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Captain Bravo
Feb 16, 2011

He who posts an Ainsley should look to it that he himself does not become a Ainsley.

And when you gaze long into an Ainsley the Ainsley also gazes into you.


Goons, generally, don't seem to be well known for their excellent social graces. Add in an uncomfortable situation, and it's easy to see your only two options as being rude, or being a doormat.

Well, screw that! We all have situations wherein a necessary conversation looks like a minefield of issues, so let's pool the communal Goonmind and pump out some Judith Martin-level advice on asserting yourself in a respectful and non-confrontational manner. Let's Learn Advanced Etiquette!

My first question is one that has bugged me for a while now, with previous roommates, but is now becoming an issue with a coworker. How do I get people to stop stealing my poo poo?

It's not a huge, overt theft, but one annoying bastard at my job keeps taking my drinks. I stock the break room each week with juice and sodas for myself, and occasionally offer one to someone if they don't have money for the soda machine, but this dude has started taking multiple drinks per day without asking, and without offering to recompense me. So what's the best way to assert my right to not have my drinks taken, without calling the dude a thief and making him hate working with me. (even more than he already does...)

Or, to put it another way, how do I defuse a potentially hostile work situation without just making it worse?

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PT6A
Jan 5, 2006

Next time PT6A makes you want to buy him another red title, instead please donate to the Alberta Children's Hospital that he hates so much.

Have you confronted the person about it? You don't have to call him a thief outright, but mention that you've noticed that he's taking your drinks (which are not intended for free, general consumption) and drinking them on a regular basis, and would he please stop doing so? Then, if he doesn't stop, introduce a fast-acting and lethal poison into the drinks for a suitable period.

(Do the first part, but maybe not the second part)

What Fun
Jul 21, 2007

~P*R*I*D*E~

Say "Hey, I've noticed that my drinks have been disappearing on me lately. I don't mind one here or there, but I plan out how many I buy to get through the week and I've been running out too early. If you want one in the future, could you run it by me? If I have enough I'll totally share." MINEFIELD AVERTED.

Griz
May 21, 2001



How is this "advanced etiquette"? Have you tried talking to him? If you're too scared of human interaction to do that, mark your poo poo with your initials and rat him out to HR if he keeps taking it.

Captain Bravo
Feb 16, 2011

He who posts an Ainsley should look to it that he himself does not become a Ainsley.

And when you gaze long into an Ainsley the Ainsley also gazes into you.


Griz posted:

How is this "advanced etiquette"? Have you tried talking to him?

Maybe I'm just a lot more than I thought, but confronting someone who turns every conversation into an argument is a lot more difficult than just striking up a conversation with some random person. And the whole point is to become more capable of addressing these issues personally, instead of just handing it off to someone else and retreating back into my office.

If basic etiquette is interacting with other people, it just seems like the advanced course would be finding ways to be civil with people who are jackasses.

Griz
May 21, 2001



If this guy can find a way to turn "these drinks aren't provided by the company, they're mine, please stop taking them" into an argument, you shouldn't feel bad about sending it to HR.

beejay
Apr 7, 2002



I am amazed that someone who can't handle this level of interaction got a job.

zmcnulty
Jul 26, 2003



-Stop drinking your calories
-Ask him if he wants go in on stocking the fridge with you
-Plant a soda that will explode when he opens it
-Only stock something ridiculous for a week, like Clear Pepsi or Double Matured Lagavulin
-Make a point of announcing it at the next companywide meeting
-Get your own fridge
-Make it EXTREMELY well known that you are the one who stocks the fridge, sending weekly updates about the contents in MS Comic Sans font

Lord Lambeth
Dec 7, 2011



Put a passive aggressive note on the fridge. "Stop stealing my poo poo rear end in a top hat" might work.

Der Luftwaffle
Dec 29, 2008


Advanced etiquette rules advise using prison rules. Next time you see this dude, gently caress his poo poo up. Doesn't matter where, just make sure he ends up broken and bleeding on the floor. Then empty a can of soda onto his prostrate body and walk away.

