YOUR FRIENDS


Sell your skidmarked underwear to a Japanese businessman

Cucking Mama
Sep 27, 2013
Probation
Can't post for 4 hours!


what the gently caress are you talking about college boy

Effectronica
May 31, 2011

Our thoughts are becoming reality?

I'm a superstar... I'm a superstar...


i rated this thread, 4outof5

Al Borland
Oct 29, 2006
Probation
Can't post for 22 hours!


It's called gambling and losing op.

Cender
Sep 24, 2004



I'm having an existential issue as well. The skies are black and the visible world around me is covered in a white fungus resembling dandelions and little white shelled creatures look to be scuttling underneath them.

Also I've met a double of myself and he tried to kill me.

AMA

Broenheim
Feb 25, 2014

Don't judge me just because I'm a trans cat

Cender posted:

I'm having an existential issue as well. The skies are black and the visible world around me is covered in a white fungus resembling dandelions and little white shelled creatures look to be scuttling underneath them.

Also I've met a double of myself and he tried to kill me.

AMA

How much acid did you take?

4outof5
Nov 10, 2003

Sleepwalking

Cender posted:

I'm having an existential issue as well. The skies are black and the visible world around me is covered in a white fungus resembling dandelions and little white shelled creatures look to be scuttling underneath them.

Also I've met a double of myself and he tried to kill me.

AMA

post more please

Rando
Mar 11, 2004



The annual existential issue of Hustler is always depressing. "I had a terrible childhood, I have no marketable skills and have to sell my body, blah blah"

Cender
Sep 24, 2004



Broenheim posted:

How much acid did you take?

None, poo poo, could you imagine tripping while this poo poo is going down?

4outof5 posted:

post more please

There's also this chill dog with glowing blue eyes, but considering the rest going on I figured it wasn't as much of a pressing issue.

I think he's trying to tell me something.

Cender
Sep 24, 2004



Here's a crappy cell phone pic, sorry for the instagram filter.

psyopmonkey
Nov 15, 2008


Indeed.

If you cant trust a fart, you should change your diet.

More fiber and healthy food. Less disgusting whatever the f' youve been eating.

fyodor
May 27, 2004

friggin awesome

I guess you didn't see the NO EXIT sign on your rear end when you SARTRED.


(I read once)

carrion kit
Mar 19, 2005

'lapse!


3XiStenTi4l R1sK has joined the server.

baw
Nov 5, 2008
RESIDENT: LAISSEZ FAIR-SNEZHNEVSKY INSTITUTE FOR FORENSIC PSYCHIATRY

jBrereton posted:

Get an existential tissue.

mixed.message
Nov 27, 2013


Old man rules: Never trust a fart, never waste a hard on.

Shithouse Dave
Aug 5, 2007

each post manufactured to the highest specifications



Try ceasing to exist, that usually solves most problems

Pumpy Muffinz
Aug 11, 2008

Banned?

Shithouse Dave posted:

Try ceasing to exist, that usually solves most problems

nahh. that's too boring.

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

Hailing frequencies

You play with fire,
sometimes you get burned.

Op.

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007

Must have yaself a real pritty voice.


Cender posted:

Here's a crappy cell phone pic, sorry for the instagram filter.



oh yeah i had that once. what you want to do is seek the Speaker of Five Truths - dude kind of looks like a mollusc hosed a spider, weird poo poo but you get over it after the first couple of hysterical nose bleeds - and ask him about the secret names of Those That Should Be But Are Not.

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007

Must have yaself a real pritty voice.


important - do not, i mean DO NOT, answer your cell phone

Animal-Mother
Feb 14, 2012


Sometimes you got to get in there with Wittgenstein's poker and get yourself started like a jar of ketchup.

Yivgev
May 18, 2004

i brought my +1 ak-47



heart and soul, rock and roll
elbow smash up your butt hole

Heartbroken 2Twice
Oct 6, 2013


sharts, the sickness unto death...

Subliminal Sauce
Apr 6, 2010

Spreading freedom and spreading it thick; that's just a thing us right-wing nutjobs do!

Time to issue a tissue issue. As in all tissue rots; stinks too, op

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

Hailing frequencies

Throw out yo underwears
Wash yo rear end in the sink
New lease on life.

Animal-Mother
Feb 14, 2012


If God can fart, but chooses not to
Then why call him God?

Cender
Sep 24, 2004



paranoid randroid posted:

important - do not, i mean DO NOT, answer your cell phone

My phone started screaming after I uploaded that pic and then melted, I'm safe for now.

Now if only these pasty blank white people with claws would stop trying to rend my flesh I could get a nice meal in, there's a perfectly good can of beans here that I just can't get around to opening due to the constant attempted rending.

Greyhawk
May 30, 2001




I tried to fart but pushed too hard
and now my pants are full of smelly matter
They start to fall; I've lost them all
yeah, my pants are full of stinky maaaaaaaaatter

Helpimscared
Jun 16, 2014


i frequently breathe

4outof5 posted:

I tried to fart but pushed too hard and accidentally Sarted

That sounds like a personal problem

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

You have failed me for the last time, Colonel Pickering.


Cender posted:

My phone started screaming after I uploaded that pic and then melted, I'm safe for now.

Now if only these pasty blank white people with claws would stop trying to rend my flesh I could get a nice meal in, there's a perfectly good can of beans here that I just can't get around to opening due to the constant attempted rending.

There's gonna be some large birds coming soon.
You can address them or not. Their point will be made regardless.
I don't THINK they'll hurt you, but they certainly won't protect you from those claw people. Sucks.

