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'Hola' Euro goons  I am about to embark on a package holiday to Europe, and I'm looking forward to meeting locals and soaking up culture! As someone who is open to 'butt stuff' there is something else I'd like to soak up - bidets. However I worry that I will commit a 'faux pas' while using a bidet. Is there anything comparable to leaving the toilet seat up or gazing deeply into another man's eyes at the urinal? I know they say 'when in Rome, do as the Romans do' but I'd prefer not to 'salt the earth at Carthage' if you catch my meaning  A 'dry run' with a kiddie pool and the garden hose didn't work very well and my neighbours gave me odd looks. Any tips? 'Namaste' and TIA!
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Jul 13, 2014 11:50
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 12:42 |
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Just turn the water on and start making GBS threads
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Jul 13, 2014 12:24
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Its a bit different to normal, you poo poo OUTSIDE the toilet onto the floor, then scoop the bidette water out with your hand and splash it onto the turd until it disolves.
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Jul 13, 2014 12:26
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Merry meet! So basically you poo poo in the toilet or bath, depending on your preference or the rules of the house you are staying in. (If you didn't have to take your shoes off at the front door, assume it's cool to poo poo in the bath because house pride is not a thing for that family). Then after you are done making GBS threads be sure NOT to wipe, even if toilet paper is provided (rare in some countries) then position yourself in a cowgirl position over the bidet, engage the taps so that the water is affecting your genital area and masturbate yourself to completion. Don't forget to use a towel to clean your rear end. Alternatively you can use the water stream from the bidet to clean your rear end but this is only appropriate if you leave the bathroom door open OR if the bidet is located in the kitchen. Blessed be!
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Jul 13, 2014 12:29
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Ill Peripheral posted:Just turn the water on and start making GBS threads It was a terrible day when I had a house party and some dude told me that my second toilet was broken
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Jul 13, 2014 12:29
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you're supposed to stand up when using one
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Jul 13, 2014 12:33
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Rapman the Cook posted:Its a bit different to normal, you poo poo OUTSIDE the toilet onto the floor, then scoop the bidette water out with your hand and splash it onto the turd until it disolves. bidets do not actually have a drain, what they do is recycle the same ~half gallon of specialized and very expensive poo-defeating "superwater" over and and over. do not take any superwater out of a bidet, the frenchmen will be LIVID. in fact, do not create floor poo to begin with. poo directly into the bidet if it's not occupied, otherwise the toilet will suffice until you have a chance to squat walk your poopy butt to the poo defeater
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Jul 13, 2014 13:23
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Quickscope420dad posted:Merry meet! Thank you all for your detailed advice! I'm so glad I asked, as I thought you just used them to blast your leavings all over the room but in retrospect that seems kinda unhygenic and barbaric, not befitting the oldest cultures in the world  Is it good manners to make sure the bidet is clean afterwards or does one 'leave their mark' so to speak?E: 'Superwater'! Like gray water but eons beforehand. It is truly progressive on the continent! free Trapt CD fucked around with this message at 13:28 on Jul 13, 2014 |
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Jul 13, 2014 13:25
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bidets are for washing pets do not do gross things with the bidet
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Jul 13, 2014 14:25
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Don't poo poo where you eat moron
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Jul 13, 2014 14:40
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take a poo poo off the top of the eifel tower op
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Jul 13, 2014 15:31
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buy toilet paper like normal human beings if you poo poo so bad that you need to spray water up your rear end in a top hat then just take a loving shower
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Jul 13, 2014 15:35
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Heartbroken 2Twice posted:Thank you all for your detailed advice! I'm so glad I asked, as I thought you just used them to blast your leavings all over the room but in retrospect that seems kinda unhygenic and barbaric, not befitting the oldest cultures in the world Think of it like a guestbook; you leave your mark without disturbing the mark of others. Sometimes people use their finger to write messages in the mark but this is frowned upon because it takes up too much space. Crumbs, dashes and general odors are welcomed. Be sure to give your feedback on the smell and prior markings to your host, they will be most complimented.
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Jul 13, 2014 16:10
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.lnk to the past posted:take a poo poo off the top of the eifel tower op Quickscope420dad posted:Think of it like a guestbook; you leave your mark without disturbing the mark of others. Are bidets in a stall, or are they communal? Having a hard time visualizing this.
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Jul 13, 2014 17:45
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Heartbroken 2Twice posted:How Gallic! Another one to check off my 'bucket shits'... I have never seen one in a stall. usually they are communal. It is considered in ill taste to use any bidet that is not in use while there is one in use. Bideting is a social activity and it is highly encouraged that, if you should see someone straddling one as previously described, that you assume a reverse cowgirl position, back to back with them, to contribute your own effort to this fine tradition.
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Jul 13, 2014 17:50
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why are you gross fucks washing your asses in the water fountain?