If he's the thief, problem solved. If he isn't, it's a message to whoever IS. Now everyone will know that you're not to be hosed with, enjoy your promotion and company car.

Quickscope420dad
Jun 30, 2014

From 0 to boner in 1500-3000 seconds

Captain Bravo posted:

Goons, generally, don't seem to be well known for their excellent social graces. Add in an uncomfortable situation, and it's easy to see your only two options as being rude, or being a doormat.

Well, screw that! We all have situations wherein a necessary conversation looks like a minefield of issues, so let's pool the communal Goonmind and pump out some Judith Martin-level advice on asserting yourself in a respectful and non-confrontational manner. Let's Learn Advanced Etiquette!

My first question is one that has bugged me for a while now, with previous roommates, but is now becoming an issue with a coworker. How do I get people to stop stealing my poo poo?

It's not a huge, overt theft, but one annoying bastard at my job keeps taking my drinks. I stock the break room each week with juice and sodas for myself, and occasionally offer one to someone if they don't have money for the soda machine, but this dude has started taking multiple drinks per day without asking, and without offering to recompense me. So what's the best way to assert my right to not have my drinks taken, without calling the dude a thief and making him hate working with me. (even more than he already does...)

Or, to put it another way, how do I defuse a potentially hostile work situation without just making it worse?

Have you tried "Stop taking my drinks", and then walking away without having a conversation about it?

You don't want to have an actual argument but you want to make them moderately uncomfortable enough such that they feel like a dick.

Quickscope420dad
Jun 30, 2014

From 0 to boner in 1500-3000 seconds

Lord Lambeth posted:

Put a passive aggressive note on the fridge. "Stop stealing my poo poo rear end in a top hat" might work.

Nah this won't work, they'll just keep taking it. Passive aggressive notes turn you into a doormat who everyone gossips about. You have to be confident and stand up to them without being rude about it.

Aggressive pricing
Feb 25, 2008


Simple, leave a sign warning people that some of the drink tops have been rubbed against your rear end in a top hat. Either they'll be left alone, or you'll have a new best friend.

Grandmother of Five
May 9, 2008


What Fun posted:

Say "Hey, I've noticed that my drinks have been disappearing on me lately. I don't mind one here or there, but I plan out how many I buy to get through the week and I've been running out too early. If you want one in the future, could you run it by me? If I have enough I'll totally share." MINEFIELD AVERTED.

That is a great way to de-escalate the conflict by preventing the guy having to steal your drinks by allowing him to take your drinks.

EVIR Gibson
Mar 23, 2001




Captain Bravo posted:

Goons, generally, don't seem to be well known for their excellent social graces. Add in an uncomfortable situation, and it's easy to see your only two options as being rude, or being a doormat.

Well, screw that! We all have situations wherein a necessary conversation looks like a minefield of issues, so let's pool the communal Goonmind and pump out some Judith Martin-level advice on asserting yourself in a respectful and non-confrontational manner. Let's Learn Advanced Etiquette!

My first question is one that has bugged me for a while now, with previous roommates, but is now becoming an issue with a coworker. How do I get people to stop stealing my poo poo?

It's not a huge, overt theft, but one annoying bastard at my job keeps taking my drinks. I stock the break room each week with juice and sodas for myself, and occasionally offer one to someone if they don't have money for the soda machine, but this dude has started taking multiple drinks per day without asking, and without offering to recompense me. So what's the best way to assert my right to not have my drinks taken, without calling the dude a thief and making him hate working with me. (even more than he already does...)

Or, to put it another way, how do I defuse a potentially hostile work situation without just making it worse?

I would just walk right up to him and say even though you do sometimes let people have one it is not a service you provide frequently.

Ask him he can have a couple but only if he throws in to help pay his share each week. Make the price significant so that he needs to buy a bunch of sodas at a price lower than the machine. Not a one by one price; he needs to commit . Don't make the price too low that it makes the option of buying his own a worse deal.

Plus_Infinity
Apr 12, 2011



The other option would be to just keep your drinks in a bag in the fridge with your name on it, that way it's 100% clear it's not a free-for-all.

