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Ocrassus
Mar 22, 2012

"Is God willing to prevent evil, but unable?
Then he is not omnipotent.

Is he able, but not willing?
Then he is malevolent.

Is he both able and willing?
Then whence cometh evil?

Is he neither able nor willing?
Then why call him God?"

~Epicurus


So I just landed my first proper job working for a big company with a salary and poo poo, breddy excited about it...

...this will not stand. I know quite a lot of you are oldies so poast about your first proper job here so you can crush my hopes and dreams and make me a nervous wreck before my first day.

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hayden.
Sep 11, 2007

here's a goat on a pig or something


my first real job was full of lovely people and i left it after a year because i couldn't stand them

also I was stupid about the salary negotiation and screwed myself over at least a few thousand dollars

A Wheezy Steampunk
Jul 16, 2006

High School Grads Eligible!


my first and second real jobs were both computer janitor jobs

make sure you take maximum advantage of all benefits like insurance, retirement plans, cell phone discounts, gym membership, etc

Mr. Glass
May 1, 2009


yeah, save the maximum amount you can in your 401k or whatever, especially if your employer matches contributions at all (that's basically free money)

save until it hurts

Valeyard
Mar 30, 2012

War.

War never changes.


it was a blowjob from your mom op

USSMICHELLEBACHMAN
Oct 1, 2002



try not to make all of the women in your office uncomfortable

Mr. Glass
May 1, 2009


USSMICHELLEBACHMAN posted:

try not to make all of the women in your office uncomfortable

Ocrassus
Mar 22, 2012

"Is God willing to prevent evil, but unable?
Then he is not omnipotent.

Is he able, but not willing?
Then he is malevolent.

Is he both able and willing?
Then whence cometh evil?

Is he neither able nor willing?
Then why call him God?"

~Epicurus


errybody giving good advice so far. come on I can't jack off to this...

Serious question tho, quite a lot of people say 'start saving for retirement early', why? I mean, I get it, you want to be provided for in your old age, but drat having to forego all that surplus money when you're young and more able to enjoy it..

also, dropping it inside a pension vs investing it?

Mr. Glass
May 1, 2009


Ocrassus posted:

errybody giving good advice so far. come on I can't jack off to this...

Seriously though, quite a lot of people say 'start saving for retirement early', why? I mean, I get it, you want to be provided for in your old age, but drat having to forego all that surplus money when you're young and more able to enjoy it..

compounding interest

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



when u start to have hard look at how much retirement will cost and etc its fuckin terrifying and you realise you need to save 80% of your wage for 30 years just to survive for 10 years with no income, let alone if you get even older etc. its hosed up but true

Ocrassus
Mar 22, 2012

"Is God willing to prevent evil, but unable?
Then he is not omnipotent.

Is he able, but not willing?
Then he is malevolent.

Is he both able and willing?
Then whence cometh evil?

Is he neither able nor willing?
Then why call him God?"

~Epicurus


Perhaps u guys can recommend me some excellent workplace yosposting tips??

Mr. Glass
May 1, 2009


yospost at work



is it seriously that complicated

pram
Jun 10, 2001


This was the funniest thing I could think of:



cool working tips: be a gunner for your first 3 months before you slowly slip into a nihilistic ennui

Ocrassus
Mar 22, 2012

"Is God willing to prevent evil, but unable?
Then he is not omnipotent.

Is he able, but not willing?
Then he is malevolent.

Is he both able and willing?
Then whence cometh evil?

Is he neither able nor willing?
Then why call him God?"

~Epicurus


Mr. Glass posted:

yospost at work



is it seriously that complicated

What if the IT goons catch you. what do you barter for their silence.

Mr. Glass
May 1, 2009


Ocrassus posted:

What if the IT goons catch you. what do you barter for their silence.

they're probably more worried about the guy with 500 gigabytes of pirated porn on his work computer

theadder
Dec 29, 2011




echinopsis posted:

when u start to have hard look at how much retirement will cost and etc its fuckin terrifying and you realise you need to save 80% of your wage for 30 years just to survive for 10 years with no income, let alone if you get even older etc. its hosed up but true

saving_at_-5%_interest.txt

Jonny 290
May 5, 2005


fully trained greenskeeper


buy a pistol, there theres your retirement plan

attempting to tread water when you're 70 and our houses are triple today's price and gas is $20 a gallon will be a loving nightmare horror show

Mr. Glass
May 1, 2009


Jonny 290 posted:

buy a pistol, there theres your retirement plan

attempting to tread water when you're 70 and our houses are triple today's price and gas is $20 a gallon will be a loving nightmare horror show

sounds like one should invest in gas and real estate then

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



yeah hopefully i can own a touch of real estate


surely there will be the great re-leveling of the playing field. by blood. stay tuned

Swolegoat
Nov 4, 2011


i a;m piss

A Wheezy Steampunk
Jul 16, 2006

High School Grads Eligible!


