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Fat Samurai
Feb 16, 2011

To go quickly is foolish. To go slowly is prudent. Not to go; that is wisdom.
Buy the kangaroo. Watch as it kicks us in the head for the last point of Stamina.

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RefinedUndefined
Jan 1, 2013

Just burn everything, that'll solve your problems.
Buy Roob.

Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003

Roob fastens his hag-like teeth onto your scalp, causing-

Buy him!

Slaan
Mar 16, 2009



ASHERAH DEMANDS I FEAST, I VOTE FOR A FEAST OF FLESH
Lets be a rube Buy a Roob

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo

Section 369 posted:


If you wish to buy Roob, turn to Section 335.

If you would rather leave the shop without buying the familiar, turn to Section 218.



Section 335 posted:


You hand over the gold to the old man, who quickly locks it away in a drawer. He picks up the little creature and places it on your shoulder, saying, "Now, Roob, be a good friend to your new owner. Remember everything I taught you."

With the Hopper sitting happily on your shoulder, you walk out of the store and on up the street.


Turn to Section 218.



Section 218 posted:


Further along the street, you come to another shop. The window is full of old things, all piled one on top of another: boxes, tins, clothes, tools, pottery, carvings and curios are all heaped up like a pile of jumble. A pawnbroker's sign, somewhat the worse for wear, hangs above the door.


If you wish to enter the shop, turn to Section 287.

If you would rather walk on, turn to Section 141.



Section 287 posted:


Inside the shop you are greeted by a friendly old woman who calls herself Bonny.

"Have a look around, there's a price on everything you can see," she says in a jolly voice.

Two of the walls are lined with shelves from floor to ceiling - they are crammed with more junk collected over the years, most of it covered with a thick layer of dust. You cast your eyes along the shelves and pull out several things which may be of interest, each with its own price-tag:

quote:

A brass owl - 10 Gold Pieces

A copper lantern - 5 Gold Pieces

A helmet - 10 Gold Pieces

An ivory box - 5 Gold Pieces

A blue vase - 20 Gold Pieces

Buy some, none or all of these items and pay Bonny for your purchases, before leaving the shop and continuing along the street.


Question A

What items (if any) do we buy from Bonny?


Turn to Section 141.



Section 141 posted:


You arrive at an old building which looks like a barn, with large wooden doors at the front. A man is standing in front of the doors and there is much shouting and cheering coming from inside the building.

You step towards the entrance, but the man bars your way.

"Pie-eating competition," he says gruffly. "Five Gold Pieces to go in, and then you can join in the competition against Big Belly Man if you think you can out-eat him. Mind you, nobody ever has, I think I should tell you."


Question B

If you want to pay the entrance fee and go in, turn to Section 217.

If you would rather walk on, turn to Section 95.



Adventure Sheet posted:


Personal Attributes

Name = Victor Von Doom
Skill = 8/10
Stamina = 1/19
Luck = 3/11


Wealth

Gold Pieces = 500 :siren:


Inventory

Golden key inscribed with "222"
Yeti-tooth necklace
Golden ring inscribed with "45"
Roob the Hopper (Say 'One, one, one' to cast invisibility spell) :siren:


Soldiers

Warriors - 75
Dwarves - 45
Elven Archers - 40
Knights - 5
Grutha's Band - 10


Notes

Section 56 posted:


Laz takes out a map from under his robes and lays it out open on the table. Zengis is shown in the middle, and to the south is marked the village of Karn. Further south-east are the Starstone Caves. To the east of Zengis there is the Forest of Fiends, which starts where the River Kok splits and runs east, almost to the edge of the map.

Laz takes out a black crayon and marks a large cross on the eastern edge of the map, just where the Forest of Fiends ends. "That's where you'll find him," says Laz. You fold up the map and put it in your tunic pocket.

