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Boy, have you seen this summer sale that steam is having? Man it's rough. I thought I was gonna save money!
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Jul 8, 2014 05:43
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Jul 8, 2014 05:44
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My buddy asked me if I could loan him some money, aw geez, I told him "there's always money in the banana stand", and folks, let me tell you, that's an Arrested Development reference.
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Jul 8, 2014 05:47
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Some turtles breathe out of the butt
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Jul 8, 2014 05:49
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You know, I used to work in tech support, they hired me to fix computers but all I ever ended up doing is fixing people's emotional problems.
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Jul 8, 2014 05:49
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what's with airline food?? *pause to let audience laugh* i mean is it gross or what? after my act i'm going to go back to my hotel and overdose on barbiturates! hail satan! hail the new flesh! *pause as audience cheers*
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Jul 8, 2014 05:51
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Anyone here know the website something is awful dot com? What a whacky place! Dudes unironically gave an Alabama hick $15k to build a hot dog stand, what the hell right!? *nom nom* look at me my name is doobie and I make the dogs *nom nom* ha ha ha!
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Jul 8, 2014 06:04
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I gotta tell ya, you just gotta give me back my shoes. Right? I mean come on, you're a dog. They don't even fit!
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Jul 8, 2014 06:15
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*walks up to mic* i'm gay *standing ovation, walks off stage to seinfeld bass*
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Jul 8, 2014 06:15
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Great to have such a lovely audience tonight, and I just gotta say- you are on the way to destruction.
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Jul 8, 2014 06:16
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