Ocrassus posted:

errybody giving good advice so far. come on I can't jack off to this...

Serious question tho, quite a lot of people say 'start saving for retirement early', why? I mean, I get it, you want to be provided for in your old age, but drat having to forego all that surplus money when you're young and more able to enjoy it..

Mr. Glass posted:

compounding interest

theadder
Dec 29, 2011





epic thissery

JawnV6
Jul 4, 2004


So hot ...

my first real job was an IT intern

i had to manage voicemail boxes (this was like 90% of the business)

i was the first one from my high school group who had an office job like that. we got together and watched office space and they asked in hushed tones if it was really like that

Mr. Glass
May 1, 2009


not that $470k is enough to retire on, hopefully you will have saved more than 24 grand in as many years

Sniep
Mar 28, 2004

All I needed was that fatty blunt...



King of Breakfast


my first job was when i was 14 years old and i had to go through a city volunteer like program to get it even though i was paid because the hospital couldn't hire me directly unless i was 16+

$6.70 an hour which was some hot money for a 14 year old in 1995

i was a computer janitor tasked to upgrade rams and poo poo like that, basic desktop support, and often the network admin who was a lush wouldn't be in and i'd get to do NT admin poo poo like adding user accounts and setting access and poo poo on the NT server.

the server closet was so small that you kinda had to sit on the AS/400 expansion unit to admin the NT server

Cold on a Cob
Feb 6, 2006



hayden. posted:

my first real job was full of lovely people and i left it after a year because i couldn't stand them

also I was stupid about the salary negotiation and screwed myself over at least a few thousand dollars

my first real post-college job i asked for 6k less than the lowest salary band lol

my boss was good though he paid me the 6k above what i asked for and gave me lots of raises and kept me in one job for 7 years b/c he was so awesome

JawnV6 posted:

i was the first one from my high school group who had an office job like that. we got together and watched office space and they asked in hushed tones if it was really like that

good first boss brought bats so we could destroy the last as/400 our company had when we finally pulled it out of service, so, yes

Smythe
Oct 12, 2003




no_meds=f4

ive never had a real job, op.

USSMICHELLEBACHMAN
Oct 1, 2002



Smythe posted:

ive never had a real job, op.

you're good with people and you know enough about computers to be a great PM

duTrieux.
Oct 9, 2003

~omnia delenda sunt~


there was so much blood.

Fabricated
Apr 9, 2007



My actual first job was at a really lovely video store that got bought out twice in 3 years with the final buyer being Movie Gallery, whose strategy of "buy out all of our competitors in a dying industry" didn't really work out so well so they went out of business.

Our selection was terrible so most of our business was in renting porn, which was a hell of a lot more profitable than renting regular movies

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



ive had jobs before. some would even say that now I have a "career" or "profession"


but it wasnt until i got crusader kings 2 on steam sale that i realised what I am really am




I am an incestor. I like making incest happen. this is now my thing

CISADMIN PRIVILEGE
Aug 15, 2004

optimized multichannel
campaigns to drive
demand and increase
brand engagement
across web, mobile,
and social touchpoints,
bitch!


i got a job reading resumes for a recruiting company, by the time i left 7 years later i was a developer.

rotor
Jun 11, 2001

Official Carrier
of the Neil Bush Torch

 
 
 
 
teh butts


office clerk, was a super chill job and I had no complaints about it

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



did u rig people into incest though?

Sniep
Mar 28, 2004

All I needed was that fatty blunt...



King of Breakfast


rotor posted:

office clerk, was a super chill job and I had no complaints about it

same in the aspect of chill and no complaints with the 1st job i posted above

actually for a good while during, the other IT guys and I would fire up duke nukem 3d shareware and play together for the last like 1/2 hour of the work day, it was v badass at the time, since we were the IT group and had all the newest poo poo that nobody else in the hospital had

talking pentiums here, gateway 2000 pentium 100s (the fuckoff giant full towers) when most the whole place had 486s or worse

echinopsis
Apr 13, 2004



iuts hard to imagine now someone getting excited about a fuckin pentium.

dk2m
May 6, 2009


i just got my first job as a business analyst an I have no idea what I'm doing lol

Mr. Glass
May 1, 2009


echinopsis posted:

iuts hard to imagine now someone getting excited about a fuckin pentium.

f00fc7c8

rotor
Jun 11, 2001

Official Carrier
of the Neil Bush Torch

 
 
 
 
teh butts


echinopsis posted:

iuts hard to imagine now someone getting excited about a fuckin pentium.

I was pumped as hell to get my p75 (overclocked to a p90 )

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USSMICHELLEBACHMAN
Oct 1, 2002



dk2m posted:

i just got my first job as a business analyst an I have no idea what I'm doing lol

the OP said real jobs

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