Snatch Duster posted:

My girlfriend of three years and I broke up last night over something so stupid (not to mention embarrassing), that I don’t know what to do.

We had just eaten Indian food (she got me into it and now it’s our favorite meal) at a local place and decided we should go watch 22 Jump Street to finish off the weekend. Well, on our way over to the movie theater I needed to fart really bad and let one slip. Turns out the Indian food wasn't such a great idea, and I gambled and lost.

It was immediately noticeable, even though the windows were down, and without missing a beat she just starts screaming at me to pull over. She’s got a very timid stomach due to a past illness so she’s sitting there in the passenger seat dry-heaving, and I’m about in tears at this point as the gravity of the situation fully sets in. I find a decent place to pull over (not fast enough according to her) and once she spills out of the door and finishes dry-heaving (no actual vomit or anything she may have been faking) she won’t let me near her. I’m straight up bawling on the side of a 4 lane avenue while she’s telling me to “Turn around” practically every other sentence. I thought it was a weird thing to say and don’t quite understand what brought her to keep telling me those two words over and over again, but I think she was just telling me to get out of her sight or something.

We continue arguing on the side of a busy highway while she calls one of her girl friends to pick her up, telling me she’s not getting anywhere near my car. I tell her I thought we were at that stage where she wanted me the way that I am, but as we keep on arguing it’s becoming pretty apparent it turns out she’ll never be that girl. This obviously leads to other, more deep-seated issues between us, and before I know it she's spitting out crazy poo poo and telling me she never wants to see me again.

I’m just sitting here typing this and realizing that the best of all my years have gone by and I wasted them on a shallow bitch. I need her more than ever. I remember clear as day the moment her friend pulled up, and she’s basically sprinting to the car and I’m yelling to her, “I don't know what to do! I REALLY need you tonight! Once upon a time we were falling in love, but now you’re loving stuck on a shart. There’s nothing I can say… A turd sometimes slips from a fart.”