"And your only hope of defeating Agglax rests on your visiting the Oracle," whispers Jip. "But whether or not the Oracle will talk to you is another matter. It depends on what mood the Oracle is in and what gifts you bring him. The Starstone Caves is where you'll find him."




Predecessors and Epitaphs posted:


Major Minor - Damsels in Distress are Deviously Deadly

Bob the Bold - Literally Bored to Death

Fat Samurai
Feb 16, 2011

To go quickly is foolish. To go slowly is prudent. Not to go; that is wisdom.
Buy everything, enter everything

Green Intern
Dec 29, 2008

Loon, Crazy and Laughable

Buy everything. Also eat yourself to death.

inflatablefish
Oct 24, 2010
Oh hell yes we're challenging Big Belly Man. No-one has a bigger belly than Doom!

Wentley
Feb 7, 2012
Big Belly Man is likely an animal of some kind. Or an oven.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo

Section 141 posted:


If you want to pay the entrance fee and go in, turn to Section 217.

If you would rather walk on, turn to Section 95.



Section 217 posted:


You pass through the entrance and find yourself in the middle of a packed crowd of cheering people. Some are standing on the floor, craning their necks in order to get a better view of what's happening in the centre of the barn. Others are sitting on the benches of a makeshift grandstand which rises up the other three walls.

You squeeze your way through the crowd to find out what is going on, until you come to a circular wooden barrier, inside which two men are sitting at a table, one at each end, gorging themselves on two huge pies.

The man to your left is so absolutely enormous that a half-moon shape has been cut out of the table where he is sitting, just so that he can reach his pie. He is quite old and completely bald, and he has a monocle jammed in his left eye. His body looks all the more obese because of the tight black leotard that he is wearing with his name, "BIG BELLY", embroidered in bright yellow letters across it.

Big Belly Man's opponent, himself a huge Man-Orc, looks small in comparison.

A Dwarf, who you are told is the referee, is standing on the table between them, making sure that all the pie is being eaten and none is dropped on the floor.

Suddenly, Big Belly Man half-rises and punches the air with both hands, and a loud cheer goes up to celebrate another victory. The Dwarf calls for order and then announces the result.

"Ladies and gen'lemen, the winner of the rat-and-turnip-pie eating competition is... BIG... BELLY... MAN!"

Another cheer echoes through the room before the Dwarf can continue. When the noise has died down, he proclaims, "After a five-minute interval, Big Belly Man will challenge anybody to a fish-and-custard-pie eating competition. For an entry fee of only 10 Gold Pieces, you stand to win ONE... HUNDRED... GOLD PIECES! All challengers, sign up here, please!"


If you want to enter the competition, turn to Section 14.

If you would rather leave, turn to Section 95.



Adventure Sheet posted:


Personal Attributes

Name = Victor Von Doom
Skill = 8/10
Stamina = 1/19
Luck = 3/11


Wealth

Gold Pieces = 445 :siren:


Inventory

Golden key inscribed with "222"
Yeti-tooth necklace
Golden ring inscribed with "45"
Roob the Hopper (Say 'One, one, one' to cast invisibility spell)
Brass owl :siren:
Copper lantern :siren:
Helmet :siren:
Ivory box :siren:
Blue vase :siren:


Soldiers

Warriors - 75
Dwarves - 45
Elven Archers - 40
Knights - 5
Grutha's Band - 10


Notes

Section 56 posted:


Laz takes out a map from under his robes and lays it out open on the table. Zengis is shown in the middle, and to the south is marked the village of Karn. Further south-east are the Starstone Caves. To the east of Zengis there is the Forest of Fiends, which starts where the River Kok splits and runs east, almost to the edge of the map.

Laz takes out a black crayon and marks a large cross on the eastern edge of the map, just where the Forest of Fiends ends. "That's where you'll find him," says Laz. You fold up the map and put it in your tunic pocket.

"And your only hope of defeating Agglax rests on your visiting the Oracle," whispers Jip. "But whether or not the Oracle will talk to you is another matter. It depends on what mood the Oracle is in and what gifts you bring him. The Starstone Caves is where you'll find him."