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Jul 13, 2014 18:08
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westerners like to laugh about habits other than toilet + TP but tbqh toilet paper isnt all that hygienic or healthy for your butt the answer to that is wet wipes for some people but those are dumb expenses + p much no sanitation system can handle lots of them
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Jul 13, 2014 19:10
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so use one wet wipe at the end
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Jul 13, 2014 19:13
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newreply.php posted:westerners like to laugh about habits other than toilet + TP but tbqh toilet paper isnt all that hygienic or healthy for your butt Rinse the wet wipes in the bidet and reuse them duh
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Jul 13, 2014 19:14
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i just have a wet rug in the hall that i scoot over and steam clean once a month
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Jul 13, 2014 19:14
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newreply.php posted:i just have a wet rug in the hall that i scoot over and steam clean once a month that's right, rub it in
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Jul 13, 2014 19:15
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newreply.php posted:the answer to that is wet wipes for some people but those are dumb expenses + p much no sanitation system can handle lots of them Didn't London recently pull a gargantuan mass of those things out of its sewer system?
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Jul 13, 2014 19:18
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this oughtta greatly simply the issue: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qQI1-deTdA&t=157s hth
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Jul 13, 2014 19:21
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You mentioned eye contact before, it's actually the exact opposite of 'urinal culture'. You're expected to make constant, prolonged, eye contact with anyone around while you spray yourself down. Leave the door open and when someone walks by shout a friendly greeting to them.
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Jul 13, 2014 19:21
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The Feldman Felcher posted:this oughtta greatly simply the issue: With voiceover by David Schwimmer
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Jul 13, 2014 19:23
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newreply.php posted:i just have a wet rug in the hall that i scoot over and steam clean once a month Tatum Girlparts posted:You mentioned eye contact before, it's actually the exact opposite of 'urinal culture'. You're expected to make constant, prolonged, eye contact with anyone around while you spray yourself down. Leave the door open and when someone walks by shout a friendly greeting to them.  Quickscope420dad posted:With voiceover by David Schwimmer
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Jul 14, 2014 08:12
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Toilet paper for the first wipe. Wet wipe for the 2nd and last wipe. If youre wiping a whole bunch then you need fix your diet. Nasty mofos.
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Jul 14, 2014 08:20
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I see that there are a number of travel bidets for sale on eBay, many battery operated. If you have a spare 50 bucks or so you could buy one and practice spurting it round the bathroom. I'm gonna buy one myself so I don't have to strain to wipe my fat arse, so thanks for the, er, tails-up. A non-Asian guy I know who has travelled a lot doesn't use paper any more, he squirts his butthole with water from a plastic drinkbottle and swears by this method.
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Jul 14, 2014 11:26
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Heartbroken 2Twice posted:
Some people just want to suppress True Bidet Knowledge(tm)
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Jul 14, 2014 11:45
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Okay time for some real bidettiquete, this is a serious post. Sometimes when you straddle the bidet and run the stream, you'll get a turd-particle which doesn't immediately go down the drain. In this case, you have two alternatives: a) Keep the water running until it dissolves enough so that it goes down the drain, or b) Clear the drain with some toilet paper Sometimes the turd-particle will be too large to dissolve in a reasonable amount of time. Also it's good manners to make sure you don't leave poo poo marks unless it was already gross and filthy when you arrived. Also please dry your rear end off with some toilet paper. Don't use the towel. The towel is usually there to dry hands, not buttholes. Note that this requires that you get on the bidet and clean your rear end BEFORE flushing, so that you can flush the toilet paper along with your poo poo, and save water.
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Jul 14, 2014 13:12
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Pochoclo posted:Okay time for some real bidettiquete, this is a serious post. This is wrong. You should wipe yourself with the towel before positioning yourself on the bidet. This helps the host / owner of the bidet keep track of the bidet's traffic throughout the day / event, and allows them to properly monitor the maintenance requirements of the bidet.
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Jul 14, 2014 13:15
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guys i couldn't figure out the bathroom situation overseas so i've just been pooping in the linen closet streaking this one sheet and putting little butthole stars in the corner so it looks like an american flag 
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Jul 14, 2014 16:00
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lol, invisible inch.
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Jul 14, 2014 16:17
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I don't know what to believe about my leavings  Gonna buy one of those travel bidets and if it doesn't work out at least it'll be easy to wash my 'pussy'! By which I mean my catte
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Jul 14, 2014 17:16
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A misanthrope posted:guys i couldn't figure out the bathroom situation overseas so i've just been pooping in the linen closet That's what America's all about!
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Jul 14, 2014 18:29
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Jul 14, 2014 18:37
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 12:42 |
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Watch out though with bidets ... if one doesn't follow the bidetiquette, there is a legend ... He lives in the clean pipes of hotels and has OCD. Once every so often, L'homme qui se penche will squeeze out of the bidet and scrub your bowels clean with wire wool and bleach. Once you are deemed clean he commands you to "nettoyez votre famill" and you feel compelled to wire wool your parents' bowels next time they are asleep.
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Jul 14, 2014 18:41
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