Beat.
Nov 22, 2003

Hey, baby, wanna come up and see my etchings?


Yeah this isnt advanced at all: write your name on your drinks with a sharpie then when you see him drinking your poo poo you say, "Hey, why are you drinking my poo poo?"

So what if he wants to argue? What's he going to say, that the drink with your name on it is his? That poo poo in the refrigerator is public property?

This guy is basically bullying you - he knows what he is doing and is testing you to see if he can get away with it. It's schoolyard poo poo and needs to be dealt with as such.

I thought this thread was gonna be like, which fork do I start with on a 5 course meal... haha. Oh goons.

Captain Bravo
Feb 16, 2011

He who posts an Ainsley should look to it that he himself does not become a Ainsley.

And when you gaze long into an Ainsley the Ainsley also gazes into you.


Beat. posted:

I thought this thread was gonna be like, which fork do I start with on a 5 course meal... haha. Oh goons.

Oh dude, that poo poo's easy. You always start on the outside silverware and work your way in.

But seriously, the passive-aggressive suggestions are what I was trying to avoid. Writing on the drinks, setting up a tip jar, sticking sodas up my butt, that's all non-confrontational and will just reassert the idea he has in his head that I'm below him on the totem pole. I'll just bite the bullet and call him out in the breakroom, maybe he'll not explode like a prick. (Doubtful)

Anyway, question two! Technically, one aspect of this guy's job is in my department, and under my supervision. The problem is he loving sucks at doing it, and refuses to listen to my explanations for how to do it. This is actually an issue I have taken to the bosses before, and their solution was to hold a meeting, tell him to listen to me, and then act surprised when a week later he still isn't listening to me. At this point he's just digging his own hole, every time he fucks up it's immediately obvious the problem is on his end, but it's still ultimately my problem when his poo poo doesn't get done right. So what is the best way to deal with someone who isn't technically under you, but still is loving up work in your department, when the bosses are willing to bend over backwards to prevent him from quitting/being fired?

Edit: Maybe the thread title would be better as something like "Tell me how to deal with workplace assholes"?

Captain Bravo fucked around with this message at Jul 4, 2014 around 00:14

Senor P.
Mar 27, 2006
I MUST TELL YOU HOW PEOPLE CARE ABOUT STUFF I DONT AND BE A COMPLETE CUNT ABOUT IT


No, this is not something you 'be nice about'.

The next time this happens, go up to him and tell him. "Hey there, in case you have not noticed I'm bringing in the drinks for myself. Stop taking them."

You don't tell them please or any other stupid poo poo. If he does it again, either kick his rear end or stop bringing poo poo in, or find a new spot (preferrably with a lock) to store it in.

You shouldn't sugar coat other people's bullshit.

Rent-A-Cop
Oct 15, 2004
I hate tarsiformes

Captain Bravo posted:

under my supervision.

Captain Bravo posted:

someone who isn't technically under you
Which is it?

Go to his boss and tell him that this dude loving sucks at his job and it's loving your department all up and ask if he has anyone competent he could loan you instead.

What Fun
Jul 21, 2007

~P*R*I*D*E~

I thought my solution was the perfect mix of passivity and aggression. You can't ignore me like your juice thief, I'm a problem that's not gonna go away hombre'.

The-Mole
Aug 5, 2003

Don't tempt fate
Fate isn't real, of course.
But she can be tempted to become real for a few seconds.
And that's all it takes.


What Fun posted:

I thought my solution was the perfect mix of passivity and aggression. You can't ignore me like your juice thief, I'm a problem that's not gonna go away hombre'.

He should do what you said instead of throwing the tantrum he sounds like he's going to throw.

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Quickscope420dad
Jun 30, 2014

From 0 to boner in 1500-3000 seconds

Rent-A-Cop posted:

Which is it?

Go to his boss and tell him that this dude loving sucks at his job and it's loving your department all up and ask if he has anyone competent he could loan you instead.

let me translate for you. The first post means "i have buttsex with him" and the second post means "no homo".

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