PWM: RIP

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Ray Parlour > PWM: RIP

Smokey: Feb 8, 2008

Shane, dropping out of high school and joining the National Guard does not make you a man. Sitting behind a desk in Iraq for a year does not make you a man. Getting a tattoo after everyone else did does not make you a man. Last time we hung out my "skinny rear end" beat the poo poo out of you. You're not a man.

Don't tell me you never bail on things. You bitch out on a monthly basis, and never for a good excuse. If I drive half a loving hour to hang out with you don't lie to me about your sister being in the hospital. I can see her in your front yard you little human being. If you want to be a man so badly man up and tell the truth for once.

It's been 6 months since you split up with your ex and you still think you're hot poo poo with the ladies even though she was the only one to give you play. Stop trying to be me. It isn't going to work for you. That fat girl is the best you'll ever do, so stop trying. Your gay rear end uniform and Oakley glasses aren't even enough to pull empty headed bimbos. What makes you think an attractive girl with a brain is going to give a douche like you the time of day?

And most importantly, watch what you say around me. I may be your friend for old time's sake, but I'm also trying to be a cop. So when you call me up and tell me about molesting a girl who passed out at a bonfire you better believe I'd kick your rear end for being a creepy poo poo stain. The only reason you aren't in the hospital is because putting you there would keep me off the force. And the only reason you aren't in jail is because I've got no loving evidence you did what you said. But I guarantee, if I get the chance to sell your white trash racist rear end down the river I will. With a loving smile. Choke on a dick and die you homophobe.
--
I was on a holiday with the lads at 18, I was fresh out of my all boys school and was a virgin and useless with women. 6 of us went on holiday as a kind of pre uni last thing together to Benidorm. When we went out we'd go to the strip and hang out till the end of the happy hours. One night it was like 3ish and I went out of the club to go get a bottle of water, and I sat down on a bench by the beach. These two girls came over, one really fit and her fat friend and started talking to me, then the fit one said will you look after my mate while I find the rest of our group. I thought I was in with the fit one so said yes, time passes and shes not showing up so the fat girl said I'm going to get a taxi back. I figured I'd be nice and get in the taxi with her, my hotel was only at the end of the beach so it was easy to find, and there had been a load of stuff about girls being attacked in taxis so I thought I was being nice.

We got in the taxi and she just grabbed me and started getting off with me and I was pissed so was like yeah gently caress it lets go for it. After a bit I realised that we were driving out of town and into the desert bit around it, and I said "what the gently caress where we going" thinking we were getting taken somewhere to get robbed and she said "oh no my hotels out here". We get to the hotel and she suddenly doesnt have any money so I pay for the taxi and thats all my money gone. She invites me in so we go in, and shes sharing with 6 other girls and she's been given the living room sofa bed. She pulls me on the bed and starts taking off my clothes and I'm like "gently caress im gonna lose my virginity to a fat bird whos name I dont even know". She goes down on me and all of a sudden the door makes a noise then opens and her 5 mates walk in together. Im lying on the bed naked so I thought gently caress it I dont know these people and just lie there saying "hello" while hoping I maintain the stiffy I had. Her mates come and sat on the edge of the bed and are talking to me for like 5 mins then finally go off to the room and the fat bird goes with them. At this point Im feeling sober as gently caress and realise I dont want to do this

She comes back in and starts getting off with me and then she says "have you got a condom" I took this as a perfect excuse and lied and said "no sorry, I gave my last one to my mate earlier", she goes off again to ask her mates but the ones that were still awake didnt have any, so she whispers gently in my ear "you can pull out and cum on my arse if you want". Still to this day I dont know how I got away with replying "I dont think I'll be able to". She says ok and within 30 seconds she'd fallen asleep, I spent the next few hours drinking a bottle of vodka sat on the balcony till the sun came up, at which point I figured I'd walk back to town. As I opened the door she woke up and said "do you want to meet up later" and I said "nah youre ok".

Took me 3 hours to find my way back to town and the hotel, when I got back I thought the lads would be taking the piss but it turned out one of them had got spiked just after I left the club so they had spent the night in A+E

When I was at uni my gf and me had got rooms in the same uni house at that time and used to sleep in her room, and my room just was a spare room for if people came over. She was always up to try stuff, and so when I mentioned anal she was up for it. We go to bed one night and it all starts, get it all lubed up, and start going for it all gentle and she's enjoying it, so slowly I start to speed up until I'm at it like a jackhammer. Suddenly I realise theres a nasty loving smell and my first thought was that I had farted, but no, wasnt that. I look down and the moonlight shining through the window lets me see a brown haze in front of me. I went limp quicker than ever before. She asked what was wrong and I told her she'd poo poo herself over my dick.

I slept in the spare room for about a week after.
--
I wish you were banned. You're a terrible loving gimmick, and if you aren't a gimmick, I wish nothing but absolute agony on you. I hope you wake up to your loved one's cold corpse in the passenger seat of your car, leaving you nothing a barrage of bile and hatred from her family and a piercing trauma that gives you panic attacks each time you see the loving sun rise. The fact that a person like you could conceivably exist and is keeping this company afloat is why McCain and Palin achieved more than 0 votes in the 2008 election. You are proof that this world is hell. I would rather these forums be populated by nothing but 7thBatallions, Noctis Horrendaes, TheBluePyramids, and Hollismasons all hopped up on drugs, fashioning greenstuff teeth for each other and bashing together Hammerheads out of dog poo poo and chicken bones, than ever be confirmed that you genuinely believe the puke-ocalypse of fanaticism and horseshit that you expouse online. gently caress.
--
e: Yeah, less saying the n-word and more suspected tranny gangstalking, everyone. You heard the man.
--
Slores:
1 --- 2 --- 3
#2 - #3 - #1 (Respective fuckability rating)

USSRS (US Slore Rating System)
Sort by fuckability:

3 1 2

EUSRS (European Slore Rating System)
Go from left to right and state slore's fuckability rating:

2 3 1

*does the autism sound*
--
Pimpdog whatup

Somebody fucked around with this message at 15:45 on Mar 13, 2018

# ? Jul 14, 2014 00:35

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 19, 2024 01:40

Thrifting Day!: Nov 25, 2006

hi im gay and fail

# ? Jul 14, 2014 00:36

Chris de Sperg: Aug 14, 2009

posting from the goldmine

# ? Jul 14, 2014 00:36

Maradonna Summer: Oct 22, 2005; Our love will last forever

TRP Post Of The Tournament Winner World Cup 2014

greg is dead long live greg

# ? Jul 14, 2014 00:36

Fat Lowtax: Nov 9, 2008; "I'm willing to pay up to $1200 for a big anime titty"

# ? Jul 14, 2014 00:36

Pissflaps: Oct 20, 2002; by VideoGames

I'm not feeling this thread

# ? Jul 14, 2014 00:37

TelekineticBear!: Feb 19, 2009

too much bantz for him to take

# ? Jul 14, 2014 00:37

Loving Africa Chaps: Dec 3, 2007; We had not left it yet, but when I would wake in the night, I would lie, listening, homesick for it already.

this is currently waking up my neighbours and also i jus remembered i'm supposed to have done a presentation for first thing tomorrow 0 fucks given

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-GWKBe-u8Q

# ? Jul 14, 2014 00:37