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If you will be so kind Mr. Wright. May I call the next witness while you wait for the Honorable Judge Merk with Honors to come back?
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Jul 17, 2014 20:37
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| # ? Apr 28, 2024 20:41 |
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 (Now I have to hold my own against Godot until Merk comes back. The only way I can win this case is to prove Merk is the murderer!)
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Jul 17, 2014 20:37
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 Call your witness.
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Jul 17, 2014 20:38
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 Thank you. I call to the stand... KFC!
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Jul 17, 2014 20:40
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##create rule - next person to post who isn't in the trial has to claim bailiff.
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Jul 17, 2014 20:40
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Juanito posted:##create rule - next person to post who isn't in the trial has to claim bailiff. Hal Incandenza posted:##become baliff Call me Rusty
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Jul 17, 2014 20:44
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##sneeze ##snore
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Jul 17, 2014 20:44
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 well... here I am.
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Jul 17, 2014 20:46
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 I'd like to submit two pieces of evidence.   Mr. C - do you recognize these two objects?
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Jul 17, 2014 20:48
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Well the one looks like a knife... ...the other is some type of food, I guess we should be glad Maya is not here because should would probably eat that piece of evidence. 
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Jul 17, 2014 20:50
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 Hmm That looks very much like the knife I used to carve my whalebone dagger And that... that looks delicious.
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Jul 17, 2014 20:52
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 Yes, but I don't think it just looks like your whalebone-carving knife. I believe it IS your whalebone carving knife! The knife was found by a detective inside a "KFC Zone" and do you know what was on this dagger? ... ... ... BEAVER BLOOD!  Now Mr. KFC, would you explain to the court how this blood - which under the labs would definitely prove to be poor Opop's - got on your whalebone-carving knife?
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Jul 17, 2014 20:58
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 Mr. Dollars you amuse me. But in all seriousness. It was clear that I was wielding both my dagger and ernie's copy at the time, fresh from the battle . That's one in each hand. How many hands do you suppose that I have such that I would've been able to stab Mr. Poponax with my carving knife while equipping both finely crafted blades?
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Jul 17, 2014 21:15
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##stare incredulously at KFC
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Jul 17, 2014 21:16
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Ah yes, both of your hands were busy with swords. Makes sense... EXCEPT THATS WHERE THE SECOND PIECE OF EVIDENCE COMES IN! KhyrosFinalCut posted:##eat a KFC double down, then shiv again A KFC double down is a very strange sandwich that requires a good grip. How, pray tell, did you eat said double down if both of your hands were constantly filled with swords? I see only two options. 1. You have THREE HANDS 2. You put the swords down at some point before the Opop stabbing - in order to stab him with the snife and to snack on a delicious artery-clogging morsel- freeing your hands to stab poor Opop!
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Jul 17, 2014 21:21
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 ##snore
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Jul 17, 2014 21:22
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 Grrr....
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Jul 17, 2014 21:25
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 2014 GOTY Nominee
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Jul 17, 2014 21:31
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 Mr. Dollars... perhaps you are unaware of my expertise in this field... people have been making chicken jokes about my name since my very first mafia game.  In response to this I have been cultivating a great many skills with regards to KFC Menu items. and if you don't think spearing an unorthodox sandwich as it falls from the sky and eating it like a shish kebab is one of them, then you are sorely mistaken!
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Jul 17, 2014 21:50
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Crap, real life is calling me away! ##throws attorney badge at Apollo Justice Its up to you Apollo, remember, Merk is the real killer! All the clues are there, remember the destroyed ball. Everything is Merk's will! This is by his designed! ##new rule, the first person to type ##become apollo after this post will become the new attorney and take over this case for me.
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Jul 17, 2014 22:47
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##become Apollo
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Jul 17, 2014 22:48
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Jul 17, 2014 22:48
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Oh gently caress.
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Jul 17, 2014 22:49
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mr.capps posted:Oh gently caress. My sentiments exactly. 
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Jul 17, 2014 22:57
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ORDER ORDER I have returned.
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Jul 17, 2014 22:58
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Jurors, please make sure to timely submit your decisions.
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Jul 17, 2014 23:10
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Where do we have to be for the whaling trip? Whaling Zone or Ishmael Zone?
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Jul 17, 2014 23:17
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Whaling Zone
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Jul 17, 2014 23:19
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 Does either counsel have any additional questions? If not, we're ready for closing arguments.