Predecessors and Epitaphs posted:


Major Minor - Damsels in Distress are Deviously Deadly

Bob the Bold - Literally Bored to Death

The Saurus
Dec 3, 2006

by Smythe
Let's die from eating pie

Decoy Badger
May 16, 2009
Eat till we burst

Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.

Weren't we trying to save the world from an evil monster or something? What the hell, book?

Cloud Potato
Jan 9, 2011

"I'm... happy!"
PIE!!!

The Saurus
Dec 3, 2006

by Smythe
I just noticed that it's Fish and Custard pie :barf:

dscruffy1
Nov 22, 2007

Look out!
Nap Ghost
Eat a pie, get slapped in the face by a live fish and die.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo

Section 217 posted:


If you want to enter the competition, turn to Section 14.

If you would rather leave, turn to Section 95.



Section 14 posted:


You find yourself the only challenger, everybody else being unwilling to take on the great Big Belly Man. You pay the entry fee to the Dwarf (deduct 10 Gold Pieces) and sit down at the table to await the return of the champion.

Yet another cheer goes up as the crowd parts to let the big man back to the table. Two more Dwarfs follow him, each wearing cook's clothes and carrying a tray with an enormous steaming pie on top.

Big Belly Man sits at the table and shuffles his chair forward to squeeze his stomach into the recess. A pie is then put in front of you and your nostrils twitch at the mingled aroma of fish and custard.

You are handed a wooden spoon and the Dwarf then shouts, "READY! STEADY! EAT!" You plunge your spoon into the pie and begin to eat.

To determine who wins, dice must be rolled. Roll one die and add this number to your Skill score. After making a note of the total, roll the die again and add the new number to Big Belly Man's pie-eating ability, which is 13. Note this total too.

Roll the die again and add the number to your current score, and then again for Big Belly Man.

code:
Round 0
Your score = 8
Big Belly Man's score = 13

Round 1
[url]http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/4582395/[/url]
Your roll = 3
Big Belly Man's roll = 4
Your score = 8 + 3 = 11
Big Belly Man's roll = 13 + 4 = 17

Round 2
[url]http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/4582398/[/url]
Your roll = 6
Big Belly Man's roll = 2
Your score = 11 + 6 = 17
Big Belly Man's roll = 17 + 2 = 19

Round 3
[url]http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/4582399/[/url]
Your roll = 4
Big Belly Man's roll = 4
Your score = 17 + 4 = 21
Big Belly Man's roll = 19 + 4 = 23

Round 4
[url]http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/4582400/[/url]
Your roll = 4
Big Belly Man's roll = 6
Your score = 21 + 4 = 25
Big Belly Man's roll = 23 + 6 = 29

Round 5
[url]http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/4582401/[/url]
Your roll = 4
Big Belly Man's roll = 4
Your score = 25 + 4 = 29
Big Belly Man's roll = 29 + 4 = 33

Round 6
[url]http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/4582402/[/url]
Your roll = 2
Big Belly Man's roll = 5
Your score = 29 + 2 = 31
Big Belly Man's roll = 33 + 5 = 38

Round 7
[url]http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/4582403/[/url]
Your roll = 5
Big Belly Man's roll = 6
Your score = 31 + 5 = 36
Big Belly Man's roll = 38 + 6 = 44
Continue until:

Big Belly Man's score reaches 40 first (turn to Section 388); or

Your own score reaches 40 first (turn to Section 60).



Section 388 posted:


The crowd goes wild as Big Belly Man celebrates victory once again. In his now familiar way, he punches the air with his hands and roars with satisfaction.

You waste no time in making your way to the exit, feeling more than a little sick after gorging yourself on more pie than you'd usually consume in six meals. Deduct 1 point from your Stamina.

Feeling rather like an inflated Bloodbeast, you walk off along the street.