Snatch Duster
Feb 20, 2007

[ASK] ME ABOUT BEING
A BIG, FAT BLOB.

Fatty fatty bum bum, that's me!


My girlfriend of three years and I broke up last night over something so stupid (not to mention embarrassing), that I don’t know what to do.

We had just eaten Indian food (she got me into it and now it’s our favorite meal) at a local place and decided we should go watch 22 Jump Street to finish off the weekend. Well, on our way over to the movie theater I needed to fart really bad and let one slip. Turns out the Indian food wasn't such a great idea, and I gambled and lost.

It was immediately noticeable, even though the windows were down, and without missing a beat she just starts screaming at me to pull over. She’s got a very timid stomach due to a past illness so she’s sitting there in the passenger seat dry-heaving, and I’m about in tears at this point as the gravity of the situation fully sets in. I find a decent place to pull over (not fast enough according to her) and once she spills out of the door and finishes dry-heaving (no actual vomit or anything she may have been faking) she won’t let me near her. I’m straight up bawling on the side of a 4 lane avenue while she’s telling me to “Turn around” practically every other sentence. I thought it was a weird thing to say and don’t quite understand what brought her to keep telling me those two words over and over again, but I think she was just telling me to get out of her sight or something.

We continue arguing on the side of a busy highway while she calls one of her girl friends to pick her up, telling me she’s not getting anywhere near my car. I tell her I thought we were at that stage where she wanted me the way that I am, but as we keep on arguing it’s becoming pretty apparent it turns out she’ll never be that girl. This obviously leads to other, more deep-seated issues between us, and before I know it she's spitting out crazy poo poo and telling me she never wants to see me again.

I’m just sitting here typing this and realizing that the best of all my years have gone by and I wasted them on a shallow bitch. I need her more than ever. I remember clear as day the moment her friend pulled up, and she’s basically sprinting to the car and I’m yelling to her, “I don't know what to do! I REALLY need you tonight! Once upon a time we were falling in love, but now you’re loving stuck on a shart. There’s nothing I can say… A turd sometimes slips from a fart.”

Drad_Bert
Jun 26, 2013



I like Nietzsche and I cannot lie
other untermensch can't deny
that when a abyss walks in with metaphysical dread
and it goes right to your head
you get scared

Cender
Sep 24, 2004



Big Beef City posted:

There's gonna be some large birds coming soon.
You can address them or not. Their point will be made regardless.
I don't THINK they'll hurt you, but they certainly won't protect you from those claw people. Sucks.

They just arrived a few minutes ago and inferred to me that a tragedy would happen with my car.

I thanked them, and they flew to make a meal of the corpses of children that my car ran over the other day when the fungus ate through the brake hydraulics,allowing it to silently roll into their midst.


They were a bit late but hey, they tried.

stuntwaffle
Mar 7, 2007

I've the got devil in me
It's the man you see

walk on


jBrereton posted:

Get an existential tissue.

redshirt
Aug 11, 2007

Hailing frequencies

Snatch Duster posted:

My girlfriend of three years and I broke up last night over something so stupid (not to mention embarrassing), that I don’t know what to do.

We had just eaten Indian food (she got me into it and now it’s our favorite meal) at a local place and decided we should go watch 22 Jump Street to finish off the weekend. Well, on our way over to the movie theater I needed to fart really bad and let one slip. Turns out the Indian food wasn't such a great idea, and I gambled and lost.

It was immediately noticeable, even though the windows were down, and without missing a beat she just starts screaming at me to pull over. She’s got a very timid stomach due to a past illness so she’s sitting there in the passenger seat dry-heaving, and I’m about in tears at this point as the gravity of the situation fully sets in. I find a decent place to pull over (not fast enough according to her) and once she spills out of the door and finishes dry-heaving (no actual vomit or anything she may have been faking) she won’t let me near her. I’m straight up bawling on the side of a 4 lane avenue while she’s telling me to “Turn around” practically every other sentence. I thought it was a weird thing to say and don’t quite understand what brought her to keep telling me those two words over and over again, but I think she was just telling me to get out of her sight or something.

We continue arguing on the side of a busy highway while she calls one of her girl friends to pick her up, telling me she’s not getting anywhere near my car. I tell her I thought we were at that stage where she wanted me the way that I am, but as we keep on arguing it’s becoming pretty apparent it turns out she’ll never be that girl. This obviously leads to other, more deep-seated issues between us, and before I know it she's spitting out crazy poo poo and telling me she never wants to see me again.

I’m just sitting here typing this and realizing that the best of all my years have gone by and I wasted them on a shallow bitch. I need her more than ever. I remember clear as day the moment her friend pulled up, and she’s basically sprinting to the car and I’m yelling to her, “I don't know what to do! I REALLY need you tonight! Once upon a time we were falling in love, but now you’re loving stuck on a shart. There’s nothing I can say… A turd sometimes slips from a fart.”

Same.

nomadologique
Mar 9, 2011



Cender posted:

I'm having an existential issue as well. The skies are black and the visible world around me is covered in a white fungus resembling dandelions and little white shelled creatures look to be scuttling underneath them.

Also I've met a double of myself and he tried to kill me.

AMA

you are stuck in Zack Efron's LIMINAL STAIRS retreat immediately

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Jesus Christ
Jun 1, 2000

fully restored


psyopmonkey posted:

If you cant trust a fart, you should change your diet.

More fiber and healthy food. Less disgusting whatever the f' youve been eating.

If you can't trust a fart, what can you trust?

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