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Jul 17, 2014 23:20
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In the interest of getting this done since we've only got an hour I'll make my closing statements. Gentlemen of the jury. What we've seen here today is a picture of pure evil. KFC, aka Kills Friendly Canadians, shamelessly stabbed Opop multiple times while eating a sandwich made out of chicken and cheese. You know in your heart of hearts you must convict this man. He had tried to kill one Canadian, then killed the other. He may have three arms! He never said he didn't! Jury it is up to you to decide whether he is guilty or not. Do not listen to my handsome adversary when he tells you it was the judge's fault. Let justice be swift and true!
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Jul 17, 2014 23:20
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I will also make my closing statement then. Jurors, look at this man. ##points to KFC This is a man twisted by fate, forced into a situation beyond his control and snatched up in a conspiracy beyond his comprehension. You've heard him sing TMNT song, you've seen his voracious appetite for fast food. Is this the kind of man who would willingly kill Opop. No. No it is not. No we must look at the deeper picture. KFC is but a puppet, dancing on the strings of one man. The judge. Look at him right now. Playing with our lives like he's the master of all that he sees. He chooses what rules work. He sends people to different zone. It is he who set these events in order. KFC was a pawn, a weapon that was unwittingly wielded by a deeper, more twisted psyche. Look at the evidence. Find the connections. Follow the clues. KFC is guilty, but guilty of what exactly? Of being forced into a situation that he had no control over? Of hearing the beat of a beaver heart every day for the rest of his life? Of yielding to the demands of the judge? Yes, yes yes. Of murder? No. I beg of you, jury, please give a not-guilty and let my client go free!
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Jul 17, 2014 23:26
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##whisper furtively with other jurors
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Jul 17, 2014 23:30
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ORDER ORDER Bailiff, please refrain from speaking to the jurors. I'll hold you in contempt!
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Jul 17, 2014 23:33
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I ONLY HAVE TWO ARMS! See?  BEHOLD MY ONLY TWO ARMS!  I CAN MOVE THEM VERY FAST BUT THERE ARE STILL ONLY 2 OF THEM.
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Jul 17, 2014 23:33
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##create rule: Jurors who don't vote on guilty/not guilty are sent to the Ishmael Zone
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Jul 17, 2014 23:39
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Jul 17, 2014 23:40
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 KFC....I forgive you....
Opopanax fucked around with this message at 23:43 on Jul 17, 2014 |
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Jul 17, 2014 23:41
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 Counsel, the court is most displeased that you seek to tarnish its name by dragging me, your honourable judge with honor, through the proverbial mud. Your charades speak to your character: low. Your words speak to your own integrity: none. Your breath sours the room with its stinking fog of lies. I would hold you in contempt, throw you in the jail cell where you belong, but I want to see what your jurors think of these actions.  Jury, I give you these instructions: There are two ways in which a person may be convicted of first degree murder. One is known as premeditated murder and the other is known as felony murder. To prove the crime of First Degree Premeditated Murder, the prosecutor must prove the following three elements beyond a reasonable doubt: 1. Opopanax is dead. 2. The death was caused by the criminal act of KhyrosFinalCut. 3. There was a premeditated killing of Opopanax. Definitions. An “act” includes a series of related actions arising from and performed pursuant to a single design or purpose. “Killing with premeditation” is killing after consciously deciding to do so. The decision must be present in the mind at the time of the killing. The law does not fix the exact period of time that must pass between the formation of the premeditated intent to kill and the killing. The period of time must be long enough to allow reflection by the defendant. The premeditated intent to kill must be formed before the killing. The question of premeditation is a question of fact to be determined by you from the evidence. It will be sufficient proof of premeditation if the circumstances of the killing and the conduct of the accused convince you beyond a reasonable doubt of the existence of premeditation at the time of the killing. If you have a reasonable doubt about whether the defendant acted with a premeditated design to kill because he, for example, acted in the heat of passion based on adequate provocation, you should not find him guilty of First Degree Premeditated Murder. If, on the other hand, you want to watch the world burn, pick up this Cowabungaball on the ground, throw it at counsel to send him to the Ishmael Zone, and watch as he burns before all of us in a lake filled with this court's fire of justice. 
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Jul 17, 2014 23:41
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Opopanax posted:
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Jul 17, 2014 23:45
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| # ? Apr 28, 2024 20:41 |
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Opopanax posted:
M...Miapop... 
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Jul 17, 2014 23:47
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