Turn to Section 95.


You are down to zero Stamina and drop down dead just as you reach the exit.



DEATH NUMBER THREE

Killed by an excessive amount of undisguised fish-and-custard-pie

Kanthulhu
Apr 8, 2009
NO ONE SPOIL GAME OF THRONES FOR ME!

IF SOMEONE TELLS ME THAT OBERYN MARTELL AND THE MOUNTAIN DIE THIS SEASON, I'M GOING TO BE PISSED.

BUT NOT HALF AS PISSED AS I'D BE IF SOMEONE WERE TO SPOIL VARYS KILLING A LANISTER!!!


(Dany shits in a field)
Oh boy. Best death ever.

Readingaccount
Jan 6, 2013

Law of the jungle
Perfect.

All right, do we start a new path or follow Doom or Bob?

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
THE ADVENTURE SHALL RESUME WITH WOSEPH JONG... TOMORROW

Kanthulhu
Apr 8, 2009
NO ONE SPOIL GAME OF THRONES FOR ME!

IF SOMEONE TELLS ME THAT OBERYN MARTELL AND THE MOUNTAIN DIE THIS SEASON, I'M GOING TO BE PISSED.

BUT NOT HALF AS PISSED AS I'D BE IF SOMEONE WERE TO SPOIL VARYS KILLING A LANISTER!!!


(Dany shits in a field)
I vote we follow Doom's path avoiding all the ridiculous bullshit we ran into.

Fat Samurai
Feb 16, 2011

To go quickly is foolish. To go slowly is prudent. Not to go; that is wisdom.
Yes! We missed the drunkard death, but got killed by pie. This book is great.

The Saurus
Dec 3, 2006

by Smythe
Walking around with 1 stamina is great because it leads to the most awesomely stupid deaths like this one.

Bobbin Threadbare
Jan 2, 2009

I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.

Just remember that Victor von Doom himself did not die, but rather one of his Doombots overloaded its capacity and exploded. Victor von Doom never truly loses, after all.

petrol blue
Feb 9, 2013

sugar and spice
and
ethanol slammers
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJZPzQESq_0

It's waffer theen.

moosecow333
Mar 15, 2007

Super-Duper Supermen!
Ha, with all the bullshit we've lived through I'm not even surprised that something as inane as a pie did us in.

I also like the thought process of our character, 'Oh man, gotta save the world, but first let me eat some pie'

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
THE ADVENTURE RESUMES WITH WOSEPH JONG

Section 1 posted:


You have marched no more than two hundred yards when a fat, bearded man, huffing and puffing, runs up alongside you. He is dressed as a sea captain, although his uniform is dirty and crumpled, and his grubby hat is dented.




"Begging your pardon," gasps the captain, "but would you listen to my offer? I have just docked my ship in Fang and found everybody full of excitement. It seems that you are the cause of it. They tell me that you are traveling east to fight some demon or something. Well, I don't know about any demons, but I'm willing to take you and your men on my ship as far as Zengis - for a small consideration, of course. Just think of all those miles you won't have to walk! Sail up the River Kok in Captain Barnock's good ship Flying Toucan."




"And only 50 Gold Pieces am I asking for this luxury passage. Now, that's a bargain, is it not?" says the old sea-dog.


Do you wish to:

Follow in the footsteps of Bob the Bold, avoiding all known traps along the way?

Follow in the footsteps of Victor Von Doom, avoiding all known traps along the way?

Follow the path less travelled and march into the marsh?



Adventure Sheet posted:


Personal Attributes

Name = Woseph Jong
Skill = 10/10
Stamina = 19/19
Luck = 11/11


Wealth

Gold Pieces = 700


Inventory


Soldiers

Warriors - 100
Dwarves - 50
Elven Archers - 50
Knights - 20


Notes

Section 56 posted:


Laz takes out a map from under his robes and lays it out open on the table. Zengis is shown in the middle, and to the south is marked the village of Karn. Further south-east are the Starstone Caves. To the east of Zengis there is the Forest of Fiends, which starts where the River Kok splits and runs east, almost to the edge of the map.

Laz takes out a black crayon and marks a large cross on the eastern edge of the map, just where the Forest of Fiends ends. "That's where you'll find him," says Laz. You fold up the map and put it in your tunic pocket.

"And your only hope of defeating Agglax rests on your visiting the Oracle," whispers Jip. "But whether or not the Oracle will talk to you is another matter. It depends on what mood the Oracle is in and what gifts you bring him. The Starstone Caves is where you'll find him."




Predecessors and Epitaphs posted:


Major Minor - Damsels in Distress are Deviously Deadly

Bob the Bold - Literally Bored to Death

Victor Von Doom - Literally Ate Till He Burst

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo
Kanthulu's existing vote will be counted.

Kanthulhu posted:

I vote we follow Doom's path avoiding all the ridiculous bullshit we ran into.

CraigK
Nov 4, 2008

by exmarx

Kanthulhu posted:

I vote we follow Doom's path avoiding all the ridiculous bullshit we ran into.

seconding

Eeepies
May 29, 2013

Bocchi-chan's... dead.
We'll have to find a new guitarist.
Redo the boat! I will not fall prey to mere pirates!

Lord Cyrahzax
Oct 11, 2012

Von Doom! Minus the, ah, doom part, of course.

JosephWongKS
Apr 4, 2009

by Nyc_Tattoo

Section 1 posted:


Do you wish to:

Follow in the footsteps of Bob the Bold, avoiding all known traps along the way?

Follow in the footsteps of Victor Von Doom, avoiding all known traps along the way?

Follow the path less travelled and march into the marsh?



Section 37 posted:


Following Captain Barnock, you lead your men down to the docks where the Flying Toucan is moored. It is an old ship and, like the captain, is in very poor condition. But this hardly comes as a surprise to you, as nothing of much worth ever comes out of Port Blacksand.

You tell your soldiers to go aboard and pay Captain Barnock his 50 Gold Pieces. The captain shouts the order to set sail, and you watch the motley crew from the bridge as they haul on the ropes, climb the rigging and unfurl the sails.

Within twenty minutes, Fang has faded from view as your river journey gets under way. Everybody is in high spirits and even the Dwarves and Elves forget their differences and chat together, united in their desire to rid Allansia of the Shadow Demon.

At the bow, you see a group of Warriors leaning over the side of the ship, staring at the river. Suddenly one of them points upriver and shouts, "Look! A barrel, floating towards us." You look over the side and see the large, sealed barrel bobbing in the water.




If you want to order one of your soldiers to dive into the water in order to haul in the barrel, turn to Section 145.

If you would rather sail on without stopping, turn to Section 346.



Section 346 posted:


The barrel floats by. Idly, you wonder what it may have contained as it disappears from view.


Turn to Section 209.



Section 209 posted:


As she rounds a bend in the river, the Flying Toucan suddenly comes under attack. A large fireball flies through the air towards you, hurled from a wooden catapult that is stationed on the south bank.



Under the covering fire, twenty River Raiders jump into their log canoes and paddle quickly over to the Flying Toucan.


Test your Luck.

code:
Luck = 11
Roll = 6 ([url]http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/4582857[/url])
LUCKY!
If you are Lucky, turn to Section 286.

If you are Unlucky, turn to Section 131.



Section 286 posted:


The fireball whistles by between the masts, and lands harmlessly in the river.


Turn to Section 21.



Section 21 posted:


Before the River Raiders close with your ship, another fireball is flung from the catapult.




Test your Luck.

code:
Luck = 10
Roll = 7 ([url]http://invisiblecastle.com/roller/view/4582858[/url])
LUCKY!
If you are Lucky, turn to Section 159.

If you are Unlucky, turn to Section 74.




Section 159 posted:


The fireball lands with a splash in the river, well short of the Flying Toucan.


Turn to Section 192.



Section 192 posted:


The River Raiders are obviously unaware of the number of soldiers on board your ship, or otherwise they would not have attacked with only twenty Raiders.



As they draw closer, no more fireballs are released by the catapult, and you must decide what to do.


If you want to order the Elven Archers to loose their arrows at the Raiders, like your predecessor Victor Von Doom did, turn to Section 380.

If you would rather try something new and let the Raiders climb aboard, turn to Section 258.





Adventure Sheet posted:


Personal Attributes

Name = Woseph Jong
Skill = 10/10
Stamina = 19/19
Luck = 9/11 :siren:


Wealth

Gold Pieces = 700


Inventory


Soldiers

Warriors - 100
Dwarves - 50
Elven Archers - 50
Knights - 20


Notes

Section 56 posted:


Laz takes out a map from under his robes and lays it out open on the table. Zengis is shown in the middle, and to the south is marked the village of Karn. Further south-east are the Starstone Caves. To the east of Zengis there is the Forest of Fiends, which starts where the River Kok splits and runs east, almost to the edge of the map.

Laz takes out a black crayon and marks a large cross on the eastern edge of the map, just where the Forest of Fiends ends. "That's where you'll find him," says Laz. You fold up the map and put it in your tunic pocket.

"And your only hope of defeating Agglax rests on your visiting the Oracle," whispers Jip. "But whether or not the Oracle will talk to you is another matter. It depends on what mood the Oracle is in and what gifts you bring him. The Starstone Caves is where you'll find him."




Predecessors and Epitaphs posted:


Major Minor - Damsels in Distress are Deviously Deadly

Bob the Bold - Literally Bored to Death

Victor Von Doom - Literally Ate Till He Burst

JT Jag
Aug 30, 2009

#1 Jaguars Sunk Cost Fallacy-Haver
Let them climb aboard. They will be outnumbered on our decks and might immediately surrender. Maybe we'll get something! Like 20 new troops!

moosecow333
Mar 15, 2007

Super-Duper Supermen!
Shooting them worked just fine for Doom, let's not mess with that.

Whybird
Aug 2, 2009

Phaiston have long avoided the tightly competetive defence sector, but the IRDA Act 2052 has given us the freedom we need to bring out something really special.

https://team-robostar.itch.io/robostar


Nap Ghost
Does this game give you provisions like other Fighting Fantasy gamebooks? If so, would we normally have been able to heal ourselves from the pie-eating damage by eating a meal immediately afterwards?

Readingaccount
Jan 6, 2013

Law of the jungle
Let's get some loot and/or impressed recruits by letting them climb aboard.

Kanthulhu
Apr 8, 2009
NO ONE SPOIL GAME OF THRONES FOR ME!

IF SOMEONE TELLS ME THAT OBERYN MARTELL AND THE MOUNTAIN DIE THIS SEASON, I'M GOING TO BE PISSED.

BUT NOT HALF AS PISSED AS I'D BE IF SOMEONE WERE TO SPOIL VARYS KILLING A LANISTER!!!


(Dany shits in a field)
Have the elves shoot them.

Comstar
Apr 20, 2007

Are you happy now?
Try something new and let the Raiders climb aboard. More recruits we can use as mine clearing teams.

RefinedUndefined
Jan 1, 2013

Just burn everything, that'll solve your problems.
Let them climb aboard, so we can capture them to gain slaves.

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hackbunny
Jul 22, 2007

I haven't been on SA for years but the person who gave me my previous av as a joke felt guilty for doing so and decided to get me a non-shitty av

Whybird posted:

Does this game give you provisions like other Fighting Fantasy gamebooks? If so, would we normally have been able to heal ourselves from the pie-eating damage by eating a meal immediately afterwards?

Wasn't that a Lone Wolf thing? All I remember of Fighting Fantasy is neverending death marches

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